


The Bet

by tinyteapot (happyballoon), tinyteapot



Series: The Bet trilogy [1]
Category: Bill Clinton and Hillary clinton, Billary - Fandom, HILLARY CLINTON - Fandom, the clintons
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-12-16 18:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 161,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11834904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyballoon/pseuds/tinyteapot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyteapot/pseuds/tinyteapot
Summary: Set during the Yale Law years, Bill Clinton a scandalous playboy makes a bet with a friend to see who can seduce a peer first. What Bill doesn't know is that this peer is Hillary Rodham and the bet may turn out to be more than he bargained for.





	1. Bon fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I let happyballoon reupload my work in my absence. We decided to leave it on here once I came back so it would be easy to find and it wouldn't have to be reuploaded.

The room smelt like ash and the walls were a burnt amber, it seemed like a scorched forest. That didn't stop her from being excited to arrive at this prestigious law school. She would turn this room into a revived forest with her political posters and other personal items. She would make the best out of the situation as she always had, for her there was no other way to go. She was after all, Hillary Rodham. She had been accepted into Yale with open arms as the faculty had been impressed with her work ethic and resume from wellesley college. The faculty adored her and she was on first name basis with many of them and classes hadn't even started yet! Her peers were another matter. She supposed it was her appearance as she didn't conform to beauty standards and often let her hair fly natural and frizzy while her brown spectacles framed her eyes. She had always been different in this way. It wasn't that she looked down on other women for wearing makeup or taking time to their hair, rather it was the fact that she had always felt she had no time for these things. Her family had often called her a ticking time bomb and that she was always racing to do the next thing or reach the new frontier. This was true, she had always been ambitious. It was her ambition that drove her to become a lawyer because she was up for the challenge and was intrigued by law and politics in general. Even now with no homework of any kind to do, she felt the ambition, that burning need, to do something. She wanted to go out and speak at a rally or go on a mission trip to a third world country but she was getting ahead of herself as always. There would be a time for these things in the future but for now all she could do was hang up her posters on the wall and be excited to have arrived in New Haven, Connecticut.  
  
He wiped the red lipstick off his cheek left from the brunette who was currently straddling his thighs.  
"Good lord you sure love to leave your mark don't you," he said. Not that he minded, he liked to be branded. He loved to show that he was always with a beautiful woman of sorts, a new one everyday! The brunette was his flavor of the day and what had started off as a brief introduction on the Yale Campus had turned into an animalistic public display of affection that they had took back to his new dorm room. He hadn't even set anything up into the room and as they had entered and closed the door behind them they had moved to the floor to continue what they had started.  
"Only on what's mine for the night," the brunette said continuing her game. He rolled his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling. That's all he ever did, enjoy the physical touch but not get invested in the person for who they were. Sure, the brunette was beautiful but his attraction to her was purely physical. After all, on his way to New Haven last night he had met a pretty redhead on the bus and convinced her to rent a room with him. The funny thing was he didn't even remember her name. As a matter of fact, he didn't even remember the name of the brunette who was currently sucking at his neck. What was a name after all? After all the women he had been with the hair color, facial features, and details seemed to blur together. Was it last week that he had slept with his landlord's daughter or was it the daughter of his boss? Details like these blurred and disoriented his memory and in no doubt after tonight with the brunette he would be wondering next week if it had been a blonde he hooked up with on his dorm floor! No, none of that mattered. All that mattered was the feel of flesh upon flesh and the high that came with intercourse. He had been reluctant to come to Yale at first, he loved law and the idea of being a lawyer but the area seemed so barren. He had been adored in Arkansas and been with many British women back at Oxford, but he had worried that New Haven would have no beauty for him to pluck. Of course, he was wrong and the lipstick stains at his neck could attest to that. The brunette had mentioned something about a bonfire that incoming students were throwing tonight and he had decided to go. It would be a good opportunity to scope out some beauties and begin to build his Yale status. As his hands moved to cup the brunette's breasts, he thought to himself that New Haven better watch out because Bill Clinton had arrived.  
  


Hillary had already planned out what was the best way to get to each of her classes, decorated her room, and organized her binders. She was an overachiever and now she was bored and pondering what book to read when she heard a knock at the door. Upon answering it, she found herself face to face with a young girl who had the darkest hair she had ever seen and big clear glasses.  
"Can I help you with something?" Hillary asked politely.  
"Yeah you can help me get settled in. I'm your room mate. My name is May June and yes that is my real name," the girl outstretched her hand and Hillary shook it politely.  
"Room mate?" She asked as she looked down at the giant brown duffle bag the girl had. It wasn't that Hillary didn't want a room mate but truth be told she was more of an introvert and valued her space and free time. In fact, the only time Hillary spoke to anyone was when the conversation was about politics or she had something to say. She hated small talk as she didn't see it serving a purpose.  
"Yes. I see you've taken the left side of the room. That's fine, I'll take the right. Did they really not inform you that you were having a room mate? Must have been a last minute change, I hear Yale over enrolled this year," May said dumping her duffel bag on the right bed that Hillary had originally planned to get rid of.  
"Probably. No one told me I had a room mate so I'm sorry I already put all my things up," she said. She hated awkward moments like this! May, however, seemed very unbothered.  
"That's fine. I don't have anything that I would want to put up on the walls. So you're a democrat? That's cool so am I," May said looking at Hillary's posters of Franklin Roosevelt and the democrat emblem. She hadn't always been a democrat, she had been raised as a republican. Still, she was always a product of her own mind and had forged her own opinions and converted to a democrat because she supported civil rights and an end to the Vietnam war.  
"So I guess since we're room mates I don't want there to be any awkwardness between us," May said plopping herself down on the bed.  
"Neither do I," Hillary said hesitantly.  
"So I guess we should break the ice. I'm May and the reason I want to be a lawyer is because I love criminal law shows and the whole idea just seems glamorous to me. What about you?" She inquired. Hillary was starting to get the sense that this girl was more of an extrovert. That was fine by her, a girl as outgoing as May would make plenty of friends as soon as classes started and most likely would not be in the dorm as much.  
"I want to be a lawyer because I'm really interested in law and politics and want to help make a change in the world," she said truthfully. May nodded.  
"Was Yale your first choice? What other law schools accepted you?"  
Hillary blushed at May's question. Only her family and some of the faculty knew that she had received acceptance letters from all of the top Ivy League law schools. Yale hadn't been her first choice, she had been thinking about Harvard, but ultimately she had chosen the former out of a simple game of eenie meenie miney mo. It had been one of her reckless moments, or reckless for her anyway.  
"Yale wasn't my first choice I was thinking about Harvard but ultimately decided on Yale just out of the blue. I was accepted into a lot of other law schools," she said leaving it at that.  
May wasn't letting her off the hook so easy.  
"Did you get accepted by Princeton?" May asked. Hillary smiled.  
"Yes."  
"Fuck Princeton."  
Hillary was taken aback but laughed anyway.  
"Why bleep Princeton?" She asked. She always used bleep as a substitute for curse words, she had never cursed in her life and she didn't plan on starting to now. The way she saw it, intelligent people didn't need to cuss because they had many words they could use instead.  
"Because they didn't accept me and they were my top choice, I'm from New Jersey you see. It's fine though because Yale was my second choice but more importantly did you really say bleep  
instead of fuck?" May babbled on. By now, Hillary was finding the girl's chatter a bit comforting. She shrugged her shoulders not really up to explaining why she didn't cuss.  
"Wow. I mean that's fine and all I just never heard someone do that before. You're probably a virgin too huh?" May asked. Hillary's face turned red.  
"I don't see the correlation between not cussing and being a virgin," she said crossing her arms. She was in fact a virgin but it didn't bother her much. She had received some attention from boys but they were just that: awkward boys that she wasn't attracted to. Quite frankly she couldn't remember being attracted to anyone except Elvis Presley and hugs were the extent to which her experience with boys went.  
"Hey I didn't mean to offend you. It's okay if you are. I didn't lose my virginity until last summer with this guy I dated for a bit," May said. Hillary nodded and sat on her bed. She didn't care much for romance or that sort of thing. She liked reading about it and the idea of it was nice, but she always felt detached and indifferent about it.  
"Hey well look. There's this bon fire tonight for incoming students and I think we should go. It would be nice to have one last free night before classes begin tomorrow," May said excitedly. Hillary sighed, her idea of one last free night was getting ahead on her laundry and finishing her book she was interested in.  
"Come on please. I really want to go but I don't want to go alone and I don't know anyone here yet. I promise once I make other friends I won't bother you about things like this," May begged. Hillary took a closer inspection of her room mate. The girl was very nice if a little too peppy but so far she had done nothing except be nice to Hillary.   
"Alright I'll go," she said. After all what could possibly happen at a bon fire?  
  
"Stop doing that," Bill complained to the brunette who had to remind him that her name was Bambi as she grabbed his butt. They were on the way to the bon fire and the last thing he needed was for any on lookers to think they were a couple.  
"Fine. Fine. Look I get it, you're all macho and you don't want to be in a relationship. That's fine, but you're mine tonight and I want to make the most out of it," she said as they arrived to where a large group of people was. There was a table filled with all kinds of snacks and Bill sent Bambi over to get him something. He wasn't hungry, but he needed a break from her. The sky was already turning indigo and he inspected the crowd. There were no girls he found incredibly attractive and instead he focused on the growing flames of the fire.  
"Hey are you Bill Clinton?" A voiced asked. Bill turned around to find that it was a guy around his own age that was wearing a stylish leather jacket.  
"Yes. And you are?" He asked never having met the stranger before.  
"I'm Scott. I don't think we ever talked but we went to Oxford together. I remember having you in one of my classes," he said. Bill grinned.  
"No I don't remember you but it's great to have another Oxford man here," he said. The two got along like peas in a pod and began to exchange stories about England. Bill then found himself sitting between Scott and Bambi as the bonfire officially began and students sat around the logs of wood. He had fit in easily as he knew he would. He had that gift, the kind that could make anyone like him.  
"So is that your girlfriend?" Scott asked in reference to Bambi who was gossiping with some girl she had met.  
"No. I don't do girlfriends," Bill said laughing. Scott nodded and seemed to understand.  
"Yeah neither do I. I like to just roam free. Back in England the boys and I would play this game to see who would nail a girl first. We usually would choose the shy type because that makes the challenge more fun. Want to play?" Scott asked. Bill chuckled in good humor. He didn't see anything wrong with the game after all they were just making a girl feel good and as long as they got the girl's consent then that was fine.  
"Only if there's a worthy candidate," he said. Scott looked around the crowd for a while before pointing a girl out.  
"There. You see that blonde one with the glasses? I bet I could nail her before you," he said. Bill followed Scott's eyes to find the girl. She had thick bushy blonde hair and glasses. She looked like she didn't spend much time in front of a mirror since she was wearing a gray sweater and a long black skirt that hit the floor. The girl was okay and even a little pretty as the firelight glowed on her cheeks. She would be a challenge.  
"You're on," he said and he and Scott shook on it.  
"We'll start tomorrow," Scott said. Bill nodded as his eyes stayed fixated on the mysterious girl.


	2. The party

Hillary had woken up extra early much to May's chagrin. Classes did not begin for another three hours but being the early riser and over achiever she was, she had decided to take a hot shower and begin her day.  
"You know I've always been a bit jealous of people who could wake up so early without seeming tired," May said as she sat on her bed watching Hillary. She thought that May looked very much like an owl without her glasses as her eyes were very round, a night owl.  
"Well I'm never tired," She said as she grabbed her book bag. It was true, her parents had often told her that she had more energy than her brothers combined.  
"I'll be off now. Maybe I'll see you in one of my classes," She said and May just nodded already turning to crawl back under her covers.  
Hillary, however, was covered by green leaves as she walked out of the dorm and into the student lounge outside. The weather was beautiful, not too cool or too hot, and the sky was still somewhat dark as it was still early in the morning. She pulled out her textbook and began to read chapter one. She became so invested in her book that she didn't notice the sun had practically come up and the sky was no longer dark. It was only when she finished chapter two as well that she looked at her watch and realized it was almost time for her first class of the day: introduction to law. She stood up and began to make her way to that class while she chewed on a granola bar that she had stuffed into her bag. When she arrived to the hall where the classroom was she peeked into the door and saw that students had already begun to fill in, she did so as well. She opted to sit in the front row and while a strange choice for an introvert it made sense. She liked sitting up front because she was able to have her full attention on the professor without having to worry about other students being noisy or trying to talk to her. After about ten minutes of waiting the class begun.  
  


Bill had spent the rest of the night with Bambie and when he had woken up he was glad to find she was not there. He always told the girls he hooked up with to leave as soon as he was done fucking them. He didn't want them to stay over night and begin to think there was something intimate or real between them and himself. He had woken up late and had not been to his first class but that didn't bother him so much, he was always quick at bouncing back and getting all the work done on the syllabus before they were due. It was because of this that he decided not to head to any of his classes today. He knew it might come off as lazy but with his charisma and charm he would win over the professors when and if he decided to go to class. He took his time getting ready and put on a black tee shirt with black jeans. He looked good and he knew it, Scott would definitely not win this bet. He left his dorm and walked outside, he still didn't plan on going to class but he did have to find this girl before Scott did. He wandered the grounds before deciding to head to the library because he had decided that a girl that looked that studious would most likely be there.  
  


Her introduction to law class had went splendid. She had been the only student to have read through the first chapter and Professor Redwood had been impressed with her. The Professor was a veteran of the Second World War and his praise made her flattered. Still, the other students had been shooting her envious glares and she had turned pink. It wasn't that she was scared of them, quite frankly she didn't care what they thought. It was more of the fact that she didn't want to appear to be a teacher's pet or a kiss up, she simply just enjoyed learning and her professors responded well to that. Now as she had a free period she decided to check out the library. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to be face to face with a tall blonde boy.  
"You're Hillary Rodham aren't you? We have introduction to law together and I just wanted to say you were amazing today. I'm Scott Brown," he said smiling and falling along into step beside her. Hillary felt bad because she hadn't recognized him as being from her class but truth be told she was too busy avoiding malicious gazes and focusing on the lecture instead.  
"Oh yes, that's me. Thank you it's nice to see that someone wasn't giving me looks that could kill in that class," she said and he followed her lead as she turned the corridor in the direction of the library. After the bonfire last night, she had studied the map and now she knew the campus like the back of her hand.  
"Well I'm sure it's just cause they are jealous. Most of the people here are your typical Ivy League hotshots that are trying to climb up the social ladder," Scott said still following her. She at last stopped as they reached the entrance to the library as she didn't want to be rude and leave him talking.  
"And you're not trying to climb up the social ladder?" She asked. Scott smiled at her.  
"No cause I'm already at the top." They laughed and his eyes followed her lips. She noticed this, but brushed it off.  
"Well I'm going to go study. You know I have to keep that reputation of teacher's pet up," she said leaning towards the library entrance.  
He leaned closer to her.  
"Well you know a bunch of us are having a party in the guy's dorm building you should come," he said. Hillary tried to stifle a laugh. A party in the guy's dormitory? Not a chance. Still she didn't want to be mean or disappoint Scott who was looking at her very puppy like.  
"I'll think about it," she said and turned to go into the library definitely not thinking about it.  
  


Bill had been about to leave the library when he saw the girl enter in and laid back down on the sofa that was placed in the middle of the room. He laughed to himself silently as he had been right, a girl like her would be in the library. He watched as she looked through the bookshelves no doubt looking for something to read for pleasure. She was wearing a thick tan sweater and blue bootcut jeans. Bill sighed, the girl didn't have much fashion sense but he had to admit at least it wasn't over the top like most girls he knew. He thought of how to approach her but she disappeared further into the bookshelves and he cussed. Although there weren't many people in the library, the last thing he needed was for people to think he was some kind of bookworm. He was a private bookworm, but private was the keyword and he didn't need people knowing it. He waited for a few minutes but the girl still didn't appear and he at last got up and went to look for her behind the bookshelves. He found her sitting on the floor with a book called 'the catcher in the rye' in front of her face. He hadn't read that book and he figured if she was reading it, then it must be a boring book. He stood there watching her and she didn't notice him until she looked up and jumped.  
"poop," she muttered out of fright as she stood up with the book still in her hands and her glasses going lopsided. Bill hated to admit it, but she looked kind of cute like that.  
"Did I scare you?" He asked. Her face was pink and he could tell she was trying not to stare at him.  
"Yeah, but don't worry about it. It's my fault for sitting back here," she said then began to walk away. He stood there getting annoyed. This girl was making it even more difficult for him to talk to her and he wasn't used to being ignored by women. He caught up with her as she was checking out the book. She didn't seem to notice him as she picked up the book and shoved it in her bag. At this point, he had had enough of being ignored and he resorted to sticking his foot out and as she headed out of the library she tripped over it. He heard her say poop again and he figured that she didn't cuss, that was to be expected. She got up from the floor and glared at him with her mouth seeming to pout out of it's own accord.  
"You tripped me," she said. He had, and it had gotten her attention so he didn't regret doing it. Her bright blue eyes seemed to grow behind her brown lenses, staring him down in fury.  
"No I didn't," he said simply. She scoffed and turned on her heel, this time nearly tripping over her  
own two feet and walked out of the library. He watched her go, a smile growing on his lips as he knew she would remember him now.  
  


Hillary had returned to her dorm room exhausted from the day's work. Yes it had only been the first day of class but she had already started on several assignments and was looking forward to getting some sleep. As if on cue, May entered the room in a whirlwind making all kinds of fuss about her day and a professor she found attractive. Hillary rubbed at her temples as she laid down on her bed listening to her room mate and hoping she would tire herself out.  
"And there's this big party going on at the boy's dorms and I thought we should go," May rattled on. That got Hillary's attention. She figured that the universe was trying to punish her for all the high school events she had skipped out on by giving her a room mate who insisted she go to these get togethers.  
"I went to the bonfire with you last night, May," she groaned. She liked May but Hillary herself always felt awkward at social events such as these. Besides, she didn't want to run into the rude boy from the library.  
"I know I know and I'm sorry but tomorrow is Saturday so you have nothing to lose. Plus there's this guy that I really got along with in my criminal law class that is going to be there and just think about it, he'll be my boyfriend soon and I'll leave you alone," May begged and continued to chant please please please over and over.  
"Okay okay fine," Hillary gave in at last mostly just to stop her room mate's babbling. May had brought up one good point, tomorrow was Saturday so there would be no classes and she was already ahead on work in her classes anyways.  
"Yes!" May shouted fisting the air in victory and then she headed for the closet.  
"What are you gonna wear?" She asked Hillary who shrugged.  
"Probably this," Hillary responded not feeling the need to change. May looked her over once.  
"No you're not. Come borrow one of my dresses," May said already hanging several on the knob of the closet. Hillary stood up and went over to inspect her roommate's choices.  
"These are all too short. I have a dress I can wear but thank you anyway," she said heading to her own side of the closet and taking out a long alabaster dress that went past her knees and had long sleeves.  
"Well at least let me do your makeup," May complained as Hillary changed into the dress.  
"I don't really like wearing makeup it takes too long to take off," she said inspecting herself in the mirror. She liked this dress, it was modest and she had bought it back when her family had taken a trip to New York City.  
"Please Hillary," May began to say again and Hillary laughed.  
"You're not going to stop until I say yes right?"  
"Nope. Not until you say yes."  
  


So Hillary had found her eyelids covered in sparkly white eyeshadow and her lashes curled with mascara as they walked over to the boy's dormitory. She was glad her dress was long and wondered how the other girls, May included, did not feel cold in their short spring dresses. As they entered the dorm Hillary found that it had been transformed to look like one of those nightclubs she saw on TV shows. The room was dark and lit only by a neon blue light affect and the furniture had been moved so that there was room to mingle. She looked around nervously and hoped the boy from the library wouldn't be here as his behavior earlier had stunned her. He definitely had looked to be the type of boy her parents had warned her about and she did not want to get involved or be near him ever.  
"Let's go get a drink," May said motioning to the table at the back of the room that had refreshments. Hillary followed May just not to lose her and declined her offer for a drink as she noticed all of the drinks were alcoholic.  
"You don't drink either?" May asked clearly astonished. Hillary shook her head.  
"Hey you made it," Scott said cutting in her line of vision and he was smiling excitedly at her. Hillary smiled back out of politeness, at least this boy wasn't rude to her.  
"Oh yes my room mate forced me to come," she said motioning to May. Scott kept his eyes on her however.  
"Well I owe her one you look beautiful tonight," he said and she was glad the room was dark so no one could see the blush that was filling her face. At that moment a random guy tripped and crashed into her spilling a drink all over her beloved dress.  
"Crap! Hillary come here I'll show you where the bathroom is so you can get cleaned up," Scott said taking her arm and leading her into a hall away from the party and the lights. She looked back for May but her room mate had disappeared amongst the crowd.  
"Here. First door on your right. I'll be waiting here for you," Scott said. She just nodded and was grateful that she was away from the strobing lights that had begun to hurt her eyes. She followed Scott's instructions and came to find the unisex bathroom. She knocked on it as the door handle showed it was one of those one toilet only bathrooms and when she got no response she opened the door. What she saw made her face turn more red than the wine that had been spilled on her dress. It was the boy from the library getting a blow job from a brunette girl on her knees in front of him.  
  


He looked up into the eyes of the girl from the library and saw that she was turning red. If he hadn't been so out of breath he would have laughed as this was no doubt the first time she had seen something like this. Bambi , who was on her knees in front of him, noticed that he was no longer looking at her and turned around.  
"Um this bathroom is in use," Bambi said crudely to the girl from the library.  
"Um yeah I can see that. I'm sorry, I tried to knock," she stammered.  
"Well bye," Bambi said and the girl nodded and walked away down the opposite way of hall. Bambi tried to resume what had been interrupted but he shoved her away as he was distracted now. He zipped up his pants and thought about the girl. She had been wearing makeup and that bothered him, he thought she looked better without it and her ridiculously conservative dress had been stained.  
"What's your problem, Bill?" Bambi said standing up and going to the mirror to wipe his semen from her mouth.  
"I'm tired of you that's what," he said trying to get rid of her. He had been looking for someone new to hook up with but had settled for Bambi when he had gotten tired of waiting.  
"Fine. You're tiny anyways," she said as she walked out of the bathroom and slammed the door. He didn't care if she was mad, he didn't care about her or any of the other girls he had been with. He fixed himself up and walked out of the bathroom intending to find the girl from the library and see what was going on with her, he tried to convince himself that it was only because of the bet and not because he cared about why her dress had been ruined and why she had looked so distressed.  
  


Hillary hadn't gone back to meet Scott at the end of the hall as she didn't want to explain why she hadn't cleaned herself up and instead just continued down the hall. She hated the wet feeling all over her dress and it was starting to get sticky so she decided that she would find an empty dorm room and use their bathroom to clean up. She came across the first one she saw and knocked, no answer. She desperately did not want to walk into another situation like the one she had just ran away from so she knocked louder, still no answer. She opened the door and thankfully found that it was empty. Her breath was taken away as she entered the room and closed the door behind her. Whoever occupied this room did not have a room mate as there was only one king size bed in the middle of the room. What caught her eye though were the giant book cases that adorned each side of the bed. They looked antique and were made from black wood and from where she was standing she could see that the book cases were filled with classic novels, and included some of  
her favorites. She went to a case and took a book off the shelf, telling herself she would just glance through it, but her mind drifted and she was caught up in the world of words.  
  


Bill hadn't been able to find the girl back at the party but he had run into Scott who was at the end of the hall.  
"What are you doing?" Bill asked. Scott looked around Bill's shoulder.  
"I was waiting for Hillary," he said.  
"Who's Hillary?" He asked and Scott started to laugh.  
"Seems like I'm already way ahead of you in that bet. Hillary is the girl we are betting on. She went to the bathroom to clean herself up but I haven't seen her come back," Scott said still laughing at Bill's expense. Bill didn't care though, he was too busy thinking of how he now had a name to put with a face. He usually forgot names, but if he wanted to win this bet he would have to remember this one. Hillary. He had never met anyone with that name before and he kind of liked it.  
"Well maybe she snuck past you. A girl like her is so used to being ignored that she's probably invisible too," Bill said. Scott nodded thinking it over.  
"You're right. I'm going to get back to the party, after all it's not like she's going to get nailed by either of us tonight. Are you coming?" Scott asked. Bill looked back to where the strobing lights were and saw Bambi in the crowd. He didn't want to risk her trying to get with him again so he shook his head.  
"No, I'm just going to go to my room. I'll see you tomorrow," he said and walked back down the hall.  
  


She had gotten so invested in the book she was reading, Leaves of Grass, that she had even sat on the humongous bed as she continued to read it.  
"What the fuck?" A voice shouted. She turned to see that the boy from the library was at the door and he seemed furious. She dropped the book and stood up. This couldn't be his room, she thought, she couldn't picture him reading these books.  
"What are you doing in my room?" He continued to shout. Her eyes began to brim with tears involuntarily as they always did when she got yelled at.  
"Well I still needed to find a bathroom to get cleaned so I went into a random room. I'm sorry I didn't know this was your room," she said her voice shaking. She was usually confident but the fact that this random stranger seemed to hate her for no reason bothered her deeply. She was used to not being liked, but she had always known the reason.  
"I don't care! Get out!" He shouted. She bent down to pick up the book from the floor to put it back where she found it out of politeness but he told her to "leave it." As she walked past him to leave he stopped her.  
"Wait. You still haven't cleaned your dress," he said his voice somewhat softer now. She looked at him and saw in his face that he seemed to be thinking.  
"Are you crying?" He asked as he saw the wetness of her eyes.  
"No. Look, it doesn't matter, I'll just go back to the my dorm and get cleaned up," she said trying to pull her arm out of his strong grasp.  
"No wait. Use my bathroom to get cleaned up I insist," he said. She looked at him and saw that his face looked guarded but he didn't seem as mad as he had before. She stood frozen that way staring at him and he sighed pulling her so she followed him into the bathroom. She didn't fight his grasp because she didn't want him to get mad again and watched mesmerized as he put a wash cloth under the sink and began to clean her dress. She stood there quietly and took the opportunity of him being busy to take off her glasses and wipe her eyes. She had been crying and it was obvious to the both of them, but the boy didn't say anything as he continued to clean her dress. She put her glasses back on and stared down at the stranger knelt on his knees cleaning her. Who  
was he? He had been so mean and fierce earlier but now his face seemed more relaxed. She at last took in his appearance as she had been too mad and distracted in the library to actually notice the details of his demeanor. His hair was a dark chocolate brown that was longer than most boys' hair but did not go past his ears. His shoulders were incredibly broad and she could see the lean muscles that stood out against his black tee shirt. He looked up at her and she saw that his eyes were the most interesting shade of blue she had ever seen and had specks of gray.  
"What's your name?" He asked softly as she looked away from him, scared that he would yell at her for staring at him.  
"Hillary," she whispered and he stood up. He was tall, much taller than her five feet five inches.   
"I'm Bill," he said. She nodded and continued to look at the floor even though she could feel his gaze on her.  
"You might want to get going. It's getting late," he said his voice still soft. She nodded again and walked out of the bathroom. As she was walking to go out the door of the room itself, she felt a hand on her elbow. She turned around and looked up into Bill's eyes. He didn't say anything and neither did she as she didn't want to annoy him. He took his thumb and wiped away the remaining wetness from her eyes. When he was done he let go of her.  
"Goodnight," he said. She walked out the door, her head spinning from all his mood changes, and before she shut the door she whispered back, "goodnight."  
  


Bill didn't know what had come over him. One minute he had been angry that his privacy had been invaded and he had wanted her gone but when he saw her eyes brimming with tears he had felt bad. That was what was strange. He had made countless girls and women cry and hadn't cared but when he saw her bright eyes dim in tears he had felt ashamed of himself. After all, she hadn't exactly done anything to him.  
He supposed what made her tears different was the fact that she had tried to hide them and was silent about it, unlike most of the girls he had been with who had been loud and dramatic to get him to feel bad. She hadn't wanted him to feel bad, and that made all the difference. As he had cleaned her dress he had noticed how she stared at him and looked away quickly when he caught her. She was probably scared of him, most people were in some way. Now, as he picked up the book she had been reading from the floor he saw that it was open to the poem of 'o captain my captain.' He put the book back on the shelf and sighed as he laid down on his bed trying not to think of the girl named Hillary.


	3. Saturday

It was Saturday and Hillary saw it as the perfect opportunity to explore New Haven. There was an art museum she wanted to see and as she packed her purse with her wallet, Chapstick, and other knick knacks she listened to May babble on about how amazing her night had been. Her roommate had apparently had a fun filled night with her crush and soon to be boyfriend Chris.  
"It was so great Hillary. We danced for the longest time and then we went back to his room to talk, but that's it," She said. Hillary nodded and smiled so her room mate wouldn't feel bad. She herself had returned back to the girls' dorms last night and after taking another hot shower had tried to get some sleep. She hadn't told May about Bill and she didn't plan on it as he was incredibly confusing and she didn't want her room mate's conspiracies to make her more confused. "Where did you go last night?I didn't see you," May asked.  
"Oh I was with Scott," she said. It wasn't technically a lie, she had been with Scott for a little bit. "He's very cute, I think he likes you."  
Hillary laughed. It's not like she would know she was often rather oblivious with that sort of thing. "I'm going to go to an art museum today, do you want to come?" She asked. She was starting to like May more and more as the girl was always filled with enthusiasm and that was what she needed after the mood swings of Bill.  
"Thank you for offering, but Chris and I are going to go watch a movie," May answered. "Hey maybe you could invite Scott and it can be a double date," May added as Hillary was walking out the door. She laughed, after the disaster last night she wasn't taking any of her room mate's advice.  
  


Bill was sitting underneath a tree in the student lounge with a redhead girl he had met this morning sitting on his lap when he saw Hillary. She looked better now that her face was bare and she was wearing a jean jacket and a long flowered skirt despite the temperature being nearly eighty degrees. He watched as she walked to the parking lot and got into a red slugbug car. He heard the roaring of the engine and then heard it sputter no doubt not working since the car did look old. "I'm gonna go now," Bill said to the read head as he untangled her from him and stood up heading in Hillary's direction. He had decided last night that the quicker he won this bet, the sooner he could just move on and forget about her. Now as her car wasn't working this was his perfect opportunity to make more progress.   
  


Hillary sighed in annoyance. Of course her car didn't want to work now that she actually wanted to go somewhere. She got out of the car and jumped when she saw Bill was there. She now associated him with yelling so she braced herself.  
"Are you going to tell me to get out of your parking spot or something?" She asked. Bill stood there and then licked his lips and smiled.  
"No actually I was going to offer you a ride in my car," he said. She was taken by surprise at his offer and didn't know what to say. She really did want to go to this art museum but was a ride from Bill necessary? After all, she could always just call a cab. Bill seemed to sense what she was thinking.  
"I'm giving you a ride. Come on," he said beckoning her forward. Now she was just annoyed at him. First he tripped her, yelled at her, and now he was demanding to give her a ride.  
"And what if I don't want you to give me a ride?" She asked. He laughed and it was a real belly laugh. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What's so funny?" She defensively asked.  
"It's just. Look dear, I'm not very nice to a lot of people and now that I'm trying to be you're the one being rude," he said laughing again. Hillary narrowed her eyes at him. He had been incredibly rude to her yesterday but then again also nice towards the end.  
"Well whatever which one is your car?" She asked. He pointed to a black classic mustang. Figures, she thought.  
"Come on, does that mean you're accepting my offer?" He said as they walked over to his flamboyant vehicle.  
"On a few conditions,"'she said, she saw this as an opportunity to question him about his behavior and maybe make peace with him so they could just leave each other alone.  
"Name them," Bill said amused.  
"You'll answer any questions I have and you'll drive the speed limit," she said as he groaned at the last request.  
"Fine. But you'll answer my questions in return or I'm not driving the speed limit," he teased. She pondered that. She decided it was a reasonable agreement as she was already worried about his speeding.  
"Fine," she shot back and got into the passenger seat as he unlocked the car.  
"So where are we going anyway?" Bill asked as he looked over to see Hillary diligently putting on her seat belt. He rolled his eyes, he didn't wear his seat belt half the time.  
"The Fairbrook Art museum," she said. He groaned, he had been there once and he found it to be boring as hell.  
"The only art museums I like are the playboy racks at the gas station," he said but started the car and headed in the direction of the museum. He saw from the corner of his eye that Hillary was making a disgusted face and he laughed.  
"What you don't like playboy?" He asked. Her face got red.  
"No. Stop talking about it, it's gross," she said. He rolled his eyes again and began to speed well over the limit.  
"Slow down!" Her high pitched voice protested.  
"Answer my question," he said.  
"What? I said no, that's an answer," she said in worry as he was hitting nearly sixty five miles per hour when the speed limit was thirty.  
"Why don't you like playboy?" He asked and started to hit the brake as there was a red light. He hated red lights, and he hated driving slow.  
"I find it sexist. If women want to dress like that and be comfortable with their sexuality that's fine but when that's all men focus on and don't focus on the fact that the women in the magazines are people then that's where I have a problem with it," she said. He laughed again in hysterics. He should have known she would be the intellectual type.  
"Okay so when I'm beating my meat you want me to think of the fact that the girl in the photo could be named Jennifer and what- she could work in a hospital?" He sneered. Hillary didn't seem swayed.  
"Yes," she said simply and he laughed again. He would have to tell Scott about this later, how were either of them going to possibly nail a girl who thought like this.  
"You should put on your seat belt," she said. He ignored her, seat belts were lame, he had never been in a crash or anything like that.  
"Okay since you've asked your questions I'm going to ask mine. Why were you so mean to me yesterday then changed your attitude?" She asked. He glanced over at her. She had clipped her bushy hair in a top knot and the loose curly strands were falling over her face making her look really young. He didn't know how to answer her question because the truth was he didn't know the answer himself. He told himself that he was here because of the bet but it made no sense. The redhead he had been with was gorgeous and provocative and definitely would not have blushed at the mention of playboy. So why was he here with a girl who was still so innocent and  
inexperienced? The bet, he told himself, it was only because of the bet. He did the only thing he knew how to, go on the defensive.  
"I didn't change my attitude, you don't know me!" He said raising his voice but not yet shouting. She looked out the window now and ignored him effortlessly. He hated that! All his life he had mesmerized people yet he couldn't even hold her attention.  
"So you're just going to ignore me now?" He asked. She looked at him again and shrugged. "Well I don't like being yelled at and if you're gonna yell at me then I'll ignore you," she said and looked back out the window. He thought about that and smiled, she was using ignoring him as her card just like he was using speeding as his own.  
"Okay I won't yell at you," he said in his normal voice. She nodded.  
"Then answer my question. What's with the attitude shifts? You say I don't know you and I don't claim to but I'd like to understand why you were mean to me yesterday," she said. He breathed heavy through his nose. So she was trying to understand him? Get inside his head? He chuckled thinking of all the fucked up things she would see in there. No one had ever wanted to understand him before, no one cared about why he acted or thought the way he did, they just accepted it. He glanced over at her big childlike eyes and for a moment considered opening up to her. Then he caught himself. He couldn't. This was only for the bet, the goal was to nail her and move on not to let her in.  
"I don't know, must have been my man period," he said and began to driving into the parking lot of the art museum.  
  


"Told you this was boring," Bill told her as he leaned against the wall. She herself was looking at various paintings that were apart of the landscape exhibit. She didn't find them boring, she adored them. The one she was looking at now showed the variations of autumn and was filled with hues ranging from gold to orange.  
"It's not boring. They are beautiful come look at this one," she said. He came over to look at the painting.  
"You see, here how the orange mixes with the gold and makes it look like light is falling on the leaves? It's not boring at all," she said. Bill however was looking at her strangely in a way she couldn't quite place she cleared her throat and he looked away from her quickly.  
"Still boring," he said. She shook her head and made her way to the next exhibit. This exhibit was now one with paintings dedicated to cities in different states. She yelped in excitement at the one of Chicago.  
"What?" Bill asked as he had been shadowing her. She was enchanted by the colors and the use of swirls that captured her birth city perfectly.  
"Oh it's just I was born in Chicago that's all. I grew up in Illinois actually and have been to the city many times and this painting just captures it," she said although she was sure Bill didn't care and would most likely make some sarcastic comment.  
"That's interesting so you're a city girl?" He asked and she was surprised that his voice was genuine.  
"I guess you could say that though I don't look or act the part," she said now turning to look at a painting of New York City. Bill looked at the painting as well and for the first time since they got here seemed interested in the art.  
"I like how you look," he mumbled and returned to the back wall to lean on it once more. She wasn't sure if she heard him right and she was turning pink at his words, but she turned her back to him so he wouldn't see.  
  


Bill had the impression that Hillary thought he was bored, after all that was what he had said. He was in fact very interested but it wasn't in watching the art, it was in watching her. He liked to see how her face would react after taking in a painting or how her mouth would part open in awe. He hadn't looked at the art much but when she had called him over to look at the variations of autumn he had seen the beauty in the painting he had never noticed before because of her description.  
What was starting to shock him more was the fact that he was beginning to find her more attractive by the minute. When she had been describing the painting he had noticed for the first time how full her lips were and how they were a delicate pink like a newborn. Fuck! He was starting to sound like a fucking poet or some shit, he thought. This was insane, if he was attracted to her it was because she was an attractive woman not because he wanted anything more. After all, he had been with scores of women. Still, he found himself wanting to know more about her when she revealed that she had grown up in Illinois. This is why when they were back in his car and he asked her where she wanted to go, he was upset when she said back to the school. Instead he had drove the car into a cheap restaurant that sold burgers despite her protests.  
"What are you on some kind of diet?" He asked knowing how many girls worried about their weight.  
"No," she replied truthfully shocking him once more.  
"Then what's your problem let's go," he said getting out of the car and she followed him. He ordered their food for them as he sent Hillary to sit down somewhere. When he returned with their food he found that she had removed her jean jacket to reveal her pink cami top showing more skin than she had recently. It was still a very modest shirt but he could see her white shoulders and freckles on them. He gulped and looked away and began to eat his burger instead.  
"You know this isn't like a date right? Cause I don't date," he said and saw her face fall no doubt embarrassed. He cussed at himself mentally, why had he said that? And more importantly why did he care so much about how his words made her feel? He didn't care before with other women and he had said things far more worse than this.  
"Look I know it's not. You're not even my type and you're the one who basically forced me to get a ride from you and you brought me here. I just wanted to go back to my dorm," she said angrily and grabbed her jacket. She got up as she left the restaurant and sat on one of the benches outside. He hadn't wanted her to leave, the whole reason he had brought her here was to talk to her more but like always he had to open his mouth and ruin it. This was all so fucking stupid in his eyes and he was thinking about just calling off the bet all together.  
  


Hillary was incredibly annoyed. She was chastising herself for even accepting a ride from Bill in the first place after the way he had treated her yesterday. So far he had been rude to her and when he wasn't rude he was somewhat nice but it all confused her so much. She thought about how the way he treated her was so different to how Scott treated her. Scott was always nice to her and she wished that she had been more receptive to him instead of Bill. She turned around and saw through the glass window that some pretty strawberry blonde girl had taken her seat in front of Bill and the two seemed to be chatting away happily. She felt her chest get tight and her eyes start to water again. She hated that her tear ducts would always react to when she was angry and she decided to walk to the bus stop she had seen a while back and not wait for Bill. As she walked she thought about what could be so repulsive about her that made him hate her so much? She felt stupid for even entertaining the idea that he might like her seriously. He probably just wanted to mess around and hurt her or he was probably in cahoots with some of her classmates who didn't like her. Whatever the reason, she continued to walk and told herself not to cry.  
  


When he had noticed Hillary was gone he ran out of the restaurant and cursed. He had expected her to wait for him like many women had but he was starting to figure out that she never did what he expected. He got into his car and began to drive up and down the roads searching for her. Again he thought it was strange as to why he cared so damn much.  
He at last found her sitting at a bus stop and reading a book she had taken out of her purse. He rolled down the window and when she saw him she groaned in sheer annoyance.  
"Go away," she said stuffing her book back into her bag. She stood up and began to walk down the street and he followed her alongside in the car.  
"Get in the car. I'm driving you back to your dorm," he said. She rolled her eyes and he hated how it made her look mean. He often rolled his eyes to look mean but the look didn't suite her, her face was too kind for that.  
"Get in the fucking car Hillary," he said through gritted teeth. She ignored him again and he hated it. Why was she so difficult? He would have dicked down any other girl by now and the bet would be over but she was impossible.  
"Look. I'm sorry I was a jerk back there can you please let me drive you back?" He asked. It was the first time in years he had said the words 'I'm sorry' and he was shocked that he had even said them and more shocked that he had meant them. She at last looked at him and got in the car. After putting on her seat belt, she took off her sandals and rubbed at her blistered feet. He began to drive in the direction of the school and tried to ignore the guilt he felt.  
"Will you answer any more of my questions?" He asked. He needed to talk to her he hated the angry silence.  
"What do you want to know?" She asked her voice sounded tired. At this point, everything. He wanted to know why she was so resistant to him and didn't seem swooned by his good looks as most people were.  
"What was your favorite painting at the museum?" He settled on this question instead. Her lips parted in that way that he was getting accustomed to seeing.  
"The one of the lake and the red roses," she answered. He nodded, he had seen her looking at that painting in awe. He didn't understand much about why she would like it, it was just a huge lake with flowers floating on it. They arrived within view of the campus and he drove into the student parking lot. Hillary sighed and grabbed her purse. He could feel it again, that strange feeling of guilt and something else as he got the feeling that she wanted to be as far away from him as possible.  
"Wait," he said and she turned to look at him. Of their own accord his fingers began to lightly stroke the skin of her shoulder that was still visible from her camisole. She trembled at his touch, and he loved it.  
"I'm sorry," he said again finding that it was becoming easier to say to her. He felt a million emotions stirring with him at once, there was confusion, there was pleasure that he found in touching her skin, and there was guilt for making her feel bad.  
"Will you let me make it up to you tomorrow? I'll take you out and I won't yell at you," he said continuing to stroke her shoulder. What the hell was his heart beating fast for? Why did he care if she said no?  
"I don't know," she mumbled. He felt disappointed and then anger. He hated the fact that ever since last night she had been making him feel things.  
"Please," he whispered. She rubbed her temple and he watched her, she was now the one that had him mesmerized.  
"Alright," she said. He started to tell her how he would be here waiting for her tomorrow morning as she finally got out of the car. He was still confused about her and what his feelings for her were becoming but right now all he knew was that he was glad that she had accepted his offer.  
  


Hillary had been glad to find her dorm room empty as she sprawled out on her bed and began to rub her feet. Her head was spinning with thoughts about Bill and she didn't even know why she had accepted his offer. She tried to tell herself that it wasn't because he could be so tender with her sometimes like when he had cleaned her dress or just now in the car as he had been stroking her skin. She was aware that he preferred his women a certain way and she didn't fit that bill and she thought it was even stupider how much that hurt her. It was incredibly stupid that she had been beginning to enjoy his presence and thought of him as maybe even a friend. She tried to put him out of her mind when the telephone in her dorm room began to ring.  
"Hello?" She asked not remembering giving out the number to anyone.  
"Hey Hillary, it's Scott. I hope you don't mind but I asked your room mate for your telephone number as I never got to see you back at the party and I was worried about you. I was thinking we  
could go out tomorrow morning and catch up if that's okay with you," he said. She thought about it. She had already made plans with Bill, but she wanted to move past him as he clearly wasn't good for her. It didn't matter that she liked when he was sweet to her, what good was that if he was just going to turn around and be rude again? No, she wouldn't go on with this.  
"Yeah that sounds good. I'll see you then," she said.


	4. Thumb

Bill was angry. He had waited for her all morning and she hadn't shown up. He had waited for her, that intriguing girl with her big blue eyes that from the moment he had seen them fill with tears he had felt something stir within him. He hated it, he fucking hated how he had gone back to his dorm the other night thinking of what he would plan for them to do the next day when they would go out.  
"Fuck. Fuck," he had said as he had went to her dorm room and asked her room mate where Hillary was.  
"She went out," the owlish girl had said.  
"Out where?" He had practically shouted not caring that he was scaring the girl.  
"I don't know, I think she said she was going out to a diner with a friend Scott," she had stammered. He had turned around and left her there not caring that he was getting many confused looks as he had pounded on nearly every door asking for Hillary on his way up here. Now as he went back to his own dorm room he threw away the drawing he had foolishly started working on. It was a replication of the painting Hillary had liked back at the museum, he had intended to give it to her as an apology for the way he had acted yesterday. Now he felt even more confused, but he unfortunately knew exactly what he was feeling. He was jealous, and his fist had clenched at the thought of her with Scott. Why was he jealous, she wasn't anything to him! Yet, last night he had confronted his emotions and found the thought he had been trying to keep locked away. The fact he had forced himself to confront was that he was irrevocably attracted to Hillary, but it was a different attraction than he had ever felt before. It wasn't just physical but he had found that he was attracted to her mind and found himself always wanting to know what she was thinking.  
"So fucking stupid," he muttered as he clenched his fist, his nails digging into his skin drawing blood. He had read about this in many books but he never thought he'd be feeling it, he never had before! He hated feeling weak and hopeless! He tried to put her out of his mind. He would let Scott win this bet although the thought of him touching her made him sick and he himself would avoid her. He needed a distraction so he went over to his phone and dialed a number.  
"Bambi? It's Bill. Come over."

Hillary laughed as Scott made another joke about dipping his fries in his milkshake. She had been sipping from her own strawberry shake and the drink had almost sputtered out of her nose as she laughed at him.  
"I'm glad you came today. You know I felt really bad about your dress getting ruined," Scott said. "I'm glad I came," she responded and it was true. So far Scott had been nothing but nice to her and she was grateful that he didn't have mood swings like Bill did. Bill. She had felt a little guilty about ditching him but she had put the thought out of her mind, he could find another girl to keep him company maybe one that liked to be yelled at.  
"Hey there's this great flower garden near here if you want to go," Scott said regaining her attention.  
"That would be lovely," she said as she finished the last of her meal and they walked back out to his car. Scott's car was a brown station wagon that was modest and she liked it much better than the flamboyant vehicle she had been in yesterday.  
"Got your seatbelt on?" Scott asked her as he buckled his own. She nodded, once again comparing how his behavior differed from Bill's who had sneered at the thought of wearing a seatbelt. He drove a little below the speed limit and turned on classical music.  
"So how have you liked New Haven so far?" He asked her. She thought about it, the weather was nice even if the people weren't.  
"It's okay, I think I'll like it more within time. How about you have you liked New Haven?" She asked. He laughed.  
"It's okay like you said maybe it will grow on me in time. I came here from England, I went to Oxford for college so this has been a bit of a downgrade but I wanted to come back home to America," he said. She was impressed, Oxford was an incredibly prestigious school.  
"We're here," he said and she looked out the window to see flowers of every color and gasped at their beauty.

She was enchanted by all the flowers and she loved them. She and Scott had walked up and down the rows looking at them as they had talked about many things. She had learned that he was originally from Wisconsin and had went to study in England after receiving many scholarships. At one point she had almost tripped but he had caught her effortlessly and put his hand on the small of her back. That had made her blush brighter than the tulips she had tripped over. She was enjoying herself with him and as they drove back to the campus she looked at him. He was handsome, but not as handsome as she had noticed Bill was. Scott was more preppy and neatly clothed together. Bill on the other hand was wild and dangerous.  
"Do you want to come back to my room?" Scott asked her. She blinked as he interrupted her thoughts.  
"I have homework to do," she said. It was partially true even though the work was way ahead than what was actually do.  
"Alright. You could bring your work though if you wanted to, I need to get some done too," he said. It seemed like an innocent offer and Scott had given her no reason to worry but she had a gut instinct telling her not to go along with his offer.  
"I promised my room mate we'd study together I'm sorry though," she said as she scrambled out of his car. He nodded but for a second he seemed annoyed, she convinced herself she had imagined it as she walked to her room.

Bill had been walking around the perimeter of the campus, trying to get his mind off what he had done. Why had he called Bambi? Why did he continue to go to her for a quick feel? He had thought it would take his mind off of everything, of Hillary, but it only made him think of her more. In every touch he gave Bambi, he compared it to his very brief contact with Hillary. Bambi's skin wasn't smooth the way Hillary's was and her eyes weren't kind the way that intriguing girl from the library's were either. As he rounded the corner near the girl's dormitory, he crashed into someone.  
"Shit watch where you're walking," he said automatically but immediately regretted it as he looked down at the eyes he was just thinking of.  
"Maybe you should watch where you're going. You crashed into me as well," she said rebalancing herself. She turned to go the other way but he grabbed her wrist.  
"What's wrong with you? let go!" Hillary said getting upset. He would let her go, if he was sure she was going to stand there and listen to him, but he wasn't.  
"Why didn't you come see me today?" He asked. Damn it, he hated how possessive that came off but he didn't mean it like that. He wanted to know why she had blown him off and more importantly he wanted her to want to be near him of her own free will. Yes she confused the hell out of him, but at least when they were together his mind didn't have to do flip flops wondering if she was thinking of him. His plan of avoiding her, seemed to be impossible anyway as the universe always seemed to be throwing them together.  
"Doesn't matter. I don't owe you anything!" She yelled pulling her arm from him. He let go of his grasp on her as he didn't want anyone to think he was trying to hurt her, that was the last thing he was trying to do. He just wanted answers.  
"Damn it!" He yelled and impulsively punched the girl's dormitory. Instant pain shot through his hand and knuckles, no doubt bruising as the dormitory was constructed of bricks.  
"Bill you hurt yourself! You have to come with me I have a first aid kit," she said her voice  
concerned now. He rolled his eyes, of course she had a first aid kit. But there she was at it again! She had been yelling at him but was now concerned about his wound, what the hell was that about.  
"I want to go back to my dorm room, Hillary," he protested. She hadn't mentioned where she wanted him to go with her, but he sure as hell didn't want to go back into the girl's dormitory and have them all see him wounded, he had a reputation to keep up.  
"Fine okay. I'll take you to your dorm room, but I'm still going to help you," she surprised him by not arguing. The searing pain of his hand prevented him from arguing with her as well and he leaned on her for support as they walked to his dorm.

Hillary was surprised by how well the boy's dormitory looked now, it didn't appear at all like if a party had ever been thrown here. She walked Bill to his room and opened the door. Again, she was still in awe of the book cases, but remembering how she had been yelled at the last time she had been in here, she quickly looked away from them and instead helped Bill sit down on his bed. "I'll be back I'm going to go down to the main entrance where the kitchen is and see if they have any ice," she said. Bill shook his head and nodded in the direction behind her.  
"I have a fridge and microwave here," he said. To her surprise, he did. They were both alongside the front of the room but one would not instantly see them while walking in, especially her since she had been captivated by the books. She went over to the fridge and opened the freezer below to grab an already packaged bag of ice. Bill must punch things a lot, she thought. She went over to him and knelt on her knees as she placed the ice over his left hand. He didn't flinch at the cold, he must be used to it, she suspected.  
"Bill why did you hurt yourself like that?" She asked. She didn't know what came over her, at first she had been furious with him for questioning her but the second she saw him double over in pain she had felt concerned. It wasn't just normal bystander concern either that any person might have felt, she had worried about Bill as a person and she couldn't take him being in pain.  
"I don't know. I was mad, Hillary," he said. His blue gray eyes seemed to penetrate her but she couldn't bring herself to look away. His eyes were so deep and vast and most of the time very guarded, she wondered what secrets he kept hidden there.  
She readjusted the ice and looked away. She couldn't stay here for too long, it would just turn into another yesterday of shouting and befuddlement.  
"Keep readjusting the ice every fifteen minutes, it helps a lot," she said as she stood and turned to leave.  
"Hillary wait. Please don't go, stay. I have food in the fridge, we can talk and I don't know just get to know each other better," he said in that soft voice he would use when he wasn't mad. She looked over her shoulder at him and saw that he had let the guard down from his eyes.  
"I mean if you don't I could always just hurt my other hand to get you to stay," he said teasingly. She thought about it, what could it hurt? Besides, he might forget to readjust the ice on his hand, she said.  
"Okay but I want to talk to this Bill, not the angry screaming punching walls one," she said. He smirked.  
"Fine. You can sit down you know, I won't bite," he said.

The fact that she had decided to stay made him happy for some reason and he didn't exactly know why. It could be because he was attracted to her, but he had been attracted to many people and didn't feel joy at their presence. She had been sitting on the bed next to him, and a box of microwaved pizza sat between them, but she now adjusted herself to prop herself up on her elbow looking at him as she laid on her side. So far he had learned that she had been top of her class at Wellesley and was also interested in history and politics.  
"You know I met John F Kennedy when I was a part of the legion boys nation program back  
when I was sixteen," he said. That had been a great day for him, he had so many fucked up experiences growing up that he was glad he had that good one.  
"Really? You're so lucky," Hillary said as she used one hand to pick up another slice of pepperoni pizza. He loved that she could eat around him, unlike many of the girls he had been with who were so concerned with looking good and were self conscious.  
She somehow still managed to look so fucking gorgeous while she ate, and he couldn't stop himself from staring. She had worn a plain white tee shirt today and her light blue bra was a little visible underneath. What really was driving him crazy were her legs. She was wearing shorts, still long as they hit right above her knee, but the rest of her smooth skin was visible. He noticed how her skin easily flushed pink whenever she applied pressure to it, or repositioned herself and he found it adorable. Fuck, adorable, what was this, a romantic comedy?  
"You know if I could have met anyone it would have been Eleanor Roosevelt," she said interrupting his thoughts. He nodded.  
"Really? Why?" He asked. She finished eating her slice of pizza before answering.  
"She was very inspiring to me as she wasn't your traditional submissive woman. She was strong and she once said that a woman who wants to be in politics should have skin as thick as a rhinoceros. As I want to be politics I love that quote and her but I'm just babbling now," she digressed shaking her head causing her blonde curls to fall over her face. Fuck, Bill thought, if he didn't know better he would have thought she was doing this on purpose, but she seemed truthfully unaware of how beautiful she was.  
"That's nice. Don't worry about babbling, I like hearing you babble," he said. It was true, he had made fun of her intellect at first but now he was starting to admire it, she wasn't an airhead. She readjusted his ice again her fingers lightly grazed the back of his hand in the process. She went back to her position of laying down on her side her eyes fixated on him.  
"What are you thinking?" He asked. She had this look on her face that he couldn't read and he swore she was staring at his lips.  
"I'm just thinking that you can be kind of good company when you aren't yelling," she said. They laughed and he noticed how she had laughter lines around her eyes that only drove him more wild. It was too much, her smooth exposed skin, her shining eyes, and her full delicate lips. Shit, he felt like he was going crazy. He needed to touch her, it was a burning sensation within him, but he didn't dare risk it. As they stared into each other's eyes for what felt like forever he noticed that she had a bit of leftover pizza sauce lingering at the corner of her lips and saw his chance.  
"You have sauce here," he said as his right thumb gently removed it. Then something strange happened. As he was wiping away the sauce, the tip of his thumb had accidentally entered her partially opened mouth, so his finger was in her mouth. The sexual tension in the air around them intensified. He held his breath to see how she would react. Surprising him even more, she had puckered her lips so she gently kissed the flesh of his thumb. Then realizing what she had done, she began to sit up and straighten out her shirt.  
"Um, I think I should go," she said appearing flabbergasted. Bill was even more puzzled as she got up to leave, she had reached the door when he found his voice again.  
"Hillary, will I see you again?" He asked. She stopped for a second and he could tell she was filled with emotions.  
"I don't know," she said and walked out of his room leaving him to decipher what this all fucking meant.  
She had reached her dorm and went instantly to the bathroom door slamming it, and locking it just in case May was in the room. She needed to be alone to think, if even only for a few minutes. She felt embarrassed at what she had done. What if Bill didn't feel that way for her and she was reading all the signs wrong? Yet, as his finger had lingered on the edge of the entrance of her lips she had felt an intense longing to pull his finger in closer and suck on it. It was insane, she had never felt that way before or wanted such things. Yet, as they had laid across from each other on his bed, she had begun to notice again how insanely handsome he was. His brunette hair had seemed to have almost reddish hues in the sunlight that had been pouring in from his dorm window. Then there was his hands. As she had been caring for his injured left hand, she had noticed just how beautiful and long his fingers were. It had all been too much for her, the reddish hues of his hair, the elegance of his fingers, and those blue gray eyes. She had wanted desperately for him to touch her again and she had been glad when his thumb grazed her skin to clean her yet again. Did he feel the same way? She didn't know. He was so difficult to read but at times he seemed to look at her almost with admiration. She couldn't take it. Now she had made a fool of herself and he would no doubt go back to being rude again and it was her fault. She felt her eyes sting. This was her mistake and because of it she might have ruined the seeds of a friendship that had just began to bloom.  
"Hillary are you in there? Are you okay?" May said from outside the bathroom door breaking into her thoughts. Hillary quickly wiped at her eyes just in case there were any lingering tears before getting up to open the door.  
"No I'm not okay. May can I talk to you about something?" She asked. She would tell her roommate, her only friend thus far about what had been going on between her and Bill.

Bill had remained in his room a while after Hillary left pressing the thumb she had kissed to his lips. That small touch of hers had let him know one thing: she was feeling something for him too. They both had been trying to fight it and he found himself not wanting to fight it anymore. Yet he was still so fucked up inside, there were still things about him she didn't know and if she did she would have never kissed his thumb. He sighed , then there was the matter of this godforsaken bet. He wanted to call it off, he wanted Scott to leave her alone. He wanted to be normal and be able to show his affection for Hillary like anyone else would, but he was far from normal. He looked out his window and saw Scott in the parking lot in his hideous car. Bill stood up, he needed to know how things between Scott and Hillary had gone and whether this whole situation could be reversed. He raced out of the dorm into the parking lot where Scott was.  
"Hey Bill," Scott said as Bill approached. He was still sitting in his car and putting down the adult magazine he had been reading.  
"Hey, man. What have you been up to?" He asked trying to remain calm and not seem on edge like he was really feeling.  
"Oh just making more progress on our bet. I took Hillary out to eat and to see the flower gardens this morning." Scott said off handily as if he didn't care much. Why would he? This was nothing more than a bet to him. He didn't see the beauty in the way her eyes would light up like Bill did. "Wow. Sounds like you've made progress," he said trying to get Scott to talk about what he really wanted to know. Did he touch her? Did he touch the same shoulder skin he had previously touched? He told himself that it shouldn't matter, but after what had happened between Hillary and him back in his dorm room he couldn't return to that line of thinking.  
"No. I invited her to my room but she declined. Honestly the girl is a prude. She had even told me that she's never been kissed before," Scott said obviously annoyed at his rejection. Bill felt himself fill with a sense of joy at the thought that she had rejected someone else.  
"Is this bet really necessary? I mean what's the point?" He asked.He tried to appear casual but the truth was he was in internal turmoil. When he had found out she blew him off for Scott, he had wanted for Scott to win the bet so he could avoid her but now at hearing about the rejection she gave the other man he almost had a sort of hope that it was due to her feelings for him.  
"Well if you want to call it quits that's fine but the thing is there's this fraternity I told about it and now they're making it a part of their initiation," Scott said.  
"Wait what?" Bill asked, what the hell was he talking about?  
"I told this fraternity about it. You've heard about them they call themselves the Royals. Well they are impressed with the idea of nailing a prudish girl as part of their initiation and I told them about you and me doing this as a competition. They said that whichever one of us nails her first gets to join them," Scott explained. Bill shook his head in disbelief. This had just gotten a lot more complicated. The Royals were the most elite fraternity on campus and had huge influence and connections. A great many of them were the sons of politicians and they were always involved in international politics. He knew that he would have to be a part of this fraternity if he wanted his  
future career in politics to have a head start. Yeah he wasn't just an airhead playboy, underneath his fuck everything attitude he very much cared about politics and law. The question was whether he cared about these things more than he did for Hillary and whether he would go along with this. "I see," he said perplexed. Scott on the other hand didn't seem to notice his attitude at all.  
"Yeah it kinda sucks but hey may the best man win right," Scott said picking up his magazine again.  
"Yeah," Bill said as he began to walk away he envied how nonchalant Scott was about this whole situation while a war seemed to be going on in his own mind. Hillary was attracted to him and he was attracted to her, but with this new stake on the bet and his reputation as a bachelor could he be devoted to her? Did he even want to? He wanted her, but this was all new to him. She had ran from him but why? All these thoughts and more ran through his head as he began wondering if he could really have it all and if he would have the privilege of seeing Hillary again tomorrow.


	5. Drag Race

Hillary was sitting in her criminal law class, but her mind was occupied with thoughts of Bill, Scott, and her conversation with May. She had managed to keep these thoughts at bay for the majority of the day, but as she sat in her fourth out of her fifth classes she found herself unable to keep these thoughts locked away anymore.  
First there was the matter of Bill. The thing she knew for sure was the fact that she was incredibly attracted to this mysterious boy. The rest of her thoughts surrounding Bill were ones of utter lack of understanding. Why was he so nice to her now? Was he attracted to her in the same way? She had never had an actual crush before, but her friends had and when they had crushes they would always fantasize them and their crushes together. Hillary had caught herself this morning as she had been combing her hair fantasizing of Bill. She imagined him watching her as she combed her hair and telling her how beautiful she was. She had shut down that thought quickly, it was best not to get one's hopes up.  
Then there were her thoughts about Scott. He was handsome and kind to her as well and she liked him, but that paled in contrast to her attraction for Bill. Why couldn't she like Scott? He would be good for her, less confusion.  
Her conversation with May had only made her overthink more. Her mind returned to that moment.  
"No I'm not okay. May can I talk to you about something?" She had said. She had needed to vent and let someone know what was going on.  
"Yeah, go ahead Hillary. You can tell me anything," May had replied and had sat on her bed. Hillary had remained standing, having felt too on edge to sit down herself.  
"May, there's this guy named Bill I met him in the library. He was rude to me at first and tripped me. When he offered me a ride in his car I accepted since mine wasn't working and we went to an art museum together. He was nice then but after as we went out to some burger place he wanted to go to, he was rude again and embarrassed me by saying that it wasn't a date. I got mad at him and left and when I turned around and saw him talking with some girl in my absence, I walked away to the bus stop. I got a whole lot of blisters because I wasn't wearing proper walking shoes. He drove up alongside me and told me to get into his car and after he asked politely I did. He drove me back to campus and he seemed to regret his behavior because he apologized. He asked me to meet him the other day but I didn't show up," she had babbled out all her experiences with Bill. May had looked at her for a long time and had then let out a long impressed whistle.  
"Wow and here I thought you have just been sitting in here doing homework," her roommate had joked. Hillary had almost wished for a second that she had only been doing homework in their dorm instead of getting attracted to a boy who most likely didn't like her back.  
"Seriously though, Hillary. Does this Bill have brown hair and is super tall because if so he came here in the girl's dorm and started pounding nearly every door asking for you. Then he questioned me and asked me where you were," May had said. That had gotten her attention. Bill had went to look for her? She had hated how much giddiness that brought her.  
"Yes that was him. What did you tell him?" She had asked her room mate.  
"I told him you went out but he had wanted specifics so I told him you went out to a diner with Scott," May had answered. Again, Hillary had felt a weird sensation of flirtatious danger at the thought of that making Bill jealous.  
"Oh. May there's more, earlier in his room after we ran into each other I kissed his thumb."  
"You what!" May had exclaimed. So Hillary had proceeded to tell her of Bill's wall punching and their talk and everything in between.

"You like him don't you?" May had asked after hearing all this. She did, there was no use trying to deny it, at least not to May.  
"Yes I do very much but I don't think he likes me that way," she had said. To this May had laughed.  
"Hillary he was desperate to find you, I think he does like you in that way very much," May had said. Hillary hadn't responded.  
"Gosh Hillary. Your week has been crazy all I did was go out with Chris to the movies and we're officially dating but I'm kinda jealous that he didn't punch any walls," she had said. To this the two had laughed and for a moment Hillary hadn't felt so bad.  
Now as her mind returned to the present she smiled thinking of how Bill had gone to look for her. "Teacher's pet," someone scoffed from behind her. She ignored it as she was used to this but then she felt something hit her. It was a piece of crumpled up paper and it was stuck to her hair. As she went to remove it she noticed that something had been written on it. The note read: four eyes. Very clever, she thought sarcastically.  
"Fucking bitch," the same voice said behind her. Involuntarily she swiveled around to see who would use such language. To her horror it was the brunette girl who had been giving Bill a blowjob in the bathroom.  
"What are you looking at, bitch?" The girl spat. What was her problem? Did she know of what had happened between herself and Bill yesterday in his dorm room? Yet, even if she did it shouldn't matter to her, Bill said he didn't date. Maybe he just meant that towards you, her inner dialogue said. She shook that thought away.  
"Are you still staring? Do those four eyes not help you see enough?" The brunette sneered viciously.  
"Oh they help me see alright but unfortunately for you they don't enhance the appearance of all images," Hillary responded and turned around. Luckily, the professor announced the end of class and Hillary stood up to make her way out of class. As she was walking in the hall, she was aware of the rude girl and her entourage tailgating her. She was relieved when she saw Scott walking towards her and waving.  
"Hey Hillary," he said putting his arm around her shoulders then noticing the girl and her group added, "do we have a problem here, ladies?" The brunette just sneered and shot Hillary a dirty look before her and her group turned and walked the opposite direction, already disappearing into the crowd.  
"What was that about?" Scott asked removing his arm from her shoulder and falling into step alongside her as he had done before.  
"Oh you know, my teacher's pet reputation," she said. She was over it, as Eleanor Roosevelt had said 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'  
"Hmm. Well, hey I came to invite you to this drag race we're having down near the lake. I could drive you there, if you meet me at the parking lot at seven," he said. Hillary thought it over. Should she go? Although it wasn't really her thing, she was leaning towards going. After all, Scott was being nice to her and it would be a good way to get her mind off things.  
"Okay," she said and he seemed excited. She didn't tell him that she planned to bring May and even maybe Chris along.

Bill had went to all his classes in hopes that maybe he had one with Hillary. He knew that because of the times each class was set and the different professors tracing each class, that his chances were slim but he went anyways. At one point in his class, he thought for a second that he had seen her from the corner of her eye. On closer inspection he had realized it wasn't her, the girl he had seen didn't have her signature curls or eyeglasses.  
Now as he headed out of his last class he thought about his next step. When could he see her? Of course he could always show up at her dorm room again but he didn't want to intrude on her or make her feel like she was being cornered.  
He thought about her soft lips against his thumb and it drove him wild. It was insane how this small act made him flush and his heart race! He had done the most outrageous things with women! So why did Hillary's innocent act make him feel so flushed? As he came upon the boy's dormitory now he saw a group of intimidating but handsome looking guys dressed like greasers. Their black leather jackets had the law balance beam insignia and a crown sitting on top of it on the back. These must be the royals, he thought.  
"Well if it isn't the mysterious Bill Clinton, we've heard a lot about you," the obvious leader with the pale blonde hair said. I bet you have, Bill thought bitterly. He hated groups, but he realized the importance of them and this was a very important group.  
"Yeah, you've been talking to Scott. I've heard about you guys as well," he said.  
"Then you know about our interest in this bet of yours? I have to admit it's an interesting bet. I'm Packer Fisher by the way," the blonde boy said outstretching his hand. Bill shook it.  
He hated that this guy Packer had brought up the bet.  
"Yeah I know. Scott said whichever one of us nails the girl first will get to join you," he said. He hated referring to Hillary as the girl, but he didn't want to give away her name just in case Scott hadn't yet.  
"Yeah pickings are slim and you two seem like the only worthy recruits but the rule is the same: only one new member at a time," Packer said. Bill's mind was in circles again. He needed to be apart of this group to jump start his political career, to not be a loser, but Hillary, how could he go through with this now that his emotions were so high involving her?  
"Look. We're meeting up down by the lake for a bit of fun, I suggest you come," Packer said and the group nodded and said formal "see you arounds" as they left. From the way Packer had said it, Bill knew it wasn't a suggestion but a request. He would have to go, like always for him there was no other choice.

 

"Wow! Hillary! Who would have thought? You being the one to ask me to go out somewhere! Are we in the twilight zone?" May asked as she got ready for the night.  
"Haha very funny. Did you call Chris and tell him to meet us here before seven?" Hillary asked as she herself looked in her side of the closet for something to wear. She had never felt that she didn't have something to wear until this moment. She wanted to look different, ever since yesterday with Bill and his thumb she had felt a flirtatious version of herself rising within her. For once she wanted to be risky, to make up for her not being risky when she hadn't pulled Bill's finger in her mouth.  
"May, can I borrow something of yours?" She asked. May's eyes bugged in excitement and surprise.  
"Yes! Choose anything," she encouraged. After going through multiple articles of fabric, she had settled on a skin tight black dress that was sleeveless and short, well short for her, as it stopped two inches above her knee. She put it on and was glad she was wearing a strapless bra that wouldn't show.  
"Holy crap Hillary. You have an amazing figure," May gushed in awe. She blushed, she wasn't used to compliments.  
"Thanks, now how about makeup?" She asked and she laughed as May jumped up and down, her roommate was probably going to have a heart attack with all this.  
When all was said and done her face had a natural glow from the foundation and highlighter May had applied. Her eyelids were lined by dramatic winged eyeliner and faint gray eyeshadow. She had refused to take off her glasses as she needed something to recognize herself by as the person in the mirror seemed so different. She was glad her and May shared the same foot size so she had been able to borrow black heels.  
A knock at the door sounded and May answered it.  
"Hillary, this is Chris Maverick," May said introducing her roommate and boyfriend to each other other. Chris was very friendly looking and also a bit owlish in the way May was. Hillary thought they looked good together.  
"Nice to meet you," she said shaking Chris's hand. His eyes were bugging out of his head as he  
looked at her.  
"You look nothing like how May described," he said and the three had laughed and made their way down to the parking lot where they met Scott. The three made mindless chatter as they walked, talking about their classes. At last they came within view of Scott's car.  
"Christ, Hillary you look beautiful," he said as he held the passenger door for her. She lingered outside the car.  
"Um, I hope you don't mind. I brought my room mate and her boyfriend," she said. If Scott minded it, he didn't show it.  
"It's perfectly fine. They can sit in the back," he said. Then they went through the formal 'nice to meet yous' before they all finally piled into his car and made their way to the drag race.

 

Bill was lingering with the crowd as the get together by the lake was starting to begin. Practically the entire school was there as they mingled on the field. There were lampposts that shone bright yellow lights alongside the trail path where the cars that would be in the drag race were. Although they called this a 'get together by the lake' he had yet to see the actual lake itself, he suspected it was probably farther off. He searched the crowd for one face, but he hadn't seen Hillary yet. Of course not, she wouldn't be at these things, he thought. Then as Scott's car pulled up on the trail he saw her. He was too stunned to even be mad at the fact that she was getting out of Scott's car. She looked fucking ethereal, fucking amazing. As the yellow lamppost light shone on her, her face seemed to glow gold, and her eyes were stunning, the blue of her eyes popping from her dark makeup. He had been right before, she didn't need makeup, and he liked her bare faced, but he still found her beautiful even with it. Then there was the matter of her body. Her dress clung to her skin as a second skin and showed off her hourglass figure. Her thick but slender thighs rubbed against each other as she walked, and he loved it. He was speechless.  
"Okay I've just got word that all the cars entered in the drag race have arrived. Shall we start this?" Packer, who had stood on top of the table they had brought shouted into a microphone. The students yelled back in enthusiasm.  
"Let's do this, then, drivers get your passenger if you would like one and get to your car," Packer said. Bill found that as he had been staring at Hillary, he had subconsciously gravitated towards her so he was close to her but still near the crowd. He saw Scott whisper something to her and then she nodded and started to follow him to the car. What the hell? Was she going to be his passenger? She didn't like speeding! What did she think this race was? And out here there were no speed limits, in drag races, it was anything goes and they could even drive up to the maximum limit the car was capable of! He had to do something. He went up to her and grabbed her arm. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked. He saw the excitement in her eyes, so she got off on making him worry was that it?  
"Let go, Bill. It's not your choice," she said. He knew that, of course he knew that, but he was worried she didn't know all the facts to make a choice. Plus she could get hurt! Guys crashed out in drag races sometimes.  
"Damn it, Hillary. Are you trying to get yourself killed?" He asked. She didn't get to answer because Scott came up to him.  
"You heard her, Clinton. It's not your choice," he said. Bill wanted to punch him, but he didn't want Hillary to think less of him. She pulled out of his grasp and got into the passenger seat. Bill continued to stare down Scott who looked straight back. He was aware there were onlookers, including Hillary's roommate, but he gave zero fucks, he only carried about her.  
"Don't worry, Clinton. I know I'm carrying precious cargo, you know the bet," he whispered the last part and it took everything in Bill not to knock him out right there. He only carried about the goddamn bet and not Hillary's safety. All Bill could do was move back from the trail and onto the grass as he watched the race start.

Hillary was nervous now and a bit scared. At first she had agreed to being Scott's passenger in order to follow with her impulsive behavior of the night but she had just been about to back out. It was only when Bill had seemed worried and tried to stop her that she had decided to go along with it. She felt a sense of adrenaline watching him worry about her, she liked how he was no doubt thinking of her now.  
"No seat belts," Scott said and she was shocked that he was completely serious. She gulped, and did what he said. He had done this before right? He must know what was okay.  
She heard a loud 'drivers start your engines' and as the speaker started the count down, she looked out the window at Bill who had his hands in his hair and his face in utter concern. That image was soon erased and replaced by blurring yellow lamp post light and the dark blue of the sky. She saw that Scott was going at eighty five miles per hour and she was beginning to feel sick. Her head felt like it was going to burst and she nearly screamed as they went over a rock on the trail causing the whole car to bounce up in the air. Outside the window, it looked like Vincent Van Gogh's starry night. Scott didn't seem to feel any of the worry she did as he laughed like a maniac. The race seemed to go one forever and she was beginning to think it would never end. She looked out the front window and noticed that they were coming across a lake. He had to stop right? He would stop, wouldn't he?  
"Stop the car!" She shouted as the lake came closer and he showed no intention of breaking. The lake was so close now.  
"Stop the fucking car!" She shouted the fear of drowning or getting hurt causing her to break her no cussing rule. Scott finally stopped the car and she jumped out immediately, feeling nauseous. She noticed that several other of the cars were in the lake and that the finish line was on the trail across the lake. The cars behind Scott's began to honk and complain that they had stopped the race. She noticed that the student onlookers had followed the trail alongside the grass to no doubt watch the suicidal endeavor of attempting to drive a car through the lake.  
"Hillary what's wrong?" Scott stupidly asked. She ignored him, she found Bill's face amongst the crowd and went to him placing her head on his chest. Somehow she knew she could trust him. "Take me home," she whispered knowing May would understand and get a ride with Chris or call a cab.  
Bill gently stroked her hair.  
"Alright, but there's something I have to do first," he said.

 

Bill had been outraged when he saw what the drag race had consisted of: driving through a fucking lake! Now the thing he had to do before taking Hillary back to campus was to chew out Scott for this.  
"What are you playing at?" Scott said angrily as Bill approached him.  
"I could ask you the same fucking question! Are you trying to kill someone?" Bill yelled back. Scott's jaw locked in anger and annoyance.  
"No one was fucking going to get killed because it's a shallow lake you idiot!" He said. Bill scoffed, were these people that dense.  
"Cars don't work in water no matter how shallow!" He said. The two stared at each other fuming, and he felt that he was going to punch the idiocy out of Scott.  
"Bill, please take me home," Hillary said showing up at his side and taking his arm. He looked down at her, she seemed so frail and small and he felt a need to protect her.  
"Okay, let's go," he said and they had followed the trail back to his car, leaving everyone stunned. After so long that the crowd of students couldn't see them, she paused to take off the heels she was wearing. He remembered the blisters she had recently gotten and he opened his arms.  
"Come on I'm carrying you," he said and she didn't argue. Her head lay against his chest as he carried her the remaining way to where his car was. When they arrived, she got into his passenger seat shivering. He took off his black leather jacket he was wearing and gave it to her.  
"Wear this, it'll help while the car heats up," he said. There was another thing he didn't do! He never let any woman he had been with wear his clothes but here he was willingly giving Hillary  
his jacket and loving how it looked on her. As he got in the car and began to drive, he drove the speed limit for once, for her comfort. There was silence between them, and he didn't try to break it in order to give her space.  
It was only when they reached campus that he said,"I'm walking you back to your dorm room." She nodded and carried her heels in hand walking barefoot. He offered to carry her again but she declined.  
When they at last got to her room, she went in and left the door open. She was giving him the option to come in. He did and closed the door behind him. She sat on her bed and turned on the lamp. He looked at the posters behind her and smiled, she was a fellow democrat. His heart swelled looking at her, he hated it and loved it, it was complex that he could both love and hate how much she made him feel.  
"Hillary why did you do that?" He asked her as he came to stand in front of her. She was silent. He hesitantly sat down next to her, and she didn't protest or move away, that was encouraging. He wanted her to talk to him, so he tried again and used a different approach.  
"I'm sorry. I guess a better question would be are you okay?" He asked. She at last looked at him. "No. I humiliated myself. I tried to be a daredevil and embarrassed myself. The only good thing is that this will assure I never do anything risky again," she said. Her cheeks glowed gold from the lamp and he felt like a nervous virgin just sitting next to her.  
"You didn't embarrass yourself the idiots driving their cars into a lake did," he said. He was glad that she laughed at his statement. As he watched her laughter lines and beautiful smile he was glad she hadn't been hurt. He had been so worried that she would get injured or possibly even killed and he would never see the light in those eyes again.  
"Hillary, please don't ever do something like that again," he said. She saw that her smile was replaced by an annoyed face.  
"For the last time Bill. What I do is not up to you," she said. Fuck so she thought he was trying to control her? Fuck no, he didn't want to do that.  
"I realize that. I'm sorry I'm not phrasing this right but," his voice trailed off. Should he tell her what he feels? She had kissed his flesh yesterday after all.  
"But what Bill?" She asked probing him to continue. Fuck it, he thought. His hands went to caress her face.  
"But you need to understand I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you," he said. Her eyes went down, not looking at him. Damn it, what was she thinking?  
"No Hillary look at me. I'm attracted to you and I know you're attracted to me too. You kissed my thumb, that was no accident. Why did you do that Hillary?" He asked. Her face was flushing that adorable pink and now her eyes were fixated on him.  
He wanted to hear her say it, hear her say that she felt something for him, he needed to hear it. She was staring at his lips again and it was driving him fucking insane.  
"Tell me what you want Hillary. Why are you looking at me like that?" He whispered his hands still clasping her face.  
"I want you," she whispered. That was all he needed to hear and his lips were on hers at last. She moaned in pleasure and his hands dropped from her face to grasp at her body and lower back, pushing them closer. Bill guided her mouth, teaching her what to do, as he remembered that she had never been kissed before. She seemed to need no help, however, as her hands moved to his hair, her fingers interlocking between the strands and gently pulling on them.  
"I want you. I want you. I want you," she repeated like a mantra between passionate kisses as she continued to yank at his hair. He grunted.  
"Fuck. Damn it, Hillary what are you doing to me?" He groaned as his lips moved to her neck. The question was deeper than what he meant physically. It was emotionally, she was changing him, making him feel like he was experiencing this for the first time. He also more concerned with her pleasure than his, which was something that had never happened with any other woman he had been with. She moved herself so she was on his lap and his lips were still at her neck, beginning to leave marks there.  
"Mmm. Bill, wait. I want to do something that I should have done yesterday," she whispered. He pulled back from her neck to look at her, intrigued now. His heart was pounding and he watched as she picked up his right hand, and took that same thumb from yesterday and put it in her mouth and began to suck on it. He was amazed at how much he enjoyed it and how fucking incredible she looked doing it. The fact that she said she had wanted to do this yesterday turned him on even more, it confirmed that she had been thinking about him. His free hand caressed her cheek.  
"You don't need any of this makeup, Hillary. You look gorgeous with it, but you don't need it. Millions of women out there use this stuff to try to look as beautiful as you do without it and they still don't come close," he gushed at her as she continued to suck his thumb. He didn't care if she wore it because she wanted to, but he never wanted her for a second to think she needed it. A rosy blush rose to her cheeks at his sentiment. She at last let go of his thumb and curled up at his side. She was quiet and he wanted to know what she was thinking, to his surprise she seemed somewhat sad.  
"What are you thinking? What's wrong?" He asked stroking her hair.  
She was thinking that Bill's kiss had been the best first kiss she could have ever hoped for. He had tasted amazing and when he touched her she had felt like he was everywhere and his touch was the only way to soothe her burning desire for him. His confession of attraction to her had left her stunned, but even more pleased. What was wrong was that Bill didn't date. Her earlier 'I want you. I want you. I want you.' had been true, but she wanted him for herself and thoughts of all his other women came crushing down on her.  
"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked again more concerned now. She loved the endearment he had used for her but she couldn't stop thinking about this situation, she didn't want to be his favorite play thing on the side.  
"You don't date," she said. He was quiet for a long time.  
"Oh," was all he said when he spoke again. She shifted away from him.  
"Bill, I'm not like your bimbos. If all you think of me is as a quick feel then you better just leave me alone," she said. She saw that his face seemed hurt.  
"No Hillary it's not like that. I don't think of you like that, please understand that. I like you because you're everything the other women I've been with aren't. You're smart, you're incredible and beautiful inside and out. In you I've found my equal, someone who challenges me," he said reaching for her hand. She didn't say anything. It was a nice statement and it flattered her and touched her heart but he still hadn't addressed what would become of them or what he expected from her.  
"Bill, but you don't date. So this is temporary and I can't be caught up in this because it will hurt me when you move on," she said removing her hand from his. He didn't give up so easily though and went to her, wrapping her in his arms gently, she didn't protest. She loved his warmth. "Damn it. That's not what I meant when I said 'oh' . I didn't mean that I didn't want to date you. I do and I will if you let me it's just- I've never done it before and I might fuck things up. And Hillary don't you dare say I'll move on because you're the only person who has ever made me feel this way. That's why I lashed out at first because I didn't know how to react," he said kissing the top of her forehead. She felt elated at his words, he wanted her like she wanted him.  
"Thank you for taking care of me tonight Bill," she said. He had been so kind with her and she saw now that his concern had been genuine.  
"I will always take care of you," he said kissing her once more.  
Bill looked down at Hillary in his arms. Already he was starting to feel new. For the first time in a very long time he was feeling like a good person. He couldn't stop himself from kissing her hair every few minutes, he just needed to show his affection for her always.  
"Let me see you tomorrow, please. Come spend the whole day with me," he said. He wanted to be with her always, but not in a creepy way. Rather, he was so fucking enchanted by her and  
adored her so much that her presence was a gift to him.  
"Bill we have classes," she said. He rolled his eyes at the mention of classes, she was so diligent. "Ditch. Just this once, please baby, I have to see you," he begged. It was the first time he ever begged from any woman and she was the only woman he had used endearments with. She looked up at him, her piercing eyes studying his face.  
"Okay. Just this once," she said. He was so overjoyed that he kissed her again and she laughed into his mouth. He loved the vibrations and he loved her smile.  
" I'll be here to get you at around eight. Is that okay?" He asked.  
She yawned and he realized that she must be exhausted by all of the night's events.  
"Yes, that's fine," she said and yawned again but he could tell from the way she was scrunching her nose she was trying to fight the sleepiness.  
"I'm gonna let you get some rest. I'll be here at eight," he said starting to get up. She began to shrug off his jacket.  
"No I want you to have it, Hillary," he said. It was more than just giving her his jacket, it was giving her a part of him. She was changing him, making him want to give her things, making him want to share everything that was his own with her. He still felt surprised at how strongly he could feel over her, but he was starting to not fear it, rather he was embracing it.  
"Goodnight Bill," she said softly. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She had such soft, blonde curls and he longed to bury his face in them.  
"Goodnight, Hillary," he said. Then he lingered there a bit more but at last left her room. As he was walking to his dorm he thought over what had just happened between him. He wanted to date her and he supposed that now he was but he still felt like he would fuck it up. Then there was the bet. No doubt Scott was fuming and wondering about his behavior, Bill only hoped Scott wouldn't figure out how strongly he felt for Hillary. Scott was dangerous and he wasn't the choirboy he tried to present himself as. He was just like Bill in his playboy guarded attitude, except he hid that persona and put on the persona of a good choirboy in order to lure the girls he wanted to fuck. At the bonfire that night Scott had told him, "it's not just about the sex. It's about the heart break, that's the part that I get off on, seeing them cry for me."  
Bill had laughed about it then, not caring. But now things were different. He couldn't let Hillary be hurt from the bet, Scott, over even himself. He was starting to think that the best way to do that was just to not tell her about it, what good would it do? And he was worried that if he did tell her then she'd lose her faith in him and hate him, he couldn't let that happen. He would think on this more, but for now his plan was to avoid Scott and to keep the bet as hidden as possible.

 

After Bill had left, Hillary had gotten ready for bed, changing into her pajamas, and scrubbing the makeup off her face, then quickly brushing her teeth. Now as she was lying under the covers she thought of Bill. She had agreed to ditching class in order to see him because she wanted to be in his presence more. His touch was still something she couldn't put into words. It felt so right when he held her, almost like he was her matching puzzle piece. She reached over to the end of the bed where she had placed his jacket and put it on again. She breathed in it's scent that gave off his familiar clean and natural aroma. Already she was missing him and she had read enough books to know what that meant. She rolled over onto her stomach and pressed her face against the pillow. She would need to get some sleep at least before May arrived, she would explain everything to her roommate in the morning. For now, she gave in to the world of dreams and that was the first night she dreamt of Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tinyteapot gave me the task of posting the rest of the chapters by this weekend because.... THERE'S GOING TO BE A SEQUEL. The sequel to the bet will be called the promise and tinyteapot will be posting it on her ao3 account, she is under the same username of @tinyteapot. The bet will stay up here under this alias because it would be unfair and too much of struggle to delete and repost it.Please don't send her hate because under her new account because she is my friend and I will defend her.


	6. Bubblegum tongue

When Bill knocked on Hillary's dorm door the next morning he was instantly greeted by the sight of her beaming at him. She looked well, her hair still darkened and damp from the shower she had taken, her glasses on the bridge of her nose as they framed her bright eyes, and she was clothed in a simple outfit of an oversized burgundy sweater and dark jeans.  
"Good morning," he said. He had stayed up last night anxious for what would be their first actual date. Many questions had ran through his mind, what if he did something wrong? What if he hurt her? What about Scott and the bet? In the end, he decided that his best course of action was to be polite. As for the bet, it could wait, today belonged to the two of them alone.  
"Good morning Bill," she replied naturally, if she had worries, they seemed well concealed, Bill thought.  
"Are you going to give me a good morning kiss or are you going to stand here thinking about it instead?" She asked and her words surprised him. She was getting better at reading his emotions and thoughts and fuck how he loved it! Normally someone knowing what he was thinking would make him mad, but with her it was different, it was strangely comforting.  
He leaned in and kissed her softly, and she received him with a small moan. She smelled like peaches and her lips were incredibly soft. Their embrace was short but very sweet and when he pulled back to look at her he saw that she was rosy pink again. He cupped her blush filled cheek with his hand and he was amazed at how tender he could be with her as he had never been tender with anyone before.  
"I'm sorry for being hesitant, I want to be close to you and I want to touch you but I don't want to scare you or come off as a fucking pervert who only wants one thing," he said his thumb from the hand he was using to cup her cheek stroking her skin. He watched as she looked down and her eyelashes fluttered. Fuck, it was so innocent yet it drove him so insanely wild.  
"It's okay, that's sweet. I want you to touch me though, I don't think I'd be able to bear it if we went back to just being strained acquaintances and I wasn't able to touch you freely," she said and he could tell from her eyes that she had been feeling it too, that burning desire for physical contact. That desire that had been fueling between them ever since they met and they had finally given into with their first kiss last night.  
"Neither could I, fuck I'm so glad you said that," he said. They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments and he felt himself getting lost in the fucking blue ocean that were her eyes. It was only when her stomach began to grumble that their intense gaze broke.  
"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from breakfast. I have a picnic brunch planned for us if that's okay?" He said suddenly remembering how proud he had been with coming up with the idea.  
"Yes, that would be perfect," she replied and interlocked her fingers with his.

Hillary was impressed and amazed by much thought Bill had put into this brunch. He had brought a thick fleece blanket for them to sit on and a basket filled with all kinds of breakfast items including muffins, yogurt, and some egg sandwiches he had cooked himself. He had also driven them to a lovely field away from campus so they could be alone together, as he had put it. She was stunned that this all came from the same boy who had tripped her and had been so vicious just days before. As she laid back in the sun and chewed on one of the sandwiches he had made, she thought about Bill and her feelings for him. She had meant what she said earlier about not being able to bear the thought of not being able to touch him. She was attracted to him in a remarkable way and she now could see that, the attraction had taken root on the night he had cleaned her dress and was tender with her. There was no reversing what she felt now and even though he seemed to be her complete opposite and the illogical choice, she trusted him.  
"You think a lot don't you?" Bill's husky voice broke into her thoughts. She looked at him sitting across from her and saw that he was watching her closely.  
"Yes, I do," she said simply. He twisted one of her curls with his finger.  
"Do you think about me?" He asked and she could hear the fascination in his voice.  
"Yes, I do think about you," she replied. He let go of her curl now and it fell against her nose. He leaned in closer to her.  
"How often do you think about me?" He whispered. She gulped, his eyes were huge and clear and his mouth was so beautiful in that it was so pink.  
"Are you thinking about me now?" He asked. She put her sandwich down on the napkin next to her as it was now long forgotten and could not hold her interest the way Bill was.  
"Tell me what you're thinking," he practically begged but it wasn't whiny rather it was desperate yet very intrigued.  
"I'm thinking that you have the most beautiful eyes and mouth I have ever seen," she said truthfully and she was glad when she saw that for once it was finally his turn to blush.  
"I think about you often, I have ever since I've met you. At first I was thinking about how mean you were but later on when you were tender with cleaning my dress I began to like you more," she said giving him what he most craved: her thoughts.  
"More, Hillary, tell me more," he whispered hanging on to every word she spoke. It was almost like if he were a child and she was his teacher providing him with knowledge of the world, except the world was that of her mind.  
"I didn't understand you at first. I thought you were disgusted by me as you seemed to get along with every other girl who wasn't me. That's why I left your room after kissing your thumb. I was humiliated because I thought you didn't want me that way and that you only wanted to be friends," she said. He moved even closer to her so they were still sitting across from each other but their knees were touching and his hand moved to the nape of her neck.  
"Why did you ditch me that one day then if you liked me?" He asked his hand stroking the curls at the back of her neck. Again, she felt that electrifying feeling that came with his touch and she loved it.  
"Well you had been rude to me the day before and I had gotten all those blisters trying to get away from you. I guess my thoughts then were that you weren't good for me." She saw his eyes fall a bit at her last sentence but he quickly recovered.  
"And what do you think about me now?" He asked. There he was again, guarded Bill. The question was a vulnerable one but he hid his vulnerability underneath the guarded expression she was used to seeing. She was getting better at breaking through that guard and seeing what he really felt and now she sensed that he was worried about what her answer would be.  
"I think you're incredibly handsome. You can be extremely tender and kind. I really like you but I still want to know more about you," she said truthfully. He seemed satisfied with her answer and continued to stroke the skin and hair at the nape of her neck.  
"Tell me what you think about my kisses," he said sensually. She felt her face glowing red again as she automatically looked at his lips at the mention of kisses.  
"Your mouth is so beautiful and warm and when you kiss me I don't want you to stop," she said in a breathy voice already overwhelmed just by looking at those plump pink lips. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing to her and he leaned down so close as if he were going to kiss her but he stopped with their lips almost touching but not quite yet making contact. She couldn't bear it, she felt her arousal for him, it was something she had never in her life felt before but she felt that if he didn't kiss her she'd die.  
"Please, Bill," she panted and he finally brought his lips down to hers. Instinctively she felt that electrifying feeling again and she wrapped her arms around his neck in an effort to be closer to him. What was this? Were these those pesky hormones her parents had warned her about and she had laughed at thinking she would never feel them or feel any sort of sexual desire. Yet, here she was making out with a boy she had met a few days ago and ditching class. She couldn't explain it and maybe a feeling such as the one she was experiencing didn't need explaining but it just needed  
to be felt. Bill had awakened something in her that she never knew she had and it was all so new. When they finally separated their lips again and they were breathing heavy she felt that she wanted to do something for him and she had just the idea.  
"Bill I want to give you one of these," she said pulling down on her sweater so it revealed the mark he had left on her the night before on her neck. His eyes burned with lust.

"You want to give me a hickey?" He asked in disbelief. Here he had expected her to be more shy and in a way she still was, but not in the way he had expected. Perhaps he was changing her just as she was changing him. He had never let any woman mark him before, at least not in a semi permanent way such as a hickey. Lipstick marks were usually his go to as they were easily removable when he wished. Fuck, if he had to be marked by anyone he wanted it to be Hillary. Already he felt himself falling for her more than he had originally thought possible. He had felt an extreme euphoric ecstasy when she had been revealing her thoughts to him.  
"Okay, go ahead," he said running a hand through his hair.  
"I don't know exactly how, you'll have to guide me," she whispered and he got the sense that she was embarrassed at her lack of experience.  
"That's fine, Hillary. Don't be embarrassed not with me," he said. He wanted her to feel comfortable with him in every way possible.  
"Come here, sit on my lap so you won't have to strain yourself reaching for me," he said and she complied. He rested his hands on her hips.  
"You're gonna basically suck my skin but you want your mouth positioned in a kissing shape," he said and she proceeded to doing the first step. Her soft lips rested on the sensitive skin of his neck. "Partially open your lips in a sort of O fashion and begin to suck. The sucking has to be hard to leave a mark, babe," he said. She did what he told her and he felt immense pleasure at what she was doing to him. He was also so turned on by the fact that he had to guide her through it. She had been embarrassed for no reason and she was doing amazing. She began to bite on his skin and his hands moved from her hips to grip her hair.  
"Fuck, Hillary," he whimpered and tugged at her damp curls. At last she seemed satisfied and she pulled back to look at his face. Her glasses were lopsided and there she was looking so incredibly innocent even after what she had done.  
"Was that okay?" She asked.  
He laughed it was better than okay. He felt an urge arise within him, a sort of sudden excitement to unburden himself and let her know more about him. He knew just the thing, it was a part of him and his past that he had locked away. She was giving him the strength to recover it.  
"It was perfect. You said you wanted to know more about me right? You wanna go somewhere?" He asked.

Hillary found herself in a music shop down town that Bill had insisted would reveal more about himself to her. She still didn't know how but she followed him throughout the shop either way and he stopped proudly in front of a display of saxophones.  
"You can play one of those?" She asked. It suddenly occurred to her that he was a mystery. Here he was looking like a typical bad boy but yet he was a bad boy who read classic novels, planned brunches, and could play an instrument.  
"Yeah, I played in high school too. It was one of my greatest joys," he said his voice becoming melancholy. She didn't miss the past tense.  
"Was? Is it still not one of your joys?" She asked going over to look at the saxophones. They were beautiful, some golden others appearing more platinum but still a lovely sight.  
"I haven't played in years. It's kinda a long story, it all boils down to a fight I had with my mother but I don't want to bore you with that," he said. She glanced at him, he was guarded again. She thought it was best not to push him as she didn't want for him to completely shut down. Besides, he was already revealing things about himself, slowly.  
"I brought you here cause I thought maybe I could play for you. I left my sax at home," he said picking up one of the platinum tenors. She could see that this was a big deal for him and that his vulnerability was hiding behind his guarded appearance. She watched as he positioned himself expertly and began to play a familiar tune. The melody was of Clair de lune and she recognized it from her old music days when she had dabbled in playing piano. She had quit and moved on to other things as young children often do but Bill on the other hand was an expert. To Hillary, it seemed as if he remembered everything there was to know about playing the instrument. It was almost sensual how he played it and never broke his gaze with her. When he was done with the tune it seemed to Hillary as though a weight had been taken off his shoulders.  
"That was beautiful," she said and he came up to kiss her.

His arm was wrapped around her neck as they walked through the down town area. He had been right in thinking that taking her to the music shop would help him reveal more about himself to her while being able to face one of the pieces of himself he kept locked away. He had been truthful when he told her he had left music behind because of a fight with his mother, but he had left it at that. He had appreciated the fact that she had been so understanding and didn't pressure him to reveal more. This process of opening up to people was very new and he needed time and he didn't want to scare her by revealing his fucked up past too soon. After leaving the music shop they had looked through other stores as well. Hillary had insisted on buying a Polaroid camera in order to take pictures of him. He had refused at first but her little pleas of "please Bill, please," had won him over, he had the feeling that he couldn't deny her anything if he tried. So she had taken her little pink Polaroid camera and snapped several pictures of him as they walked, when they were in a shop, or sitting down. She would look at the photos in awe and then slip them into her wallet. He liked that, it meant she was liking him more as well. Then of course they talked while they did all these things, and he had fallen more infatuated with her. He had learned that her favorite color is pink, she loves animals especially cats, "not cats, I call them kitties, Bill," she had said, and that she adored strawberries. Then there were the more complex things he had learned about her including how she was inspired from her mother's difficult upbringing and how she herself has always felt like an outsider.  
"What do you mean?" He had asked. Sure, when he had first met her he thought she was innocent, and a bit prudish, but he hadn't pegged her for an outsider. He had thought she liked being alone.  
"It's just that most people don't seem to care about the things I do. It sounds like I'm trying to be special or different but I'm not and it sucks. There have been times I've felt something was wrong with me because I was too bookish or an intellectual snob as I've been called. Sometimes I wish that I could just have simple non complex thoughts and could just think like everyone else seems to so I wouldn't be so awkward," she had said. That only endeared her to him more. She was different, even it she didn't like it, it was what had drawn him to her. In a way he understood her feelings. He had this persona that he put on but underneath he felt misunderstood and just like if he were going through the motions of life.  
"I'm glad you're not like anyone else, that would be boring. I like how you think and I love that you always keep me guessing," he had said truthfully.  
Now as they walked past a water fountain that was placed in the middle of the downtown square, he stopped walking.  
"Lend me your camera, I want to take a picture of you here in front of the fountain," he said. She handed it over to him and went to sit on the edge of the fountain. He could tell she felt a bit awkward and out of place so he made a ridiculous face in order to make her laugh. It worked, her whole face lit up and he snapped the picture.  
"Bill, you should have seen yourself. You looked so funny," she said coming over to him. He smiled in acknowledgment but was focused on shielding the developing Polaroid from the light so it would develops properly. He hated how fucking long it was taking because he really wanted to  
see the image.  
"Bill, come sit down. The picture isn't going anywhere," she said tugging on his arm and moving him towards a bench that was in the shade across the fountain.  
He sat down next to her and handed her the camera.  
"Bill, how would you feel about me giving you a nickname?" She asked. He glanced over at her. Her hair had dried and her little gold blonde ringlets framed her face. She had still been shy with him today as she would still turn rosy when he touched her, but she was also becoming more playful. She had begun to crack jokes with him and giggle, and fuck how he adored it.  
"Depends on what the nickname is," he said looking down at the still developing picture that had now formed a silhouette.  
"I was thinking maybe Billy?" She said. He rolled his eyes, it sounded so fucking country.  
"I don't think I like that one very much," he said. She huffed.  
"Why not? I think it's cute," she protested.  
"I mean yeah if we were fifty," he said peering at the photo closer . It was almost done developing. When Hillary was quiet he turned his attention to her. Fuck, had he hurt her feelings? He knew he would fuck something up! She was gazing at the fountain.  
"Hillary? Hey I take it back you can call me Billy," he said. How can you be complaining? You're lucky she even gives you the time of day, he thought to himself.  
"But you don't like it," she said fiddling with the camera.  
That was true, he wasn't too fond of it but if it made her happy then he would let her call him whatever she liked.  
"How about a compromise? You can call me Billy if I can call you Hilly," he said. The corners of her mouth grew into a grin.  
"Deal, Billy," she said and he rolled his eyes but leaned in to kiss her.  
He pecked her lips softly then pulled back.  
"Deal, Hilly." He looked back down at the photo and saw that it had fully developed. It was ethereal and completely beautiful. In the photo, Hillary was beaming and revealing her white teeth in a full radiant smile and her little laughter lines and dimples detailed her face. He took out his own wallet and slipped the photo into one of the clear sleeves.  
"Bill, we should go back to the car. I want to be alone with you," Hillary said breaking his trance. He glanced up at her, she was reflecting back his own feelings of amazement, happiness and perhaps even the same infatuation he was feeling. The sky was starting to turn a bit darker. They had spent the whole day talking, walking, and looking at the statues, flowers, and many other aspects of the downtown area.  
"Okay, let's go back to the car," he said also feeling that need for the two of them to be alone.

Hillary was staring at Bill as he drove them back to campus. The day with him had been beautiful and she had been surprised and pleased to find that he had meant all his words from last night when they had kissed and that he no longer lashed out at her. That Bill seemed to be gone and was now replaced by a Bill who was caring and patient with her. She liked that. She no longer had to worry about him getting mad at her and already she was starting to feel more comfortable with him. He didn't mock her for her inexperience and she was grateful for that. While they had been walking in down town Hartford, he had asked her about her experience or lack of with men, but it had been out of curiosity and he had been gentle when asking.  
"So you've really never dated anyone? Ever?" He had asked surprised.  
"No. Honestly, Bill do I look like the type of girl who dates a lot?" She had asked. She was aware that girls like her, introverted ones who didn't want temporary flings didn't get asked out much. "Well no, you do look shy, but I always thought you were selective or uninterested. I guess what I'm trying to say is I doubt no one has never asked you out, you are lovely and I find it hard to believe people wouldn't be interested," he had said. She had nodded in understanding. What he said was mostly true, there had been a slim amount of guys who had propositioned her, but none of which she could see herself with.   
"Well, there have been some guys but I just wasn't interested. They seemed like good people, but I just honestly felt nothing for them," she had said. Now, as she admired his hands on the steering wheel and his focused look, she felt everything and more for him.  
"You're staring at me again," he said but she could hear the smile in his voice. How could she not stare? He was striking and she had loved taking all those photos of him. Even May knew that Hillary was incredibly head over heels for him, before she had known it herself. Their conversation this morning had proven that.  
"He kissed me last night after taking me home from the lake and it was my first kiss," she had told her room mate everything about what had happened between the two of them.  
"Hillary, you two are definitely both drawn to each other. I saw it the day he came here looking for you and I saw it last night when he was worried about you. Honestly you should have seen it, Hillary he looked like he was in pain." Her room mates words were true. For whatever reason they were drawn together and there was no stopping it, she had tried to stop it by leaving his room the day she had kissed his thumb and by trying to focus on Scott instead when she took up his offer to go to the drag race. Scott didn't hold a candle to Bill in her eyes, especially after the mess last night.  
"You're doing it again. That famous Hillary thinking. You know that drives me insane yet I love it. What are you thinking?" Bill asked cutting into her never ending stream of thoughts. How could she explain all of what she was feeling into words? Suddenly despite all the books she had ever read, she realized there were no words that would ever be adequate enough to describe all of what he had made her feel in the days since they had met.  
"I'm thinking that you make me happy," she said. It was an understatement, but it would have to do.  
"Yeah?" Bill asked.  
"I don't know if you're feeling it too, but I just feel so great around you. It's weird I guess since we just met a few days ago but it doesn't change how I feel," she said thinking out loud. He placed one hand on her thigh while the other gripped the steering wheel.  
"I'm definitely feeling that too, Hillary. I told you that before you I've never felt this and I meant it," he replied. She sighed, how could one person make her feel so much?  
"So you don't think we're going into this too fast?" She asked. She didn't want things to be awkward or for each of them to be hiding their attraction as she had told him this morning, that would be unbearable. Yet, she didn't want to appear too intrusive on him and be rushing things. "No, I don't. I want us to go your pace and whatever you want to do is what I want as well, Hillary. I just want you to be comfortable." The campus came within view and he drove into the parking lot and parked the car. She dreaded having to leave him again.  
"I want to be able to give you things, Bill. I want to be able to touch you but I'm still learning how. You'll have to guide me like you did this morning," she said. She didn't mind the pace they were going at, she enjoyed it! She just wanted to make sure that he knew that she was still not as experienced as him. Bill cupped her face in his hands.  
"I know that, baby. I don't mind it all," he cooed and brushed her hair back from her face.  
"I guess there's no way to convince you to ditch tomorrow as well huh?" He asked his voice still soft. As much as she would like to, she was aware of the need to attend classes. After all, she wasn't paying tuition to blow off classes.  
"Sorry but I'm a good girl," she giggled. She had never giggled before him. Yes she had laughed but these shy giggles of giddiness were something new.  
"Well then when can I see you?" He whined now and she found it adorable. She thought about it, she would attend classes tomorrow and her laundry was overdue for a cleaning.  
"How about I give you our telephone number and you can call me?" She offered. He nodded and she gently turned her face away from his grasp in order to find a piece of paper in her bag where she could jot down the number. When she was done she gave it to him and he slipped it in his wallet.  
"Did you have fun today?" He asked. She had and she was glad she had learned so much more about him including how his favorite color was blue, he adored dogs although he himself had  
never owned one, and that his favorite snacks were almonds. Then there was the deeper stuff she had learned about him. He had still been a little guarded but he had revealed to her that his biological father had died before he was born and that he had a step father.  
"Hillary did you have fun today, silly girl?" He asked exasperated at not knowing her thoughts again. She smiled.  
"Yes I did. It was a very nice day thank you Bill," she said. His hand went to the back of her neck in the way she was becoming familiar with, pushing their foreheads together.  
"Thank you, for giving me a chance," he said and his lips came down on hers like they had so many times today. She put her fingers in his thick hair in an effort to pull him closer to her. His mouth opened underneath hers and she slipped her tongue into his mouth. In the back of her mind, she was surprised at herself as she had never done this before, but she was doing what felt right. She was rewarded with a groan from Bill that vibrated throughout his body. Her hands moved from his hair to his chest slipping underneath his shirt to touch the bare skin. His own hands moved to caress her lower back.  
When their lips parted and they were both breathing heavy, she continued to let her hands rest at his bare skin under his shirt.  
"Fuck, Hillary. Are you sure you've never done any of this before?" He asked, he was flushed from their kiss and she thought he looked even more alluring than usual.  
"I'm sure," she said mischievously. Her fingers lightly stroked the naked flesh of his chest and he trembled.  
"You're so damn beautiful, Hillary you know that? And your tongue is like bubblegum, so fucking soft," he moaned out. She felt herself take a sense of pride in the affect she had on him. Reluctantly, she slipped her hands out from under his shirt. She would have to say goodnight eventually or they would be here all night.  
"I really did have a good time today, Bill. Call me tomorrow okay?" She said starting to lean away from him despite her whole body wanting to be closer to him. Bill, still flushed, reluctantly started to let go of her as well.  
"Ugh, okay I see how it is, get me all worked up then slip away. I'll call you tomorrow, babe. Sleep well," he said. She got out of the car and smiled.  
"Goodnight, Billy," she said. He laughed. "Goodnight, Hilly."

It had been a good day and as Bill himself returned to his dorm he thought of Hillary. In those last few moments before saying goodnight and with her tongue in his mouth, he had felt such a great urge for her. It was more than lust, it was avidity, it was vehemence, and it was passion. He decided against walking her to her dorm room as he knew it would take even longer for them to part and he did not want to keep her from sleep. He felt the blush in his cheeks that had been caused from her finally begin to go down. Fuck, he had never blushed before her! As he was about to enter the dorm building he heard a cough.  
"Hey, Clinton," Scott said. Bill turned around to see Scott sitting on one of the benches and lighting a cigarette.  
Bill felt annoyed at seeing him, but his guard instantly went up. It was strange how fast things changed! Only a few days ago he had considered this guy an acquaintance and maybe even a friend, but now he saw him as a bother.  
"What happened to calling me, Bill?" He asked a bit irritated at how Scott was trying to act like he was the shit.  
"I usually reserve first name basis status for people I like," he said blowing out smoke. So that's how it was gonna be?  
"Look Scott. I don't know what your problem is and to be honest I don't care. You don't fucking intimidate me and I'm over this," Bill spat out and turned his back on him.  
"You're the one with the problem, you started this problem. What have you gone soft, Clinton? Has the big bad Bill Clinton I heard of back at Oxford gone soft? For what, for Hillary? Has she made an honest man out of you?" Scott said mocking him and standing up now crushing his cigarette underneath his boot. Bill wanted to punch him for even mentioning Hillary but he restrained himself, he didn't want to start a fight that could get him kicked out of Yale and away from Hillary.  
"Shut up," he said simply but his voice was cold. Scott however had no intention of shutting up. "Why cause my words hit you where it hurts? This was only supposed to be for a bit of fun but you made it personal now! Well, Clinton. Let me tell you one thing: I'm going to be the first to fuck Hillary's tight little pussy and I'm going to come all over her and-"  
"Shut up! Shut the hell up!" Bill yelled interrupting Scott and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. Bill was fuming with rage. He couldn't take the thought of Hillary, his Hillary, the sweet and innocent girl from the library being touched by anyone else but him especially for personal gain! "You listen here you little shit! You're going to stay the fuck away from her and you're going to keep your hands off her or I'll beat you so fucking hard you won't know right from left," he shouted his voice seething with rage. He let go of Scott by the collar and the other man dropped to the ground coughing. The coughs soon turned to light laughter.  
"Seems like big bad Bill is still alive and kicking and it'll be an honor to beat him at his own game," Scott said before finally picking himself up and going into the dormitory. Bill himself stayed out there in the dark for a while longer, still seething with rage. He was so filled with anger that he did not notice that a brunette had been watching him from the shadows of the dark the whole time.


	7. Snow Day

The next morning as Hillary woke up, she was pleased to find that New Haven was covered in snow. She loved snow and any sort of winter weather in general since she grew up in Illinois. "Hillary! It's a Snow Day!" May yelled excitedly having woken up really early to go to the bathroom and had ended up staying up when she saw the snow to listen to the school news on the radio in order to hear if classes had been cancelled.  
"That's nice," she replied although she did feel a bit upset since she had been looking forward to returning to her classes. May, on the other hand, seemed to not mind the idea of a day off from law school.  
"Yeah! It's great! Chris and his friends and I are planning a snow ball fight you should come!" She said enthusiastically. Hillary thought about it, a snow ball fight did sound a bit fun, but ironically she didn't like the cold. She loved winter weather and snow but only in appearance, her experiences of getting way too much slush in her boots as a kid had steered her clear of loving the actual cold itself.  
"I think I'll get started on my overdue laundry instead. You have fun though," she said and started to get ready for the day. She chose a thick thermal auburn sweater and her orange jeans.  
"Hillary, I love you but those jeans are awful," May said trying not to laugh. Hillary shook her head as she finished slipping into the outfit. As a last minute thought, she threw Bill's leather jacket on over her sweater.  
"No they aren't. They are comfortable and I like the color," she said moving to the bathroom to finish her morning routine.  
"Well, as long as you like them. Hey tell me if anything happens with Bill today I love hearing your stories! I'll catch you later," May said pulling a knit cap over her black hair and leaving in her usual May June whirlwind. As she brushed her teeth, Hillary's mind turned to Bill. She wished she had asked him for his number as well because she now realized she had no way of contacting him herself. Yes, she could go to his room, but she hated how that would look and she didn't like the idea of going to his room unannounced, she didn't want to seem clingy. So, she would do the only thing she could do: she would wait for him to call her. As she finished brushing her teeth, washed her face, and quickly took a comb to her hair, she grabbed her laundry basket filled with clothes and headed down to where the laundry room was. The laundry room was on the first floor of the dormitory and was located near the back of the lounge room. She was glad to find that the washing machine and dryer were unoccupied so she had it all to herself. After she finished putting the small load of clothes in the wash, she turned to make her way to the bathroom in the corner of the laundry room. She had eaten a lot of Bill's brunch snacks the other day and she was just now starting to feel it wanting to make a reappearance.  
"Hey, Bitch," a voice said behind her. Hillary grew stiff, it was the voice of that brunette girl. She turned around and saw that the girl wasn't alone as she had brought two of her blonde friends with her. The brunette girl held a hamper of her own clothes filled with laundry. Great, so she is going to fight me over the washing machine, Hillary thought.  
"I know you're not mute, you had a whole lot to say the other day when you ruined the drag race!" The brunette said setting her laundry hamper down and moving closer to Hillary. Hillary herself stepped back, realizing that she had ended up in a corner.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she stammered but she got the sense that no matter what she said this girl hated her.  
"Bambi, we should go we're gonna be late for breakfast," one of the blondes said to the brunette. So her name was Bambi? If she wasn't so scared she would laugh. She wasn't exactly scared of Bambi but she was more scared of what they might do to her.  
"Fuck breakfast, food will always be there. Right now I want to teach this little orange whore a lesson!" Bambi shouted. Someone sounded as if they were trying to get into the laundry room, but the blonde who had spoken earlier stood in front of the door, guarding it.  
"I'm not a whore," Hillary said defensively. She hated being called that when she knew darn well she wasn't.  
"Oh yeah? How would you explain all your little escapades with Bill. Let me tell you something about Bill Clinton. He doesn't date he just fucks and he's fucked me several times. Wanna know what he told me? He told me in bed that I'm his sexual soulmate so don't go getting your hopes up! I bet he's calling me right now, he did three days ago," she said. So this was about Bill? Hillary had known this girl had been with him but she had thought that she was only one of his side girls that he didn't care for. Had he really said that this girl was his sexual soulmate? Then the comment about seeing him three days ago, that would have been the day she had ditched him. Bill had claimed to be so hurt by her ditching him, but if what Bambi said was true then Bill had plenty of company that day.  
Bambi seemed to be enjoying the look of hurting in Hillary's face.  
"Yeah that's right, whore. It's Bill and Bambi, that's how it's been since we arrived and that's how it'll stay," Bambi said now having come up right to Hillary's face. She was taller than Hillary and almost as tall as Bill. Hillary calculated her chances of running but with the blonde blocking the door and three against one she knew she wouldn't be able to get far. Bambi snatched off her glasses and shoved her into the bathroom slamming the door shut. Everything was blurry and then the lights were shut off.  
"Let me out!" Hillary shouted banging on the door and trying to reach for the knob, but it was no use the door locked from the outside. There were no windows in the bathroom either.  
"Bye Miss Overbite, I think I'll go talk to Bill," Bambi sneered and Hillary heard her and her friends laugh then some more noise. She heard the washing machine stop and she figured that they were messing with her clothes. That made her more upset, she barley had any clothes to begin with! The washing machine started again, most likely with Bambi's clothes. Then at last, there was silence. She continued to bang on the door for a while, but it was no use, with the sound of the washing machine it was likely no one could hear her. Her fists were starting to hurt and she slunk to the ground. Her eyes stung, but she told herself not to cry. Her mind went over what Bambi had said about Bill. Was Bill being serious when he said he wanted to be with her, or was he playing her like a fiddle, or in his case, the saxophone. She sat there in the dark occasionally hitting the wall with the half-hearted hoped that someone would hear. She felt uncomfortable without her glasses, they were her comfort trait and Bambi had hit at one of her insecurities: her overbite. Growing up, she had hated it. No one really ever bothered her about it, but she hated it. It was minor but still noticeable but as her parents didn't have much money they didn't find it worth the cost of braces.  
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," she whispered to herself, willing herself to be strong. After what felt forever she heard noises and someone enter the laundry room. She braced herself, thinking it might be Bambi back for more of her sick games.  
"Hillary? Hillary!" May's voice was a complete relief to her. She banged on the door.  
"I'm in here!" She shouted banging on the door. The door was opened and she was greeted by May's blurry figure.  
"Oh, Hillary. I heard some girls boasting in the court yard about what they had done to you and I had to leave the snowball fight to come check on you! Chris must have been so confused as I took off running but I needed to know you were okay! Where are your glasses?" May babbled, her voice was full of concern.  
"They took them, I can't see anything," she complained. Then she remembered her laundry.  
"May I think they took my clothes," she said.  
"They did, I heard them talking about it, they were planning to dump them in the lake or something. I'm sorry, Hillary I don't think you're getting that clothes back," May whispered full of sympathy. Hillary simply nodded, she felt numb and upset.  
"May can you guide me back to our dorm room?"she asked.  
May took her arm in her own.  
"Yeah sure, Hillary, come on," she said. They left the laundry room and Hillary was able to recognize the dorm main room despite the blur and then the blur of the snow outside. As they were walking she heard someone call her name.  
"Hillary! Hey Hillary!" It was Bill. She didn't want to talk to him right now. What Bambi had said had made her a little distrustful of him and she also just wanted to go back to her room.  
"Don't stop May. Just walk faster," she said. May did her bidding, but Hillary knew her roommate was confused. She would have to explain to her what Bambi said.  
"Hey why are you ignoring me?" Bill's voice was close now and she felt his arm grab her and spin her around.

Bill was looking down at Hillary, her eyes were red and her glasses were gone. Instant concern grew in him, had Scott done something? He didn't doubt that Scott would take things he wanted by force, and his grip on her arm grew tender as his thumb stroked her arm. He had been calling her all morning but she hadn't answered and now here she was ignoring him. Had she found out about the bet?  
"What happened to you?" He asked softly. He was aware that Hillary's room mate had a protective arm of her own on Hillary and that she was watching him closely. That annoyed him, did she think he was going to hurt Hillary? Again Hillary was doing the thing where she was quiet but now it only drove him insane, but not in the good way. He didn't care that snowflakes were falling down and most likely making him look like he had dandruff, he only cared about her. "What's wrong, pretty baby? Are you going to talk to me?" He asked. A single snowflake fell on the tip of Hillary's nose making her look more childlike. She looked over at her roommate.  
"May it's okay, I want to talk to Bill alone. I'll see you later okay?" She said reassuring her roommate who still looked at Bill suspiciously.  
"Are you sure, Hillary?" She asked. Of course she's sure she just said it, Bill thought annoyed. "Yes, I'll be fine," She replied and her room mate at last took off with one last look at Bill. As soon as she was gone, Bill took Hillary in his arms.  
"Bill I can't see. You'll have to guide me," she whispered. He stroked her hair.  
"Okay, okay, yeah. You want to go to my room? I got rid of the school provided heater and added my own, it gets really warm," he said noticing her shivering. He also noticed that she was wearing his jacket, that touched his heart.  
"Yes,please," she said her voice was still soft. He guided her, putting one arm around her shoulders and holding her close as they walked. He kept an eye out for Scott, still convinced that he might be the cause of her frail demeanor. When they at last reached his room, he helped her sit on his bed and then turned to close his dorm door and turn on the heater. When that was done, he went to sit beside her.  
"Tell me what happened," he probed gently.  
"Your sexual soul mate that's what happened," she said angrily. What the hell? Sexual soul mate? "Hillary what are you talking about?" He asked utter confusion coloring his voice. She looked at him her face distrustful. He hated that! What had happened? He wondered if she could even actually see him without her glasses.  
"Bambi told me about your great love affair! She was pretty peeved off at the thought of me being with you so she attacked me with some blonde clones while I was doing my laundry! She took my glasses, and my laundry clothes, and locked me in the bathroom with the lights off!" Hillary said furious now. Bill himself was also furious now. So it hadn't been Scott, it had been that bimbo Bambi! He wanted to go find her and yell at her for what she had done to Hillary.  
"Fuck, babe. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but you need to understand there's no love affair with Bambi and she was just another bimbo I was with before I met you. She's nothing to me," he said truthfully his hands cupping Hillary's face. For a second, she melted into his touch, but then as if a thought occurred to her she pulled her face back.  
"She told me that she was with you the day I ditched you," Hillary said resentful. Fuck. Damn, Bambi to hell with her big mouth. He had been with her that day, but it wasn't anything to him, he had only been with her to try to take his mind off Hillary.  
"Pretty baby, it wasn't like that," he said reaching for her but she moved away from him and his touch.  
"Were you with her?" She asked. Fuck, did he deny it? No he couldn't, he had to be honest with her, if he wasn't going to tell her about the bet he at least had to be honest about this.  
"Yes, but Hillary let me explain. I only called her up because I needed to get you off my mind. It didn't work, the whole time I was with her I was thinking about how much I would rather be with you instead. You have to believe me, she's nothing to me, but Hillary to me you are everything. I called you all morning but you didn't answer I guess now I know why," he said. Hillary didn't say anything and she was difficult to read, but he knew she was thinking, she was always thinking. "Did you tell her she was your sexual soul mate?" She asked her voice less angry now but still upset.  
"Fuck no. Hillary that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I never talk during sex. I told you every women I've been with has only been a quick fuck, no talking, no aftercare, nothing," he said truthfully. It was the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He didn't talk during the sex he had with those women before Hillary because he had nothing to say to them, what was the point of talking to someone he wouldn't see again?  
"But Bambi sai-"  
"Bambi pulled that out of her fatass Hillary. Do you really think so low of me to think that I would say someone like her is my soulmate of any kind?" He asked. He was pleased when he saw the edges of her mouth flick up involuntarily.  
"No," she giggled.  
"What's so funny?" He asked reaching out to stroke her hair and he was glad when this time she didn't pull away. She amazed him, after what had happened to her here she was giggling.  
"You said she pulled it out of her fatass," she said laughing harder now. He rolled his eyes, she was such a child sometimes.  
"She did and the next time I see her I'm gonna tell her to cram it back up there," he said as she leaned into his touch more.  
"No, Bill you'll make it worse," Hillary protested as her laughter died down.  
"But what she did to you was wrong," he said. He couldn't let her get away with what she had done to Hillary, to Hillary who was sweet, loved kittens, and laughed at cuss words.  
"Yeah, but I wasn't hurt really and it'll be best just not to encourage her. Bill can we stop talking about this?" She said. He kissed the top of her soft hair.  
"Okay, but just to make sure this doesn't change anything between us right? You still want to be with me right?" He asked cautiously. He couldn't bear it if he lost her because of Bambi.  
"I want to but I need to know you aren't in this to hurt me," she said. He pulled her back a bit so he could look her in the eyes. He never intentionally wanted to hurt her, she needed to know that. "Hillary I don't want to hurt you, ever. I care about you deeply. I know I'm fucked up and that I'm not perfect and hell you could do better but no one will ever care about you like I do," he said passionately. He believed every word of it. He cared about her in ways he had never thought he could care about a person, hell, he didn't even know that it was possible to be this invested in a person.  
"I don't want you touching anyone else who isn't me either for whatever reason," she said solemnly. Fuck, that was so cute, she looked almost jealous and even though she was being serious he found her adorable. Yet, he knew he had to let her know that he had no interest in touching anyone else besides her, fuck he doubted if he could ever do that again.  
"I want to touch only you I want you only," he said just as solemn. At last, she fully relaxed into his touch and seemed appeased.  
"You're okay though right? What about your glasses and your clothes?" He asked as he played with her curls. Fuck, how he loved those curls! Before her he didn't have a preference but now he could honestly say that he was completely a curly haired fan.  
"I'll have to get new clothes since that was most of my wardrobe and I have an extra pair of  
glasses thankfully since I always used to lose the other pair," she said. That bothered him, fuck Bambi like what the hell was her problem? He made a mental note to tell her to shove her sexual soulmate bullshit back up her ass even if Hillary didn't want him to.  
"How about I take you shopping?" He offered. He had worked a few jobs back in England before coming to Yale and had made a large amount of spare money, but he didn't like his line of work, now that he had met Hillary, thinking of what he used to do made him feel bad.  
"Bill, no that's a nice offer but I hate when people buy me things it makes me feel bad," she said. He rolled his eyes again, she was so thoughtful of others, but for once she would have to let him give her things, he wanted to buy her things.  
"Don't feel bad I'm offering. I have money that's not a problem," he said but he hoped she wouldn't ask him about how he had earned his money especially because of the conversation they just had. She was quiet again.  
"Come on baby, with those awful jeans you have to let me take you shopping," he teased. She jerked her chin up.  
"Why does everyone keep saying my jeans are terrible I like them!" She said defensively. He laughed and kissed her between the eyebrows.  
"Because they are awful but it's okay because I love you either way," he said. Her eyes grew wide at his words.  
"You said you love me, Bill," she said. So he had. That surprised him as well. What he had been feeling had finally been said aloud. At first he had struggled giving a name to what he was feeling, but it was love, it had to be, what else could it be? It went beyond lust and the physical, she had awoken everything within him and caused him to want to be a better person. It was love, even if some might say it was too early love had no time limit just like other emotions.  
"I did is that okay?" He asked. Fuck, now what if he was the one who was seeming to be taking things too fast? What if he made her uncomfortable?  
"It's fine, it's fine but do you mean it? Or did you just slip up?" She asked her eyes still wide. He meant it. There was no slipping up when it came to her.  
"I mean it. I love you I love you I love," he said now with more confidence.  
"I love you too," she said back and it warmed his heart. Fuck anyone who thought it was too early, it was never too early when you meant it and for them he knew that they each meant it, that they were different than most people. He kissed her long and hard loving her shy giggles that sounded under his mouth.  
"So will you let me take you shopping?" He asked. She nodded.  
"And I'll get jeans even worse than these just to bother you," she said jokingly.

Hillary was going through the rack at her favorite department store as Bill looked on. They had stopped to get her spare glasses that were identical to her first and she was glad she could now see. She had decided not to hold what Bambi had said against him and had decided to continue their blooming relationship. Bill had seemed very sincere when telling her that what Bambi said wasn't true and she believed him, after all if all Bill wanted was to get her into bed, he could find plenty of other girls who would be willing to accept him. No, Bill didn't simply want that from her and his actions proved it. He had been hesitant to touch her the other day for that very reason as he didn't want her to think that's all he wanted with her. In the end it was all this and the fact that she was completely head over heels in love with him that she decided to stay with him and not let Bambi's words affect her.  
"Hey, Hilly look at this one," Bill said turning her attention to him. He was holding up a light pink sweater. It was lovely and looked like something she would wear.  
"Let me see it," she said. She glanced at the price tag, it was twenty five dollars. To her that seemed like way too much money to spend on only one item and she put it back on the rack in front of her. So far she had only decided on getting two short sleeve shirts that were plain blue and gray and were on clearance for two dollars each. She didn't want Bill to spend too much money on her. The only reason she had even agreed to his offer was she knew that he wasn't going to let it go ,she needed a ride as her car was still unusable, and she had even planned to just pay for her clothes herself once she got to the checkout line. This didn't go unnoticed by Bill.  
"Didn't you like it?" He asked. She continued to rake through the rack for a cheaper alternative. "No," she lied though it sounded unconvincing to even herself.  
"Yeah you did, it's your favorite color and you like sweaters. I saw you look at the price tag. It's not expensive and I'm buying it for you," he said taking it back off the rack. She was somewhat embarrassed now as she would always get whenever anyone bought anything for her. She hated how she was like this but she just couldn't stand it when people gave her things and she didn't have anything to offer in return.  
"Bill just put it back," she grumbled. Bill, however wasn't backing down so easy.  
"No. Why won't you let me buy you things? I want to it's seriously no problem," he said his voice sounding the tiniest bit sad but mostly just confused, She sighed and looked up at him.  
"It's embarrassing and it makes me feel like a brat when people buy me things. Plus I also feel guilty that I'm not the one getting you something in return," she explained. He looked at her for a while then licked his lips.  
"You don't have to feel like a brat or embarrassed or guilty, not with me. I want to buy you things because you're my girl and isn't that what people do when they are dating? You don't have to be getting me anything in return either I only want you to get me things when you want not out of guilt or to even the score just cause I gave you something. I don't expect anything back, Hillary," he said and placed the pink sweater into her arms alongside the two shirts she got. She didn't argue as his words did make sense and relieved her a little of the guilt she had been feeling.  
"You said that was most of your wardrobe so I expect you to get a lot more clothes, Hillary. Don't try to argue with me or I'll just pick and buy the clothes myself and then you'll really be embarrassed," he said winking at her. She turned red and he laughed.  
"Naughty girl, I was thinking of a chicken suit or something," he said but they both knew he hadn't been.  
"No you weren't," she shook her head in amusement and continued to look for more clothes with more purpose as she didn't want Bill to end up picking her wardrobe.  
Bill watched as Hillary chose her clothes. He was glad he had convinced her to just accept his offer. Normally this sort of shit like shopping bored him as when he went shopping for himself he just grabbed something and went, but he enjoyed watching Hillary. Already he was getting a taste and feel for her style. He noticed that she liked loose fitting clothes, not too baggy but loose enough for breathing room, and that she loved sweaters and sweatshirts. When she got more spring time and summer clothes, she tended to go for more modest choices like plain colored short sleeves that had a high neck cut, and dresses and skirts that would would either stop right at her knee or hit the whole floor. Even her jeans were bootcut and loose fitting. As for the colors, he noticed she preferred warm hues of light yellows, reds, pinks, and of course that orange. She also loved neutral colors but she tended to get those colors in sweaters. All her colors whether they be warm or neutral weren't bright or super dark but pale and subtle. She wasn't much of a pattern or design sort of girl as most of her choices were plain and one solid color, the only exception she made were for her skirts that were often flowered. Fuck he never thought he would notice this much about how a girl dressed, but here he was. He must really be in love with her.  
"I think I'm done," she said as she hauled a bag full of clothes in one of those black complimentary bags that were available for shoppers to put items they intended to buy in.  
"You sure? You don't need any underclothes or socks or anything?" He asked. She blushed at the mention of underclothes.  
"I can buy those myself, Bill," she said. Here she goes again, he thought. Then a thought occurred to him.  
"Why are you embarrassed or something? I'm not," he said. He didn't care about being in the women's undergarments section as when he was young he had to wait for his mother on the very occasional times they went shopping.  
"A little," she admitted. He raised a brow, it was just underwear he wore them too, what was the big deal? Unless..  
"What you wear thongs or something you don't want me to see?" He asked although he didn't peg her as the type to wear those or other intimate garments. She flushed even redder.  
"No, I don't, I just don't want you knowing my bra size," she said surprising him. He hadn't thought of that. Did she think he was one of those guys who all they cared about was breast size? He loved the female body and he had been with quite a range of women, he didn't discriminate against bra size or anything else.  
"What? Hills, come on. What do I keep telling you? You don't have to be embarrassed about anything with me. I don't care about your breast size I care about you," he said. She looked at him for a bit, doing that signature thinking.  
"Okay," she said. So he found himself following her to the women's section. He was right, she didn't wear thongs. Instead she wore bikini briefs which she chose many cute designs from. Some she got had hearts on them, others included triangular and geometric shapes, and the one he found most appealing had little watermelons on it. Watermelons were his favorite fruit. He did notice that the underwear size was quite small compared to others but he found it cute. As she was picking them out, he had taken a good look at her ass for the first time. It was small, but obviously very round, and toned, and sort of formed a heart, it was adorable. Next, she moved on to her bras. She wore a modest size 34A cup and picked out several neutral colored bras.  
"Okay now I'm done," she said a little rosy when she turned to him. He tried to contain himself as well as he never knew that watching a woman buy her intimates could turn him on so much.  
"No you're not, you forgot socks," he said. She nodded and he followed her to a sock rack. She chose low cut socks in black, white and gray and then one fuzzy purple pair with yellow polka dots.  
"You know I always thought Socks would be a good name for a kitty,"she said as they walked to get into the checkout line.  
"Yeah?" He asked interested in anything and everything she had to say.  
"Yeah you know how some have the little white paws? Well it's cute" she said.  
"You're cute," he replied and went up to pay for the clothes as the check out person called them forward.  
Hillary was sitting in the food court eating some deep fried chicken Bill had ordered for them along with some watermelon slushies. After paying for her clothes and the blush had died down from her cheeks when the cashier told them they made a good couple, Bill had suggested getting something to eat. She let him pick since he had paid for her clothes and she wanted to know more of his taste.  
"It's good isn't it?" He asked licking grease off his fingers. She loved his fingers and seeing him lick them made her stomach do flip-flops and made her imagine licking them herself.  
"Yeah it's good, I didn't think you were the type to like greasy food," she said recovering from her fantasy. He was full of surprises it still surprised her that he was so easy going and a fun person when at first he had been so cold.  
"What did you think I ate?" He said intrigued and took a sip of his watermelon slushy.  
She tried to think but nothing came up except ice for his old cold behavior and cigarettes for the bad boy behavior.  
"Um ice and cigarette butts?" She said. He laughed and shook his head in amusement.  
"I don't smoke and I like greasy food because I grew up in Arkansas and greasy food is a favorite there," he said. She was intrigued, he had mentioned he grew up in the south but now he was getting more specific.  
"Really?" She asked wanting him to go on.  
"Yeah. One of my neighbors would always have this big cookout of greasy food on opening day of baseball and everyone came since it was a small town and everyone knew each other," he said reminiscent. Bill, the southern, greasy food loving, saxophone playing, classic novel reading, bad boy. It sounded like a fictional character description but here he sat real even if he did seem too handsome for life.  
"Did you like living in Arkansas?" She asked. He nodded as if it were obvious.  
"Yeah. Small towns were great and the weather was nice and warm you didn't have any of this snow day crap over there. We also grow the biggest watermelons in Arkansas and they make for good drinks in the heat," he said motioning towards the slushy.  
"So you could imagine it was a bit of a culture shock when I attended Oxford in England after I got the Rhodes scholarship," he went on. That got her attention even more, he was definitely smart then and suddenly she remembered Scott had went to Oxford as well.  
"So did you ever know Scott Brown? You know the boy I was with the other night? He went to Oxford too," she asked innocently. She didn't expect his reaction. His jaw clenched and the smile was gone, happy go lucky Bill was gone and in his place cold Bill had returned.  
"No I didn't," he said firmly as if he didn't want to talk about it. She knew it was better not to press the issue more but his reaction surprised her. What was his problem? Was he simply jealous that she had been with someone else briefly?  
"That's a pretty strong reaction for someone you claim not to know," she said playing with the straw of her slushy so it was moving up and down.  
"Just fucking drop it! Okay?" He snapped and she stopped playing with her straw as his snappy tone both surprised and hurt her. She didn't say anything more and stared down at the table giving him a chance to calm down. He breathed heavy.  
"Baby, I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk about some guy, okay?" He said softly. She nodded simply but didn't say anything else. She didn't like how his cold side had come out and her gut was telling her there was more than just 'not wanting to talk about some guy.'  
"Pretty baby, seriously I am sorry I shouldn't have snapped like that," he said. She looked at him and saw his gorgeous clear eyes looking at her clearly apologetic.  
"It's okay I guess, I just don't like when you get like that. It reminds me too much of how you were before," she said. He sighed.  
"I'll work on my temper, I promise. Finish eating so we can go back to campus, I'll be back, I'm going to the restroom," he said. She chewed on the last bit of her chicken as she watched him head to the bathroom at the end of the food court, still wondering about his attitude.

Bill had washed up and had cleaned his hands in the restroom as he mentally cursed himself for snapping. He hated Scott's name coming from her lips but it wasn't her fault, she knew nothing of the bet or how Scott was really cruel. He had lied and said he didn't know the other man so she would drop the subject. Now as he drove them back to campus he was aware of Hillary watching him, she was always watching him. He tried to be playful in order to make up for losing his temper and smirked mischievously.  
"Like what you see?" He asked placing one hand on her thigh. He didn't need to look at her to know she was blushing, he just knew, and he could feel the sexual tension.  
"Yes, very much," she said her voice somewhat hitching. He glanced at her and saw that she seemed lustful again like she had the day before. He knew that she wouldn't tell him what she was thinking unless he pressed her.  
"What are you thinking over there, baby?" He asked. She was silent as if pondering what to say. "I want to touch you, more, like I did yesterday," she said referring to when they had made out. He felt himself harden a bit at the thought.  
"When we get to my dorm room," he promised and to show he was serious he sped up a bit. She didn't protest.  
When at last they reached his dorm room and had escaped the cold outside and were behind closed doors she sat on the bed and he joined her. Where was this going to lead? He doubted it  
would lead to sex itself, at least he wouldn't initiate it, he had said he wanted to go at her pace and that was true so when it came to sex he would let her decide whether they would engage in it or not. Hillary seemed to be in heat for him, her eyes incredibly round and glossy and her breathing somewhat heavy.  
"Baby, anything you want. I'm yours," he said simply. It was true, he felt now that his body was a canvas for her and her learning process with romance and desire. The hickey she had left was only the first mark on her canvas.  
"I want you to kiss me, but kiss me hard like you did last night and I promise I won't slip away this time," she joked. As the memory of her soft tongue in his mouth came flashing back he did her bidding his lips coming down on hers with force and passion. Her own soft lips moved in motion with his, she was a fast learner and she was starting to mimic his occasional lip biting. Her hands moved against his chest with a slight force as if to push him down. He got the hint and laid down on his back as she crawled on top of him. their lips never breaking motion. She was a beautiful sight on top of him, her blonde curls framing her face and the ends brushing his own cheeks.  
"fuck," he cried out as she bit his lip hard. His hands went to cup her round ass and he could tell she loved that. When their lips broke they were both breathing heavy and a little surprised at where this had led.  
"Fuck, Hillary. You're so good at this you know," he said. She giggled in that adorable way of hers.  
"Well I've been learning from the best," she said. He raised a brow.  
"Really? well I'm flattered but you said I'm the only person you've been with how would you know if I'm the best?" He asked. She seemed mischievous now.  
"I wasn't talking about you," she giggled out.  
"Oh really?" He said confused. What was she up to?  
"I was talking about Elvis Presley the king of sex appeal," she teased. He rolled his eyes. He then effortlessly flipped her so their positions switched and she was the one under him. Her eyes seemed to light up with excitement.  
"Naughty girl, bringing up another man while we're sucking face," he said and kissed her roughly forcing his own tongue into her mouth. He licked the roof of her mouth and he felt her body tremble. Her hips moved up under him and he got the hint and began to grind against her. Her hands went to his hair and he moved his mouth to her neck using one hand to pull down a bit of her sweater and began to suck roughly at the skin there all while still grinding against her. He was going to mark her more than he had before. She was his, and he was going to make sure everyone knew it. Underneath him, she seemed to be enjoying herself, her face seeming like she was experiencing a high and her little fingers combing through his hair. She let out a little yelp when he bit her neck and he softly placed a kiss there.  
"Bill, you have no idea how good that feels," she moaned as his lips laid a trail of kisses down her throat as he used one hand to pull her sweater down more to reveal more skin for him to mark. "Better than Elvis Presley?" He teased as he kissed her neck with force.  
"So much better. I wish there was a way I could feel this good all the time," she said and he could only imagine how wet she was for him. Her words made him think.  
"What if I told you there was a way you could feel this good even when I'm not with you?" He asked looking at her now. She stroked his hair.  
"I don't know. I guess I'd be happy but I doubt it, is there really such a way, Bill?" She asked. He was cautious as he didn't want to scare her but he felt that earlier with their confession of love towards each other they had crossed a milestone.  
"What do you know about masturbation?" He asked.  
She didn't know much except for what she heard from other people and the occasional vague reference on television. Truth be told before Bill that sort of talk would be sickly to her but she was intrigued in the idea that she could feel this good even when he wasn't around. "Not much, it's where you like touch yourself I think?" She asked. Bill nodded.  
"I can show you if you want. Only if you want Hillary you can say no and I won't be mad," he said sincerely. She thought about it, she liked learning new things and she trusted Bill. The small distrust Bambi had tried to conjure had disappeared by Bill's confession of love. She couldn't think of anyone else who would be so patient in teaching her as Bill was and he was also not pressuring her to do anything as most boys probably would.  
"Okay," she said. Bill seemed surprised.  
"Yeah?"  
"Yes, I want you to show me," she said. He moved off her so she was lying down and he was at the end of the bed but still close so her toes were touching him.  
"You're gonna need to take off your pants and underwear, Hillary. Are you still okay with this?" He asked. She nodded, she didn't want to back out and wonder what could have been. She pulled down her pants and her underwear tossing them to the other end of the massive bed. She was surprised that she didn't feel too embarrassed, maybe it was the arousal or those pesky hormones or simply because she trusted Bill, but she felt comfortable there. Bill's clear eyes filled with lust as he stared at her vagina, he gulped.  
"Okay baby, you're gonna take your hand and touch yourself. You're gonna lightly touch your clitoris. Do you know where that is?" He asked. She nodded. She knew from her anatomy classes but finding it was another thing, she knew she found it when she touched something sensitive and instantly felt it begin to throb.  
"You gotta be gentle baby. The clitoris is very sensitive. Spread your legs wider so I can see," he said. She did, still feeling herself throb and it felt strange but it felt good at the same time.  
"So fucking pink. It's fucking gorgeous, Hillary," he said. She felt herself get moist at his words. "Take your finger and lightly touch yourself," he said. She did and this time she didn't feel as sensitive but the throbbing sensation continued and it felt amazing.  
"What you basically do Hillary is you rub the clitoris. Find your pace, babe, you can always speed up or slow down," he said. She did and went at a middle pace. She was feeling smooth sensations within herself and her vagina as a whole, she swore she trembled, but she needed something to get off to, that much she knew.  
"Bill talk dirty to me," she panted out. He seemed to understand and did as she commanded. "Fuck, you're so tight and so wet I bet too," he drawled out huskily. She increased her speed now. "So fucking hot, baby. I bet you're sweating you don't need that fucking heater now do you baby? Imagine if my lips were on that pussy," he went on. At this she let out a cry of longing. Bill had been right, this did feel good so good and her mind was now consumed with images of Bill's lush lips at her vagina.  
"I wish you could see yourself, so flushed and pink and vulnerable. I wish you knew how damn good you taste and feel and maybe then you would touch yourself thinking about fucking yourself," he said coming closer to her now so he was leaning over her but not actually on top of her. His handsome face loomed over her and her head pounded at his words. She increased her speed some more.  
"I swear if I were you I would touch myself all the time. In private, in class, in the bathroom. I'd take that little hand and slide it down my pants into my tight pussy and play with myself," he said. She was panting now, practically out of breath but Bill wasn't holding back.  
"I'd swirl around that beautiful pink clitoris until it was red and throbbing and I would touch myself thinking of no one other than," he paused for affect.  
"Elvis Presley!" He shouted in a silly voice and she bursted out laughing despite being out of breath and she stopped touching herself.  
"Bill what the heck?" She asked although she was still in hysterics because although she knew he was narrating as her and teasing her he himself had said the words 'and I would touch myself thinking of no one else but Elvis Presley.'  
"I had to get back at you, babe," he said also laughing and coming to lay beside her. She turned over to look into his handsome face. From here she could see every detail. The intense blue gray gaze of his eyes and the smoothness of his white almost porcelain skin and the indent above his  
lips on his Cupid's bow.  
He was so incredibly radiant and striking and she couldn't believe he was hers.  
"I love you," she said and it was true. She had read enough about love to know that this was the feeling. He cupped her cheek and pulled her closer.  
"I love you too," he replied and kissed her softly. She accidentally nicked him with the top of her teeth and his lip began to bleed. That hadn't been intentional, when she bit him earlier it had been because she wanted to but now this mishap reminded her of her dreaded overbite. She felt a bit down cast at it.  
"What's wrong?" Bill asked noticing her change in mood. She shook her head it was stupid. She knew in the grand scheme of things that she shouldn't be insecure about this minor overbite, some people had it worse and in the end looks faded so what did it matter if someone had bad skin, bucked out teeth, or weight problems? She knew these things but she was still human and got insecure sometimes.  
"It's just Bambi she pointed out one of my insecurities which is my overbite and it's being bothering me since. It's always been an insecurity of mine," she explained. Bill stroked her hair gently.  
"I didn't even know you had one until now baby that's how unnoticeable it is. It's cute now that I look at it. You're cute, you're damn beautiful Hillary. Bambi is just being jealous because she knows you're beautiful and she'll never be as beautiful," he said. She didn't know about that, Bambi was tall and had big breasts, which was why Hillary had been embarrassed of Bill knowing her small bra size. He seemed to know what she was thinking.  
"Your beauty is unmatched, baby girl. It goes beyond physical it's spiritual and that's why you're the loveliest woman alive to me. Your eyes light up and are always kind and your soft hair is so sexy. Don't even get me started on those fucking lips and the things they can do. You're beautiful every part of you including your overbite and I wouldn't change a damn thing," he said passionately. His words comforted her and this time it was her who kissed him softly.  
"Thank you, for everything," she said.  
"It's my pleasure," he said and winked and they laughed.

Bill was a little upset when Hillary had to leave. She was persistent in saying that she needed to catch up on work for tomorrow although he was sure she was ahead. So they had made out a while longer until they were both sweating and had to turn off the heater and then she had tidied herself on and changed into some new underwear, Bill had encouraged her to change into the watermelon ones, and she had put on those awful orange pants again and left taking her new bag of clothes with her. He himself had taken a shower then went down to the main room to watch some TV. He noticed that some of the other guys, younger ones especially seemed to be looking at him differently like if they weren't scared of him. He supposed that should be a good thing but he wondered why. He soon found out when he saw the flyers posted all over the dorm kitchen. They read:  
'Clinton is a chicken and Belongs in the fridge'  
'Clinton has gone soft.'  
He knew that Scott was behind this and he intended to find him. He stormed out of the dorm intending to search the snow covered student quad since he knew Scott was always outside. Instead he ran into none other than Bambi who was flanked by what Hillary had called the blonde clones.  
"Bambi!" He shouted and it was obvious he was angry as he came up to her.  
"Send your golden retrievers away I want to talk to you privately," he said furious. Bambi turned to look at the blondes.  
"Leave us. Seems like Daddy wants some alone time with mommy," she said winking and the blondes shimmered off.  
"You have some real fucking nerve you know that?" He asked.  
"Whatever do you mean?" She pretended to act innocent but with a bimbo like her it failed. "What you did to Hillary was wrong and uncalled for! And nothing like that will ever happen again you understand?" He shouted. Bambi was practically his height and they were staring each other down eyeball to eyeball.  
"Why do you care so goddamn much about her anyways? She's wrong for you! She's nothing like me! She can't suck you good the way I can not with that massive overbite-" She was cut off by Bill grabbing her wrist. He was angry at the mention of Hillary's overbite. This bimbo had been the reason for Hillary's earlier insecurity.  
"Just shutup and leave her the hell alone," he said. Bambi rolled her eyes.  
"I heard you and Scott talking last night! There is more to this than you're letting on and I intend to find out!" She threatened and forcefully pulled her wrist from his grasp.  
"You know where I am if you need a real woman," she said and sauntered off. He let her go, he didn't want her around. Her words worried him. What if she found out about the bet? The bet that he himself wasn't even taking part in really not anymore, his feelings for Hillary were real but now he was linked to this bet and he didn't ever want her finding out or she might think he had been lying. The snow around him did nothing to cool him off as he walked back to his dorm, worries on his mind.


	8. firestorm

"He taught you how to what?" May shouted as they were walking down to class. The snow had melted enough for classes to resume a normal schedule but it was still a bit cold. Hillary shook her head in amusement at her roommate's reaction. This had been the reason she had saved the finer details of her day with Bill until after breakfast. She was sure that if she had laid the news to May at breakfast, then chocolate milk would be flying everywhere with chunks of cereal.  
"You heard me," Hillary responded blushing. The thought of what her and Bill had done sort of sent a dangerous but pleasing thrill within her, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about him all night. She had gotten ahead on her work, but either way, her mind was always drifting to the boy from the library who was fast becoming an addiction to her.  
"Hillary that's crazy, but good crazy if you liked it," May said mischievously. The two of them had gone over bit by bit what had happened between Hillary and Bambi and then later Hillary and Bill. She was relieved that May agreed with her and thought that Bambi was only being jealous. "Oh, I liked it alright," Hillary said her mind flashing to images Bill hovering over her as she touched herself to his words. They came upon the hall where her introduction to law class was. "May, this is me we'll talk later," Hillary said but her roommate stopped her before she went in. "Look Hillary I don't want you to take this the wrong way but there's something I need to tell you," she said. Hillary just nodded, but she did feel a bit anxious, she hated when people said things like this.  
"Bill looks great and he does seem to care about you a lot but I don't want you getting hurt. Please be careful," she said. Her words surprised Hillary. Bill? Hurt her? Never.  
"May I appreciate the concern I really do, but Bill could never hurt me, I'll be fine," she said. She was sure, she felt safe with Bill and he never seemed to want to hurt her.  
"Okay. Are you sure you don't want me to meet you for your criminal law class later?" May asked knowing that, that was the class Hillary had with Bambi. Hillary was regretting telling her that as she didn't want her friend to worry, but at the same time it was nice to have a friend she could unload on.  
"I'm sure. Look I'll be fine," she said and gave May two thumbs up before walking into the classroom.

 

Bill had woken up late and barley made it in time to his first class: divorce law. Truth be told, he didn't want to show up, but he knew that it was what Hillary would have liked him to do. Hillary.. She had looked so beautiful yesterday as she palmed herself at his words. He hadn't been able to bear it, he had wanted to take over, but he wouldn't without her permission. Still, he couldn't let her make herself come. No, he wanted to be the one to make her come, for him and him alone. That is why he had made her laugh before she could pleasure herself too much. A piece of paper was flung at his head. He turned around, fuck.  
It was Packer. Bill took the piece of paper and opened it, it read: party at the lake house. Are you game? Bring your little blonde friend with you.  
Bill clenched his fist at the thought of Packer even suggesting this after the nonsense at the drag race. Another important question was did these people ever get tired of their parties? Ironically, he had been an active participator at many Oxford parties, but things like that didn't interest him anymore, not ever since he met Hillary. He ignored the note and listened to the lecture for the rest of class, he even took notes.  
"Bach bach, Clinton the chicken," someone snickered behind him. Fuck, Scott's posters. He hadn't been able to find the bastard but he doubted it would do much good. At long last, the class was over and he stood up walking out. A hand was on his shoulder.  
"Bill, hey buddy. You didn't answer my note so what do you say?" Packer asked. What did he say? Fuck off is what he wanted to say, but he couldn't. Packer was the leader of the Royals and could make life hell for him, he had been through the hell that was bullying years ago and he wouldn't experience it again.  
"I don't know," he settled for saying this neutral statement.  
"Well you better figure it out. Scott has stepped up his game. I saw the posters he made to mock you in the dorm and in the men's restrooms," he said.  
Fuck, now Scott was really going to get it.  
"We don't want someone who is considered a chicken in our group. So I would suggest you come to our party, regain some status, and bring your girly friend. That is, unless you want her to show up with Scott again," he said in a offhand voice, but Bill knew that Packer was serious about this. He had known guys like this all his life, the type who craved competition and loved games. Hell, Bill had morphed himself into one of those guys in order to survive.  
"She won't show up with Scott," he said. That he was sure of. Hillary was his and his alone. "Really? Well I'll make you a deal of our own. You bring Hillary and maybe you'll regain some status in my eye," he said. Bill thought this over, quite frankly he didn't give a flying fuck about what Packer and his bug eyes thought of him. Yet, if he was in good bearings with Packer, then he could convince him to call off the bet, or at least call off Scott.  
"We'll be there," he said and then took off to look for Hillary.

 

She had forgotten that Scott was in her introduction to law class. That had been awkward, he had stared at her and he seemed almost angry. The whole class stared at her, no doubt remembering how she was the girl who had stopped the drag race. When that class at last finished, she tried to get out of there as soon as possible but she felt a tug on her arm. Scott.  
"We haven't talked in a while," he said. His grasp on her arm was tight and it almost hurt her. "I've been busy," she replied. That was true, she had been busy, but not in the way he might suspect, she had in fact been busy with Bill. Discovering Bill in ways both emotional and physical.  
"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted during the drag race I should have told you about the lake part," he muttered. She glanced down at his grasp on her arm and he seemed to get the message and loosened his grip, but remained touching her.  
"Yeah you should have. Don't worry yourself too much about it," she said. To her, Scott seemed a bit odd and not genuine. Yeah, he was cute and even handsome, but if he was so worried about her and sorry for the way he acted why hadn't he called her? He had her telephone number.  
"You didn't call me," she voiced this thought out loud not because she cared that he didn't call her but because she wanted to see what he would say.  
"Well I guess I've been busy too," he said. They seemed to be talking about something more and she got the feeling that he knew about her and Bill. After all, Bill had taken her back to her dorm room after that terrible race. In fact, the whole student body who had been there had seen them, and she had gotten plenty of curious gazes from various girls. She could see it in their faces, they were all wondering what a boy like Bill could want with a girl like her.  
"So you and Clinton, huh?" Scott asked. She crossed her arms for comfort.  
"That's none of your business," she said but she knew her blush betrayed her. Scott's grasp on her arm moved to the small of her back and pressed her towards him. She didn't like that, he hadn't been hesitant like Bill usually was. Bill usually was hesitant while touching her, asking permission to try something new, and here Scott just without a second thought grabbed her how he wished. "He's not good for you," Scott said seriously. She was aware that Bill was her complete opposite and looked like a menace, but despite outward appearances and the way they may look to other people, she was certain of her feelings in Bill. Strange, she thought. Just a few days ago she would have agreed with Scott's words that Bill was bad for her and that Scott was better for her. Scott, who dressed cleanly and pressed like a good frat boy, and Scott who had never yelled at her how Bill had. These days spent with Bill had changed that, she suddenly became aware that as guarded and dangerous looking as he may be, Hillary knew more about Bill then she did about the supposed good boy here, Scott.  
"Well that's not for you to decide," she said and pulled away from his touch. Maybe, Scott had real concern for her, but for right now and from what she knew, she didn't think this was the case. She began to walk away, to the library again.  
"He'll hurt you. You'll see, and then you'll remember I warned you," Scott shouted after her. At that point in time, she thought he was being ludicrous.

 

Bill's stomach did flip flops when he saw her walking down the hall. She was wearing the pink sweater he had gotten her and some regular blue jeans. He also didn't miss the magenta scarf around her neck that covered all the various marks he had given her. When she saw him as well, her eyes lit up and fuck how he loved that. He breached the space between them until they were face to face in a now empty hall.  
"Hey, sleep well?" He asked caressing her face gently. He had remembered that she had a free period this hour and that she would most likely be in the library again and he had been right to find her here in the library hall. He, on the other hand had his second class of the day at the moment, but fuck that, he wanted to see her.  
"So well," she practically purred against his touch. He laughed and tugged at her scarf.  
"Hiding my art I see," he teased and her face became hot while it glowed red. He could see it in those crystal eyes, that she was remembering what they had done.  
"Well some art should be kept private," she said. His hands went to her hair, combing through the thick curly locks.  
"Hmm, maybe you're right about that, or maybe you're just ashamed of me," he teased further. He knew that he was really procrastinating asking her about the party, but he also loved to tease her. "I'm not. You know how I feel about you," she said seriously. Oh, yeah I know, from the way you were grabbing at your pussy for me I know, he thought and smirked. Finally, he couldn't put it off any longer.  
"You wanna go to a party tonight? At the lake house?" He asked. He saw her face become thoughtful.  
"I don't know, Bill. I haven't had too good of an experience with those sort of functions ever since I got here," she said. He nodded, that was true.  
"That's because you weren't with me. This time you'll be with me, I won't leave your side," he said. That was also true, if they did attend he would not let her out of his sight, not with the Royals there and who knows maybe Scott would come out of being missing in action.  
"I don't know," she repeated. Fuck, as much as he hated it a thought had occurred to him: if he took Hillary to this party and showed everyone how much she was his, then the bet would most likely dissolve. Everyone would think of her with him and associate the two together that it would become pointless for Scott to continue in this endeavor as he would look desperate.  
"So you're ashamed of me," he said sadly, he was faking it, he was guilt tripping her. It was ironic because he felt guilty tricking her but he kept thinking that this would dissolve all their, well his, problems.  
"No! It's not like that!" She said falling for the bait of his guilt tripping.  
"So why don't you want to go out with me alongside our peers? Do you think I won't protect you?" He said further guilt tripping her. He could see from the look on her face that she was about ready to surrender.  
"C'mon, baby please. You can spend the night in my dorm room after," he said to sweeten the pot of his offerings. That had been a genuine offer and was not part of his guilt tripping strategy. He had thought to himself yesterday after she left, what it would be like if they never had to part ways or go to separate rooms.  
"I'll go with you to this party if it makes you happy," she said. Fuck, there she was thinking of his feelings again, he didn't deserve her. He then realized that she hadn't said anything about staying in his room.  
Realizing how it might have sounded he began to backtrack.  
"Oh fuck. Hillary about the room thing, I didn't mean it in a perverted way. I just wanted to hold you and shit I didn't mean it like 'I'm gonna get in your pants', not that I wouldn't want to but-" his rambling was cut off by her finger against his lip and she was giggling again.  
"Bill I know you didn't mean it like that. I will stay in your dorm room tonight on one condition," she said mischievously. What was she up to now?  
"Anything," he said against her finger. He couldn't deny her anything, that much he knew.  
"I want to wear your clothes to bed," she said.  
Fuck, why the hell did that turn him on so much? The best part was that she seemed so blissfully unaware of what she was doing to him.  
"You can wear anything of mine." He said and puckered his lips against her finger the way she had to his thumb. Except this time, the two didn't have to restrain themselves from touching the other. She removed her finger and replaced it with her lips giving him a quick peck.  
"I'm going to the library want to come?" She asked. Oh he wanted to come alright, but it was a different meaning of the word.  
"As much as I love you, I wouldn't be caught dead in that library again, plus I have a class right now," he said. Word was already getting around that he was soft and a chicken, and the last thing he needed was to be seen at the library, he would basically be giving Scott his next writing material.  
"Well then you should go to class," she said and gently pushed him away laughing. She was so playful now, so full of light and life. He hadn't expected this much light and life from her the first time he saw her as he had found her dull, but he was starting to realize how wrong he had been. "Okay. I'll be at your dorm room at six tonight," he said and she simply nodded. As he walked away from her, he kept trying to ignore the voice in his head saying that this party business was a very bad idea.  
The remainder of her classes had been a breeze, that is except criminal law. Bambi had sent her many looks that could kill along with her blonde clones who seemed to flank her everywhere. 

 

Luckily, she had managed to find a seat far enough away from them with a buffer of students between her and Bambi, so she couldn't throw verbal abuse or pieces of paper at her. When that class had ended, Hillary had went along with her plan of avoiding Bambi by rushing out of that room. Bambi however, with her long legs, had managed to catch up with her and knock her over, sending her books flying everywhere. As she bent over to pick them up, she saw a faculty member approach Bambi. For a moment, Hillary had thought Bambi was going to get chewed out, but there had been no such justice.  
"Bambi, your father wishes to see you," the professor had said. Bambi had followed him into the sea of students and that confused her. Her father? Had her father come to visit? Or did her father work at the school? It had all been so mind boggling and had bothered her for the rest of the day. Now, as she finished doing some last minute work in her dorm room, she waited for Bill to arrive. She had only agreed to this party ordeal since he had wanted to go so bad. She didn't want to go to another one of these things, but for Bill she would and besides, he had said he would protect her and so far that had held true. After all, he had been the one to protect her from the dangers of the drag race.  
Now the matter of spending the night in his room.. well that was a matter she had been more than happy to agree to. He had been worried that his offer had seemed perverted or made him seem like 'one of those guys,' but to her it had seemed sweet. They had progressed from him yelling at her to leave his room to him now inviting her to stay the night in his room and she adored it. She was eager to see what that would lead to and she was more eager to see how he looked when he was asleep. People tended to look more peaceful when asleep and she craved to see Bill this way. She heard a knock at the door. When she opened it she was face to face with the boy she had come to care for so much.  
"You ready?" He asked and he was a gorgeous sight leaning against the doorframe.  
"Yes," she said and for moment she thought she saw a look of nervousness in his eyes but when she looked again and it was no longer there she assumed it was the light playing tricks.

 

Bill felt tense as he drove them to the lake house. It was by that stupid lake, of course, where the cars had nearly drowned themselves the other night. As they had been driving here Hillary had pointed to a red brick for sale house and mentioned how cute it was. It was cute and seemed very Hillary like and he tucked this thought in his mind. Now as thoughts of the party returned he hoped his plan of showing Hillary off as his worked, but somehow he still worried that things would get fucked up. When they at last arrived, he wrapped his arm around Hillary's waist and held her close. Fuck, he hated how he felt like he was using her, but it wasn't like that, he just needed to show everyone that she was his. The lake house was crowded with people and loud music played over a boom box. He led them inside. Someone offered them brownies but Bill declined.  
"The food at these things are usually laced, they make you feel terrible," he explained to Hillary who seemed to be taking it all in. It was a typical party with people making out, smoking, getting drunk and playing beer pong. He just hoped Packer saw them so they could leave. As if on cue, the devil himself showed up.  
"Hey! You made it! And who's this pretty little lady?" Packer asked as he came over to them. So he was playing dumb.  
"This is Hillary, my girlfriend," he said putting emphasis on the last word. Packer didn't miss a beat and while he raised his eyebrows he was still slick.  
"Well Hello, Hillary I'm Packer," he said.  
"Hi," Hillary said. It was clear to Bill that she didn't like the attention.  
"A bunch of us were going to play a game of truth or dare. Wanna play?" Packer asked and it was clear that he was asking Hillary only. Bill knew how those games usually went.  
"No she doesn't," Bill said. He felt Hillary's gaze on him and before he knew it she was agreeing to playing.  
"I'll play," she said and began to follow Packer. Bill cussed and realized that while he had good intentions, he hadn't explained to Hillary why he said no, he found that when he did that she usually did the very thing he was telling her not to do as an act of rebellion. He followed Hillary's small figure into a side room of the lake house.  
Fucking hell, there were people sitting in a circle waiting to play and of course those fucking people had to consist of Scott, Bambi, and the golden retrievers.  
"Hillary," he complained but she seemed determine now to do what he had said no to. She sat in between Scott and a golden retriever and Packer sat alongside Bambi. When Scott met Bill's eyes, he gave him a cold look. What the hell was this? Had Packer planned this? Somehow he felt that it was planned but that it was also accidental, besides Packer didn't know about what had gone down with Bambi the other day. Fuck it, Bill shoved himself on Hillary's other side between the golden retriever.  
"The circle is only for people who are going to play," Bambi said cooly.  
He rolled his eyes at the sound of her voice.  
"Then I'm playing whatever," he said. He had played games like these before at many parties but now having met Hillary he saw how stupid they were.  
"Okay I'll start, we'll make our way around the circle and you can ask anyone truth or dare," Packer explained for Hillary's sake. Bill hoped she would just chose truth every time because the dares could get nasty.  
"Okay, Hillary truth or dare?" He asked her. Bill could see Bambi rolling her eyes no doubt jealous that she wasn't getting the attention.  
"Truth," Hillary said.  
"What is the farthest you've gone with a guy?" Packer asked. Bill felt Scott perk up. Bill himself wondered how Hillary would answer. Bambi said something under her breath about Hillary having done nothing with a guy. He could tell that Hillary heard that and that she was annoyed by it.  
"A guy taught me to masturbate recently so I guess that's the farthest I've gone," she said. That shut everyone in the circle up. Packer and Scott briefly glanced at Bill, and well Bambi seemed on the edge of having a heart attack since her face was so red with anger. Bill tried to conceal his grin since he knew that Hillary took satisfaction in having proved the girl wrong.  
"Wow, okay so now it's Bambi's turn ask someone truth or dare," Packer said. Oh no, Bill thought.  
"Hillary, truth or dare, I know it's gonna be truth since you're a prude," Bambi taunted. Bill took Hillary's hand in his own. Fuck, why did he think bringing her here was a good idea?  
"Dare," Hillary said defiantly. Bill knew she only chose dare to prove Bambi wrong again. Bambi had an evil look on her face,  
"I dare you to kiss Scott."  
Fucking hell no.  
"She's not kissing anyone," Bill said protectively. But he had made the mistake again of speaking for Hillary and he found that she hated when he did that and would go out of her way to do what he had had forbidden.  
"Bill it's fine. Trust me," she said. Fuck he hated this! Scott seemed to be beaming. Hillary pecked him on the cheek quickly then moved back to Bill's side,  
"I meant kiss on the mouth," Bambi said.  
"Well next time you should be more specific," Hillary said obviously proud of having found a loophole. Bill was relieved as well, he wouldn't have been able to bear it if she had kissed Scott on the mouth.  
Now it was one of the blonde's turn.  
"Bill, truth or dare?" She asked. He rolled his eyes.  
"Dare," he said without thinking like he usually had when he used to play these games. People wouldn't get any truth out of him or know about his personal life. Now he realized too late that choosing dare might have been a mistake.  
"I dare you to kiss Bambi on the mouth," the blonde said. He felt Hillary's eyes on him. Her words came back to him: 'I don't want you touching anyone else who isn't me either for whatever reason.'  
"Hell no, choose something else," he said.  
"Bill you know the rules," Bambi said tauntingly. Whatever, no one was going to make him do what he didn't want to.  
"Shove the rules up your ass, Bambi. if you're not going to choose something else, Goldie locks, then it's my turn now," he said. No one questioned him or protested but he could tell that Bambi was furious, Scott was wondering, and Packer was just overall entertained. Suddenly an idea occurred to Bill, an idea that could accomplish why he had come here in the first place: to show everyone Hillary was his.  
"Hillary truth or dare?" Bill asked. Her eyes seemed questioning, and Bambi again muttered something about being a prude. Good, Bill thought, for this idea he need Hillary to choose dare. "Dare," she said.  
"I dare you to kiss me on the lips," he said. Hillary seemed confused for a second but leaned forward to give him a quick peck anyways, but this plan and idea of his required more than a quick peck. Bill pulled Hillary towards him and seated her on his lap. He then began to kiss her hard and passionately. Hillary responded to him like she always did by moaning and lacing her fingers in his hair. He then tore off her scarf, let them see, he thought revealing her hickey covered neck. His hands went to cup her ass all while still kissing her. Then, Hillary broke their kiss and shoved him away. Her face was red, but he sensed it was more of embarrassment than by being flustered from their embrace.  
"That was hot!" One of the golden retrievers shouted. Hillary moved off his lap and stood up. "Excuse me," she said and scurried off. Fuck, Bill thought.  
"Wow Bill nice job," Packer said but Bill didn't care for his approval or what any of them thought of him now.  
He picked up Hillary's scarf and went after her. He found her outside sitting on the now empty porch as everyone else had gone inside.  
"Baby?" He asked but she didn't turn to look at him.  
"Hey I'm sorry are you mad at me?" He asked her. She now turned to look at him.  
"No I'm not mad at you. How could I be mad at you for kissing me? It's just that was too much PDA for me in front of people," she said softly . He came closer to he and stroked her hair. He loved that about her, that she was so private like him and didn't feel the need to flaunt what they had. He, however, had wanted to flaunt what they had to annoy Bambi and to warn Scott to fuck off.  
"Sorry baby. I only did it so Bambi could be annoyed. You should have seen her face it looked like she was having a heart attack," he said and was glad that the corners of her mouth flickered up showing a grin.  
"C'mon am I forgiven? Are you still spending the night? I have some cool ghost stories I could tell," he said and earned a laugh from her.  
"You're forgiven and yes I'm still spending the night. Jeez Bill is this like a slumber party to you?" She asked giggling. He picked her up and tossed her in the air effortlessly as if she were a small child, then caught her again. She was laughing harder now.  
"It could be a slumber party. You can paint my nails too if you want," he said and threw her up again as she giggled in glee. This time when he caught her, he carried her bridal style to the car. "You're so silly Bill," she said still laughing.  
"Only for you," he said. It was true, she brought out this playful side in him and he loved the feeling of being carefree. He carried her to the car not knowing that inside he had left a group of enemies who were now collaborating together.

 

Hillary had found Bill's behavior a bit strange at the party. First, he had been overprotective and while she found it comforting, she hated it when he said no and didn't give her an explanation. Hence, why she had defiantly agreed to playing the game just to annoy him. Still, he had acted kind of strange when he kissed her. Had it really just been to annoy Bambi? What more could it be? Was it Scott? Hillary hadn't mentioned anything about her conversation with Scott to Bill because she didn't want him to get mad. Now as she sat on his bed, he seemed back to normal. "Oh you said you wanted to wear something of mine?" Bill asked remembering her one condition. She was glad that it was dark in his room except for the lamp so he wouldn't see her face turning red like usual. She had wanted that to be her one condition as she wanted to be covered in his scent, she had loved wearing his jacket and she wanted to wear his clothes as it made her feel closer to him.  
"Um yeah," she said and her voice came out squeaky. Bill raised a brow.  
"You can choose something from my closet if you want," he said and began to move his book bag off the bed. He had been doing school work and his things were sprawled out all over the bed. Hillary liked that and she liked knowing that he was actually doing his work.  
However, she didn't want to wear something from his closet, she wanted to wear something recent of his.  
"I meant something you recently wore," she said and Bill paused in putting his things away. He looked at her as if he was trying to figure out what she was up to.  
"Okay, uh, my laundry hamper is in the closet too if you want to go through that," he said and resumed putting away his school work. She nodded and walked over to the closet. She went through his laundry basket and settled on the black tee shirt he had worn the other day and a pair of black briefs. She had chosen the briefs as there was nothing else that seemed comfortable enough for bed as everything else was just jeans. She hid them behind her back as she wanted Bill to be surprised and went to change in the bathroom, his curious gaze following her the whole time. As she changed, she thought about what she was doing. She had never imagined herself as capable of this kind of behavior but with Bill she found herself always wanting to surprise him and be flirtatious with him. Once she finished changing she found that Bill had changed into his night clothes as well of a tee shirt and flanneled pants and was so sprawled out in the bed.  
"Nice choice," he said as his eyes looked her up and down as she wore his clothes. She stood there blushing, he looked absolutely stunning laying there in the dim light with his hands behind his head. His eyes taking in her body up and down did something to her as well.  
"You gonna come lay down? I won't bite unless you want me to," he said mischievously. She went over to him and crawled into the bed and immediately loved how the bedsheets smelled like him. Bill turned over onto his side to look at her and his finger lightly tugged on the end of the briefs she was wearing under the bedsheets.  
"Any particular reason you wanted to wear something that I've worn recently?" He asked and continued to tug on the end of the brief's fabric. She looked down, not being able to meet his penetrating gaze.  
"C'mon I'm dying to know. I won't make fun of you," he said. She knew that, but it was ridiculous despite everything she was still a bit shy with him. Still, she trusted him not to laugh at her so she gave him an answer anyways.  
"I wanted the clothes to smell like you," she said in a small voice. Bill furrowed his brow then smiled while licking his lips.  
"Yeah? Do you like how I smell?" He asked his voice low and teasing her. She felt her heart racing just by looking at him.  
"Yes," she said. He smirked even more and moved closer to her.  
"Do you like having me this close?" He asked.  
Her heart pounded. She found that she liked when he got like this, more dominate, and suddenly she craved more. She knew that he would be hesitant to be dominate as he always was afraid he would come off as a pervert to her, but right now she needed him, and needed this.  
"Mmm, I can see it in your eyes, you're thinking about me," he said. She felt her head practically pounding.  
"Just shutup and kiss me already," she demanded unable to take the teasing. Bill chuckled but did as he was told and began to kiss her slowly. He was holding back, but she wanted more and she was going to get it. She reached for his hand underneath the bedsheets and placed it between her legs so it was holding her vagina.  
"Hillary," Bill said seriously pulling his lips from hers but she wanted him to take control, to touch to feel.  
"I want this, I want you to be dominant and touch me more. You won't scare me," she said as she saw that he was watching her closely. So much depth in those stunning gray blue eyes.  
"I don't know, I don't know what I can or can't do with you. It's so confusing," Bill said. She moved in closer to him.  
"We can do things like how we did yesterday I want to keep learning and I want you to be dominant Bill please," she pleaded. He gazed at her a while longer until his lips finally came down on hers again this time with more force..

She wanted him to be dominant and now she was going to get him, in full dominant mode. His lips were already overcoming hers as she could hardly keep up with him. His hand still remained gripping her sex and he squeezed it with a force. She gasped.  
"You like that?" He smirked as he looked down at her and saw that her face was flushing every hue of pink and red.  
"Do it again," she panted and he squeezed it harder than he had before and she began to giggle. "That was only the tip of the iceberg. You have no idea how good I can make you feel," he said. He wanted to show her and she had told him to be dominant after all. He tugged at the briefs and she nodded getting what he meant. He pulled them off and again he was greeted by the sight of her smooth vagina. He repositioned them so he was on top of her.  
"I'm going to finger you, I'm going to swirl inside you," he said lustfully and her body was pulsating, she only nodded and he took his index finger and raised it up for her to see.  
"This little piggy went to the market," he said and then shoved his finger in her. Her soft pornographic moans and little wet gasps made him feel hard. He moved his finger within her earning a yelp.  
"Bill, oh god, so good, you make me feel so good," she said faintly.  
He now lifted his thumb.  
"This little piggy stayed home," he said and saw the look of disappointment in Hillary's eyes. She pouted. He chuckled and moved his thumb so it was against her lips.  
"Suck it, with those pretty lips," he demanded still dominant and she was quick to comply. Her eyes were closed in a sort of euphoric passion as she sucked on his thumb, her rose petal lips wrapped around his finger and she looked amazing.  
Bill, however wasn't done with his game.  
"This little piggy had roast beef," he said and took his middle finger and shoved it in alongside his other finger. At this, Hillary bit down on his thumb, but he didn't mind.  
Again he moved within her and his other hand, the right one, that wasn't doing the fingering touched the inner flesh of her thigh. Inside her, his fingers stimulated the g-spot and she gasped again, releasing his thumb in the process.  
"Fuck, so tight and wet," he said and grunted as he repositioned his fingers. He was going to use the 'come hither' approach of using his middle finger and index finger to try to make her come, but first he need to finish his game.  
"This little piggy had none," he said of his pinky finger which he quickly flicked across her vagina. Now, it was time for his ring finger.  
"This little piggy went ... " he said as he used that finger to gently stimulate the clitoris from the outside.  
Now it was time for the 'come hither' approach. Inside her, his index and middle finger were ready and his palm faced upwards towards her pubic bone, he made a 'come here' motion and she shouted in pleasure like he knew she would.  
"Wee, wee, wee,  
all the way home!" He finished his game as her ejaculation suddenly came flooding into his hands. It was warm and he saw her looking at him in complete awe and admiration.  
"Bill Clinton, you'll be the death of me," she gasped panting for air.  
He winked at her, and never breaking eye contact, he licked the come in his hands and then slowly went down on her so he could lick the edges of her semen stained pussy.  
"I want to touch you," she whimpered. He continued to lick her pussy and when he was done he sat there giving her a dangerous look. He loved how vulnerable and desperate she looked for him and because of him. Now with this new permission of dominance, he wanted to tease her more. "No," he smirked. She raised her brows.  
"What do you mean no?" She asked innocently. There it was again, that look of innocence despite having ejaculated for the first time and it drove him wild.  
"It means you don't get to touch me until I say you do. I'm in charge right now," he said edging closer to her again and pinning her down against the bed by her wrists. He searched her eyes for fear or wanting him to stop but he saw only excitement.  
"And right now I say you're gonna lay here and listen to what I want to do to you," he said. He would tease her, talk dirty until she was red throbbing for him and couldn't take it.  
Hillary was under him, blood rushing through her ears and her head feeling like she might explode. She loved this side of him she had finally unlocked.  
"I want to fucking mark every part of your body. Every part. Your neck, your back, even your sensitive little breasts. I would bite down hard on your nipples and when I was done I would move to your inner thighs, biting that tender flesh of yours," he said huskily.  
White hot desire filled her.  
"Bill," she panted. She wanted to tell him to touch her but she couldn't say the words, it was almost like she forgot how to speak. Then there was her throbbing vagina that seemed to beat along to every one of Bill's words.  
"That's not all, though. I want to taste you. I want my tongue in that pink pussy and I want it to thrust into you, pleasuring you until you scream my name so loud that everyone in fucking New Haven knows you belong to me," he said now, still pinning her down. She was still amazed that just his words could make her fall all over herself and he looked so incredibly attractive looking down at her, his chiseled jaw tight. His lips moved to her ear.  
"And if I were in you, I would never fucking pull out," he said. At this she let out an animalistic scream of desire.  
"Bill, please," she panted, beads of sweat beginning to dampen her forehead.  
"Please what? Finger you? Bite you? Spank you? Bind you? Take your pick, pretty baby," he said. Her eyes closed and then fluttered open again, she felt so incredibly on a natural high.  
"Just touch me, touch my body," she moaned. He seemed to know exactly what she needed and his beautiful hands went up and down her body, caressing it. With this, he had released his grip on her and she was able to touch him as well. Her hands went under his shirt and she could see the exposed muscle. He trembled.  
"You turn me on so damn much," he whispered in desperation. She took pride in his words and her hands slid from down his chest just right above to where his v-line was.  
They gazed at each other, lust, love and amazement in their eyes. His mouth was pink, plump, and pouty and she wanted it on hers. That sinful mouth that from the moment it had touched hers had awoken this desire within her.  
"Mmm, kiss me, kiss me with your beautiful mouth," she moaned. It was fast becoming her new favorite thing: kissing him. His lips met hers and it was a complete and utter firestorm. Her hands went to his back, under the shirt, so she could touch the well defined muscle there.  
Her hands slid up and down his smooth back.  
His lips were magic and pleasured her own by setting a fast pace.  
"Your mouth tastes so good," she whispered as his lips moved to her jawline. She had never thought a mouth could taste so good but Bill's did. It was difficult to explain but it tasted like nothing she had ever experienced before.  
"I love how you look in my underwear and my clothes," he said then groaned loudly and roughly as her hand moved to touch his bulge against his flannel pants.  
She loved that sound, it was the hottest sound she ever heard and she would do anything to hear it again. She grabbed at the bulge again. This time, he groaned so loud that someone next door banged on the wall. They at last simmered down and were panting heavy. Bill was the first to recover and he stood up to get a wash cloth to clean her up. It was the same wash cloth that had cleaned her dress and he took it and clean her sex and inner thighs. He then, helped her put the briefs back on and went to lay beside her under the covers.  
"Was that okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" He asked. She snuggled closer to him.  
"No, it felt good. You felt good," she said and laid her head against his chest. He stroked her hair. "You felt good, too, so fucking good," he said his lips against her hair. She loved this, she loved that he could make her feel like if she was just as experienced as him.  
"Is that the first time you had something up there? You don't use plugs?" He asked curiously and she laughed. Plugs? Who called them that?  
"They are called tampons, Bill and no I don't," she said still giggling. He was so funny to her even when he wasn't trying.  
"That's just a fancy word for plugs and so you use the diapers then?" He asked just as curious but he seemed amused by her laughter. She was in hysterics now. She loved that he could take her from panting out of lust to panting out of laughter.  
"Bill they are called pads and yes!" She said and they were both laughing now. Bill shook his head in amusement as their laughter died down.  
"You know I don't expect anything from you though right? That this wasn't the reason I asked you to come over right? Don't get me wrong I love, fuck, I love touching you but I don't ever want you for a second to think that, that is all I want from you," Bill said now serious. His words touched her heart, he was always so gentle with her and quick to remind her of this. She had never been the center of attention or have someone care about her as much as Bill does.  
"I know that. You don't have to worry, I know that and I wanted this, I wanted you to touch me tonight," she said rolling over on her side to look at him. His arm went around her waist pulling  
her closer and he looked at her in a way that made her stomach do flip flops. He was staring at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world.  
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," he said and she felt herself blushing once again. She couldn't bear to meet his all too serious eyes and she looked down instead. His words touched her, but it was a little hard for her to believe them. Bill had been with so many women, experienced so many things, how was she the best?  
"No. You are doubting what I'm saying but it's true. Let me tell you about more myself and then you'll understand what you mean to me," he said. She was attentive now, he was going to tell her more and she couldn't wait to hear it..

He was going to open up to her, more than he had before. Yes, he still wasn't going to unload all his dirty laundry on her, but he was going to take steps to tell her more. She deserved it and he needed to prove through actions that he was serious about their relationship and that it was not merely physical.  
"Back in Arkansas, I wasn't always this bad boy asshat that people know me as now. I was bullied a lot for being overweight and that included swirlies, wet willies, and being punched," Bill said remembering those dark days where he had no one at school and also at home where his mother was working hard and held various jobs in order to raise him. Hillary hanged on to his every word.  
"It was terrible. It stopped when I was sixteen as the summer before school started I began to run and exercise because it got my mind off the pain of being bullied. At this point my mother had married my stepfather Roger Clinton and he taught me to box," he went on. Hillary took his hand in her small soft one, offering support.  
"That year, I fought the guys who had been bullying me and gained some respect and a reputation. I joined a group of tough guys at school and in order to fit in I had to be like them and do the things they did. I did drugs, I was with many girls, I stole things, all to fit in and I stuck with these guys until my senior year. Oxford was my way out, but at that point I had lost myself and I was too much like them so I just kept doing what I knew. My stepdad got well difficult I won't get too much into that right now and there was always tension in the house, I felt like I had no one," he said. He caressed Hillary's face now they had come full circle.  
"Pretty baby now do you see? I've never had anyone who I could really spend time with or who wasn't scared of me. But now that I've met you, you've made me find myself again and you've shown me that  
I don't have to continue to have that persona," he said and kissed her softly and slowly. He could taste her tears that had come from his declaration of love.  
"I've never felt like I had anyone either. I was never anyone's favorite person either so thank you Bill," she said as their lips parted. He loved her, he loved this woman who was healing him, making him better.  
"No, I should be thanking you and I love you."  
"I love you too."

 

Bill was awakened by his telephone ringing. Hillary stirred in her sleep but didn't wake up and he took the phone and went into the bathroom to answer it. Who the hell would be calling him? Especially at this hour. He only called his mother every once In a while but no one had his number.  
"What do you want?"he grumbled to whoever was on the other end of the call.  
"Come outside in the quad ," Scott said. Fucking hell. How did he get this number? What did he want? Silently he slipped out of the room as to not wake Hillary. He had to find out what this was about and he didn't want Scott coming up to his room if he didn't come down and end up waking Hillary. It was cold and dark outside and he cursed. He was only wearing his tee shirt and flanneled sleep pants. He saw Scott and fuck he was joined by Bambi.  
"What is this?" He asked angrily. The two shared a menacing book.  
"Consider it insurance. Bambi and I have joined forces in order to each get what we want," Scott said. What the hell?  
"Which is?" Bill asked angrily. He was sick of the riddles and the games which he had used to participate in with no problem.  
"You see I know about the bet. Don't worry I won't tell on one condition," Bambi said. Fuck. Scott knowing about the bet was one thing but Bambi knowing? She would open her fat mouth and ruin everything. He couldn't let that happen.  
"Bambi here wants you to be her boy toy like before whenever she wants, if not we'll tell Hillary about the bet," Scott said. What? Bambi must be crazy thinking he was going to touch her like before, he didn't want that, not after being with Hillary and knowing what real touch and feeling felt like. Then there was Scott what was in it for him?  
"And you?" He asked Scott who just looked at him strangely.  
"What I want will come in time," he said. Bill knew he was backed into a corner and just like when he was sixteen his first inclination was to go out swinging.  
"So what's stopping me from kicking your ass and putting you in the hospital Scott?" He asked. He could beat Scott up easily and this would be over with.  
"Like I said insurance . You see Bambi here is my insurance and her father is the dean of students. If you beat me up it'll be your word against hers. If you don't comply with our terms well I'm sure Bambi could make up an elaborate story of sexual assault and her father would have you out of Yale Law School before you know it," Scott said clearly enjoying this.  
They had each found a common enemy: him.  
He couldn't solve this, it all ended with him away from Hillary or her ending up heartbroken.  
He felt defeated.  
"It's okay, baby, this is how it's meant to be," Bambi said taking his hand. Her hand wasn't soft like Hillary's and it wasn't gentle or comforting.  
"What do you want me to do?" He asked. There was no way out and he surrendered. I'm sorry Hillary, he thought.  
"Well for starters we can go back to my room for a while. Don't worry I always hold up my end of the bargain, and I won't let Hillary know what I now know," she said. He followed her, if he got this done now he would be back in time before Hillary woke up. He felt Scott looking on.  
'I don't want you touching anyone who isn't me either for whatever reason.'  
As he went on to do the dirty deed he felt the chains from his past on him again..


	9. Stardust

Waking up in Bill's arms was an experience all too pleasurable for Hillary. The sunlight was breaking through and beginning to peek in through the blinds of his dorm window, but Bill still slept soundly. She looked up at him and saw that he looked entirely at peace, his mouth slightly open, and his hair once again reflecting some red from the sunlight that was creeping through. She was warm as well in his arms.  
It was the kind of warm that standing close to a fire would evoke, or taking a sip of hot chocolate. For all these reasons she decided not to move, never wanting this feeling of utter bliss to end.  
She thought over the night's events and especially of what they had done to each other. She had loved his touch on her last night and she was still dumbfounded at how comfortable she felt with him. The old Hillary, the Hillary who hadn't even wanted to come to Yale as her first choice, would most likely be amazed to see her present self wrapped up with a boy she had met a few days ago.  
Still, Hillary now knew not to judge. Before, she had rolled her eyes at her high school friends for catching feelings too fast, but in a sense now she knew that feelings weren't something that came with a time schedule or limit. Feelings just were. She heard Bill mumble in his sleep and she briefly glanced up at him, he was still asleep.  
Bill, the great mystery.  
Yet, that mystery was starting to be solved as he revealed more about himself. His telling of his childhood bullying and why he became a bad boy had touched her heart. She had been able to tell that he had been opening up to her, and that doing so wasn't easy, but she had appreciated it greatly. He was proving to her that he didn't just want her physically but wanted so much more and that thought was overwhelming but in a good way. She herself had also opened up to him in return. She had meant what she said. She had a few friends and of course her family was a great support but all her life she had felt like she was just there, and not really being seen. She was an introvert, but she had always longed for someone who was genuinely interested in her thoughts, but she had always thought that sort of thing was only found in books and stories.  
Not anymore.  
No one had ever shown any interest in her thoughts the way Bill had.  
The way he hung on to every word, with those piercing blue gray eyes gazing with focus, made her feel like she was the only person in the world to him when she spoke.  
Breaking her thoughts, she felt Bill's muscled torso stir underneath her. She glanced up at him and was greeted by those sleepy eyes, his eyes seemed more gray in the morning.  
"Hey, pretty baby. How long have you been up?" He asked his voice still slurring from having just awoken. She felt an involuntary reflex in her stomach at his nickname for her. This must be the butterflies in the stomach feeling people talk about, she thought.  
"A few minutes I think," she said and relaid her head on his chest. He yawned and it was an adorable sound to her, she couldn't believe that she had thought he was only so full of spite and hate when she had first met him.  
"I wanna kiss you, can I kiss you? Come here," he practically begged while gently tugging at her curls. There was just one problem: morning breath.  
"Bill I didn't brush my teeth last night or this morning. I doubt kissing me would be too good right now," she said but scooting up to him all the same so she was no longer on his chest but laying on her side next to him. Bill, however didn't seem swayed.  
"So? Neither did I, c'mon please. If you won't let me kiss your lips then I'll just shower your body with kisses," he said but then yawned again, obviously still waking up. She wasn't going to give in however, the thought of him smelling her morning breath horrified her.  
"Nope," she said popping the P.  
Bill pouted.  
"I'll do it, I'll get my kisses somehow, pretty baby I can promise you that," he said. She wanted to see if he would and she shook her head no again. At this Bill took her hand and kissed the palm of it tenderly then leaned in to do the same to her neck, she didn't stop him and his lips were just as gentle on her neck. She trembled at his soft touch, she had never before been touched like this, as if she were made of glass or fine China. He touched her as if she were incredibly precious and might crack from the slightest pressure.  
"How about that kiss now, darling?" He asked his southern accent becoming more prominent on the word 'darling.' She loved that accent and she hadn't thought much of it before, but she was noticing it more now.  
"Still a nope," she giggled loving how surprised he looked. She loved keeping him on his toes and making him work for her.  
"I'll just have to step up my method," he said and she watched curiously as he sunk down low so his face was facing her thighs. She continued to watch as he gently parted her legs and began to gently kiss her inner thighs. It tickled, and felt pleasing and she wished they could freeze this moment in time.  
Time...  
She glanced at the alarm clock that apparently hadn't gone off since it was eight thirty. She had already missed her first class and she currently would have been in the library as it was her free period. Bill continued to kiss her sensitive flesh. Warm lips touching soft skin.  
"Bill, you didn't set the alarm. I need to get ready because I can still make it to my other three classes," she said. Bill paused from his kissing to look up at her.  
"Skip," he said simply, eyes burning with morning desire. It was a tempting suggestion but she was still pragmatic and realized that skipping class wasn't a smart choice.  
"I can't. Crap I didn't bring a change of clothes or anything," she said as Bill resumed his kissing. The soft smacking of his lips and tongue against her flesh was beginning to make the briefs she was wearing damp with arousal. She loved the feeling but she needed to focus and with him touching her in this way, she could only think of him, she got the feeling that was the idea.  
"Bill seriously," she said a bit stern to get his attention. It worked and Bill at last stopped his kissing to come lay back beside her.  
"Wear one of my shirts and your same jeans from yesterday, no one will notice. I'd offer you my jeans but you're too short," he said mischievously now fully awake.  
"I'm not short Bill," she said a bit defensive, she didn't really like being small as she thought it made people not take her seriously. Bill took this opportunity to steal a quick peck on her lips, making good on his promise to get his kiss somehow. She didn't resist, despite her morning breath, it was like her lips needed the touch of his in order to be fully awake.  
"Yes you are, it's adorable. I love it, I love looking down and seeing you next to me and I love how you can wrap around me easily. There's a spare toothbrush in my bathroom and you can use the shower if you want," he said obviously pleased with himself for having snagged a kiss. She herself sat up to get started with the day and she stumbled out of the too high from the ground bed, proving Bill's statement on her shortness and she heard him snickering.  
She went over to his closet and decided on a gray sweatshirt that said 'Arkansas' on it.  
"You should go to class too, Bill," she said pausing before going into the bathroom to look at him where he still laid on the bed watching her. He seemed to be undressing her with his eyes and it was too much. How could a person make you feel so much without even touching you?  
"Maybe. Will I see you after class today?" He asked. She thought it was cute how he always asked this, it wasn't clingy, but it was more curious and hopeful like a child might ask when recess was.  
"I guess so. You can call or come to my dorm room, but I don't like walking up here without you, it makes me look like one of those girls and it's awkward," she said, truthfully. She still thought that women could do what they want with their bodies but the fact that people might give her the label of being a floozy made her more hesitant to constantly be around the boy's dorms by herself. She only liked coming up here with Bill so it didn't look like she was intruding.  
"Okay, but you should know this was a first. I don't let women stay the night, Hillary. I just want you to know that because you are different to me and no one would think you're 'one of those  
girls' if they saw you around here, because you're too good for any of the guys here including me," he said sincerely. She nodded at his sentiment, but inside her stomach was again alive with butterflies.  
She turned to go into the bathroom but his voice once again stopped her.  
"Did you say crap earlier? That was almost a cuss word, you naughty girl," he said playfully the gray in his eyes overcoming the blue in swirls. She laughed but did go into the bathroom this time the butterflies in her stomach now in full somersault.

 

Bill had remained in his room long after Hillary had left for class smelling like his body wash and wearing his clothes. He wasn't planning on going to class, he was planning on trying to get his mind cleared from this bet, and now Bambi business. Bambi. He hated her, and he hated how she was trying to blackmail him. He had been extra tender with Hillary this morning to prove to her but maybe to prove more so to himself that he loved her, he loved her more than he had ever thought possible in his life. Last night with Bambi had tested him and while his love for Hillary had never wavered, his head was still pounding reminding him of what he had done. He was ashamed of himself even if what he had done wasn't that bad, he thought of that now.. He had followed Bambi to her room in order to get away from Scott's watching eyes. At the time he had thought that it would have been better to separate the two so then it was a more even "fight." He hadn't planned on physically fighting Bambi, he was an asshat but he decided long ago that he would never hit a woman, and he had his stepfather to thank for having placed that conviction in him. Still, he hadn't gone to Bambi's room planning to touch her. Fuck, he had been sure at that time that touching anyone else who wasn't Hillary would be hell. "Remember the last time you were here?" She had said turning to him as soon as they had stepped into her room. He had remembered alright. The last time they had been here had was the night of the bonfire when they had returned back to her dorm to fuck around. At that time the sex had been physically pleasing, but now having known what it was like to touch someone beyond the physically the thought sickened him. "No, Look, I want to know what your problem is," he had said crossing his arms as she had went over to sit on her bed. He had compared her room to Hillary's. Bambi's room had been more provocative in the fact that she had a hundred naughty posters of half naked men and women on her walls, and her lingerie was hanging off everywhere it could, including the doorknob to the bathroom and the latches on the window. He hadn't liked it now, old Bill had been turned on by the naughty decor but now he had thought it was too much. Hillary didn't need all this nonsense too turn him on. Bambi hadn't had a room mate either and unlike Hillary, her room was a mess, bras, underwear, and cigarette butts on the floor. "My problem? What's your problem? You've been acting like a prude. You've been acting like you're no longer attracted to me," she had said and had lifted her shirt over her head so she was sitting there with her all too big breasts hanging out of her red bra. He hadn't felt anything however, he had doubted he would ever feel anything, even physical attraction, to her again after what she had done to his Hillary. "Put your shirt back on Bambi," he had said annoyed. She had also seemed annoyed but did not listen to him and instead began to slip out of her pants. "What are doing? Stop," he had protested and gone over to stop her hands from undoing her zipper. Her hands however weren't delicate like Hillary's and had put up a fight. "You're just scared because you know you can't resist me," Bambi had said and between the two of the them struggling with keeping the zipper up or down, the whole thing had broken so the  
zipper was crooked and immovable.  
"Can you just calm down for a second without trying to jump my bones?" Bill had said now having stepped back from her.  
"You want me, I know you do. Don't pretend like I'm not attractive or like you didn't enjoy our time together," she had sneered. He had only looked at her. She was conventionally attractive, she had all the assets men wanted: big boobs, long legs, and curves. Yet, he had found that he didn't find her attractive, not even for sex, like he had at first. He had now noticed the constant smirk that remained on her lips was mean and not sexy and that her eyes were incredibly cold.  
"Why are you so obsessed with me? You can have any other guy you want and I told you I don't date," he had said. Fuck, did I really screw some sort of psycho who actually thought we were sexual soul mates, he had thought.  
"Yeah but I want you and I'm going to have you because if not then I'll just tell Hillary about the bet," she had replied sneering.  
They had come full circle and Bill had to make a decision. Was he going to go through with this to spare Hillary? He had known that if he would just tell Hillary about the damn bet then this problem could be cleared up, but he felt that it was too late. He had thought that if he told her then she would be hurt and would hate him and fuck he couldn't bear that. If he lost her he knew he would be destroyed, and he would try to keep that from happening. Still, Bambi and Scott were playing a game and he himself was good at poker, and had a few tricks up his sleeve.  
"We can't have sex. I have an STD," he had said. He had been starting to see sex differently than how he had used to. Before it had been simply physical pleasure, a way to get off, but now having touched Hillary, he didn't want to give himself to anyone who wasn't her.  
He had been sure of it then that the next time he had sex he would be giving all of himself both spiritual and physical to Hillary and he didn't want to taint himself further, he had wanted to be as pure, well as pure as possible for him to get, for her. If that had meant lying to Bambi and saying he had a STD, then so be it.  
"Fucking hell, Bill. What's wrong with you? You're supposed to be careful with who you stick your dick in. I told you that redhead girl you were with had syphilis," Bambi had said believing him. He had thought it ironic how she was lecturing him on where he stuck his dick considering Bambi's vagina was like a drive through for dicks.  
"That doesn't mean we can't do other things. Get over here and let me give you a lap dance," she had said in her typical not caring voice. He hadn't moved and instead she had came over to him and grabbed his ass. He hadn't liked that, he hadn't liked how her touch was rough and demanding as opposed to Hillary's whose touch was gentle and comforting.  
"What the fuck? You're such a bimbo you know that? Your name has all the letters for bimbo minus the O," he had said and roughly removed her hands from his ass.  
Bambi had for a second seemed upset, but quickly recovered. He had been sure that it was an act. "Whatever if you don't want to fool around tonight then fine. Let's just get high but you won't get off the hook so easy next time," she had said and had returned to sit on her bed. She had pulled out her marijuana and a huge vape from behind the pillow.  
"Bill c'mon this is the alternative, get high with me and I won't tell Hillary," She had said. At that point he had been relived that she had stopped trying to touch him and before she could change her mind he had gone to sit as far away from her as he could on the bed. He had told Hillary he didn't smoke and that was true, he didn't smoke cigarettes because he didn't want to get lung cancer but he had done party drugs and marijuana before.  
Bambi had gone first and then had handed him the vape.  
He had grabbed it angrily and took his turn of the puff.  
That's how the rest of the time at Bambi's had gone.  
While she was high she had kept going on incoherently about how he would always want her. She had tried to grab onto his leg or any part of him, but he had shoved her away. As for himself, Bill had also gotten high but his thoughts were blurred and he didn't speak. For a moment, he had forgotten why he was there in the first place but then a thought stood out against all the other blurred ones: Hillary.  
Bambi, who had now laid down on her side completely stoned and out of it, didn't protest as he had gotten up to leave.  
He had made it back to his own dorm room in a daze and had been relieved to find Hillary still fast asleep. The side affects of the drug only seemed to intensify her beauty. Her peaceful face and lopsided glasses made her look more innocent and her protruding, plump, pink lower lip was tempting, but he hadn't dared touched her as he had worried it would wake her up. He had realized that he would have to get the smell of marijuana off him and he had gone to the bathroom to rinse his mouth with the mint mouthwash he had.  
After that had been done, he had changed his tee shirt into an identical one and finally had slipped back into the bed quietly.  
"Bill I love you," Hillary had mumbled and he had been sure he had woken her up, but her breathing was still deep and her eyes were still closed.  
She had been sleep talking.  
About him.  
Even as stoned as he was that little sleepy statement of hers had touched his heart. He had gently wrapped his arms around her and held her close as he had tried to convince himself that he wasn't betraying her and that he hadn't betrayed her tonight.  
As his mind returned to the present, he felt a fresh new wave of shame of keeping things from Hillary. Many things were going through his mind at once.  
First how did Scott get his number? Had he snuck into his dorm room? That thought kept him worried and he was glad Hillary didn't like hanging around here by herself. Bill feared that if Scott found her here one in day in his room then the asshole would just lose it. Still, he briefly thought of a solution for this: the red brick house.  
The house that had been for sale that Hillary had liked had remained tucked away in his mind, but now it came to the front of his thoughts.  
He could buy it for them, he was sure he could afford it, and it would be nice to wake up every morning next to her, and the house wasn't far from campus. The question was would Hillary want to move in with him? Would he be rushing things?  
The second thought was of Bambi, and if she would continue to blackmail him and what was the point of getting him high? It was probably a power trip, but he was sure of one thing: she knew about the bet and she hated Hillary.  
He would have to find some leverage over Bambi in order to get her to back off.  
His room was starting to feel so fucking empty and quiet without Hillary and he couldn't stay here any longer. He had to keep busy. He got up and intended to get ready quickly, in order to go check out the red brick house.

 

Hillary was seething with rage. She had made it to her other classes but like always criminal law was terrible. Again, when arriving to the class she found a buffer between Bambi and herself but that hadn't mattered in the end. Bambi had been snorting some sort of powder the entirety of class and the professor hadn't said anything. Hillary had been astonished by this, she knew professors didn't care about what students did in class, but she was sure doing drugs in class fell against protocol and campus rules. Still, a blind eye had been turned to Bambi's incompetence.  
That hadn't been the worst part.  
The worst part wasn't Bambi's snorting, or her weird looks as if she knew something Hillary didn't, but the worst part was when she was asked to stay after class by the professor.  
"What is it, sir?" She had asked innocently. She didn't have any idea why he would want to see her.  
"Miss. Rodham, I would just like you to know that next time you have a complaint you can bring it to me personally instead of leaving a letter on my desk," he had said. She had been about to inquire about this letter when he took it out and handed it back to her.  
"I apologize if the way I smell bothers you but you can sit in the back row starting tomorrow and I  
He hated her, and he hated how she was trying to blackmail him.  
He had been extra tender with Hillary this morning to prove to her but maybe to prove more so to himself that he loved her, he loved her more than he had ever thought possible in his life. Last night with Bambi had tested him and while his love for Hillary had never wavered, his head was still pounding reminding him of what he had done. He was ashamed of himself even if what he had done wasn't that bad, he thought of that now..  
He had followed Bambi to her room in order to get away from Scott's watching eyes. At the time he had thought that it would have been better to separate the two so then it was a more even "fight." He hadn't planned on physically fighting Bambi, he was an asshat but he decided long ago that he would never hit a woman, and he had his stepfather to thank for having placed that conviction in him.  
Still, he hadn't gone to Bambi's room planning to touch her. Fuck, he had been sure at that time that touching anyone else who wasn't Hillary would be hell.  
"Remember the last time you were here?" She had said turning to him as soon as they had stepped into her room.  
He had remembered alright. The last time they had been here had was the night of the bonfire when they had returned back to her dorm to fuck around. At that time the sex had been physically pleasing, but now having known what it was like to touch someone beyond the physically the thought sickened him.  
"No, Look, I want to know what your problem is," he had said crossing his arms as she had went over to sit on her bed. He had compared her room to Hillary's. Bambi's room had been more provocative in the fact that she had a hundred naughty posters of half naked men and women on her walls, and her lingerie was hanging off everywhere it could, including the doorknob to the bathroom and the latches on the window. He hadn't liked it now, old Bill had been turned on by the naughty decor but now he had thought it was too much. Hillary didn't need all this nonsense too turn him on.  
Bambi hadn't had a room mate either and unlike Hillary, her room was a mess, bras, underwear, and cigarette butts on the floor.  
"My problem? What's your problem? You've been acting like a prude. You've been acting like you're no longer attracted to me," she had said and had lifted her shirt over her head so she was sitting there with her all too big breasts hanging out of her red bra. He hadn't felt anything however, he had doubted he would ever feel anything, even physical attraction, to her again after what she had done to his Hillary.  
"Put your shirt back on Bambi," he had said annoyed. She had also seemed annoyed but did not listen to him and instead began to slip out of her pants.  
"What are doing? Stop," he had protested and gone over to stop her hands from undoing her zipper. Her hands however weren't delicate like Hillary's and had put up a fight.  
"You're just scared because you know you can't resist me," Bambi had said and between the two of the them struggling with keeping the zipper up or down, the whole thing had broken so the don't want this kind of conflict with you again," the professor had said and left the room before she could protest. He had seemed embarrassed.  
She hadn't left a letter but she knew that there was only one person who could be behind this: Bambi.  
She had read over the letter it said:  
'Professor Blackwell, on behalf of all the students in class I would like to mention that you smell terrible. I left some deodorant along with this note and I hope you use it.  
All the best, Hilary. '

 

It was rude and definitely Bambi's doing, and she hadn't even spelled Hillary's name right. Still there had been no way to prove it as the letter was written by typewriter.  
So now she was currently seething  
as she sat on her bed and wrote May a long note explaining the night's events with Bill. She hadn't seen her room mate all day and now realizing that not having told her about sleeping over at Bill's that May might have been worried about her. She also thought the note was more useful and would save her time and her voice. When she was done she stuck it on their bathroom mirror as she knew her friend was always looking in the mirror. She paused now and looked at reflection as well. Bill's sweatshirt was comfortably oversized on her and it smelled just like him, along with the rest of her as she had used his body wash to shower this morning. His scent was everywhere in her hands, under the neck of the sweatshirt, and in her hair. She had to resist the urge to sniff her hair every so often to relive that smell.  
'And if I were in you, I would never fucking pull out,'. His words from last night came back to her and she flushed at how pleasing the thought of him completely engulfing her was. She heard her telephone ring and thinking it was Bill himself, she immediately went to it.  
"Hello?" She asked and could practically hear the excitement in her voice. It wasn't Bill, however. "Hillary? It's your mother. Why haven't you called us? We were so worried we had to call the school and get someone to tell us your telephone number," her mother's familiar voice said.  
She felt a bit guilty for not having called, but she had been caught up with class, caught up with Bill.  
"I'm sorry I've been busy. I'm really sorry. Class here has been great and I've been staying ahead on my work," she said knowing her mother liked to know all these details.  
"That's lovely, hillybean. It's fine that you didn't call sweetheart, it's just that we got worried when you didn't call in a week. The last time we spoke to you on the phone was when you left your hotel to drive to the campus. Did your bug make it alright?" She asked. Hillary groaned thinking of how her car was still not fixed. It had been her idea to drive to Connecticut alone as the idea of taking a quiet road trip by herself with her audiobooks had been appealing to her. The only problem had been that it had meant taking her slugbug which was ancient and seemed to have taking it's revenge by wheezing out.  
"It was fine when I first got here, but a few days later it stopped working I'll get it fixed soon," she said. Maybe Bill could help her with getting her car fixed, if not and it really was time to say sayonara to her beloved bug, she had begun to grow fond of his own flamboyant mustang. "Okay. Hillary I'm glad you finally answered your father just reminded me of why we've been so impatient to get ahold of you. You know that job in New York City you applied for a month ago? They called the house a few days ago and said that they would love to have you working with them," her mother said excitedly. Hillary knew exactly what job her mother was referring to. A month ago on an annual trip to New York, she had applied to be a legal assistant in one of the biggest law firms in New York City. She hadn't been sure of where she had wanted to go to law school but she had decided to apply anyways as it would be good experience. Her original plan was that if she got the job, then she would transfer to columbia law school. She had been so indecisive then, her first choice had been Harvard but she needed a change of scenery from  
Massachusetts, and New York seemed glamorous but without the job she was unsure she could make it in the big apple. So she had settled for Yale, safe secure, Yale.  
"That's nice, mom. Can you give me the number they called you from so I can get in touch with them?" She asked. She methodically jotted down the number her mother read out loud for her. "Are you going to accept the job?" Her mother asked.  
She didn't know. It would mean leaving Bill and the thought of that pained her very much.  
"I don't know, mom it's complicated. I have friends here now," she said. Truth be told, she had forgotten all about the job in the first place since they had never called back. She had just been going through the motions, going to law school and falling into the familiar routine of classes and assignments.  
"It sounds like more than that. Is it a boy? Hillary Diane Rodham you promised me when you had your first boyfriend you would tell me all about it," her mother said jokingly over the phone. She had promised that, but only because her mother made her and had been worried about Hillary being a late bloomer. Her mother had basically interrogated her about all the boys she knew but upon realizing Hillary had done nothing with them, had made her daughter promise to just tell her when she got involved with a boy so they wouldn't have to go through that tedious process again. It had been funny at the time, and Hillary had never thought she would have a boyfriend but here she was.  
If only you could see him mom, he has these beautiful eyes that look like they fell from the sky, she thought.  
"Mom, relax I told you I was busy. His name is Bill Clinton. He's very nice and sweet to me and he's also very smart. He went to Oxford and he plays the saxophone," she said gushing about Bill. Her Bill.  
"He sounds lovely sweetie and as long as you are happy I'm glad for you. I hate having to end our call but I have to start on the food. Your father and I are going to the Jeffersons house for a potluck and we can't be late," she said. Hillary understood. Jefferson potluck's consisted of square dancing and watching reruns of legendary baseball games. Her parents loved it, and she was glad they had friends to keep them grounded.  
"Okay I'll talk to you soon mom," she said and after exchanging goodbyes she hanged up. She didn't know what she was going to do about whether she would go to New York or stay in New Haven. She wanted to stay with Bill, but she didn't know if a year or two from now he would still want her. It wasn't that she doubted his love for her, but she didn't know if he was thinking ahead for them, or even a future. She would need to talk to him about this soon.

 

Bill had gotten back to campus after looking at the house. As expected, he could afford it and on an impulse he had bought it with a 3% down payment. The monthly payment of the house would be $175. It fell well within his budget and he had enough stored away that he could pay the first four months easily without having to get a job, yet.  
Still, he had only bought it for Hillary and now since he had gone and bought the fucking house, he would have to ask her about it. He was walking across the student quad when a voice stopped him.  
"Hey you're Bill right?" Hillary's room mate asked. Yeah, pretty obvious, he thought, but answered all the same.  
"Yeah. You're Hillary's room mate right? Is she okay? Did she ask for me or something?" He asked not knowing any other reason why this girl would be talking to him.  
She shook her head.  
"Yeah I'm Hillary's room mate, my name is May. Hillary's fine I assume, I haven't seen her all day but I wanted to talk to you about something."  
Something? Fucking hell, he hated when people said they had to talk about something.  
"Okay so talk to me," he said trying to conceal his impatience. He was still annoyed at the fact the she had looked at him the other day as if he was going to hurt Hillary.  
"I saw you leaving Bambi's room last night. What were you doing there? I thought you were with Hillary," May said.  
Damn it all to hell.  
"I am with Hillary. Look I don't know what you think you saw, but it wasn't what it seemed. Bambi was drunk and I had to take her back to her room before she could embarrass herself by passing out, outside the boy's dorms," he lied. He lied effortlessly. He had been used to weaving lies in the past but now he felt dirty. For the first time since he had begun to lie, was beginning to feel that this was wrong.  
"Fine. It's strange though that you just happened to be awake and see from outside your window that she was drunk," May said suspiciously. He hated this! The last thing he needed was for any of this nonsense to make it's way back to Hillary, then she would never move in with him!  
"If you don't want to take my word for it then fine. Just know that I make Hillary happy and if you go telling her your conspiracy theories then you'll hurt her. Also what were you doing up so late at night?" He retorted. It had been really late when he had left bimbo's room. The girl just blushed and he rolled his eyes. So here she was interrogating him but she had been the one playing hanky panky while Hillary was out of the room.  
"Whatever, look just don't go saying anything that is not true and will hurt Hillary, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer and instead just strutted off to find Hillary.

 

When Bill had suggested on going for a ride through the back roads she had agreed. He had packed a blanket and several pillows for them as he planned to stargaze, she however as she watched him drive, felt like she was watching the brightest star.  
In the past few days she had gotten more of a sense of who he was.  
He was an Icarus to her, flying too close to the sun, but he was also the sun. He was ambitious, magnetic, fierce, but also gentle. So gentle. How could she leave him? Would she? She got the feeling that if she were to leave him and move to the city that never sleeps, that she would feel more lonely there even though she would be surrounded by people. At last they came to an open field that Bill said would be perfect for stargazing. He helped her out of the car like a gentlemen, then placed the blanket on the ground and dramatically fluffed the pillows making her laugh. They sat on the blanket and he used the second fleece cover to wrap around them.  
"How was class?" He asked and kissed the top of her hair. Thoughts of Bambi came back to her and she shifted uncomfortably.  
"It was fine. Except criminal law. Bambi forged this letter and pawned it off to the professor pretending it was me who wrote and he found it on his desk and was upset with me," she said pulling out the letter from the back of her jean pockets and giving it to Bill who read it.  
"So did he keep the deodorant?" Bill asked making her laugh.  
"I guess so he didn't return those," she said through laughs. She could tell something was on Bill's mind even though he smiled at her. What was it? Was he going to tell her more about his childhood? Was that why they were here?  
She herself must have had a look in he eyes because in his typical fashion, Bill called her out on it. "You want to tell me something. So tell me," he said. She felt a lump in her throat, but she cared for him deeply and would tell him anyways.  
"A few months ago I applied for a job in New York City and well I got a call today telling me I got the job. If I take it, it would mean transferring to columbia law school. I don't know if I want to, though. The job is with one of the most prestigious law firms in the city and I don't know," she rambled on and when she finally looked at him she saw that he was visibly upset.  
"Bill? Bill? What's wrong?"  
The thought of her leaving was what wrong. How could he compete with an offer like the one she was mentioning of going to New York City?  
Fuck, would he lose her? He wanted her to do what was best for her and he didn't want to deny  
her of anything the world had to offer, but he also wanted to be with her.  
"Bill. I don't know whether I want to accept the offer. I want to stay here with you but," her voice trailed off. There she was again! Since day one she had him completely under her spell of her thoughts.  
"But what, Hillary?" He asked softly.  
She seemed to be struggling with voicing her thoughts out loud and her huge blue eyes were fixated on him.  
"But, look I hate that this sounds like I'm being clingy or pushy. It's just I'm ready to turn down this offer to stay with you but I need to know what this is do you think of a future with me?" She asked her voice small and even in the dark he could see her face going red.  
A future?  
Yes, he had thought about it. He wanted to continue to date her and know her more and he didn't ever think he could get tired of that.  
She seemed to take his silence as a different meaning however.  
"I know we just started being together and that it's pushy to ask-" her words were cut off by his hands over her mouth.  
"I like pushy, and now it's my turn to be pushy. Hillary I have thought of a future with you, to continue to grow in our relationship. Hell, you know that house you said you liked? My lovesick dumb ass went and bought it for you. Stay here, stay with me," he said dropping his hands from her mouth.  
Her eyes grew big and her mouth was slightly agape.  
"You really bought that house?" She whispered. He nodded.  
"Yeah and if you want we can move in together and I'll take care of you, pretty baby. If you don't want to that's fine too, go to New York then. Do what you want but just know that I'll love you whether you're here or in New York or anywhere else in the world," he said. At the beginning he had made fun of himself for sounding like a sappy fucking poem but now he didn't care. He was speaking from the heart and that was something he hadn't done before either.  
"I'm staying here, with you, always," she said and wrapped her arms around his neck to his delight and he had kissed her gently.  
It was now dark enough that the stars were out and as they laid on each other watching them, she felt such a philosophical feeling come over her. To watch the stars with someone she loved deeply reminded her that despite all the galaxies out there and infinite spaces of time she had been able to exist at the same time as the person laying beside her, they had been able to find each other.  
She had agreed to move in with him because he had once again proven that he was about action and not just words and was constantly showing her that he was serious about her, about them. She was aware of what people would say.  
'Too early' 'Too fast' but as long as Bill was by her side she felt like she could face the criticism. Bill didn't care what anyone thought about him, and that was refreshing.  
"You know all those stars don't compare to your eyes," Bill said lullingly. Butterflies soared once more in her lower abdomen.  
"So beautiful. So pure," Bill went on as he turned on his side to look at her. She leaned in closer to him so her face was buried in his chest and his fingers stroking her hair. When she pulled back to look at him she saw that he seemed almost sad, but it quickly disappeared again.  
Bill the mystery.  
His eyes were more blue now and the gray were little specks.  
"Your eyes are more gray in the morning," she voiced her thoughts out loud. He raised an eyebrow.  
"Very observant. I see your staring has done you good," he said and they kissed. He kissed her like if he was going to lose her and she felt that maybe this was from the thought of her going away to New York. His need for her tonight was great and she felt it by his gentle tug of pulling her closer. Lips moving in rhythm and making magic with each other, she felt like if they were made of starlight. Hips grinding against each other in one cosmic boom, and she felt like the universe itself hung on his lips.  
His lips were the galaxies's edge and they were as warm as the sun itself. He was her black hole, a gravitational field so intense that the matter that was her body or mind could not escape.  
And she didn't want to.  
They were binary stars, each of them orbiting the common center which was their love for each other and the need for more touch, more closeness. She wrapped one leg around his waist. "You're made of stardust, baby. You don't belong to this world," he moaned as he helped her hoist herself so she was wrapped around his waist. His grind against her picked up speed and every atom of her body seemed to be at his mercy.  
Their lips continued to make that sweet universal magic until at last they had broken apart, each breathing in the other's stardust.

 

Bill had taken Hillary back to her room. It would be the last night they spent apart and as he was walking to his own room he felt a wave of emotions come over him. Relief and fucking joy beyond joy that she wanted to stay with him. When he had been kissing her under the stars he had felt an urgency to just be with her forever. He had told her that they would begin moving their stuff into the house tomorrow and fuck he could not wait. He felt that with being away from the campus, there would be less of a chance of her finding out about the bet and Scott and Bambi would have to fuck off.  
"Speak of the devil," he muttered as he opened the door to his room and found Bambi lying down on his bed.  
"Get the fuck out. What are you doing here?" He asked. Seriously, he had enjoyed her provocative ways before because it had been a quick fuck but now it was just ridiculous. He was beginning to realize that Bambi's only decent asset was her body and that she lacked personality. "I told you, you wouldn't get off the hook this easy. Fuck me. Fuck me this once and I'll leave you alone after," she said.  
That got his attention, but how did he know she would leave him alone? Plus he wasn't too fond on the idea of touching her but if it was a one and done deal and she would keep her word then he would consider it, fuck he hated this.  
"How do I know you'll really leave me alone?" He asked. Bambi raised her brows, obviously thinking he was interested.  
"Because I'll be satisfied and able to move on because you didn't reject me," she said in a small voice. What the actual fuck? What was she upset about? Still, he didn't want to actually fuck her, damn it! If what she wanted was validation then maybe he could make a deal of his own. He wouldn't fuck her, that was out of the question, but he could engage in something else.  
"Look, how about we don't fuck but I don't know. You know that thing we did a while back? We could do that and you can leave me alone," he said.  
From the look in her eyes she knew exactly what he was referring to.  
"You mean the mutual masturbation?" Bambi said in her bimbo voice, He rolled his eyes and he hated the guilt he felt in his chest.  
"So it's a deal? We do the thing and you leave me the fuck alone?" He asked.  
It wasn't cheating.  
It meant nothing, he thought.  
Still his mind was filled with Hillary's star shining eyes and he wanted to rip the image from his brain.  
It's not cheating, it was his own insurance, his own deal to get her to leave him alone. She would get her win over him and move on to the next dope. It would also be a final hooah to his old ways. One and done deal. It wasn't sex, so he could stay pure and give that part of himself to Hillary. "It's a deal," she said and he began to unbuckle his belt.

 

"I need to talk to you," May said as soon as Hillary entered their room. Hillary herself had gone to lie down on her bed. Her bed felt small compared to Bill's.  
"Did you read my note?" Hillary asked not wanting to have to repeat everything she had previously written.  
"I did, but it's not about that. It's about Bill," May said. That got her attention. Had Bill come to the dorm again looking for her earlier today, like he had before?  
"What about Bill?" She asked. The look on May's face was making her concerned and her Bill butterflies were now in a storm, the butterfly affect, and it didn't feel too pleasing.  
"I saw him leaving Bambi's room last night," her room mate said. Hillary shook her head, she didn't believe it, Bill had been with her the whole night. She grew a bit defensive over Bill especially after his confession and back story of having been bullied. It was because he was left alone, defenseless and bullied that he had turned into the mean boy she had first met.  
"He was with me, last night I told you in the note. You must have been seeing things," she said. May was persistent though and she was looking at Hillary with sympathy.  
"I know what I saw, Hillary," she said. That look of sympathy was annoying her! She hated being pitied.  
"You're lying or you saw wrong! Bill was with me, and you're just jealous because I went to a party without you," she said somewhat shouting. It didn't sound like her, she was never this mean or defensive but she didn't want to hear this, it wasn't true. She didn't need seeds of doubt being planted in her mind when she was going to move in with Bill.  
May was obviously hurt.  
"I was just trying to help you," she whispered. Hillary couldn't take this, she was always a private person and although May was her friend she didn't know all there was to her and Bill. She didn't know how Bill completed her and how he looked at her as if she had hung the moon itself.  
"I don't need your help, goodnight," she said a bit harshly and rolled over onto her side and shut off the lamp light. She didn't believe it, not after what Bill had said and not after he had bought the house.  
Bill wouldn't betray her that much she was certain of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants another update soon just let me know i have the pdf downloaded so updates are usually fast i just keep forgetting. Tinyteapot is working on uploading the sequel as well.


	10. Surprise

She was panting and her face was a bright pink as she was pressed against the bathroom door. It had been two days since they had moved in together and everything had been wonderful.  
That is until now.  
It's not that something bad had happened, but rather something awkward. She had been coming out of the shower and patting herself down with her towel in the bathroom when Bill had accidentally walked in on her, and he had seen her. Naked. His face had turned red as well.  
"Uh, oh. I'm sorry. I'll go," he had said but his eyes had scaled her body and she had seen his hard on in his pants. He had seemed flustered and left the bathroom quickly and that's how she had ended up closing the door and pressing her back to it. They slept in the same bed and continued to kiss frequently and longer, but they hadn't done much more than kiss and the occasional fingering. So he hadn't seen her naked until now, and although she loved the way he had looked at her naked body, she was still a bit shy and embarrassed when it came to sex or anything too sexual. Still, she had gone on birth control, just in case. Just last night when she had been making dinner, as she had found that Bill usually ate frozen food, he had came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and put her on the counter.  
"Billy!" She had yelped putting down her stirring spoon stained with spaghetti sauce on the counter beside her.  
"What are you making, little lady? You spoil me too much with your cooking," he had said flirtatiously as his hands had went to grab each side of the counter so he was leaning in towards her. She had rolled her eyes, she had made him steak and potatoes, chicken and rice, and so much more of her mother's recipes, and he had loved them.  
"Spaghetti. Here, try," she had said picking up the stirring spoon and pressing it up to his lips. At this he had opened his mouth and sucked the sauce off the spoon, never breaking eye contact. "Mmm, tastes almost as good as you do," he had said continuing to lick the spoon seductively. She had felt an overbearing white-hot need for him. She had whimpered and he had placed one hand inside her skirt so it was hoisting up her vagina, and her sex was in his strong palm. His other hand had taken the spoon from her hand and placed it back on the counter.  
"Do you want it?" He had purred into her ear and she had dissolved into putty at his seductive way of asking for consent.  
"I want it," she had responded and his grasp on her vagina tightened and his other hand went to the back of her neck, pushing their foreheads together.  
"Mmm, wish you could see how innocent you look. How hard it makes me," he had said before bringing his lips down on hers. Then, they had exploded. She had wrapped her legs around his waist and he had helped her, letting go of her vagina and moving both hands to cup her ass. They had collided into the kitchen table and he leaned against it, never breaking their embrace. Her hands had went to his bulge like she had before, and but this time she had begun to undo the zipper and she had been able to feel his immense throbbing for her. At that moment she had wanted him, sexually. It was an entirely new feeling and although she had felt desire for him before, the fresh idea of him pounding into her had been something new to her mind. So she had broken their embrace as she had been too surprised by her sudden want. He hadn't done anything wrong, it was just that she was still iffy about taking the plunge and having sex with him. Would he even want to? She hadn't said anything after breaking their embrace and had instead continued to make dinner. Bill had seemed confused but he had given her space. They had eaten dinner together and after doing some school work they had gone to sleep. They had cuddled in bed but she had felt the awkwardness between the two of them. She had felt Bill's worry about perhaps overstepping her boundaries. They hadn't said anything as they fell asleep and she hadn't seen him this morning as he had left a note saying he had gone to campus to finish filling out the paperwork of moving out of his dorm,  
So they hadn't seen each other.  
Until now.  
Still flustered, she finished patting herself down and putting on her underclothes then her sweater and jeans. She methodically combed her hair and put on her glasses before stepping out into the hall. The house was small and had only the essential furnitures so far including, one couch, their bed, a small kitchen table, and their telephone. She had pulled from some of her savings to buy a fridge, despite Bill's protests. He hadn't wanted her to buy anything because he wanted to be the one to buy her things.  
"You already bought the whole house, Bill. Let me contribute to it to," she had said.  
So she had bought it and had enjoyed watching Bill set it up.  
"Damn thing is bigger than me," he had complained making her giggle.  
Fortunately the last owners had left the stove and oven as a courtesy and although it was old it still worked and she had been able to make them her mother's recipes, much to Bill's delight. She had been able to buy a month's worth of groceries for them from her bank account as well, but she knew she would have to get a job even if it bothered Bill. They had a small argument about it when they had moved in the first day.  
"But I want to get a job, Bill. It would be fun and I like to work," she had said truthfully. She had been planning to get a job at some point anyways since even if she hadn't moved in with him, she would still have to buy essentials.  
"Yeah but I'm supposed to be the one to provide. Hillary, I saw my mother work so hard because my stepfather was lazy and I don't want you to go through that," he had said seriously.  
"I understand that, but it's not the same. I want to work and how about a compromise? I can work for groceries, you can work for the electricity bill and we can spilt the monthly bill and take turns paying the water bill," she had said. It had taken a bit of coaxing but he had agreed so they had gone job hunting and applied to various places.  
So it was small, compact, and cozy, even if it wasn't much. She loved moving in with him and these past two days had been filled with moving into the house, finishing this week of classes, and shopping, and job hunting. It was now the weekend thankfully, and she was looking forward to what the day held, but now given the fact that Bill had seen her naked and they both felt awkward about it, she was hesitant in entering their room. Her thoughts went back to her argument with May as she had been moving her things into boxes to leave the dorm.  
"Hillary, I just don't think it's a good idea to move in with him. Maybe you should wait," May had said still trying to convince her that she had seen Bill with Bambi.  
"I told you I'm moving in with him and there's nothing you can say to stop me. So please stop before I get mad again," she had said. She had been annoyed with her roommate, she wanted to be her friend but she didn't like that May was pinning herself against Bill.  
"Well, fine. I'm just saying you should take it slow," she had said. At this Hillary had grown more annoyed. She had been taking things slow her whole life and she had waited. People always say that good things came to those who waited, well now a good thing had come to her and people wanted her to continue waiting? Not likely.  
"Look just because you and Chris aren't moving fast enough for you doesn't mean you can pin this on me," she had said angrily. She had immediately regretted it but the damage had been done. May had left the room and that was the last the two girls had spoken since.  
Now as she lingered in the doorway to her room with Bill, she missed her friend. It still didn't change the fact that she was mad at her for accusing Bill of being with Bambi. She hadn't bothered to ask Bill about it because it was so preposterous! They had been joined at the hip for two days and he had made it clear that he had no interest in Bambi.  
"Hilly?" Bill's voice broke her concentration. He was sitting on their bed with a school notebook open in his hands. She realized that she must look ridiculous just standing there and zoning out. "Huh? I'm fine, sorry just thinking," she said pushing her glasses back onto to her nose as they were falling towards the tip again. She then moved to put her pajamas and clothes she had taken off before her shower into her laundry hamper. Unfortunately, they didn't have a washing machine so she would have to do her laundry on campus, even though she didn't want to be there ever since last time. "Are we okay? I'm sorry if I did something," Bill said softly. She turned around to look at him, he had been more tender and affectionate recently and it was strange, not a bad creepy strange, but it felt like he was trying to make up for something.  
"We're okay," she said and walked across the room and busied herself with arranging Bill's books in alphabetical order just for something to do and to hide the blush on her cheeks. She thought it was funny how he had complained about moving the fridge but not his huge bookshelves. He came up to her and gently took the book she had out of her hands and placed it on the shelf carefully.  
"Talk to me, are we really okay?"

 

Seeing her naked had left him flushed and embarrassed after her pulling away from their embrace last night. One minute she had been so beautiful, completely wrapped around him and pulling down his zipper, the next she had ended it without another thought. It had left him wondering if he had done something.  
Then his dumb ass had gone and opened the door on her while she was naked.  
That had been a sight.  
She was so fucking beautiful, rosy pink and porcelain skin covered with small almost invisible freckles and still soaked from the shower. Still, he hadn't looked for too long because he had entered uninvited and he realized how awkward the situation was.  
Now she stood there, pink pouty lips and youthful round eyes, thoughts always in motion.  
"If I did something wrong or hurt you in any way you need to let me know so it won't happen again," he said taking her small hands in his. His hands were four times bigger than her own and he completely covered them.  
"You didn't do anything wrong," she said but she looked down and bit her lip. Fuck, she always managed to arouse him in some way even when she wasn't trying to.  
"But?" He probed knowing from the way she seemed to be flushing that there was more.  
"It's just I'm still getting used to this, you know discovering my sexuality and everything. Last night was just something new that I discovered about myself, I never knew I could feel that much sexual desire and it was surprising," she said. That made sense to him. Despite how much of a natural and quick leaner she was, she was still that shy girl from the library and all this was new to her. That was fine with him. he could remember how he had felt the first time he had been sexually attracted to a woman, he had been confused and overwhelmed. Most people felt that way, but most people dealt with it alone, Hillary wouldn't have to do that, she had him.  
"That's fine, baby. I told you we can go your pace and whatever that means I'm fine. This is new, I get it everyone's felt that way, but if you ever have any questions or want to know anything you can ask me," he said bringing up their joined hands to kiss hers. She was looking at him so gratefully and he felt a bit of shame, she trusted him so much, and he knew he didn't deserve it, not after what he had done.  
"So you'll be like a teacher?" She asked giggling.  
Fuck, who was he kidding? Despite all his experience, with her, he felt like he was feeling everything again for the first time, in the way things are supposed to be felt.  
"Yeah, your sexual teacher and you better not leave me a note telling me I stink or you'll be punished," he said playfully to which he earned another giggle.  
"So we have the whole Sunday to ourselves, what do you want to do? We can study, read, play a game, anything you want," he offered.  
He could tell that her mind was turning and she was once again thinking.  
"You know what you said about binding me the other day? I want to do that," she said completely taking him off guard.

 

Her wrists were bound tightly with Bill's belt onto their bed frame and once again she was panting  
although Bill did nothing but sit and watch her quiver. She wanted this, she wanted to touch him and do more with him and even though she was discovering her sexuality and finding out things about herself she never knew she wanted; she knew without a doubt that she wanted him.  
"So is this all binding is?" She asked innocently making Bill chuckle.  
"No baby. There's usually more touching involved which is why I was gonna ask what do you want me to do to you?" He said still sitting on the edge of the bed watching her closely with that piercing gaze.  
What did she want him to do? Everything.  
Yet, she wanted to continue the pace they were at, pleasuring each other but slowly.  
"I want you to touch me, in any way you can but I still want to keep my clothes on," she said implicitly saying she didn't want to have sex, at least not yet. Bill raised a brow.  
"Okay, I can do that, pretty baby," he said and came up to her so he was hovering over her but not touching. He lifted the top of her shirt just enough so he could gently touch the bare skin of her stomach. His touch was so light and comforting against her flesh. He then pressed an incredibly passionate and warm kiss on her stomach that sent shivers through her body.  
"So beautiful," he whispered and she trembled again and he laughed.  
"I'm barely doing anything to you," he said obviously taking pleasure in how she melted at everything he did.  
"I know but you're so wonderful, everything you do is just so hypnotic," she said and at this he came up to her more so he was hovering right over her face. He licked his lips and she desperately wanted to touch his face and pull it to hers. She now understood the reasoning behind the binds and while it send an erotic thrill in her she wanted to touch him, but she guessed that was the whole purpose. She struggled against the belt.  
"Silly girl you wanted to be bound up," he said still biting his lip and driving her crazy.  
"You want to touch me huh? Want to grab me and mark me as yours?" His lips were so close to her own now that she could feel his breathe against her face.  
"Well you can't but I can sure mark you," he said and his lips came down on hers. He wasn't quite kissing her, instead he was sucking in her lower bottom lip and he bit it roughly. She whimpered but that only earned her another bite. He then moved onto her neck and she so badly wanted to wrap her fingers in his hair like she usually did. She pulled her wrists roughly against the bind causing the whole bed frame to shake.  
"Patience baby," Bill said pausing from his necking. He then continued to mark her flesh which was never free of hickies these days since she had met him.  
"You're having all the fun it's not fair," she complained but he only moved on to kissing her collarbone, pulling down on her sweater so his lips could make contact with her skin. At this point, she was fed up and wanted to touch him so incredibly bad, even though she was enjoying his kissing, she wanted to do some kissing of her own. She realized that her feet weren't bound and brought up one foot and playfully kicked him in the head. He paused from his kissing and looked at her.  
"You kicked me," he said somewhat amused and his lips tugging up at the end ,almost revealing a smile.  
"I want to touch you and if you won't let me I'll get creative," she said kicking him again. Bill seemed to like this game and his eyes danced with competitive danger.  
"Shouldn't have done that, sweets. Now I'm gonna have to tie your feet down too," he said and he stood up to do the bidding, retrieving something shiny from his suitcase. She on the other hand was thinking of her next move as he revealed what looked like very provocative leg cuffs and bound her up more.  
"Why do you have those?" She asked giggling as he came back to her and resumed his kissing on her collarbone, rougher now.  
"They're sex toys," he mumbled against her skin. His hands now went to her hair, fists grabbing tufts of curls as he slid his tongue into her mouth and grinded against her. At last her mouth could touch him in some way and she bit his tongue now.  
"Fuck, naughty girl," he said and yanked at her hair gently but still with a bit of force. "Fuck naughty boy," she said copying his language and now moving her hips up in an attempt to still touch him in some way.  
"Don't curse, Hillary," he said but shook his head in amusement. He didn't like cuss words coming out of her mouth, it wasn't like her. He still thought it was funny however. He began to grind against her hips faster so she couldn't keep up her little shimmy against him.  
"So fast," she whimpered and he glanced down to make sure he wasn't hurting her. He wasn't. In fact, Hillary's eyes were closed and her mouth was open; her face a clear expression of pleasure. He increased his grinding speed, the hard on in his pants smacking against her thick thighs. Then something happened.  
All this physical contact, the heat, the erection, it all reminded him of what he had done with Bambi. He felt sick with himself and began to slow down. Hillary didn't seem to notice his change in mood. "I wanna cuddle," she complained almost like a little kid; her voice high pitched and whiny. Her eyes were pleading. She wanted him badly, he could tell. Would she still want him if she knew what he had done?  
"I want cuddles, Billy," she whinged again, lips plump and rose colored; swollen from his biting. He untied her and unbound her feet and kissed her wrists gently. Instantly she curled up next to him like a kitten.  
"You okay? Your wrists don't hurt too bad do they?" He asked positioning himself so he could wrap his arms around her small body. She nuzzled his side.  
"I'm fine you worry about me too much. I'm not a baby," she said but he could tell she liked his worrying. Fuck his worrying had been part of the reason why she had agreed to the drag race, she got off on it.  
"You're my baby," he said and kissed the top of her hair. Fuck how he loved that hair. It was so soft, springy, and smelled so good. What he really liked though was the fact that her blonde was more subdued, a cream color, rather than a cheap bimbo platinum. He felt her body shift, even though it was the slightest shift.  
"What's wrong?" He asked. She was quiet and her little fingers clenched at his black sweatshirt. "May and I had a fight," she said. Her room mate? Fuck, what had she said?  
"Oh. Really, what about?" He asked; hoping his voice didn't betray his worries about May and the discussion he had with her where he had told her to keep her mouth shut.  
"You," Hillary whispered. He pulled her back a little so he could look at her. Her blue eyes were so vulnerable.  
"What about me, sweets?"  
She looked almost fearful.  
"May said she saw you leaving Bambi's room the night I slept over."  
Fuck. He had told her to keep her conspiracy theories to herself. Except, they weren't conspiracy theories. It was true and deep down he knew he shouldn't be mad at May. He should be mad at himself.  
"I don't think I could bear it if you hurt me. I'm scared of what I would feel, you mean so much to me," Hillary went on.  
His heart was breaking. She shouldn't have to be feeling this.  
"I was with you the whole night. Believe me there was no other place I wanted to be that night than curled up with you," he said. The first part was a lie, the second the truth. He would have much rather have been with her.  
"That's what I told May, but why would she say that?" Hillary inquired a little more at ease now. How easily she believed him! Fuck he didn't deserve any of her trust.  
"I dunno. I don't know how chicks think, except you and even then I still struggle. Probably jealous is my best guess," he lied through his teeth again. Hillary wrapped her arms around his waist;making good on her plead of wanting to touch him. She snuggled up against his torso. She felt so good.  
"You wouldn't hurt me," she said confident now and he died a little more on the inside.  
Still, one hand went to her hair; gently combing his fingers through her tresses.  
"I don't want to hurt you," a truth. Everything he said to her was either a truth or a lie now. She  
began to kiss his neck and his body automatically relaxed. His mind, however, was still worried and ashamed. She was mimicking his necking; moving her lips in the same way he would do to her, and making the smacking noises he would. Now, she added something of her own. Her little fingers went to the nape of his neck and stroked the skin.  
"Fuck. Hillary you have no idea how good that feels," he moaned. She had no idea the affect she had on him. She had become his drug and he couldn't get enough of her. It was insane. It was fucking unprecedented. Most of all it was real.  
"You're mine," she said all of a sudden sounding a bit possessive and biting his neck. Holy hell, he had no idea she could get like this. Perhaps she didn't either; not until now.  
"Say it. Say you're mine," she demanded. He remembered how jealous she had gotten the first time she had found out about him sleeping with Bambi when she had ditched him. She had seemed to have held back then, but now she wasn't.  
"All yours. All yours," he assured her. Damn it, everything he was belonged to her now and he loved it. She nipped at his neck some more, her lips were turning and she seemed to be trying to spell something on him.  
"Say your body belongs to me," she said pausing in her nibbling.  
"This body belongs to Hillary. Only Hillary," he groaned out. Her little hand wrapped around his neck now and pushed it forward so his face was buried in her hair. Whether it was intentional on her part or not, her sweet scent engulfed him. She was everywhere. In his thoughts he had all the images he had experienced of her: the first time he saw her, her reading in the library, cleaning her dress, watching her at the art museum, her tight dress and glistening cheeks at the drag race, and the first time he had kissed her.  
"All yours. Only yours," he said now, no longer needing her to demand him. He kept repeating it, he couldn't stop.  
It was only when Hillary pulled back and looked proudly at what she had marked that he stopped, mouth dry and out of breath.  
"What? Why are you smiling? What did you do?" He asked curiously. She gave him a finger, telling him to wait and stood up to retrieve something from her own suitcase.  
A hand held mirror.  
She gave it to him and he raised it so he could see his neck.  
He now knew why she looked so proud.  
She had given him hickies on his neck that formed an 'H.'  
"What the hell do you need me as a teacher for? You do just fine on your own," he said genuinely impressed.  
She mock bowed, like a little dork.  
Fuck, how he loved her.  
Still, he caught a bit of sadness in her eyes. What was that about?  
"Hillary are you okay? You seem a little sad. You're trying to hide it, I can tell. Are you happy here?" He asked. Like he had said, he was able to tell what she thought at times but he still struggled.  
"I'm happy here with you. I just miss May, she was my first friend I made at Yale," she said. He had no answer for that, it was his fault she was arguing with her friend. He pulled her closer and kissed her softly, channeling all his feelings for her in that kiss. Still, it didn't change the fact that if it weren't for his wrong doings, the girls would still be on good terms.  
"You know Halloween is coming up. Did you want to go to that carnival the campus is putting together?" he asked. He felt guilty that she had fought with her friend because of him and his actions. The worst part was that May was right and had been telling her the truth, but she had trusted him and believed him. He wasn't going to keep her here in the house without giving her the opportunity to make new friends or try new things, that's not who he was and he loved her so much that he wanted her to have every opportunity the world had to offer. Plus he had seen the all the fucking flyers over the campus. It looked very G-rated, and appropriate for innocent Hillary. "Student council is in charge of that right?" she asked hesitantly. He knew what she was thinking, like she had said before she hadn't had good experiences with the regular student held parties. "Yeah it won't be like the things we've been to, since it's run by administrators and student council. We can dress up too if you want, there's a costume contest," he said adding the last part in more for her benefit. Truth be told he didn't want to fucking dress up but like he said he wouldn't deny her anything, not after the nonsense he had done with Bambi.  
"Yeah we can go it'll be fun and the costume contest sounds cute we could do a couple match," she said the excitement in her blue eyes was adorable and fuck he wanted to beat himself up for being so snappy with her at first and for betraying her and her trust.  
"We should go look at costumes soon before they run out and we get stuck with something ridiculous," she said laughing a bit.He rolled his eyes she was probably imagining him in some stupid get up. She was right the last thing he needed was to be stuck in some spandex or shit. The thought of spandex scared him.  
"How about we go now?" he asked.

 

She was going through the racks at a small seasonal Halloween shop and Bill was at her side anxious to see what she would pick. He was just hoping she wouldn't choose anything that would make him look dumb.  
"You can relax you know I'm not going to choose something embarrassing," she said seeming to read him. He chuckled a bit and put his arm around her waist; sniffing her peach scented hair. "Was I that obvious?" He asked. She did that little girl giggle and he kissed the top of her head. He was sure that he would never want to stop touching her.  
"How about these?" she asked pulling out two Mickey and Minnie mouse costumes. It seemed okay, they both looked casual with matching black shirts. The Minnie one came with the signature red and white polka dotted skirt and the Mickey one came with overalls. He was about to tell her it was fine when he noticed that a see through bag came attached with the outfits. It came with huge costume white gloves and mouse ears.  
Fuck no.  
"Aw come on I'd look stupid in those ears," he complained.  
"I think you'd look cute," she replied. She would look cute, he on the other hand would look like an idiot.  
"I'd wear it without the ears or gloves," he said trying to compromise.  
"But then we wouldn't match. You would just look like some guy in overalls."  
Sounded fine to him.  
"That's who I'll be then some guy in overalls," he said. She just sighed and put the costumes back on the rack and continued searching. Fuck, that's exactly what he meant! She didn't even look too upset but just knowing that he had denied her something made him feel guilty. He couldn't believe he was about to agree to this.  
"Alright we can wear this and the ears and the whole get up," he said taking the costumes back off the rack. She looked at him surprised.  
"Are you sure? If you don't want to we can wear something else really it's fine," she said but he could tell she had really taken a liking to the costumes.  
"We're wearing this. Who knows maybe having four ears will give me super sonic hearing." he teased. She laughed at his corny joke. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked to pay for the equally corny outfit.

 

She was making chicken Parmesan for lunch when the telephone rang. She went to answer it as Bill was now in the shower himself. On the way back from the costume store he had stepped in dog poop and had decided that his shoe getting cleaned wasn't enough to get rid of the smell. She had thought it was funny and the fact that he had driven her slugbug, as it was now useable thanks to his mechanic skills, with no shoe on was funnier.  
"Hello?" She asked her finger messing with the curly cord of the pink phone. Like most of their furniture and accessories, they had gotten the phone at the Goodwill.  
"Is this Hillary Rodham?" A woman's voice asked over the line.  
"Yes, it is," she said. The woman sounded older so she doubted it was one of Bill's old play things.  
"I'm Olivia. I'm calling in regards to your application to work with us at the children's daycare. We'd be glad to have you as part of our staff. When can you start?" the woman asked.  
Hillary was happy at being accepted for the job since she loved children.  
"I can start as soon as tomorrow. I'm actually free to work any day of the week between two thirty and five," she said. Her classes ended at two and she didn't mind working. She had meant what she told Bill earlier, working was stimulating for her.  
"Fantastic! I'll tell you what why don't you come by tomorrow at two thirty and we'll decide on your schedule then," Olivia said.  
"Sounds perfect," she replied and hanged up after exchanging 'see you thens.'  
She then returned to the kitchen to finish making lunch. Just like last night, she felt his presence at her back. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she loved it. He smelled divine, a mixture of aftershave, sultry charcoal, and his natural clean smell.  
"You smell nice," she complimented as she finished with the Parmesan. She would have to move out of his arms to get the paper plates and plastic forks they used, but she didn't want to move out of his arms. Soon when she got her first paycheck she would buy real plates.  
"Yeah, well I had to scrub extra hard to make sure I didn't smell like fucking ass," he said bringing his chin to rest on her head.  
"It was poop Bill," she said laughing at him again. He had been making her laugh a lot, he was just so naturally funny to her.  
"And where does poop come from?" He retorted.  
"From asses," she answered and tried to get out of his arms to get the plates but he pulled her closer.  
"Where are you going?" He asked gently tugging her to him again. She was suddenly aware of how big he was. So leanly muscular and incredibly tall. He was also very strong, but that didn't scare her. She trusted him.  
"I was going to get the plates for lunch," she said as if it were obvious. Where else would she have gone?  
"But you feel so good against me," he said lips on her hair.  
"I'm hungry," she complained but her heart was thudding in it's usual 'I'm a heart and I love Bill Clinton' way.  
"I have something else you can eat," he purred into her ear and her face grew hot. He did let go of her however and she was able to serve herself a plate. She was going to serve Bill too when he stopped her.  
"You already made the whole meal, Hilly. The least my lazy ass can do is serve myself," he said and began to do so. She didn't argue and went to sit down.  
"I got the job at the daycare," she told him as he munched on the food.  
"Yeah? That's great, baby. You said you really wanted to work with children. I'm glad for you," he said and stood and up to go to the fridge. She could tell he was genuinely happy for her and it made her feel appreciated.  
"You want a beer?" He asked as he grabbed one for himself.  
"No. Water is fine," she answered and he grabbed a bottle of water for her.  
"You're twenty four and you've never had a beer before," he said as an observation. She watched him. He remembered so many things they had spoken about over these last two days. He had asked about birthdays and when he had found out hers was only a few weeks away he had made a big deal out of it.  
"It's going to be your best birthday yet, watch. It should be a national holiday," he had said with such conviction she hadn't been sure if he was joking or not.  
"Don't be ridiculous and I missed your birthday so don't worry about mine," she had replied. His was in August and since they had met in the last week of September they had indeed missed his. "I'm serious. The day the light of my life was born should be a holiday. We're celebrating and you only missed mine because we didn't know each other then," he had replied. The light of his life.  
She liked that.  
"You're thinking hard about beer or something?" Bill now asked looking so gorgeous, hair still wet, and taking a sip of his drink.  
"No. I don't know. I just don't really see the need to drink. I wouldn't want to get drunk," she said. He just nodded.  
"So when do you start this job?" He asked.  
"Tomorrow after class. I'll be going there at two thirty and working out my schedule when I get there," she replied eating more of her Parmesan.  
"Nice. If you want I can drive you there," he offered.  
"Yes that would be okay," she said. He again took a sip of his drink and his full lush lips wrapped around the bottle. He caught her looking and winked at her as he finished taking a swig. Her eyes went to the H she had left on him. She didn't know what had come over her but the thought of him with anyone else who wasn't her had made her so mad and jealous.  
"You wanna do something tonight?" He asked still penetrating her with his gaze.  
"Like what?" She asked. He licked his lips and oh god she felt herself dampen between her legs. "It's a surprise," he replied. So he had something planned? What was it ?The anticipation was killing her.  
"Come on baby I'll take care of you," he said in that deep seductive southern accent.  
"Okay, okay fine," she agreed. She needed to see what this surprise was anyways.  
"Just one request. Wear something comfortable," he said making her interest peak more.

 

After lunch, he had gone out and told her he would be back later. He had arranged everything he needed for this surprise and now as he was driving his mustang back to the house with something extra in the trunk, he thought of what else he had done.  
He had gone to arrange this surprise but along the way he had stopped to see Bambi. This time there had been nothing physical or anything of the sort. He had simply went to pick up some weed from her. He hadn't realized how much he had missed the stoned feeling until he had taken it the second time when he had done the dirty deed with Bambi as a deal for her to leave him alone. The drug had helped him get what he was doing off his mind in previous situations and in the situation with Bambi it had helped. It wasn't a complete fix, he had thought it would have taken everything completely off his mind.  
That of course hadn't worked. He thought of that night now.  
"It's a deal," she had said and he had began to unbuckle his belt.  
He had pulled down his pants and underwear a bit so he had been still wearing them but his member was visible. Truthfully it had been soft, he hadn't been able to get hard, Hillary was the only person that could get him hard now. Bambi on the other hadn't had a problem and had removed her whole pants revealing her sex. She hadn't been wearing underwear and he had thought that gross. So she just sweated pussy sweat into her pants?  
"If we're gonna fucking do this you better relax," she had said and pulled some weed from the inside of her bra. She had handed him the pipes and everything he had needed and he had held the joint back and blowed it.  
Instantly it had taken affect and he was starting to feel more at ease.  
"I go first," she had said and begun to palm him and give him a hand job. It hadn't done much for him but on the physical scale it hadn't been terrible. When she had been done her greedy bimbo ass had basically thrown herself at him.  
"Your turn, pleasure me."  
And he had.  
Fuck those same fingers that had been in Hillary had been in that Bimbo and the weed had calmed him enough to get the job done.  
It hadn't erased Hillary from his mind, however.  
He had been certain that when he died he would still find a way to think of Hillary.  
So he had put a stop to what he had done with Bambi, but he hadn't stopped it fast enough. "Okay you've had enough. It's time to keep up your end of the deal," he had said removing his fingers from her. It was strange but her fluids were more slime-like and cold. Hillary's had been warm and seductively slick.  
"Fine. I will," Bambi had shot back and it had been obvious that she had seemed pleased. He was good at what he did, he had enough experience and the pleasure he brought women had been followed by commission that had allowed him to buy the house for Hillary.  
Still the guilt, several years of guilt and all his dirty secrets Hillary still had no idea of, had begun to haunt him.  
That is why he had gone to see Bambi for more of the drug, he needed it to calm him down. These past two days he had been using it without Hillary knowing and it did relieve some of the tension in his body.  
One down one more to go.  
The Bambi problem seemed solved for now but there was still fucking Scott.  
Hopefully buying the house would solve that as Hillary wouldn't constantly be on school grounds. It was with all this guilt and past memories in mind that he now pulled to the shoulder in the road and took out the weed from his glove compartment to smoke another joint.  
This was calming but Hillary was his true drug and medicine so after a while he began to drive again back to the house to see her.

 

She had been staring at their closet ever since he had left and she still had no idea what to wear. Bill had only said to wear something comfortable. What she was wearing now was okay to her, but maybe she could find something more comfortable.  
Comfortable was subjective, for example when one goes skiing then comfortable would be a winter jacket.  
She compared their wardrobe.  
Hers was light while Bill's was mostly dark. As a matter of fact, most of his clothes was black except for a few gray sweatshirts.  
Comfortable.  
She felt more comfortable in his clothes. It gave her the feeling of having his body on hers all the time.  
She pulled out his long black sweatshirt that said 'Oxford' on it. She would wear this. As for bottoms, she was feeling mischievous. She pulled out a pair of his black jeans. They were really long, but she would make them work. She stripped down and changed into the outfit. As expected the pants were too long and she rolled the bottoms up and used one of Bill's belts.  
Where even was he anyway?  
What kind of a surprise was this?  
She went to look at herself in the mirror.  
She really looked at herself, long and hard taking in all the details.  
Bill had said his favorite things about her were her eyes, lips, and hair.  
She inspected them.  
To her they were okay, but nothing beyond ordinary.  
To Bill, they were his biggest weaknesses; he had told her that much when they had been curled up together the first night they had spent in the house.  
"These fucking eyes. I would know them anywhere. Those fucking hypnotic eyes could take away my will and force me to do anything," he had purred into her ear.  
"And these lips, those pink fleshy lips. I'm never going to get enough of kissing them. From the moment I noticed how fucking pink they were at that museum, I wanted to pin you against the wall and kiss you long and hard. I wanted to hear your sweetly innocent moans of pleasure," he had continued his hands going to her hair.  
"Then there's this hair. This soft, thickass mane of yours that other people spend millions to get. I love it. I love feeling it's smoothness and when we're making out I love how it covers us."  
All his words came back to her now as she looked at her reflection.  
"Pretty baby?" His voice echoed from the hallway where he had just arrived.  
She rushed to him. Something was different about him.  
"You smell different," she said as he looked at her in awe. It wasn't a strong smell but she could tell that something was amidst about his signature smell that was unusual.  
"Oh I stopped at a gas station," he said simply.  
It didn't smell like gas.  
Was he lying?  
Why would he? It would be such a ridiculous thing to lie about.  
Gas stations. She remembered what he had said about porn racks at the gas stations and again she felt that jealousy stir within her. Was she not enough? Was she going too slow to meet his needs? She felt her eyes begin to water and it was stupid. She wasn't sad but the mixture of emotions she was feeling was so intense.  
"Hey. What's wrong?" Bill said tenderly coming up to her taking her in his arms.  
She didn't say anything.  
She was embarrassed that her face had betrayed her.  
"Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, tell me how I can make things better," he cooed softly stroking her hair.  
She felt strange, why was she so easily jealous over nothing? She pushed him away and he gave her an incredulous look.  
"What did I do?" He asked a hand running through his hair in distress.  
She knew she was probably being unfair. She tried to calm down. His face was breaking her heart, she saw that he looked hurt.  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know what came over me," she said going to him now and taking his big hands in hers.  
She needed to work on this jealousy she was feeling. She needed to allow herself to feel it but not to act out in a way that would hurt him.  
"Did I do something?" He asked cautiously.  
She didn't answer. Although she trusted him, there was the fear that he would cheat. Still, it wasn't fair that she had acted out over something he had said before they were together.  
"Hillary please tell me," he said sounding desperate.  
She looked down, she was too embarrassed.  
"Remember what you said about porn racks at the gas station?" She said her face glowing red. He seemed to understand.  
"Oh. Baby, no. I did not go buy a porno or a porno magazine if that's what you're thinking. Seriously, Hillary why would I need those now that I have you? Plus we don't have a TV," He said amusement in his voice. She felt a little silly for having worried about it now.  
"But I thought maybe you did because I don't know as much as you and I can't keep up," she said and he picked her up, tossing her in the air and catching her like he had before.  
"You're fine. Everything you do is perfect and you don't have to worry about things like that," he said this time pulling her to his chest when he caught her.  
She relaxed into his touch. She still had one more question she had been thinking about since this morning.  
"Bill what did you think when you saw me naked earlier?" She asked not looking at him again. He nuzzled her hair, he was always so affectionate like a puppy.  
"I thought you looked stunning. Honestly. So sexy and those curves, holy shit," he said still nuzzling.  
Sexy wasn't a word she would use to describe herself but coming out of Bill's mouth she embraced it.  
"I guess we'll just have to make sure we never get a TV then," she joked and began to nuzzle back. He laughed.  
"You're such a jealous little girl aren't you?" He teased and she could tell he liked her getting jealous.  
Her little fists hit against his chest.  
"You're mine," she said and even to herself she sounded like a defiant child. Bill, however, seemed to like her that way.  
"All yours. Always. Now quit being silly and let me show you that surprise," he said and cradled her once more.

 

The sun was setting and as he took Hillary outside to where this surprise was he kept glancing down at her. She had been so cute when she had gotten jealous earlier, but it had only made him more sure of one thing: she could never find out about what he had done with Bambi and the bet. Seriously, if that's how she reacted to the thought of him engaging in porn, he could only imagine the reaction she would have to all his dirty deeds.  
"Bill there's nothing here," she said as they stopped where their cars were parked.  
"Are you sure there's nothing?" He asked knowingly. He followed her blue eyes as she tried to figure out the puzzle and just like her clever self she solved it.  
"Bill why is there a motorcycle here?" She asked curiously.  
"Cause we're going for a ride on it, baby girl, come see," he said taking her hand in his and guiding her. He had borrowed it from a junker who owed him a favor a while back.  
"It's pretty," she said admiring the fire engine red color.  
"Bill I don't know, about this," she said a second later; snapping out of admiration and becoming more cautious. This is exactly why he had thought of this. He had remembered how she had tried to be risky once and it had gone astray for her, but he wanted to mend that.  
"I know you didn't have a good experience with speeding the last time, but I want to fix that. This way you can be risky and be safe at the same time because I'll take care of you," he said and handed her the red helmet. She automatically took it but it was obvious she was still thinking. "Do you know how to drive a motorcycle?" She asked but she was already strapping on the helmet. She was having difficulty and he guided her small fingers and helped her put it on.  
"Yes. I've been going on these things since Arkansas. Now come on you're gonna have to sit behind me and hold on real tight," he said and she obeyed as they positioned themselves on the motorcycle.  
"Wait. What about your helmet?" She asked from behind him. He rolled his eyes. He wouldn't wear one of those fucking things ever. He looked stupid in them.  
"I don't need one," he said and began to make sure everything was in place before they would take off.  
"What if you get hurt?" She asked concern in her voice.  
That was fucking cute. The thought of her behind him, wearing his clothes as they were about to ride on this motorcycle turned him on so bad.  
"Baby I've never gotten hurt. Don't worry about me. Now don't argue and wrap your arms tightly around my waist please. Don't let go," he said. She did as she was told and even nuzzled into his back. So fucking aroused.  
"Okay. You ready?" He said and at her word they took off.  
She was holding on to him tightly like he had told her to and as the sky passed them quickly it was wonderful. She yelped out an excited glee and her heart was racing like crazy but in a good way. The setting sun had caused the sky to be blurs of red, orange, and blue.  
The wind blowed her hair back and she felt ironically completely at peace.

Bill had been right, after the disaster that the drag race had been, this was what she had needed to not fear the speed again. Bill directed them into town and the lights of many shops zoomed past them. Sometimes they would have to stop for traffic lights but she took this opportunity to nibble his ear and tell him how much she loved him.  
After a while they stopped and he parked the motorcycle at a local diner. It had a feeling of the fifties to it. They ordered burgers, fries, and one strawberry shake that Bill had insisted they shared.  
"Don't get creeped out but I've always had this fantasy of sharing a milkshake," he said as they ate.  
"That's cute, Bill," she said and took a sip of the milkshake. His eyes stared at her lips on the straw and she felt herself blush.  
"Stop doing that," she said but only half heartily. She loved when he looked at her but it always made her squirm out of shyness.  
"I'm just looking at you," he said and winked. He picked up his burger and she watched his big hands practically cover the whole thing.  
"Big ass hands," she giggled out. He raised a brow.  
"You're so naughty and you love my big ass hands," he said but she could see that he was blushing as well.  
For a second, it was like she was having an out of body experience and she could see them, young and blushing; each looking with admiration at the other.

 

Once they paid and finished eating, they walked back to the motorcycle.  
"Come here," he said helmet in hand to help her strap it on. He put it on her snuggly and kissed the tip of her nose.  
"You look so cute in this," he said.  
"You'd look cute in one too," she said but he only rolled his eyes. She had been glad that he had seemed to know what he was doing and had not busted his head open.  
"I'm fine. Nothing can touch me-"  
"Hey Clinton!" A voice shouted.  
She turned. It was Scott. What was this about? From the pale look on Bill's face she could tell he was tense as well.  
"Get out of here, Scott," he warned and went to wrap an arm protectively around her.  
Scott wasn't alone, he had brought two other guys with him. One of the guys was the boy who had introduced himself as Packer the night of the party. They were drunk.  
"Nope. You can't tell me what to do, not after running away from campus," Scott said and the two other guys seemed to get a kick out of that even though it wasn't quite clever.  
"Scott what are you doing?stop," she said finding her voice again and upon speaking Bill drew her closer to him.  
"Hey Hillary. You're looking good, but what's with all this baggy clothes? You have a great figure, show it off baby," Scott said piss drunk and walking up to her.  
"Scott I think you should go," Bill said ice cold and stern. She looked up at him, his face was lined with am intense gaze. Scott, however wasn't leaving.  
He began to reach for her and he tugged on the shirt she was wearing. It scared her, there were three of these big drunk guys and only her and Bill.  
"Don't fucking touch her," Bill said angrily and swiped Scott's hand away. He shoved Hillary behind him but she looked around his shoulder.  
"Aw c'mon Clinton don't you want to share the pretty thing like old times?" Scott teased maliciously.  
Like old times?  
"No. Shut up and get the fuck out of here," Bill said angrily and his hands were behind his back. The left one was obviously searching for her, fingers reaching. She took his hand.  
"No. I'm not leaving without her," Scott said roughly. For a moment she thought he was joking, but that changed when he came up and punched Bill right in the face.


	11. Dragonfly

She didn't know what to do except rush to his side despite his protests.  
"Billy, are you okay?" She asked as she saw that his face was already beginning to swell.  
"Get back behind me, Hillary and don't draw attention to yourself," he commanded sternly. She knew he was being like this because he was worried about her. For good reason as well. Scott grabbed her from the back of the sweatshirt she was wearing and tugged her to him. She struggled and her hands were reaching for her Bill. Thankfully, Bill caught hold of her hand and yanked her back to him. Her heart was beating fast out of fright. Bill shoved her behind him again and she saw that he was calculating their chances of making it back into the diner.  
The odds weren't good as Packer and the other boy were standing on either end.  
"C'mon Clinton. Just give her up," Scott said, his words still slurring from his intoxication. "Never," Bill replied through gritted teeth and he punched Scott smack in the face as well.  
It quickly turned into three against one, but Bill was holding up his end.  
She didn't know what to do.  
It was dark and there seemed to be no one around except the five of them.  
She saw Bill struggling and that his face was getting bloodied.  
That beautiful face, she loved so much.  
He had told her not to draw attention to herself, but that wasn't likely. She wasn't just going to stand here and watch him get pummeled to a pulp. She looked around for anything she could use as a weapon, but there was nothing.  
"Use your head, c'mon think of something, use your head," she muttered to herself.  
That was it!  
Her head!  
She unhooked the helmet, it was rock solid, Bill had obviously been worried that she would hurt herself and thought this could protect her.  
Ironically, she would now use this to protect him. She ran up to where only Scott and Bill were now fighting one on one with the other two breathing heavy and looking on. She saw Bill look at her in worry and wondering what she was up to, his nose was bleeding and between his white skin, dashing blue eyes, and bloodied face he looked very patriotic. A wave of anger came over her for someone having the audacity to hurt her Bill. Like a protective mother bear she used the helmet and whacked it in the back of Scott's head roughly. The sound of metal against his head was loud in the night.  
"What the hell?" Scott asked stupidly and turned around to look at her. A bump was starting to form on where she had hit him but she wasn't through yet, if he wouldn't leave then she would hit him again and again until he did. Packer and the other boy started to walk towards her but Scott stopped them by raising a hand.  
"No one touches her, except me," he said.  
"Like hell," Bill said swinging for him again. Scott turned around and punched Bill's limping figure effortlessly.  
"Leave him alone!" Hillary shouted and whacked Scott again with the helmet. She hit him everywhere she could with that thing but it was when she gave him another fatal headshot and he began to appear frail that Packer and the other boy came and tried to get Scott away from her. She was still mad however and was beginning to swing the helmet at all of them now.  
"Let's get out of here," Scott mumbled through his own bloody nose she had given him. He was giving her a look like he thought she was crazy and they stumbled off. She threw the helmet at their retreating figures out of anger. Then she quickly went back to Bill who was slumped on the pavement.  
"Billy?Billy! Can you hear me?" she asked frantically as her hands cradled his face.  
"I'm fine. I told you to stay behind me. You could have gotten hurt," he said faintly obviously not fine and out of breath. Instant concern overtook her and she started to think of ways to help him.  
"We're going back into the diner. I'm going to use their phone to call an ambulance," she said gently trying to lift him up. He helped her carry his strong weight even though it was clear that he was barely holding on.  
"No. Don't call an ambulance, it's not that serious and the hospital bill will be ridiculous," he protested but groaned as they entered the now empty diner and she sat him down carefully. "Seriously don't call an ambulance," he repeated. She inspected him, he looked dazed, hurt, and on the verge of collapsing.  
"But you look really bad. I don't want anything to happen to you," she said stroking his matted hair.  
"I know. I'm not that inconsiderate to allow something to happen to me because I know it'll make you feel bad. I'm telling you though, I'm in pain but it's nothing too bad, believe me I would know. I've had worse. Just take me home. Take me home," he said repeating the words she had said to him when he had rescued her from the drag race.  
"Okay, fine," she said agreeing to him. Still, she needed to call someone to give them a ride. "Excuse me, can I use your telephone?" she asked the woman at the counter who upon seeing Bill's condition just nodded.  
"Hill, what are you doing?" he asked.  
"Calling someone to pick us up. You are in no condition to be out on the road right now," she said. Then a thought occurred to her, who would she call?  
She didn't have the number for the cab company memorized and in Bill's condition, she doubted anyone would take them anyways.  
"Hillary, I can drive the motorcycle. It's fine," he said. She doubted that. He was obviously tired. "No you can't. Look stop arguing, if you're not going to agree out of concern for your safety, then do it for concern of mine," she replied and began to punch in the only number she had memorized. Bill didn't argue with her as she knew he wouldn't, she had used his caring about her card against him.  
As the phone dial rang, she worried.  
Would she even come?  
"Hello?" A tired voice answered.  
"I know I don't have any right to ask this of you, but Bill and I need help," she said.

 

To her surprise, May had come for them despite it being late and despite the fact that they had fought the last time they had seen each other.  
"Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it," Hillary said now as she was in the passenger seat of May's car. Bill was in the backseat ,surprisingly asleep. They had packed the motorcycle and helmet into the trunk.  
"Yeah, well you're welcome," May said. She didn't sound angry but more awkward. Hillary had tried to explain to May what had happened but her former room mate had stopped Hillary telling her that it didn't concern her. May was driving them back to the house and Hillary felt like she needed to apologize and break the silence between them.  
"May, I'm sorry for what I said. I was wrong and you've been nothing but a good friend to me, even now," she said. It was incredibly dark outside now, not even the stars seemed to be shining. "It's fine. I guess I shouldn't have been telling you things like that to begin with. I just wanted to look out for you," May said. She turned and the house came within distance. It was still incredibly cute to Hillary and she still couldn't believe Bill had bought it for her.  
"So are we okay?" Hillary asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt to get ready to leave. She was anxious to get Bill cleaned up and safe, but she wanted to make sure her and May were on good terms.  
"I guess so, Hillary. Look if you need me or ever want to talk I'll be there, but I don't want to talk about him," she said in reference to Bill. Hillary only nodded. It was probably due to the fact that the last time they had discussed Bill they had gotten into a fight.  
Still, he was part of her life now and not talking about him seemed difficult. "I'll see you then. I'm going to get the motorcycle out of the trunk then I'll wave to you once I'm done."  
"Okay," May said simply. Hillary first moved to open the backseat door and get Bill out. "Billy, we're home," she said stroking him awake.  
"Hmmm. Hey what's with the seat belt?" He complained unbuckling it. She laughed as he stumbled out. After he had fallen asleep she had reached behind her to put his seat belt on as she remembered he never liked to wear it. Now she went to the trunk and while struggling managed to get the motorcycle out along with the helmet. She waved to May and the girl waved back and drove off.  
"Hillary leave it, you're gonna hurt yourself," Bill complained as she dragged the motorcycle so it was on their sidewalk pavement.  
"You're hurt and as soon as I'm done here we're going inside and I'm taking care of you," she said. She at last managed to get the motorcycle upright in between their cars and she put the helmet snuggly next to it. Bill seemed to be looking at her in awe.  
"What? Come on, I meant what I said I'm taking care of you," she said interlocking their hands together.

 

He was sitting on their couch in the living room as Hillary was using a wash cloth to gently wipe away the blood from his face. She had lighted the fireplace and despite the pain he was feeling he was enjoying the view. She was on her knees in front of him, with a wash basin at her side. He loved how the orange and yellow flames reflected in her blue eyes making them appear sea green. Her cheeks were glowing and her hair looked like spun gold.  
"You're so beautiful. This fire makes you look even more stunning," he said as she continued to pat him down. She smiled a little.  
"The fire is to keep you warm, Bill. Stop getting distracted," she said and rinsed the wash cloth in the basin. When she was done she caressed his face gently now with her hands.  
"I'm so glad you didn't get hurt too bad," she said her thumb stroking his cheek. His heart melted at her words. No one had ever given a damn about him before, except his mother and that was because they were blood. He thought it was adorable how careful she was being with him and how she had insisted on taking care of him. He had protested at first but she had shut him up. "We both know if it had been me who had gotten hurt, you'd be doing the same," She had said. That was true, if it had been her, he wouldn't have been able to contain himself from caring for her.  
Now, she took her hands away from his face in order pick up an aspirin and bottle of water that was on her other side from the basin.  
"Here, take this with water, it'll help," she said offering them to him and he took them. Once he had swallowed the pill, he reached for her.  
"Sit on my lap," he said wanting her close. He had been so worried when he saw Scott reaching for her.  
"Bill, no. You're hurt," she said to his annoyance.  
"You're the best medicine. C'mon we both had a fright tonight, let's go to bed and cuddle," he said using his purring voice that he knew she couldn't resist. She bit her lip and he saw that his purring tactic had worked.  
"Okay," she agreed and she used the left over water from the basin to put out the fire before her little hands were grasping at his body trying to help him up. He let her help, knowing that she needed to in order to assure herself that he was okay. When they got to their bed she went so far as to help him get into the bed. She even tucked him in to his amusement.  
"You spoil me too much," he said as she was now getting in bed next to him. They both laid on their sides to face each other and she snuggled up to his torso. That had become her snuggle spot within these past few days and he was starting to get accustomed to her being there. He felt now that if he were to try to sleep without her curled up there, that it would be a failed endeavor. "Are you sure you're okay? If not I'll take tomorrow off and stay here with you," she said. Fuck,  
he was so spoiled. Still, he wasn't that hurt and if he lied and told her he was then she would be mad when she took the day off to only find herself pinned against the wall with his mouth on hers. "I'm fine, baby there's no need to miss class," he said taking in her sweet smell. She had surprised him tonight yet again. Here he had been worried about her getting hurt, but she had in fact saved him. As he had been on the ground watching her, blonde mane flying everywhere, as she had held her ground against Scott and the other two.  
"Why did those guys want to hurt you? I've never seen Scott act like that before. You also said you didn't know Scott so what was that about?" She asked now looking up at him.  
What could he say? Those guys wanted to hurt me so they could get to you for some sick bet that I don't even want to be apart of anymore?  
No, the truth was too complicated and he couldn't lose her. He would try to give her an answer that was partially true.  
"Scott and I didn't know each other. We both went to Oxford and he must have heard of me but I didn't know him until we got to campus. We aren't friends," he said.  
Lies mixed with truth.  
"But why would he want to hurt you?" She asked innocently. The way she asked it, it was almost like she couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt him. She obviously held him in high esteem.  
There are a lot of reasons why someone would want to hurt him, but still her admiration made him feel good.  
"Hillary I don't think it was me they were after. Scott said he wasn't leaving without you and I couldn't let that happen," he said now wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close. He needed her to understand the seriousness of what had happened and what could have happened. The thought of Scott hurting her or forcing her to do anything terrified him. She was so small, kind, and trusting and he needed her to be careful of people like Scott.  
"Oh," she said seeming to understand. Her face fell a little.  
"Hey, look at me. I wouldn't have let anything happen to you. Ever. You're safe with me always," he said with conviction. He didn't want her to live her life out of fear because of freaks like Scott. "I know. Thank you for trying to protect me. I love you," she said. He never got tired of hearing those fucking beautiful words. It was silly that those little three words could make him feel so much.  
"I love you too. Always," he said and began to pepper her face with kisses.  
"My sweet warrior. My little Athena," he said comparing her to the goddess of war. He was still in awe of how she had protected him; it showed how much she loved him. He doubted any of the bimbos he had been with would have risked themselves for him.  
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I just couldn't stand there and watch them hurt you."  
"Hillary you have nothing to apologize for. You're the one who ended up protecting me and I should be thanking you for that," he said and kissed her softly. Like always, her mouth opened underneath his allowing his tongue entrance. He licked the roof of her mouth and her teeth, wanting to taste all of her. When he pulled away he saw that she was looking at him in complete and utter admiration.  
"You always tell me how beautiful I am, but I feel like I never tell you how handsome you are in return," she said.  
"You're so handsome and wonderful to me, Bill. Your eyes and your mouth just do it for me. You don't even have to be doing anything except be looking at me and I'm melting," she went on. He felt himself blushing, damn it before her he had never blushed. Then again, no one had ever told him these things. Yes, he knew women found him attractive but in the sexual sense only. They wanted him to fuck them and that was about it. Hillary humanized him, made him beautiful in the sense that she saw him as a person.  
"You're the only person who has ever made me blush you know that?" He asked. She seemed to take pride in that.  
"Well I could go on. I could talk about how you have the most beautiful hands, a to die for smile, and how your eyes look like they fell from the sky," she said clearly enjoying the affect she had on him. She nestled closer into him, her little body feeling warm against him.  
"You're too good to me, sweets," he said simply. Words felt short of what her compliments meant to him. They meant more to him than he could say. He was thankful that they were now able to be this intimate with each other and that he now knew that he hadn't been the only one who was feeling this attraction at the beginning.  
"We need to talk about what we're going to do next about Scott and those guys," she said breaking the silence.  
He didn't want to talk about that now and he didn't want Hillary involved. Yet, he knew that was ironic since she was at the core of all this.  
"Hillary, I don't think we should do anything except ignore them," he said.  
"But, they hurt you. We can't let them get away with that! What if they come back? We can go to the dean of students," she said completely oblivious to the many foils in that plan. They couldn't go to the dean, that was Bambi's father and the last thing Bill needed was more drama.  
"I wasn't hurt too bad, give me some credit. Everything will be fine, I promise you. Let's not talk about this right now, besides you hurt those dudes pretty bad I don't think they'll be coming back soon," he joked at the end to relive the tension. She sighed and because of how close they were, he felt her chest rise and fall.  
"I'll let this slide for now," she agreed at last and turned over on her side facing away from him. Was she mad? He stroked her hair for a while.  
"Come snuggle back here, I need your warmth," he said a bit a amused at how she was behaving. No reply.  
"Come here and let me tell you how beautiful you are," he said stepping up his game a little bit. Still no reply.  
She was driving him insane again and he suspected that she knew exactly what she was doing. "Damn it, Hillary. Come back here please I'm losing my mind," he begged now and as suspected she began to giggle. She came back to her snuggle spot on him and he protectively wrapped his arms around her so she wouldn't get away this time.  
"You're so bad. What was that about? Making me beg like a fool," he said shaking his head as he looked down at her. She was clearly proud of herself and very much amused.  
"I like hearing you beg. Promise me one thing though or I'll move away again," she said. His grip on her playfully tightened but she rolled her eyes, both of them knowing that he would never actually force her to so anything.  
"I'll promise you the fucking moon if it makes you stay," he said.  
"Tomorrow morning, we talk about what happened tonight and what we're going to do about it." Fuck, he just wanted her to forget about it, but he knew she wouldn't. She was apart of this now and in many ways it was his own fault.  
"Okay. I promise, we'll talk about it in the morning. Now let me tell you how beautiful you are I wasn't bluffing," he said but yawned a little. He could still feel the tension in his muscles from where he had gotten hurt earlier. She saw right through him.  
"Go to sleep, Bill. You're exhausted," she said closing her own eyes. These days sleep had become somewhat of an enemy to him, it meant he wasn't fully with her  
"But I wanna talk sweet to you and touch you," he said but his words were already slurring and his eyes closing.  
"I'll be here when you wake up," she said sweetly and that was the last thing he heard before he went to sleep.

She woke up to the feel of kisses on her neck. A sound that sounded like a mixture of a moan and yawn came out of her mouth and she heard that familiar chuckling.  
"Good morning," Bill's husky voice said as he continued to kiss her neck gently. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she turned her head a bit to see him curled up right alongside her, his hair once again that auburn from the morning light. She touched his hair gently, fingers locking in the laces. "Your hair is always red in the sun. I love it," she said. Her fingers unlocked from his hair and slid  
down his chest.  
"Thank you. I knew being a secret red head would pay off," he said smirking. Despite his bruises, he still looked beautiful and handsome.  
"You're extra perky this morning," she noted. He was in an especially good mood despite what had happened to them last night; she found it refreshing.  
"Because you were here when I woke up. Now I can talk sweet to you all morning and love on you," he said gently flipping her easily so she was under him. She felt her heart begin to pound in the way it usually did when he touched her.  
"Bill we have class. As much I want to lie here playing hanky panky with you we have to go," she said as he began to suck on her neck.  
"Did you say hanky panky? Fuck I never thought I would find that saying so hot," he said pausing in his kisses. She tugged on his hair.  
"I'm serious," she said but she loved his touch so early in the morning.  
"So am I. I find it hot," he said still playful.  
"Bill."  
"Hillary."  
She narrowed her eyes at him trying to remain serious, but she wanted to smile at him. It was impossible to look at him and not want to smile.  
"Have you checked the time? We have two hours until we're actually supposed to get up," he said obviously smug.  
"Did you plan this?" She asked though not mad. He licked his lips as he smiled.  
"Maybe," he replied shrugging his shoulders. He then buried his face in her neck and began to nuzzle her.  
Her fingers now began to stroke his hair.  
"You know when I first met you, I never imagined this much affection could come from you," she said.  
"Hm? Yeah neither did I. I was such a dick to you at first huh?" He said a bit regretful and extra tender as he pulled back to look at her.  
"A little, but it's okay now," she assured him. He seemed thoughtful for a while and she now knew how he felt whenever she would think.  
After a few moments he finally looked at her again and smiled.  
"It's in the past now, Bill. It's fine, now come here and kiss me, you said you were gonna touch me or was all that just talk?" She teased. He repositioned himself on her again.  
"I'm not all talk when it comes to you, I'm all about action," he said wagging his eyebrows and making her laugh. His lips came down on hers mid laugh and she gave herself fully to the kiss. She moaned overdramatically like how she imagined his bimbos would in order to make fun of him. He seemed to get it and his elbow nudged into her breast playfully hard. She could also feel his lips turning up in a smile.  
"Stop making me laugh, or I won't be able to kiss you," he said obviously on the verge of more laughter. She widened her eyes so they were extra big and she spoke in mock innocence.  
"I don't know what you mean," she said. She was taking pleasure in making him laugh like this and their playful behavior.  
"Fuck! Stop you're making me hard now. Seriously Hillary you should come with a warning," he said exasperated but obviously enjoying their silly ordeal.  
"If I did it would say: warning slippery when wet," she joked wittily. He really got a kick out of that one and began to laugh whole heartily. He laughed so hard that he began to wipe his eyes and his face turned red. When his laughter finally died down he caressed her face.  
"Fuck, if only you knew how much I love you," he said. She loved him as well, it was still so surreal that a part of her felt that he completed her despite their time together having been brief so far.  
"I have a pretty good idea of how much you do," she said leaning into his touch on her cheek. He bit the inside of his cheek as if in thought.  
"You can get even more of an idea if you take a shower with me," he said tenderly. Her cheeks grew hot.  
Shower? With him? The idea seemed pleasing but she felt a little shy about it.  
"It won't be a sex thing. I just want to take care of you," he said softly, eyes full of love. She thought about it. He had already seen her naked so that wasn't an issue and seeing him naked would even out the score. Plus, she trusted him.  
"Okay, but you're washing me with your body wash," she said much to his amusement.

The water was boiling hot as they both liked the heat and the mirror was starting to steam. She had undressed first and stepped into the shower, the water raining down her. She waited for Bill now as he finished undressing himself.  
"I'm coming in now, baby," he said. She got the impression that he was trying not to scare her, but she wasn't scared.  
"Okay," she replied and the shower curtain was pulled back as he stepped in.  
He was glorious to her, lean, muscles exposed. He was a healthy, lean type of muscular and he still looked human and not like those men who go on steroids. Then there was the matter of his well, little not so little Bill.  
Sure, she had seen pictures of the male body in her anatomy books, but to see it now in person was a different thing.  
"Hey you okay?" He asked gently now having approached her slowly.  
"I'm okay. It's just so big," she said trying not to stare. He laughed.  
"Oh, I understand. You'll get used to it," he said shrugging. She just nodded and turned to grab her bath sponge in order to lather it with soap.  
"Give it here, pretty baby. I said I was going to wash you wasn't I?" He said his hand outstretched. She gave it to him, truth be told she had only grabbed it just so she would stop staring at his member. He took the pink sponge and lathered his body wash onto it. Immediately she could smell his signature scent turning into vapor and mixing in with the steam.  
"Turn around and I'll do your back first," he said still just as gently. She did as she was told and he began to rub the soap-filled sponge across her back. It was pleasing, and relaxing. He was right, it wasn't a sexual thing. He was cleaning her gently and with careful strokes. It was clear that he wasn't trying to do anything else other than wash her body and she appreciated that. He didn't try to grab her, or have the sponge linger in the more intimate parts of her lower body like most men would.  
"You can turn around now, sweets. I'll do the front," he said his voice full of love. She turned and they were face to face. As their eyes locked he gave her a small smile.  
"Is this okay?" He asked as he began to rub the sponge across her upper chest to where her collarbone was.  
"This is perfect," she replied.  
It was.  
The water was shooting jets of hot rain that sent vibrations of warmth within her body and she loved it. This warmth mixed in with his soothing washing was amazing, euphoric really. The sponge now moved lower to even more gently graze across her small breasts. She closed her eyes in pleasure. He was being incredibly light in his strokes with the sponge, the soft lathered soap covering her breasts and nipples. She felt when he moved the sponge now to clean her torso and stomach.  
"You're so beautiful," he impassionedly stated. His warm impassioned voice along with the warmth of the water was all too blissful and delighting.  
"I'm moving on to your vagina and inner legs now, baby. If it doesn't feel good or you want me to stop just tell me," he said and slid the sponge to her inner legs. She gasped in delight, she never knew the sponge and soft soap could feel so good. It must be Bill's touch, when I wash myself I never feel this way, she thought.  
"Are you okay?" He asked. She at last opened her eyes to look at him. He was crouched on his knees in front of her parted legs, eyes full of praise. She loved that look. He was looking at her as  
if she were the most enchanting thing he had ever seen. He himself had also gotten a bit wet from the water and his hair was even more dark as it clung to his forehead. His lips were dripping pink and she could see the individual water droplets on them. Even with the bruises he had gotten last night, his skin still seemed radiant; white against purple; and even without her glasses, he was close enough so she could see all these beautiful details of him.  
"I'm okay. It just feels so good," she answered and he continued to clean her inner thighs. When he was done with that he briefly stroked the sponge over her vagina.  
"I assume that's how you clean it right? If I recall correctly the vagina cleans itself so you don't have to do much," he said as he moved on to her front thighs.  
"Yes you remembered right," she answered as she watched the top of his head now since his eyes and face were focused on cleaning her thighs and legs. She thought that his scalp would never be in danger of going bald; he had so much hair on his head that even wet, it was nearly impossible to see a hair parting. Darkened by the water, his previously red hair looked like ebony.  
"You have so many cute freckles you know that?" He asked as he was finishing cleaning her feet now. It suddenly occurred to her that he was seeing every part of her and she didn't mind.  
He had been right last night, with him she was safe.  
Safe from physical danger and safe from judgement.  
So yes, he was seeing her freckles, her stretch marks on her bottom, and the dimples on her back. Yet, try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to feel self-conscience.  
"Go ahead and rinse off and then I'll get started on your hair," he said and she stepped further under the shower head so the soap dissolved under the water.  
Like she always did, she ran her fingers through her wet hair in order to comb it out. He was watching her and the look in his eye was of utter awe.  
He wasn't looking at her as if she were a sexual object, he was seeing her, for who she was. "Are you sure you want to do my hair?" She asked as she stepped out from under the shower head.  
"Of course, you know I love this hair," he said gently turning her around so her back was facing him so he could begin on her mane. She heard him open the cap of her strawberry shampoo and she heard it squirt into his hand.  
She giggled a little at the noise.  
"You're so silly," he said his voice full of sheer amusement of his own. His hands began to gently massage the shampoo into her hair and she once more closed her eyes. He was so light and tender with his fingers that it was relaxing. He wasn't rough like the women at the hair salon who would scrub at her head with force.  
"You're so good at, this. You could have a future in being one of those ladies who wash hair in salons," she said voicing her thoughts out loud.  
"You know better than anyone that I am not a lady," he said but she could hear the smile in his voice. He turned her around again and she opened her eyes. He was holding her gently so she was in his arms as he ever so gently tipped her back so her hair was under the shower head again. His fingers combed the shampoo out of her hair and he never broke eye contact with her. His fingers and ,his whole hand sometimes when the shampoo was being stubborn, massaged her scalp while the water rinsed away the soap.  
"Your hair is longer when it's wet," he noted.  
"Cause it's not as curly," she explained as he pulled her out from under the shower head.  
"I like it both ways," he said as he turned her around to repeat the process with her conditioner. "You weren't kidding when you said you liked strawberries huh?" He asked as his fingers wove the strawberry conditioner in her hair.  
"It smells nice," she replied. He caressed the tips of her hair between his fingers.  
"Hey wait a second. If you use strawberry hair products how come you always smell like peaches?" He asked and she laughed. He sounded so confused and the fact that he seemed to pick up all her scents was laughable. Granted, she did the same thing with him, but she hadn't thought he paid that much detail to her.  
"It must be my lotion then. I use a matching lotion and perfume that is peach scented," she said. "Oh. Damn, babe, you trying to smell like a fruitcake or something?" He teased as he turned her around in his arms again to rinse out the conditioner.  
"It smells nice," she said a bit defensively. Only a bit, she knew he meant no harm.  
"I never said it didn't. If I could smell only one scent for the rest of my life, it would be yours," he said truthfully gazing into her eyes.  
She was grateful for this and for the fact that they could be naked this way without being sexual. Sex was something she was sure she would want with him, but not right now. Right now, she was discovering more of herself and her sexuality. He gently pulled her out from under the shower head again but she was still in his arms.  
"Now you're all clean," he said as he cradled her in his arms.  
"Thank you," she replied as they gazed at each other. She noticed a freckle of his own right above his Cupid's bow and she wanted to kiss it desperately. So she did. She leaned in and placed a soft short kiss on that tender spot. When she pulled back she saw that Bill was looking at her happily. "So, do I get out now? Do I clean you or what?" She said beginning to flush even more pink from all their intense gazing.  
"You're welcome to stay if you'd like. I'd prefer it if you did. I'm going to clean myself though since that was my gift to you and you don't have to return the favor," he said his wet lips kissing the top of her equally wet hair. She didn't argue with him, by now she knew that he liked to do things for her without expecting anything back. She thought it best to get out of the shower and dress herself so she could start on breakfast.  
"I'm going to um-go," she said gently breaking free from his grasp.  
"Aw, Alright. I left a change of clothes for you on top of the counter next to the sink," he said beginning to lather his own sponge with soap. He wasn't as gentle with himself as he was with her and she found that a bit endearing; it showed that he had been tender on purpose with her. She stepped out of the shower onto the shower mat and took her towel to pat herself down. Once she was dry, she skipped her lotion for today and began to dress herself in her underclothes Bill had laid out for her. He has chosen a cream colored sweater he had bought for her at the mall alongside a long maxi skirt that was adorned with monarch butterflies. She put the outfit on and liked it very much. He could definitely also be a fashion stylist if he wanted to, she thought. She then went through the rest of her morning routine and began to giggle when Bill started singing in the shower.  
"Oh, I forgot you were still in here," he said which only made her laugh more.  
"You're so funny, seriously I think you've made me laugh harder than anyone else," she said.  
She had put her glasses on and could now see that her reflection was clearly happy. She also braided her hair but little strands of curls still hung loose.  
"Good. I like your laugh," he said from inside the shower. A second later he dropped a bottle of soap or something because he cursed but she still found that funny. She sighed, she loved him deeply. She knew that without a single doubt now. She exited the bathroom and headed for the kitchen to start on breakfast, his singing echoing through the halls.

 

As he finished getting dressed, he thought about what a wonderful experience it had been to shower with her. She had looked so ravishing and stunning while the water had rained down on her. He had been glad that she trusted him fully and he had shown his appreciation by being extremely careful with her.  
Fuck, if only she could know how beautiful she had been. Her hair had been long and darkened brown by the water. Her eyes had seemed to grow even larger and each eyelash had been framed with water droplets.  
So beautiful.  
All his.  
She was beautiful to him in ways no else had ever been before. He had been with many attractive women but Hillary was special. She was beautiful in the sense that she was real. She wasn't a super model but her beauty surpassed that. She was kind, warm, and always in good spirits and he  
valued that. She was never cruel, and he had never heard her day a bad thing about anyone.  
This showed that her very soul was beautiful and to him that meant more now. Any bimbo could have big boobs or a curvy body, but it took someone who was truly beautiful to have a kind soul. Fuck, he was so in love.  
He checked himself out one last time in the mirror before he followed the smell of her cooking. She was pouring coffee into a mug when he walked in. The sight of her warmed him. Just like he had thought, the outfit he had chosen for her looked artistic.  
"I like how you did your hair," he said going to lean against the kitchen counter. She jumped a little at the sound of his voice and he smirked smugly.  
"Oh, thank you. I didn't hear you come in," she said as she finished making the omelets she was working on. She handed him his plate and he took it gratefully.  
Before her, his meals had consisted of takeout and frozen food items. Now, she kept him well fed and that only made him love her more. They both went to sit at the table across from each other; picking up the plastic utensils she had laid out the night before. As he bit into the omelet, he tasted the delicious mixture of cheese, peppers, and ham.  
"This is delicious, baby. How did you learn how to cook so good?" He asked over another bite.  
"I took cooking up as a hobby the summer before my senior year of high school started. It was just something to do and I think I went through a phase of reading cookbooks then," she said shrugging. She was so damn interesting; like who just takes up cooking as a hobby and reads cookbooks?  
"Tell me more about your reading phases. I want to know them all," he said quite interested. She seemed a bit embarrassed and that only peaked his interest more.  
"Huh, well some of them were pretty weird," she said shakily. He suspected as much, but with her weird was good.  
"You can't scare me darling, I'm yours for life," he said only half joking. She seemed to like that statement.  
"Um, well let's see. I don't remember the timeline of these quite well but I remember the phases. I went through a comic book phase, a Shakespeare phase, a phase on books about witches, a phase on self-help books, and as you know cookbooks," she said listing them all.  
He nodded, it was like with everything he learned about her, he still found her more captivating. "Self-help books? What was the reasoning behind that one?" He asked. She flushed for a moment, looking so innocent that he wanted to hold her.  
"It's kinda dumb, but I just wanted to be the best person I could be," she replied.  
Fuck. She was such a good person.  
"It's not dumb. I like it, maybe if more people did tried to help themselves, the world wouldn't have as many problems," he said truthfully; believing every word of it. She nodded in agreement and seemed to be staring at his lips again. He decided to have some fun with her.  
"Have you read any romance novels?" He asked, raising one eyebrow. She seemed hesitant.  
"I've read several, yes," she answered, clearly wondering what he was playing at.  
"You know how they always have the perfect romantic guy? Do you think I'd measure up against them?" He asked. She put her hand on his knee under the table and stared right into his eyes. "Bill, you would completely crush any romantic perfect book guy. You're so darn handsome," she said squeezing his knee.  
There it was again, that soft-pleasurable feeling that rose within him when she complimented him. "Come over here and let me kiss you before I flip this table over," he said. She complied and rushed over to sit on his lap.  
"Only for the table's sake," she joked and he began kissing her. Her lips were extra soft this morning; most likely still moist from the shower and the taste of their lips, peppers, and cheese, tasted so good. After a little bit, she pulled away and rested her head on his chest.  
"We need to talk about what happened with Scott," she said. As he had suspected, she hadn't forgotten about fucking Scott and the disaster that had happened last night. He had promised her they would talk about it, and he knew he would have to keep this promise.  
"Okay so let's talk about it," he said, stiffening a bit. He hated it, but obviously when Scott was the subject, he would have to be discreet and couldn't risk exposing the bet.  
"He said something I didn't like, something about old times," she said. He knew exactly what she meant.  
"Sweets, that was bullshit. I have never shared a woman with Scott I don't know where he got that from," he said. That was true, Scott must have been spewing random shit because he hadn't even known Scott until arriving to Yale.  
"Did you share a woman with anyone? And why would he say that?" She asked a bit suspiciously. Fuck.  
Now was one of those times where he wished he had been better in his past so she wouldn't have to ask things like this.  
He was tired of the deceit, since this had nothing to do with Scott, he would tell her the truth. "Yes, Hillary. At Oxford, some guys and I would pass the same girl around, but it was consensual. I'm not some pervert who forces people to do things they don't want, you have to understand that. That was probably what Scott was referring to," he said. She was quiet for a while. Fuck, had he scared her? He was always expecting that one of these days he would unload something on her that was too much to bear and she would take off running.  
"Baby? I'm sorry if what I said upset you. I'm sorry, I know it's difficult to hear but you're making me better," he said.  
" I'm alright, Bill. It's okay. I was just processing it," she said and he was relieved that her voice seemed calm and non judgmental.  
Everyday he was reminded more of how much he didn't deserve her.  
"So what are we gonna do about  
Scott?" She asked. He sighed.  
"We're not going to make the situation worse. It's like you said with Bambi. We'll ignore him, besides he was drunk. I doubt he'll try something like that again and he must be worried about what we're gonna do so that will keep him in line," he said and he even convinced himself.  
"I don't want him to hurt you again," she whispered. That touched his heart deeply, she was always worried about his well-being.  
"He won't, I promise. I'll take care of myself for you, but that gives me an idea. Come on, stand up I'm going to teach you some self defense moves," he said; gently helping them both up on their feet.  
"I've taken self defense classes before, Bill," she said. Good, he thought, it made him glad knowing she knew how to protect herself. Still, with Scott on the loom, he thought a review was in order.  
"This will be a refresher then. Come on, baby girl, do it for me please," he begged. He noticed that she seemed to melt in delight at being called baby girl, and he made a note to keep that in the back of his mind.  
"Bill, is this really necessary?" She asked trying to sit back down but he stopped her.  
"Yes it is. Show me what you know. Where are the best places to hit a guy?" He asked. She rolled her eyes. Silly girl, he thought.  
"Well there's obviously the groin, they tell you to jab the eyes, and to hit the nose with your palm fronted like this," she said showing him.  
"Good girl. Now put it to use," he said grabbing her tightly from behind.  
"Try to get away," he said. She only began to giggle more.  
"This is serious, Hills. If a guy tries to hurt you, I want you to do more than giggle," he said but tried not to smile.  
"I only giggle around you," she said and proceeded to do so.  
"Hillary."  
"Bill," she imitated how they had spoken earlier. He tightened his grip more.  
"Try to get away," he repeated. Her little feet began to kick against him but it didn't hurt. She whinged a bit, obviously annoyed at having struggled. She began to kick harder and she finally managed to kick him in the groin. He stumbled and she took this opportunity to bite his arm; and he released her.  
"Ow, damn it. That hurt, so good job, sweets," he said at last sitting back down to recover from having his groin kicked.  
"I told you I knew how to protect myself. Now try to catch me," she said mischievously. He shook his head in wonder. She was always so playful with him.  
"Hillary I just got my groin kicked and you want me to chase you?" He asked amused. She took off running as a way of response. After a few moments he went after her. He caught up with her just as she was running into their bedroom. He managed to catch her by grabbing onto her skirt. She shrieked in pleasure as he twirled her around to face him.  
"No more running. You've proven your point, you're a fast runner too," he said nearly out of breath. She laughed and her whole face lit up.  
"Can't keep up with me despite your giraffe legs huh?" She asked smugly, she had learned that from him. Fuck, he loved that she was taking on little attributes that he had.  
"Yeah, yeah. Finish getting your things and I'll drive us to campus," he said gently and playfully pushing her towards their bedroom.  
"It's okay Bill, maybe when you finally run as fast as me they'll write a book about you called the little giraffe that could," she said laughing as she went into the room.  
"Just get your things, girlie," he said but a smile was plastered on his lips.

 

She had been nervous about going to her introduction to law class, and now she knew she had been right to be nervous. She had arrived late to class since on their way here, Bill had driven around the traffic circle several times just to make her laugh and nearly throw up. As a result, her usual seat was taken by none other than Scott and there were no other seats available except the one next to him. She was about to just leave, but the professor had spotted her and told her to take a seat. So reluctantly, she sat next to Scott but pulled the seat so it was as far away from his as possible. Luckily, he hadn't spoken to her so far, but she didn't think this was good given that his nose was still bruised from where she had hit him with the helmet. Her fingers went around the necklace Bill had given to her on there way here. She had spotted it around his neck poking out of his shirt; as they were going around in circles and she had mentioned how lovely it was. As a result, he had given to her and placed it around her neck. It was silver and had a small dragonfly. She had protested against him giving it to her but he had stopped her.  
"Dragonflies symbolize change, Hillary. A change in perspective and an emotional understanding of a deeper meaning of life. I got it at a garage sale a while back because I liked the idea of wanting to change. I never could figure out how to change and I was discouraged and stopped wearing it. I only started wearing it again recently now that I met you, but I've kept it hidden under my shirt. I want you to have it," he had said as he had placed it around her neck then kissed her head.  
She twirled it around her finger now. It was lovely and it reminded her of Bill; making her feel safe.  
Her attention was brought back to the present now as the professor announced that class was over. She grabbed her bag and hurried out quickly in order to avoid Scott. She thought she had outpaced him, but then she felt a hand on her elbow.  
"We need to talk," Scott said. He was clearly sober now but she didn't care. She pulled her elbow from his grasp.  
"I have nothing to say to you," she said roughly and turned to walk away. He blocked her and she was basically pinned against the wall behind them with him cornering her.  
"What if I told you I know something about Bill you don't?" He asked. She couldn't figure him out. Who was Scott Brown? At first he had been nice and occasionally he still was. Yet, that kindness no longer seemed genuine in the way Bill's was. Scott always seemed on edge now, like he was forcing himself to be nice.  
"What if I told you I don't care? You hurt my boyfriend last night and now you expect me to just listen to you?" She asked. She didn't care what he had to say. Truthfully, she did have small doubts about Bill. For instance, when he had been answering her question about Scott, he had seemed reserved. Still, she trusted him.  
"Hillary, Bill is not good for you. That's what I was going to tell you last night. He's playing games with you. Don't believe me? He probably told you he doesn't do drugs anymore or smoke right? Well he does weed now, and from what I hear, it's pretty heavy. Look into it and you'll see I'm telling the truth," Scott said all this with a sort of glimmer in his eyes.  
Weed? Was that the weird smell she had noticed the other day? She hated the look on Scott's face and she pushed him away.  
"Just stay away from us," she said heading off; all the while she was twirling the silver dragonfly while trying not to give into doubt.

 

"What are you playing at?" Bill asked angrily as he paced back and forth in Bambi's room. He fucking hated having to see her but he needed to know if she had been involved with the shit that had gone down last night.  
"I'm not playing at anything. Why are you here? Did you need to resupply or something?" She asked powdering her face heavily. The makeup didn't even match her skin tone and he felt sick watching her.  
"You look like a drag queen," he muttered turning his back to her.  
"That doesn't answer my question. Why are you here yelling at me? I didn't do anything," she said.  
He rolled his eyes, he doubted she wasn't involved in some way.  
"Scott and Packer fucking attacked us last night," he said turning to see her reaction now. She seemed kinda surprised but was blushing under her gray face powder.  
"What? You have a thing going with Scott now?" He asked. She shook her head.  
"Packer? Really Bambi?" Quite frankly he didn't care, the two assholes deserved each other, but it was still gross.  
"What you jealous?" She sneered. In your dreams, he thought.  
"Whatever. So did you know about this? What was Scott's play anyways ?Cause all he did was insure that Hillary will never look at him the same again," he said. She shrugged.  
"I doubt it was plan. No one told me anything about it. Actually it makes sense. Packer skipped out on our date last night," she said almost sounding sad.  
What the hell? What was with her lately?  
"You know maybe if you were nicer and presented yourself better a decent guy would like you," he said. He had no idea why he said that, he didn't care about her, but it was true. Maybe being with Hillary made him more empathic to women's feelings.  
"You think I don't know that. You ever stop and think that I don't want a nice guy? That I deserve this?" She was suddenly emotional.  
"What the hell?" He muttered as he turned to leave, he had, had his share of psychotic chicks. "Don't act like if it's some strange concept. I deserve this pain because of what I've done," she said but not offering more. He didn't ask. He didn't necessarily care. He did offer her some advice, however.  
"Just because you had a bad past, it doesn't mean you can lash out at everyone; and put yourself in painful situations. You don't have to keep living like this," he said. Hillary had taught him that. Before her, he had thought the same as Bambi, but now he knew.  
He was once blind, but now could see. He left the room with that thought in mind; closing the door.

 

She knew Bill had told her not to do anything about Scott and the others, but she couldn't do that; not after how they had hurt him.  
"You can come in now, Miss Rodham," the Dean of students said opening the door. She followed him into his office. She wasn't exactly sure what she would say or if she would get in trouble herself; she had after all bruised up Scott with the helmet.  
"What is it you'd like to talk about?" He asked. He was familiar in a way, he had brunette hair,  
fine wrinkles and an ever present sneer. She looked at the nameplate on his desk in order to address him.  
"Mr. Clark, I want to speak to you about an incident that occurred last night," she said. She glanced around at the rest of his desk; feeling a bit guilty that she was doing what Bill had told her not to do. She noticed a picture frame, a picture frame that had Bambi's photography.  
"So what was this incident about?" He asked.  
"Who is the girl in the picture frame?" She asked instead of answering the question. It was strange and she felt a bit sick. She needed to know what the dean's relationship to Bambi was before she went on.  
"Oh that's my daughter, Bambi. She goes here. Do you know each other?" He asked neutrally but he seemed weirded out by her behavior. His daughter? Now she knew why he looked familiar. "No. I'm sorry, Mr Clark. Something came up, we'll have to reschedule," she said getting up and practically fleeing the room. She now agreed that this was a bad idea; who knew if Bambi had told her father anything about her? She tried to compose herself and took a peak out the window in the hallway overlooking the student parking lot. Bill was waiting for her where he had said he would; leaning against her slugbug. He had been reluctant to drive it at first but she had insisted on her car being used at least half of the time. He looked so attractive there, staring off into the distance, and his jaw locked. She sighed and walked outside to meet him. His face instantly lit up when he turned and saw her.  
"Hey!" He said excitedly and gave her a hug.  
"Mmm. You're so snuggly," she said trying to sound normal and take her mind off Bambi and her father. She seemed to pass for normal as Bill didn't say anything and held open the car door for her with one hand.  
"So are you. C'mon you don't want to be late for your first day of work do you?" He said. She got in and he bent down and gave her a quick kiss before closing the door. As he got in the driver's seat, she turned and noticed the motorcycle in the backseat.  
"After I drop you off I'm returning it. Then I'll catch a cab back to the house," he explained as he started the engine. She only nodded. She tried to not think about what Scott had said and she sniffed the air. She didn't smell anything.  
Was Scott lying?  
He must be, she thought.  
"You're really quiet over there. You're gonna do fine at this job, baby," he said putting one hand on her thigh. She shook Scott's nonsense from her mind, he was the one playing games not Bill.  
"I know. It'll be okay. Hey, did you skip class to go get the motorcycle? It wasn't in the bug this morning," she said now noticing. It wasn't that big of a deal, but she preferred that he didn't skip classes.  
"I didn't skip. I left my last class early to go get it. Did you eat lunch yet? If not I put a bean and cheese burrito in the glove compartment," he said. She suddenly realized how hungry she was. Besides breakfast, she had only eaten half of a granola bar. She opened the glove compartment and sure enough a sliver wrapped burrito was there. She took it out and began to undo the wrapper in a hurry.  
"Really Bill? 'Chubby's burritos?" She asked as she caught the name of the restaurant on the wrapper. He laughed.  
"They have good food. I'll take you there some time," he said.  
She bit into the burrito and her mouth filled with cheese. She nodded vigorously.  
"This is good," she said agreeing with him and he laughed. She finished her burrito the rest of the way there as she and Bill talked. He asked her about her day and she asked him about his. They even got into a light hearted argument about who had better music taste.  
"The Who is better than Queen," he said.  
"That's such a lie. They call themselves The Who because no one knows them," she retorted. "This is coming from the girl who likes Elvis Presley," he said rolling his eyes.  
"Well, you can't cook!"  
"Babe, what does that have to do with this?" He said laughing. She didn't know but at this point started laughing too.  
"Just say it. Say that you love me and I'm right about everything," she said.  
"I love you and you're right about most things," he replied smugly. The daycare came within view and he parked the car.  
"I'm walking you in," he said. She nodded as he got out and went to open her door and offer her his hand. They walked into the daycare with interlaced fingers.  
"Hi. I'm Hillary, the new employee I'm looking for Olivia," she said to the lady at the front desk. The daycare was set up so there was a gate behind the huge desk and in the gate there were children playing. That was the waiting area, for children who were going to be picked up soon as the sign said 'pick up.' She suspected that the rest of the children were in the back rooms.  
"Ah! Yes! That will be me then, dear. It's a pleasure to have you on board," the woman who now identified herself as Olivia said. She had long mousy brown hair and light brown skin as well. She looked only a few years older than Hillary but still very pretty.  
"Well I'm glad to be working here," she said and glanced up at Bill. He was looking down at her as well and she blushed upon making eye contact with him.  
"You can come here behind the counter with me for starters and I'll show you the ropes. I'm currently on pick up duty," Olivia said and turned around just as some kids began to chase each other. Hillary herself took this opportunity to say bye to Bill.  
"I guess I'll see you at home," she said hugging him.  
"I'll be there, unless you beat me home. I'm gonna run a few errands," he said kissing her forehead softly. She stepped out of his embrace and with one last goodbye, she joined Olivia behind the counter.  
"Wow you're pretty!" A small boy said to her as she sat down. She gasped. He looked like a mini version of Bill. Same brown hair, big blue eyes, and he was even wearing a black shirt.  
"Thank you! What's your name?" She asked.  
"I'm Cody," he said. She noticed that Bill was still within distance.  
"Bill look! This boy Cody looks like you!" She said and he turned around and smiled.  
"Who's that? He looks like me!" Cody said excited. Even Olivia now noticed the resemblance and commented on how cute it was.  
"That's my friend Bill. Wave bye to him with me," she said and they did until Bill left smiling from the building; and waving back. She looked down at young Cody and a strange feeling came over. She imagined what it would be like to carry Bill's child. To have a little boy or girl that had his blue gray eyes and heart-warming smile...

He had decided to take the motorcycle for one last ride before returning it to the junker. He was driving it past the diner him and Hillary had gone to last night. When he stopped at the red light, he noticed Packer was in there. He quickly turned around and parked the motorcycle.  
He entered the diner angrily.  
"Packer!" He somewhat shouted causing the few old people in the diner to give him dirty looks. Packer turned around and there was a man next to him.  
Shit! It was a senator. The senator of New York to be exact. It was obvious from the resemblance that this was Packer's father and he wondered how he had never noticed before.  
"Sit down, Bill. Dad, this is Bill, my friend I was telling you about," Packer said as he sat down across from them. It was strange but he had always been in awe of the senator's work.  
"Bill, Packer here tells me that you have a bright future in politics," the senator said. Bill glanced at Packer who was grinning ear to ear.  
"Um, I guess so," he said. He was glad Hillary had managed to hit Packer a bit with the helmet last night, because of the way he was looking all superior.  
"Well, listen. Packer says you went to Oxford, and that is a very good school. Plus with your law degree here, that will make you a top candidate. It's just like I tell Packer, it's all about the status," he went on. Bill only nodded. He didn't really know what to say as he was still stunned.  
"Bill is gonna be part of the royals soon, Dad," Packer chimed in. It took everything in him not to  
glare at Packer because he was referring to the bet.  
"That's really good. I look forward to hearing more about you, Bill," the senator said and excused himself to use the bathroom. As soon as they were alone, Bill turned on Packer.  
"What the fuck was that last night?" He asked. Packer didn't get the chance to answer though because the waitress came to fill up his coffee.  
"Do you want anything?" She asked Bill. He shook his head. As she left Packer grabbed her ass. "Dude, leave her alone," Bill said shaking his head. Seriously, could any of these guys keep their hands off people for one second? Sure, he used to be the same, but he never randomly grabbed people who didn't want it.  
"Whatever. Look, about last night. We were drunk. I know Scott got mad seeing Hillary with you. Anyways don't sweat it, I know he won't try something like that again. Hillary was pretty scared huh?" He said almost laughing at the end. That annoyed him, he was basically making fun of Hillary's fear.  
"Whatever. Look, I'm tired of this. Why can't you guys just call off the bet?" He asked. Packer just shook his head.  
"No can do. Scott's like dead set on this now, it's kinda scary," he said. Bill took his wallet out from the back of his pocket and called the waitress over to order his own coffee. As soon as she put it down he took a sip of it, he would clearly need the caffeine to deal with Packer's bullshit. "How would you even prove to see which one of us nailed her first or whatever?" He asked. He hated using that terminology now, but he couldn't get sappy with Packer; it might only make things worse. Instead of answering, Packer grabbed his wallet.  
"I need to borrow some cash to tip the waitress," he explained. Bill didn't mind the money part. What bothered him was that Packer was loaded but apparently didn't carry any of his inheritance with him.  
"Would you look at that?" Packer said now taking out the Polaroid picture of Hillary. Bill clenched his fist.  
"She's such a pretty little thing. I'm jealous," he said only causing Bill to get more angry. Packer didn't deserve to see Hillary's beauty.  
"Hey, calm down Bill . I think two dudes after the same girl is enough for now. You know what, this gave me an idea. Bring me intimate Polaroids like this and I'll know you nailed her first," Packer said sliding the picture back into the wallet.  
What? Intimate Polaroids? He didn't like the sound of that too much. He didn't want anyone seeing Hillary like that except him.  
"Hey they don't have to be really dirty or anything. Just enough to prove you nailed her," Packer said shrugging. At this point, the senator came back and asked Packer if he was ready to go. Packer said he was and the two headed off but before they left they said 'Catch you later, Bill." He sure hoped they didn't.

 

Her first day of work had been a success. She had gotten to know several of the children and was getting accustomed to the daycare. Her duties included teaching, entertaining, and of course guiding. It was all fine by her, she adored these things. Her salary was also modest but favorably high due to her bachelors degree and prior experience with children.  
Now, as she drove her car back to the house, she noticed the tank was on low.  
She would need to fill it up. So she changed routes and headed towards the nearest gas station. As she was filling the tank, a thought occurred to her. She had never seen a porn magazine in her life. What did they even look like? Curiosity was looming over her and before she knew it; after filling the tank, she went into the gas station convenience shop. She felt herself feeling awkward and a bit dirty, but her curious thoughts probed her on. She found the magazines hidden in the back under a sign that said adults only. She pulled out the first one she reached for, and without looking at it; she went to pay for it. She felt her face going hot and she tried to avoid making eye contact with the cashier. He didn't say anything and let her pay for it in peace. Once that was done, she grabbed it and ran to her car that was now in one of the parking spaces. Upon entering the car, she looked at the magazine for the first time and her face grew even hotter. Still, she was interested to see the things Bill had seen, and she began to turn the pages...

 

After the whole meeting with Packer, and returning the motorcycle, he had taken a cab back to the house. The day was coming to a close as late evening overtook the sky. After paying the cab man, he saw Hillary's small car in the drive through. She had beaten him home. He was eager to see her, and he walked with a purpose. After unlocking the door to get in, then relocking it behind him, he called her name.  
No answer.  
Nearly all the lights were off, except for the one in their room. He followed the light and when he entered their room, he saw her sitting there waiting for him on the bed.  
"Hello, Daddy," she said. He did a double-take.  
"Where did you learn to talk like that?" He asked, but it did do something pleasing to him when she called him that.  
"Does it matter, Daddy?" She asked and wrapped her arms around his neck. Still, he noticed her eyes flicker to the bed. He noticed a magazine sticking out. He was familiar with that publishing name.  
"Hillary, you bought a porn magazine?" He asked and the thought made him giddy. She never ceased to surprise him and he got a kick of imagining her innocent-self buying it.  
"I was curious," she said in a whiny voice and jumping up and down. He knew what she wanted. He picked her up in his arms.  
"Curiosity kills those kitties you love so much dear," he said teasingly.  
"Don't you mean pussy cats?" She asked giggling at the dirty word she had used .  
"Are you gonna be naughty now? Is that it?" He teased and his hands moved to her ass. She seemed to be enjoying this as well. She moved her lips to his ear.  
"I want you to hump me," she said. He couldn't believe he was hearing her right.  
"The sooner, the better, daddy," she said giggling still. He placed her on the bed and did as she asked. He began humping against her sex, but still clothed, their fabric causing more pleasing friction.  
"Is this something you read about in there?" He asked through gritted teeth as he saw her writhing beneath him in pleasure.  
"Yes amongst several other things. Don't get your hopes up, I'm throwing that magazine away," she said her hands going to his back. She seemed to be pink and nearly out of breath.  
"You're so jealous. Even when I'm humping you," he said. He still found it adorable.  
"Yeah, well, you belong to me," she panted. He went on for a little longer until they were both out of breath, then he stopped. He was lying down on top of her now, and she gently played with his hair.  
"How was work?" He asked. She then went on to tell him all about the children she had met and duties she would soon have. The joy in her voice made him happy as well. They laid there for a while, listening to each other's breathing. She had been spontaneous tonight and now he felt that it was his turn.  
"You want to go on a late night drive, in my car this time? Don't worry, it won't be in town like last night."  
She agreed.

 

They had parked the car as they had decided to walk in the open clearing. He had driven them to a meadow, a hill top actually and while there were hiking trails, there was no one else in sight. He looked down at their interlocked hands. Hers was so small compared to his, and also very soft. After a while they heard music and he suggested they go check it out. Hillary was more cautious, saying that it wasn't a good idea. He won her over however, by saying that the music didn't sound menacing. It really didn't. It sounded like folk music and ukuleles and banjos were being strummed.  
To their surprise, they came across what looked to be like a concert going on. There was a stage and a fence that was in the clearing. Stage lights and the whole getup was there, including a crowd.  
"Must be some college band. Have you ever snuck into a concert before?" He asked playfully.  
"I don't think sneaking in will be necessary," she said.  
"It's the fun part," he replied. He pulled her gently alongside him to where the fence was.  
"Can you climb?" He asked. She gave him an incredulous look.  
"I've never climbed a fence before and I'm wearing a skirt," she whispered. He looked down, ah yes, that beautiful skirt.  
"No problem, climb up on my back," he said. She did and he began to climb effortlessly. After they jumped the fence, he helped her get down.  
"Really, climbing the fence wasn't necessary, there was an opening right there," she said pointing to a opening in the fence that would have allowed them to slip through.  
"What fun would that have been though? Now come on," he said. They joined the crowd in watching the band perform. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and cradled her as they listened to the music. The band was good and they sang several popular songs. He swayed Hillary and his own body back and forth in time to the music and he could see that she enjoying it. Every once in a while, when a song he knew was played, he would sing into Hillary's ear and she would blush. After a while, the crowd began to die down and the band played one final song. He noticed Hillary was on the verge of sleep.  
"I'll carry you to the car," he said and scooped her up in his arms. Like before, her fingers held onto his shirt and she began to close her eyes. He looked down at her, sleeping in his arms, and it was so fucking incredible. The fact that she trusted him enough to sleep in his arms was everything to him. The dragonfly necklace he had given her, was shining in the night and he loved how it looked on her.  
His mind went back to her at the daycare and how quickly the children had taken a liking to her. The child that looked like him had caused a stir within him. To see her there, talking with a child who could pass for his, made him think of what it would be like to have a child with her. It was so fucking insane as he had never wanted such things before. Yet, the thought of Hillary with full rosy cheeks and a round pregnant stomach carrying his child did something to him. He fucking loved her. Maybe someday, maybe a few years from now, they could start a family and for once he was thinking of the future in optimism; not knowing that his days with her were numbered.


	12. Birthday

"No more questions, Billy! Only kissies," she said giggling into his white cotton shirt. He had been drilling her and asking her fire rounds of questions on her favorite things and preferences. Her birthday was tomorrow and Bill was reasking her questions he had already asked over the several weeks they had moved in together.  
It had been three weeks since Scott's attack and Bill's bruises had healed and all she wanted to do was kiss his beautiful face. They were after all curled up in the hammock he had bought and put in the backyard so they could watch the stars. She still remembered how he had insisted on buying it when they had gone grocery shopping.  
"It'll be nice, you'll like it, you'll see. Now what color do you want?" He had asked.  
They had settled on a yellow one, because "it looks happy," he had said. She had only giggled and teased him about how he only liked it because he wanted to be able to pee in it with no one knowing. That had only earned her a "naughty girl" statement from him.  
"No kissies, until you answer my question. So you are sure you like multi-colored sprinkles? Because I can get solid pink ones if you want," he said shaking her a bit in anticipation. She rolled her eyes.  
"Bill I like multi-colored and pink ones! Honestly I'll be fine with anything and you're not being very discreet are you?" She said stealing a quick kiss on his stubbly chin. He looked so lovely to her as he laid there, eyes extra round and hair cherry auburn in the afternoon sunlight.  
"I never said what the sprinkles were for!" He said a bit defensive. She tried to snag another kiss on his lips but he stopped her with his fingers.  
"Just one more question. You said you liked strawberry cake batter right?" He asked. She again rolled her eyes. He wasn't being discreet no matter what he said. It didn't take a genius to figure out what cake batter and sprinkles meant.  
"Yes, I did. Now kissies!" She whinged and he finally began to kiss her face softly. She laughed in pleasure from the contact of his smooth lips on her face.  
"Mmm. We have a few more minutes until we both have to go to work," he said as he paused in his kissing. In response she only pulled his face closer.  
"Then make these few minutes count," she said kissing the end of his round nose.  
In these past few weeks, she had gotten to know him even better. He had become even more natural and comfortable with her; often lounging around the house in sweats and not bothering to comb his hair. He had grown some slight facial hair as well. He had also revealed to her more of his thoughts on things as deep as politics and religion to as light as his favorite season.  
It had previously been summer, but he had changed it to autumn.  
"Because we met in autumn. Also when you were describing that painting 'the variations of autumn,' I noticed how beautiful you were for the first time," he had said.  
Now, he brought up her hands and kissed each of her ten finger tips.  
"You'll be twenty five tomorrow aren't you excited?" He asked still holding her hands and caressing her fingers.  
"I guess so. It's not fair how you're twenty six though," she said playfully.  
"Darling, it's only a one year difference. It just means the universe took a year longer to perfect you before blessing the world with your beauty," he said his lips coming down on her hair.  
She would have expected herself to be used to these compliments he often showered her with; but it still brought butterflies to her stomach.  
He would tell her the most beautiful things; more beautiful than anything she had ever read in any book or poem.  
"Well, when you put it that way," she said laughing. They laid together in comfortable silence for a few more minutes. His lips often brushing her hair, jawline, and again her fingertips. After a while, and with a heavy sigh he broke the silence.  
"Time to go to work," he said untangling himself from her. He had gotten a callback to work in a  
mechanic shop a few days ago. She herself, also had continued her work at the daycare and luckily their work schedules lined up so they were both at work then back at the house at the same time; and they had classes in the morning, with an extra amount of snuggle time once classes were done.  
“Am I taking the mustang today?” she asked laughing a bit because the last time she had driven it, she had nearly had an accident. She had begged him to let her drive it being as “it isn’t fair that you drive my car and I can’t drive yours.” He had agreed and been her passenger when she drove them to campus. Unfortunately, she had forgotten to move the seat forward and her feet were too small to reach the pedals. As a result, she had been hitting the accelerator with the tip of her toe too fast and nearly ran a red light.  
“No. You’re taking your bug silly, baby and make sure your seat is well adjusted,” he said as they put their shoes on and walked out the back gate to the front of the house. They each went to their cars. As she was getting ready to open the door his voice stopped her.  
"Baby? I mean it, drive safely. You're taking my heart with you, please keep it safe," he said. His concern touched her deeply. It seemed that no matter what he was always thinking of her well- being and what was best for her.  
"I will. I'll always come back to you safely. I promise," she said as she opened the car door and got in the driver's seat. He came over to the rolled down window and gave her one last kiss goodbye.  
"Have a good day at work," he said. She assured him she would have a good day and with one last goodbye she reversed down from the driveway.

 

These past few weeks for him had seemed like never ending terror. The terror came from Scott, Bambi, and all the bet drama. Even though things had seemed quiet, he was sure that they were still working together to take him down some way.  
Maybe it was just paranoia, but when he had run into Scott at the hardware store last week, his rival had only told him one thing: "you will lose." That was the only contact he had experienced with Scott in these few weeks, but from the look of determination and hate in his eyes, he was sure that Scott Brown was up to something.  
Bambi, on the other hand, he had seen frequently in these weeks following Scott's attack. He had often gone to resupply his weed stash, but he had been going to see her more for something else. He had been going to get information on Scott, but had only come out with more vague references to Bambi's past life which were followed by melt downs.  
Ironically one night when he had gone to see her, he had tried to help her.  
"Bambi, there is no need for you to be living your life complaining all the time," he had said as she had gotten into one of her fits of rage because Packer had started going out with one of the golden retrievers.  
"Oh, like you're some saint! Honestly what does Chloe have that I don't! And the funny thing is, I knew Packer would fucking do this!" She had said still yelling. He didn't understand her, he had just wanted her to stop yelling. In a way, he had also felt bad for her. He was starting to get the sense that due to some neglect in her life she had grown up cold and cruel. It made him think that not every woman was as blessed as his Hillary to grow up nurtured, loved, and into a kind person. He had made a note to himself, that if he ever got the chance to meet Hillary's parents, then he would thank them for raising her right.  
"For Christ's sake Bambi I thought you liked the pain! Look. Packer is a fucking sleeze and you could do better, but first you need to work on yourself," he had said. He hadn't known why he was being so empathic, he figured that came from Hillary because before her he never gave a damn how anyone felt.  
"What's wrong with you? Why are you being so nice to me?" Bambi had asked still in that sneering voice. It didn't bother him, he recognized that now the sneer was a defense, he had used to protect himself with cold expressions like sneers as well.  
"I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's because of her, because of Hillary," he had said truthfully. He had owed her the credit, she had been restoring his humanity back, making him not cold, the least he could do was try to pay it forward.  
"Hillary! Fucking Hillary!" Bambi had said almost with disgust.  
"Hey you watch your mouth when you talk about her!" He had warned for a second dropping his helpful attitude. He had wanted to be kind and patient but he did not take well to anyone saying any bad things about the kindest person he knew.  
"Why? Honestly, you could do better," she had said.  
At this he had only grown more defensive. There was no better than Hillary, not to him. "Because I love her. Why do you hate her so much anyways? She hasn't done anything to you," he had said. He had assumed that Bambi had only hated Hillary because of him, but she had moved on from him to Packer and still hated Hillary.  
"Because she's everything I'm not. Because my fucking father brings her up all the time, saying that she is one of the most promising students! And because she got your attention in a way I never could," she had said taking him off guard.  
"You don't even like me in that way anymore," he had said. At that point, he had seriously been confused. Bambi was jealous of Hillary?  
"It's not about you damn it! It's the fact that she was able to get a guy's love apparently and I can't because I'm fucking unlovable. I'm unlovable to my father and to every fucking guy I come across!" She had yelled.  
He did feel more bad for her now, but he still hadn't thought that she should be projecting her anger on Hillary.  
"Bambi. Look, you're not unlovable, I don't think anyone really is. Hell, if I got someone to love me then you can too. You have to change your attitude first, like I did. And you can't be taking out your anger on people anymore. Especially Hillary because I bet if you had explained your problems to her she would have been your friend," he had said. He had no doubt in his mind that Hillary would have been ready to forgive and to help if Bambi had only been nicer.  
"I guess I could change," she had said not as angry anymore.  
"Okay, cool. I can help if you want, I mean I'm already coming up here every other day to ask about Scott and to resupply my weed anyway," he had said off handily.  
She had agreed.  
So, when he went to try to get information on Scott, he would let Bambi scream and rant until she was blue in the face. Then he would offer some insight and leave. He felt proud knowing he was going good and trying to help someone; it's what Hillary would do.  
Yet, he felt a bit guilty because Hillary knew none of this. He was doing nothing wrong, but there was no way to explain how he was helping Bambi without revealing why he had still been seeing her in the first place. So as result, he felt like he was still sneaking around and he was always feeling guilty and on edge. The weed helped with that. He had started to only use it early in the mornings while she was still asleep, and on campus while she was in class. He didn't really see a problem in her knowing that he was using it, but again he would have to explain how it relieved his guilt and why he felt guilty.  
So the few weeks had been an anxious terror ride.  
But they had also been the most beautiful of his life. He had grown even closer to Hillary and she had become the color of his life; still captivating his attention. Every night before going to sleep, she would read a chapter from The Catcher in The Rye, the book she had been checking out when they had first spoken in the library. She would read it out loud to him as they sat in front of the warm fireplace.  
"You've never read this book before? Honestly Bill, it's beautiful and the character of Holden Caulfield reminds me of you," she had said the night they had begun the book.  
He now understand what she meant. The character of Holden was very much like him, guarded, rude, and unfiltered.  
"But he's complicated, and he's human. He's really vulnerable and wants to be understood, like you," she had said.  
She had been right, and he was ever grateful that she truly understood him.  
She had also introduced him to the art of scrapbooking, another one of her hobbies.  
"Although I didn't have much friends or a social life I still liked to scrapbook my high school years," she had said showing him the four books that contained each of her years. They had included a few pictures of some friends, but mostly they included her writings from those years, adorned and decorated with glitter and construction paper. It had made him smile, the scrapbooks were unique. They weren't just filled with pictures, although some pictures were included which he loved since they included Hillary younger and still just as innocent, but they had included small tokens of that school year. Some of these had included a broken shoelace that she had damaged from walking to the library so many times, a pressed flower petal from the roses her mother had given her after graduation, and a coffee stain that had been an accident but a testimony to her memory of having founded out that she had been accepted at Wellesley.  
"Why did you bring these with you?" He had asked, amazed that she had brought these memories with her to New Haven.  
"I was expecting to get homesick, and these remind me of home," she had answered simply, before wrapping her arms around his neck.  
"But now you're my home, and I was thinking we should make one," she had said.  
'You're my home.'  
Those words meant so much to him.  
So they had begun to scrapbook in these past few weeks as well and he had really gotten into it. He had included the sticker of her shampoo he had used to wash her hair, a picture he had taken of the house having used her Polaroid, and most importantly a picture he had taken of her as she had laid asleep on his chest. Of course she had added some things as well, including her doodles of the motorcycle ride, a small lock of his hair she had begged him to include, and one of the many pictures of him she had taken when she had first bought the Polaroid.  
Each day, they had each found more things to add to the scrapbook and it was increasing in memories.  
He had also fallen in love with her more over these past few weeks. He hadn't even known it was possible to love her more than he already did, but his love seemed to be ever growing. He had noticed it when they had gone grocery shopping last weekend. She had taken a shower before leaving the house and her hair had been damp and curling; her cheeks flushed pink. She had also worn one of his sweatshirts with her bootcut jeans and she had looked so beautiful to him as she had shopped for the items, with him pushing the cart behind her. It did something to him, to shop for domestic things of the house with her. It had made him realize that he wanted more of this with her, not just temporary; it was the same feeling he had experienced when he had seen her talking to the child that looked like him. Then there had been the sweet intimate moments of shopping with her. Occasionally she hadn't been able to reach for some items and had been on the tip of her toes reaching for them. He had in these times come up behind her and plucked it for her easily, placing it in her small hands.  
Her little "thank you, Billy" that he was awarded with every time had only made him more eager for the items to be out of her reach.  
So he had fallen in love with her way more than he could fully comprehend.  
Now, as he drove to work he thought of her birthday surprise tomorrow. He had let her think he was being obvious , but really he had something much more planned. He couldn't wait to be greeted with that huge smile he knew would decorate her face upon seeing her gifts. One of the gifts he was going to pick up today after work.  
Work. He had been glad to get a job with mechanics as he loved working on cars and at times was able to test many of the them. He arrived at the mechanic shop now, parking his car in the usual dirt spot on the lot.  
"Hey, Bill. Dad needs you to do an oil change on the blue Chevrolet," Luna his boss's daughter said walking by him carrying some tires.  
"On it," he said and went over to begin the work on the car.  
When he had started working here on the first day, it was clear that Luna liked him in a crush sort of way. She wasn't a tramp, in fact she was nice and cute with long black hair and big brown eyes. She had shown him the ropes the first day and she had seemed to blush every time he had looked at her. He hadn't been bothered by it. After all, she had been very kind and not in his face provocative like Bambi. So he had simply ignored it. That is until he had been working underneath the car later that day and she had asked him from above if he wanted one of the lemonades she had made. He had been thirsty so he had accepted one and upon coming back up from the car he had seen that she had changed into a shorter skirt. It still hadn't been slutty or in his face but he had to set the record straight. So after drinking his lemonade he had politely confronted her about it.  
"Luna, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, believe me, but I have a girlfriend," he had said. The girl, perky as ever had taken the rejectment with good grace and had apologized, there had been no trace of bitterness in her voice.  
"It's okay, you didn't know. Wanna a see a picture of her?" He had asked and he had shown Luna the Polaroid picture of Hillary he always kept in his wallet.  
"She's pretty, really pretty," Luna had replied genuinely still no bitterness in her voice. He had noticed how different her reaction had been than Bambi's and it only made him like her more. She could be a friend.  
"Yeah, I know, that's my girl. Hey listen, we can still be friends there's still a lot I don't know about this place like where are the toilets for starters?" He had asked. She had laughed and in good grace they had become friends, she didn't try to make a pass at him or flirt and there had been no awkwardness between them.  
Now, as he worked on the oil change, he thought about how different his life would be right now if he hadn't met Hillary. He would probably still be a cold dirtbag who slept with lots of girls just to feel something, and he was glad that was no longer who he was.  
"I finished with the cake pops you wanted. I think Hillary will like them greatly," Luna said coming to his side. He nodded. That was one of Hillary's gifts, and he had been glad that Luna had offered to help since he was a wreck when it came to baking or cooking.  
"Thank you, Luna. I'll take them with me this afternoon. Hillary is going to be so happy, she really loves cats you know and cat cake pops are going to make her squeal," he said already excited just thinking about her reaction.  
"Not to mention the fact that they go with her other gift. When are you picking her up?" Luna said just as excited and in reference to Hillary's second gift.  
"I was thinking after work. I always get home before Hillary and I'll put her in the empty spare room that Hillary doesn't go into," he said. He couldn't wait to see Hillary so overjoyed and he wished that tomorrow was today.  
"I just wonder what she'll name her. You'll have to let me know," Luna said.  
"She said once that she liked the name socks for a cat but this cat doesn't have the white paws so we'll see," he said shrugging. With Hillary, it was bound to be something unique. She was always still surprising him with her little quirks and ways of thinking.  
"Well I hope she has a good birthday," Luna said. He nodded and was about to answer when Luna's father, who was also his boss, came to tell Luna she had a phone call.  
"It's your friend Sunny. She says it's important," he said. Bill noticed the way Luna blushed at the mention of her friend. It was almost similar to how Hillary blushed around him. He shrugged it off as Luna said goodbye and went to answer her phone call.  
"How's that oil change going?" His boss asked. Luna's father was a very large man with graying hair and the same brown eyes Luna had. Bill knew him as "Mr. Jenkins" but the man liked being called sir by his employees. He had also taken a liking to Bill and was impressed with his mechanic skills.  
"It's going good, sir. I should be done here soon," he replied. Fixing cars was a second nature to him. He had often fixed cars as a second job. In short, he liked it better than he had his old "job", the one that made him feel guilty thinking of how Hillary would not have approved.  
"Well, when you're done here you have two more and then you can head home for the day. We're turning in earlier because Luna and I have a baseball game we want to watch."  
"Well I wish your team luck," Bill replied as his boss walked away but his mind was already on  
Hillary.  
Home.  
'You're my home now.'  
Her statement was just as true for him as it was for her. She had become his home. Her snuggles and warmth at night his only shelter. He loved how she had also become his greatest friend. The fact that not everything was based around sexual activities or the physical made him even more grateful for her. Yes, he loved kissing her and the occasional fingering that they sometimes still engaged in, but he was grateful that they could just be; just talk for hours on end. He still hadn't told her all of his bullshit past, but with everything they talked about, no matter how casual, he was continuing to open up to her.  
He loved her deeply and even now he missed her, so he began to work on the car with more of a purpose in order to get to his home sooner.

 

"I'm fine, Olivia. I'll be out soon," Hillary said to her coworker who had come to knock on the door of the bathroom asking her if she was okay.  
"Alright. Come back as soon as you're ready," she replied and her heels went clicking down the hall.  
Hillary wasn't fine.  
She was cramping terribly as Mother Nature had decided to give her that time of the month as an early birthday gift. She had gone to the bathroom simply to sit and to try to empty out her stomach. It was no such luck.  
She hadn't had cramps this badly since she was a teenager; she normally didn't get them at all. They had come so sudden as well. She had been on entertaining duty, playing and watching Cody and the other kids in the ball pit, when she had felt them come on and had excused herself to the bathroom. She got up and readjusted her clothing. She didn't want to leave early simply because of cramps and as she washed her hands, applied water to her frizzy hair, and pushed back her glasses she walked back with determination.  
"Are you okay Miss Hilly?" Cody asked as she re entered the playroom. He and the other kids had taken to calling her Hilly since they couldn't fully pronounce her name; she found it adorable. "Yes I'm okay- ow!" Her statement was cut short by her bending over in pain as she felt another cramp contraction shoot through her; in her lower back this time.  
"Hillary if you don't feel well you really should go home," her coworker Belinda said. Belinda was one of the staff members who had worked here longer and she and Hillary had gotten along well since they both loved the children. On her way to the bathroom, Hillary had asked Belinda to watch the kids and she had been grateful that she had since she was on her break.  
"I don't think I can. I don't want to and I can't ask you to cover my shift," she said. Belinda had been about to clock out after her break and Hillary really didn't want to burden her. Still, the thought of her warm bedsheets and an aspirin was pleasing.  
"Don't be ridiculous, I'd be glad to cover your shift. C'mon you have to get well tomorrow is your birthday," Belinda said and the kids yelled out a chorus of 'happy earlier birthday!' She smiled and thanked them.  
"Okay. Okay. But I owe you and I'll make it up to you," she said. She said goodbye to the kids one last time and headed to Olivia's office to tell her she was going home. Her boss was gracious about it.  
"It's fine, Hillary. You work really hard around here and we're lucky to have you. Go on home and take care of yourself," she said. Hillary thanked her and left her office. As a second thought, she decided she should call Bill. He had given her a number so she could reach him at work, but he had said it was for emergencies. This wasn't necessarily an emergency but he had called her at work last week just to tell her he loved her and that he had stubbed his toe. She really wanted to hear his voice as well since it would be a little longer for him to get off work. So she went to the front desk and asked the intern there who was on pick up duty if she could use the phone. She felt dorky asking an intern permission to use the phone but she felt it was polite. Besides, she liked the two interns who were twins and wanted to be teachers one day. They volunteered at the daycare for college credit.  
"Go ahead," the girl answered.  
Hillary pulled the phone to her and began to put in Bill's work number. He had made her memorize it.  
"I need you to know this number, if anything were to happen," he had said. So every morning after breakfast he had made her recite it until he had been sure she had memorized it. The phone dial rang for a while until someone answered.  
"Hello?" A girl voiced asked. She felt a twinge of jealousy but contained it. It wasn't worth getting worked up over nothing and besides it could have just been her pmsing. Besides, Bill had made it clear to her how much she didn't need to be jealous when they had run into one of the girls he had used to fool around with at the park.  
"Hillary. Look at me, there's no one else for me. No one," he had said stopping their stride and putting his hands on her shoulders; leaning down a little to meet her height and look her in the face. She had been a little angry at how the girl had ogled at him and he had noticed.  
"Okay," she had simply still a little mad and not knowing what else to say.  
"No, don't say 'okay.' It's not okay. I want you to know that yes I fucked around before, but never again. I'm yours only. There's no one like you. I love you," he had said his hands moving to cup her face. He had kissed her passionately and after more endearments he had coaxed the anger out of her and had given her a piggyback ride around the rest of the park.  
"Hello? Is someone there?" The girl asked breaking through her thoughts.  
"Oh yes. I'm calling to speak with Bill," she answered.  
"Just a second," the girl replied. Hillary tapped her foot while she waited and tried to ignore her cramping.  
"Baby? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" Bill asked concern in his voice.  
"Oh, yes. I just wanted to call you and say I love you and that I stubbed my toe," she teased him. She could hear his sigh of relief at her playful tone.  
"Very funny, sweets. I love you too but why did you call are you sure you're okay?" He asked in that loving voice he reserved for her only. She played with the phone cord in the flirty way she always did when she talked to him on the phone.  
"I'm fine. I'm just going home from work early and I wanted you to know. I also really wanted to hear your voice," she said then her breathing hitched a bit at another wave of cramp pain.  
"Are you feeling sick?" He asked not missing the change in her breathing.  
"Not like flu sick or even sick. Just cramping," she replied. He seemed to understand.  
"Oh. Well um that sucks. Do you need me to pick anything up from the store on the way home? Maybe some plugs? Or diapers?" He asked obviously trying to get her to laugh. It worked. She snorted at his terminology for feminine products, causing the intern to look at her in confusion. "Bill, I'm fine. I have everything I need. You're so funny," she said feeling her cheeks grow rosy. It was insane, but his voice alone could cause her to turn red.  
"Just making sure. I'll be home soon to cuddle you until you feel better," he said and she could imagine him licking his lips in the way he always did when he talked about making her feel good or better.  
"Cuddles cure cramps? What a scientific break through you've made," she said rolling her eyes but she could already feel his warmth even though he wasn't physically with her.  
"Mmm. I love you."  
"I love you too," she replied and she was aware that her face was no doubt incredibly red. There was silence on both ends of the phone call as they both were grinning.  
"Hillary? Maybe you should head home now, naughty girl. Or your boss will think you were lying about your cramps," he said smugly knowing exactly what he was doing to her.  
"Yeah, I'll see you at home," she said still flustered. They exchanged goodbyes and she hung up the phone. She said goodbye to the pickup kids and the intern and went out to her red slugbug, her face still just as red.

 

"I hope it's okay that she'll be staying here another day. The plan was to arrive home early before my girlfriend and take her today," Bill said petting the cat's white fur as he cradled her in his arms. He had known when he had seen her through the window of the pet shop that she would be a perfect pet and gift for Hillary. The cat was still technically a kitten but had stopped breast feeding a few weeks ago and was still small but not super delicate in the way most kittens were. The cat reminded him of Hillary, they both looked small and delicate but were quite fierce.  
"Oh it's no bother. You already paid for her so she's all yours. You can come by tomorrow and pick her up at your convenience," the old woman employee said. She had been very helpful when it came to Bill's purchase of the cat for Hillary.  
"Alright. Thank you, I appreciate it," he said and continued to pet the cat.  
"Such a pretty girl. You're going to another pretty girl tomorrow and I bet you'll be the best of friends," he cooed. He had always been good with animals even though he was more of a dog person. He had often played with strays when he was younger.  
"Well I guess I should get going. I'll be here the earliest you guys open to pick her up," he said handing the cat back to the old woman. He said goodbye and began to walk back out to his car. He was going to the store. Hillary had told him she had everything, but he still felt bad that she was in enough pain to go home; he knew she wouldn't have left those kids if the pain wasn't serious or at least incredibly distracting. As soon as he arrived at the store, he headed to the chocolate section. He looked for her favorite strawberry filled ones and grabbed the biggest box he could find of those. He then headed to the flower section. She loved all flowers, she had made a big show of it when they had taken a walk in the park and she had often stopped to admire the rose bushes.  
Roses.  
In some sort of fucking poetic way, they reminded him of her lips; red and bright. He grabbed the most bountiful boutique he could find. As he was going to pay for it he noticed Scott and Bambi walking into an aisle. That bothered him. Why were they together? Was she telling him things about him? Were they planning together? He knew that it shouldn't fucking matter but it still bothered him. He made a mental note to ask Bambi about it later. For now, he just paid for the items and went back out to the car. As he drove home he thought of Hillary and how she had nearly ran the red light in the middle of traffic.  
"The brake Hillary. Hit the brake! I thought you knew how to drive!" He had yelled angry only because he was concerned. She had hit the brake a little too late and the car behind them had honked. Still, they hadn't been in a wreck. After the light turned green he made her pull to the shoulder curb so they could switch seats so he was the driver. She had been quiet and after he had calmed down he had looked over at her. She had been sitting so she was holding her knees to her chest and looking out the window.  
"Hey, I'm sorry. I was just worried you would get hurt," he had said. He had remembered how she didn't like to be yelled at.  
"It's okay. I guess it's my fault for not adjusting the seat right," she had said and had reached for his hand.  
"Imagine the fucking mess you would make driving stick shift," he had teased and she had blushed at the double meaning.  
Now as the house came within view he couldn't wait to see her. It warmed him inside to know she was waiting for him. Before getting out of the car he made sure the container holding Hillary's gift of kitty cake pops was okay in the backseat. He would leave it in the car for the night as they didn't need to be refrigerated and the nights in New Haven were cool enough not to heat the car. He locked the car and at last got out carrying the chocolate and roses for Hillary. He had to readjust his grasp on the items as he unlocked the door. He got in the house and locked the door behind him. Hillary was laid down on the couch with one of her schoolbooks in her face. He stood there and watched her for a while. She hadn't noticed him walk in and he knew when she was reading, hell itself could freeze over and she wouldn't notice. Her glasses were on the tip of her nose and she was covered in the blanket they used at night to sleep. "Aren't you a doll?" He said at last letting her know of his presence. She jumped a little but quickly readjusted when she noticed it was just him. Her eyes went to the flowers and chocolates. "My birthday isn't until tomorrow," she said but he could tell she was pleased with the gifts.  
"I wanted to get you something since you weren't feeling good," he said going over to her and taking off his shoes so he would be able to join her on the couch. He unwrapped the flowers and put them in the large glass of water she had been using on the floor.  
"Bill!" She laughed at him. He placed the chocolates on her lap; and gently moved her up so he could slide into his usual cuddle position with her lying on top of him.  
"So how's the uterus?" He asked. One of his hands went down the blanket to lie on her stomach. She offered him one of the chocolates and he only accepted once he saw that she was already chewing on one. She plucked it into his mouth and then leaned more into his neck.  
"It's better now. I just hate that I had to leave work early," she said. He kissed her hair softly. He wanted to ask her about kids and about the future but he didn't want to seem too pushy.  
"Yeah, that sucks, but you work so hard. I'm sure the kids will still love you when you come back," he said his hand on her stomach beginning to rub her flesh gently in circles. She sighed in relaxation.  
"You'll have to come back one day and say hello to Cody. He really likes you . You know the two of you look a lot alike," she said eating another one of her chocolates. It was too much for him. Her sweet scent, her head resting on his chest, her eyes half closed, and the mention of the boy that looked like him. He needed to ask what he had been scared to before.  
"Have you ever thought about having kids? I mean like in general. Is it something you've ever thought about in your life?" He asked. She licked the strawberry filling from the chocolate off her fingers and he noticed that she had gone red.  
He wondered what she was thinking and for the millionth time since he had met her, he wished that he could read minds.  
"Hillary, I would really like to know. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he said kissing her hair again.  
"I mean, don't get mad at me. It's okay if you don't feel the same way. I never really thought about it until recently, because of you. I have always loved kids but I just figured I would end up adopting," she said softly. She hadn't thought about it before him, and in a way that made him glad. She was feeling the same things as him, thinking of a future.  
"I'm not mad. I've been thinking the same. It's weird I also never felt a want for those sort of things until met you."  
She put the box of chocolates and her book on the floor; and turned on her stomach to cuddle him. His arms went around her. He wanted so much more with her. Everyday seemed like a gift now that she was in his life.  
"Would you consider coming to Arkansas with me for fall break?" He asked impulsively. He had been thinking of this ever since he had told his mother about Hillary a few weeks ago over the phone. His mother had been able to tell that he was hopelessly in love and she had tried to convince him to bring her to visit.  
"It sounds nice. I would like it. I'm sure it would be fine because I usually visit my family during Christmas break," she said snuggling into his chest more. His dominate hand went to her back, pushing up her shirt in order to rub her skin. This had become a common practice of his, often craving the intimacy.  
"So is that a yes? I would love to show you around my home town and introduce you to my mother."  
Fuck, it was still so strange. Just a few weeks ago he would have never considered bringing anyone to his hometown, that was a vulnerable part of him.  
"It's a yes," she said but her voice had changed, she sounded nervous. He looked down at her and saw that her blue eyes were fixated in thought.  
"Something wrong, sweets?" He asked still rubbing her back. She bit her lip.  
"Well, meeting your family makes me nervous. What if they don't like me?" She asked. He couldn't imagine anyone not liking her.  
"They will, I know it. Hillary my mother would be so proud of me if I brought you home," he said truthfully. Hillary was everything his mother admired, she was intelligent and strong willed. He loved her and he wanted to show her how much, but he would wait until she was ready ,he would always wait for her.  
"Okay, then it's a yes, a definite yes," she said with more ease now. He pulled her up closer and kissed her cheek.  
"We have the rest of the evening to ourselves what do you want to do?" He asked. She seemed mischievous.  
"I want to shave your face," she said.

 

She wanted to shave him because she wanted to cradle his face in her hands and do something for him. He had previously mentioned how he was planning on shaving it anyways and she wanted to be the one to do it.  
"You aren't going to cut me up are you?" He teased as she lathered his cheekbones with shaving cream. She then rinsed her own hands under the sink.  
"And mark this beautiful face? Never," she said and picked up his razor. He looked gorgeous, he had his head slightly cocked back and eyes shone up at her with longing. She slowly began to shave his face; one hand caressing his jaw line for a grip, while the other stroked through the cream. Occasionally when she would pause to rinse the razor under the sink, she would glance at him and find him looking at her.  
"This feels so good," he said almost moaning. She continued to shave his rough stubble; delicately and with grace. At one point, he put his hands on her waist.  
"You're like a drug you know that? The things I want to do to you, fuck if only you knew," he said. Her skin began to tingle at his words and her face grew red.  
"Be a good boy, William, or I might accidentally cut your face," she said. In response, he pulled her closer by the waist so she was pressed up  
against him.  
"You're so sexy Hillary. Really you are. Have you seen your fucking hips?" He asked. She shook her head in amusement. She thought he was over exaggerating but at the same time she loved those words coming out of his lips. She pulled back a little so his hands were still at her waist and she was still somewhat pressed against him.  
"Almost done," she said getting the stubble at bottom of his chin. When she was done with that, she grabbed the washcloth and used it to remove the leftover shaving cream from his face. When some of it accidentally got on her fingers Bill wagged his eyebrows at her. She laughed at his sexual innuendo and turned to wipe the cream with the cloth.  
"Thank you ma'am," he said and bent down to kiss her quickly on the cheek. Before she could say anything, he scooped her up so he was carrying her slung over his back.  
She playfully hit his back with her small fists.  
"What are you doing?" She asked laughing all the way. From where she was hanging she had a good view of his butt, it was a very nice view.  
"We're going to cuddle in bed while we do school work so it'll be out of the way; and you can focus on your birthday tomorrow," he said gently plopping her on the bed. He then went to retrieve her books and threw them on the bed.  
"Now, be a good girl and study," he said sitting on the bed next to her. Well you make it hard to be a good girl with those blue gray eyes, she thought as she opened one of her books.

 

"I don't care about your excuses. Just tell me the truth. Are you planning with Scott against me or not?" He asked Bambi over the phone. He had woken up really early to retrieve Hillary's gift and while she laid snoring away in their bed, he took the opportunity to confront Bambi about what he had seen at the store yesterday; by taking the phone and plugging it into the bathroom outlet. "I'm not! Look you wanted me to find out information about him didn't you? That's what I'm doing. In order to know stuff I still have to appear to be his friend," Bambi replied. He wanted to believer her, but she was no Hillary and was not genuine in her words. Back when they had still been fucking, he remembered how Bambi would always make rude and nasty comments about everyone, even her own "friends." So no, he wasn't going to trust her easily.  
"Whatever. Look, just don't do anything stupid, bye," he said and hung up on her before she could get a word in. He didn't want to dedicate too much time to her, Scott, or Packer. Today was Hillary's day. He now slowly exited the bathroom, placed the phone back into it's proper spot, and tip toed his way back to their room. When he entered, he saw that Hillary was sitting up in the bed and rubbing at her eyes.  
"I woke up and you weren't here," she said a little sadly but mostly tired. He felt a twinge of guilt and went to sit across from her on the bed.  
"I'm sorry. I'm here now," he said and reached for her glasses on the bedside drawer; and perched them on her nose.  
"It was so cold without you," she said and snuggled into him. He stroked her hair.  
"I'm sorry, pretty baby. I had my reasons though and once you see what they are you'll forgive me," he said hinting at her gifts. She looked at him in wonder, her blue eyes incredibly curious. "Well it'll have to be pretty good in order for me to let you off the hook. You've spoiled me too much and I don't like not waking up in your warm arms," she grumbled. He chuckled a bit and tugged her hand so she would follow him. He led her to the kitchen, her small footsteps falling into a familiar rhythm behind his.  
"Billy! Oh my God! They are adorable!" She said excitedly when she saw the cat styled cake pops. Sleepiness had left her body and she was jumping up and down with glee and going on about how cute the treats were. They were cute, he had to admit that. The cake pops were covered in white frosting and the features of the cat were painted in chocolate frosting. The little ears perked up, and were also made of white frosting.  
"I'm glad you like them, sweetheart. Go ahead and eat one," he probed her on. She grabbed one and bit into  
it and her blue eyes widened.  
"It tastes like strawberry!" She exclaimed and he laughed at her joy. Her reaction had been better than what he had expected.  
"Wait here baby. There's one more thing," he said and kissed her forehead quickly. He ran back down the hall and into the spare room and scooped up the cat. He had tied a pink bow around her neck and he couldn't wait to give her to Hillary. When he reentered the kitchen, Hillary's back was turned to him as she inspected the cake pops laid out on the table.  
"Hilly? You can turn around now," he said. She did and her eyes widened even more. She ran up to the cat and began to pet it.  
"Oh my god! Bill! She's adorable!" Hillary said even more excitedly as he handed the cat to her for her to cradle in her arms.  
"I'm glad you like her. What are you gonna name her?" He asked. The cat looked just as perfect in her arms as he had imagined. The two clearly took to each other, and already he could tell that the cat was getting attached to Hillary, pawing at her chest.  
"I think I'll name her, Cotton," she said and continued to stroke the cat who was now purring. "Happy birthday, sweets," he said kissing her hair. "Am I forgiven?" He asked. She looked up at him playfully.  
"Yes, you are. Next time I wake up and you're not there I'll just snuggle with Cotton."  
"Are you threatening to replace me?" He asked playing along.  
"It's not a threat, it's a promise, Clinton," she said. He pulled her into his arms hugging her, Cotton smushed between them began to hiss in annoyance making them both laugh.

 

She had insisted on going to class despite Bill's protests. After playing with Cotton on the kitchen floor and eating more cake pops; they had gotten ready for class.  
"I can't believe you're going to class on your birthday. Let's do something fun," Bill complained still as he walked her to her introductory to law class.  
"This is fun. Plus I was just never the type to miss school because it was my birthday," she said shrugging her shoulders. It was true, she hadn't been raised with that mentality and in fact she had only been allowed to miss school when she was sick.  
"At least take the day off work . Come on let's do something fun together," he continued to beg as they stopped outside the door to her class.  
"Like what?" She asked. He leaned against the door frame and therefore leaned more into her. He smelled really good and his newly shaved face was so handsome to her.  
"I don't know. We can go on a picnic with Cotton. Come on she didn't like being left alone like that, Hills," he said trying to guilt trip her. She shook her head. Cotton had gone to sleep in her new makeshift bed of blankets in the spare room and had a her small food bowl Bill had apparently also bought filled with food.  
"Cotton is fine. It's sound tempting but don't you want to get your law degree, Bill?" She asked. "I'd rather get my you degree-" he said but broke off suddenly and stared in anger at something behind her. She turned. It was Scott. In his hands, he had a titan arum, a large flowery plant that looked like corn but with a purple tip.  
"Hello, Hillary. Happy birthday," he said and placed the plant in her arms. She tried to shy away from it because she knew from her readings how this plant tended to smell like corpses. She had no idea whether Scott had chosen this for her on his own or had help, but from the way he seemed to be beaming it became clear that he had no idea how terrible of a gift it was.  
"What the hell are you doing here Scott?" Bill asked angrily stepping in front of her while she juggled the stinky plant in her arms and tried to hold her breath.  
"Hillary and I have this class together. Did she not tell you?" Scott asked with mock innocence. "No she didn't," Bill said glancing at her sternly and she sensed that she was going to hear an earful about it later.  
"Okay. Well Hillary and I have class so if you could leave that would be great," Scott said.  
"No one is leaving except you and your foot smelling plant," Bill said swiping it out of Hillary's grasp and shoving it back to Scott's chest. With the stench finally away from her proximity, she was able to think clearly.  
"Bill it's just class. Nothing is going to happen to me," she said. Yeah, she didn't like Scott either but she wasn't going to stop showing up to class because of him only.  
"I know it won't because I'm going in there with you," Bill said. That only made her a little irritated. She was not a child and she didn't need him to sit in class with her as if he were her father or something.  
"No you're not. Look, I'm not a child. I'll be fine, and I'm going to class," she said annoyance coloring her voice as she shoved past him and Scott both. Quite frankly, she didn't understand either of their behaviors or why they seemed to hate each other so much.  
"I'll meet you at the same spot okay?" Bill said referring to their usual meeting spot after class in the parking lot. She didn't answer, she was too annoyed and she just wanted to sit down and get the stench of foot out of her head and the kitty hair out of her mouth.  
"You fucking, lied you Bimbo! Do you know what happens when people lie to me? They end up hurt!" Bill shouted at Bambi. He had run into her in the hallway and had her cornered. He had been going to look for anyways to chew her out.  
"What? No I didn't!" Bambi said defensively. He knew he was being cold and rude but he didn't care. He didn't like the idea of her feeding Scott information about him.  
"Yes you fucking did! How the hell did Scott know it was Hillary's birthday?" He asked still yelling. He didn't want to be screwed over and not especially after he had been trying to help Bambi herself.  
"Because I told him," Bambi replied. She hurried on once she saw the look in his eyes.  
"I set him up, I helped him choose that terrible flower so he'd make a fool of himself in front of Hillary," she explained. He relaxed a little, it made sense. The flower had been terrible after all and it was so terrible in fact he doubted Scott had chosen it himself. It did make sense as well since he had seen them at the store. He pulled away and allowed room for Bambi to move out of the corner he had previously trapped her in.  
"Well Hillary's mad at me now," he said more to himself than to her. She hadn't answered him when he had said he would meet her in their usual spot. He knew he had done the thing where he got too protective and spoke for her but he couldn't help it! Scott the fucking psychopath was in her class and the idea of him looking at her and thinking his perverted thoughts pissed him off way more than he had thought possible.  
"Why?" Bambi asked. He rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to tell her anything anymore than what was necessary, just in case.  
"Don't worry about it. See you around," he said and stalked off before she could say anything. He needed to make things up to Hillary and he knew just how. She took her time meeting Bill at the end of the day, going to the bathroom, and walking around campus three times. When she at last made her way to the parking lot she saw him sitting on his mustang like he had sat on her bug before.  
"Hey," he said looking up as he saw her approaching. She didn't say anything. She was still somewhat annoyed with him for what had happened with Scott earlier.  
"Wanna drive?" He asked offering her the keys. That got her attention. Ever since she had almost gotten into that accident, he hadn't let her drive his car since.  
"Really? You remember what happened last time don't you?" She asked. Had he forgotten?  
"I remember, but I trust you," he said coming up now and placing the keys in her hands. She got the feeling that they were talking about something more than driving.  
"Okay," she said and they both got into their designated seats. She started the car and began to pull out of the parking lot.  
"I cancelled your work shift for you," he said she began to protest but he shushed her.  
"Shh. Just trust me. We're not going home. I'm going to give you some directions and you're going to follow them," he said. She sighed. She knew she didn't have to do anything. If she wanted to she could just drive them home, she was the one driving after all. Then it hit her, by letting her drive he was giving her a choice on whether she would follow his directions or not. As the first instruction of "turning right," came, she decided to follow it. She followed all of his directions until they came to a big gray and brown building. It looked like a tower.  
"They call it the Sleeping Giant tower," he said as they got out and she locked the car. The tower did seen ancient and intriguing.  
"Why did you bring me here?" She asked. It wasn't that she didn't want to be here, it was a nice view and a mountain was within distance covered in green. She wanted to talk about his behavior earlier.  
"Because every tower needs a princess," he said. She rolled her eyes and began to turn away to get in the car.  
"And I wanted to apologize. I was jerk earlier, and I'm sorry. It's just I couldn't stand the idea of him hurting you or fuck even him looking at you! There's no excuse for how I acted and I'm sorry," he said genuinely. His hand went through his hair and she had come to know that this was one of his nervous habits. She went to him now.  
"I guess it's fine. You just need to trust me and not speak for me like that, you know I hate it," she said.  
"Yeah I know you do," he said smiling a bit and cupping her face in his hands.  
"I won't do it again. It's not that I don't trust you it's just that I don't trust him, but I won't act like that again. I'm sorry I ruined your birthday. We can go home if you want," he said his thumbs stroking her cheeks lightly. She decided to forgive him, after all he had demonstrated his love for her in countless ways these past few weeks and he was only trying to look after her.  
"You didn't ruin anything. We're going to stay here and look around. After all, every tower does  
need a princess doesn't it?"

 

So he had followed her around the tower as they got a good view between each of the windows. He had been glad that for once there had been no visitors and it had just been the two of them. He had loved watching her small frame peak out of every, no glassed window down below to the green nature. He had bent down to kiss her lightly when they had looked out the window that gave view of the mountain.  
"I love you," she had said stroking his hair as he had kissed her.  
"I love you too," he had said and he had meant it with every fiber of his being.  
Now, as she laid asleep, curled up beside him, with Cotton snug in the middle of them, and the empty Chinese takeout boxes they had eaten from surrounding the floor; he had an even more feeling of home. This is where he belonged, at her side, in their house; hearing her gentle breathing. Scott could look at her all he wanted but this her, the Hillary who wore his clothes and fell asleep with her mouth slightly open was a sight only he got to see. So maybe Scott had been set up, he thought. All the better. The more Hillary hated Scott, the more she loved him. With that thought in mind, he closed his own eyes now, not knowing that he had been the one that had truly been set up.


	13. Halloween

"I look stupid," he grumbled.  
"No. You look cute," Hillary replied as they looked at themselves in the mirror. It was Halloween morning and he had been woken up by Hillary's bouncy curls flying all over the place in excitement as she had basically forced him to get dressed in his outfit.  
"Hillary. Come on, was the makeup necessary? I didn't even know you owned makeup," he muttered. In addition to wearing the whole get up, ears and all, she had used black eyeliner to fill in the tip of his nose black just like the Mickey Mouse cartoon.  
"I bought some recently, just for this. It is necessary. We look cute," she said giggling up at him. She on the other hand did look cute. The black mouse ear headband contrasted nicely against her blonde curls. They were extra curly this morning as she had braided her hair last night while it was still damp. She had also painted a black makeshift dot on her nose and her glasses were perched in their usual spot on her nose. He was grateful for her costume, even if he still didn't quite like his. The black tee shirt framed her shape perfectly and the skirt! Oh fuck that red with white polka dotted skirt, was shorter than her usual wear and revealed lots of her beautiful pink and white porcelain skin.  
"You look terrific, baby. Good enough to eat. I think I'll just change into Dracula and neck you all day," he said taking her in his arms and playfully pretended to bite her.  
"Billy! Come on! Quit messing around we have class," she said laughing. He rolled his eyes.  
"I can't believe you're making me go to class like this," he said shaking his head. He knew they allowed costumes on campus, but quite frankly he didn't want to wear any fucking outfit. He had put up a fight earlier when she had tried to get him to wear it.  
"I'll wear it to the carnival tonight but not to class. Come on, Hills, don't make me do this," he had said shoving the outfit back in her hands.  
"But I want to wear mine to class and I want to match," she had said shoving the outfit back at him.  
"No. Come on, we aren't even in the same classes. Just wear yours if you want but I'm not wearing mine," he had said once again shoving it back in her arms. Then she had guilt tripped him. Her shoulders had sunk forward and she had pouted her lips.  
"You won't wear it? Not even if it'll make me happy? Not even for me?" She had said sadly.  
And fuck he hadn't been able to take that, not even if she had been faking it.  
"Fine," he had said roughly and grabbed the outfit back. Her little laughter that had echoed through the hall had only shown him that he had been duped  
Still, he didn't mind. If it made her happy he would do it, he would do anything that would allow him to keep hearing the music of her laughter; and let him see the art of her smile. Now, he followed her to kitchen, Cotton following them by the heels.  
"I mean if you want to not wear it and make me sad again then fine," she playfully said, wagging her eyebrows at him. He snorted. The wagging of the eyebrows was another thing she had learned from him. She didn't know how to use the expression properly and instead of wagging her eyebrows to make sexual innuendos, she would wag them at the most random times. He found it adorable.  
"Bullshit, you weren't sad," he said as she took out the peanut butter and banana sandwiches she had made for breakfast from the fridge. She had used fancy cutters to make the sandwiches in ghost shapes.  
"You're right. I was heartbroken," she said dramatically. She placed the sandwiches on the kitchen table and then began to pour and serve milk for both of them. He went to sit at the table, already eager to taste her sandwiches. After she was done serving them, she grabbed Cotton's bowl and poured her some milk as well. The cat on the other hand had other plans. She jumped into Hillary's arms and began to purr while trying to snuggle.  
Seeing her there on their kitchen floor with the cat, giggling away, made him love her more.  
"Cotton agrees that we should stay here and dress as Dracula," he said in reference to the cat who was now nipping Hillary's neck as well.  
"Next year," she told him and put Cotton down gently. She came to sit on his lap and grabbed a sandwich of her own to chew on it. He finished the one he was eating then wrapped his arms around her waist.  
"Next year?" He asked nuzzling her ear. He wanted to hear it again, the promise of a future. "Mm? Yeah next year. You can be Dracula and I can be Elisabeta of Transylvania," she said tucking her curls behind her ears.  
"Fuck. You would look so sexy as Dracula's wife. You'd be a hot little vampire. You'd make dead guys get erections," he said. At this she nearly spat out her milk from laughing.  
"Don't be ridiculous, William," she said shaking her head; curls waving to and fro.  
It wasn't ridiculous to him. She was so damn attractive and he wanted her to know it.  
"No I mean it. Your thighs could make a grown man cry, Hillary," he said.  
"Speaking from experience?" She teased and then sighed; leaning into his chest more.  
"Maybe. Maybe I sob myself to sleep every night because of them. You'll never know," he said teasing back. After a while she got up from his lap despite his "aw where are you going?"  
"I need to get my things ready. You can't be complaining anyways since I'm skipping two classes with you," she said disappearing into their room. Cotton loyally followed her.  
He had convinced her last night to skip her last two classes of the day. They had been playing poker, as he had taught her the day following her birthday, and she had ended up losing to him. "You know this game would be more interesting if we dealt with something more than these plastic chips," he had said. Her round blue eyes had looked up innocently at him.  
"Like what?" She had asked.  
"How about if I win we skip two classes tomorrow," he had said. He hadn't dared asked skipping for the whole day since he knew that she wouldn't agree to that again.  
"Okay, but if I win I get cuddles."  
"You get cuddles either way," he had said. Out of all the things she could have asked for, she asked for the one thing she got on a daily basis.  
"So either way it's a win for me," she said happy and unbothered.  
So he had gone on to beat her easily in the poker game.  
"Looks like I win, little lady. That means tomorrow we'll have some extra time to ourselves," he had said smugly.  
She now currently came back into the kitchen, her book bag swinging over her shoulder.  
"Okay I'm ready," she said beaming at him.  
"Alright. Then let's go," he said and stopped to get his bag before they headed out the door.

 

She hadn't thought that Scott would be a problem. After all, he had kept his distance these past days and hadn't tried to bother her since her birthday.  
Today was different.  
He was sitting next to her again, but this time he treated her normal, like how he would treat anyone else. He was dressed as a greaser, and it was different than his usual khakis and loafers. Different look, different attitude.  
She guessed that it wasn't too bad, at least he wasn't bothering her how Bill had suspected he would. When he had walked her to her class, he had been grumbling under his breath about it. "Seriously. If he bothers you or even so much as looks at you wrong I will kill him," he had said. "You can't kill anyone today, because you're dressed as Mickey and Mickey doesn't kill," she had said only laughing at him. She had found his grumbling so cute as he had complained about the costume. Truth be told, she had only made him wear it because yes she wanted to match, but she thought it was funny to make him walk around to class in it.  
"This Mickey does. I'll fight Scott or anyone who doesn't treat you right," he had said and bumped his costume gloves together in the way boxers would do. That had only made her laugh more.  
She smiled a bit at the memory. She never could stop smiling when it came to him. Every day with him was so beautiful and when she went to sleep, she found herself looking forward to the next day.  
'Good morning, sweet darling,' was always the statement she was greeted with when she woke up, with warm lips at her ear. In the days following her birthday, they had continued to discover her sexuality and they had discovered that she liked to be kissed long and hard in the morning. This contrasted to how she had previously been worried about morning breath, but after showering with him and their having become more open to each other; she no longer worried about trivial things. So when she woke up, his lips were there ready for her; waking her up with the warmth they provided.  
She felt a tap on her shoulder now.  
Oh that's right, Scott.  
Like usual, she had been thinking about one thing then her thoughts had of their own accord turned to Bill.  
"I don't think you heard, we're supposed to pair up. Everyone else already has so I guess we're stuck together," Scott said. She looked around, he was right; everyone else had already paired up. "Okay," she said. She wasn't too thrilled by this, but there weren't other options. She had her guard up and as long as he didn't try anything, then this would be fine.  
"So we have to choose a random topic and sit here and debate about it. The professor said it could be anything random," Scott explained. For a moment, he seemed like he was back to his old self; the Scott who hadn't attacked her or been rude.  
"I guess we can choose any of the standard controversial topics. You know like abortion, religion, or-"  
"I was thinking we can debate on why you don't like me anymore," he interrupted. So maybe he wasn't acting so different.  
"I don't think that's a suitable topic," she replied and fingered at the dragonfly necklace. Scott didn't seem swayed.  
"It's random and that's the only requirement. What did Clinton tell you not to talk to me or something?" He asked roughly. She felt herself automatically perk up at the mention of Bill. Still, she found it insulting that Scott was under the impression that Bill made her decisions for her. "Okay so let's debate on it. My stance is that you're rude and you tried to hurt me so that's why I don't like you," she said just as rough and turned so she was looking at him face on. Even dressed like a greaser, he still didn't look like a menace. In all seriousness, Bill looked more dangerous than him; but she now knew that wasn't true.  
"Well to argue that, I wasn't always rude to you. We were friends and I didn't try to hurt you," he said defensively. She rolled her eyes.  
"I'd hardly call it friends. We hanged out once, and I only agreed to it to be polite. You did try to hurt me that night outside the diner; and who knows what you would have done if it weren't for Bill," she threw back. She was aware that this was hardly the way a traditional textbook debate would go, but she didn't care. At this point, she just wanted to confront Scott head on and this assignment gave her the opportunity to do so.  
"I wasn't going to hurt you! I was only going to talk to you. Is that what he's been planting in your head? That I'm sort of rapist?" Scott shouted. The class got a bit quiet as people turned to look at them.  
"Everything alright Miss Rodham?" The Professor asked her. She nodded then turned back to Scott.  
"Look. All I know is that you've been more rude lately and that's why I don't like you. I think we fulfilled the assignment," she said and began to pack away her notebooks. Class would be out soon and she wanted to get to the library as soon as possible.  
After that it would just be one more class and she would be reunited with Bill.  
"So if I stopped being rude to you we could, we I don't know-maybe be friends or something?" He asked, his voice strange. It was strange because he seemed to be trying to speak softly in the way Bill spoke to her.  
"I don't know," she said truthfully. She in fact didn't know. There were only a few things she was  
certain of and that was that she loved Bill and that she didn't want Scott to be problem. She wasn't naive enough to think that they could be friends without a few bumps, but if it got him to stop being rude, then she would let him think that.  
"Okay," she said. He seemed to perk up at her statement.  
"Cool, but can I tell you one thing? And don't get mad," Scott said. She nodded. She had decided he wasn't worth getting mad at. Besides, she didn't want to spend too much energy on him.  
"Bill is playing games with you. I know how he was back at Oxford. He and his pals would mess with a girl's head, and that's what he is doing with you. He is smoking weed. He likes to keep it in the glove compartment of his car," Scott said and it sounded like he was trying to be genuine. All this information was too much for her to process, but luckily class was dismissed and she didn't need to respond. She simply picked up her things and headed out the door.  
"Hillary? Just think about it okay? I really care about you," Scott said from behind her. She only gave him a stiff nod as she exited the room; trying not to believe it. She knew Bill and she would hold on to that hope.  
"We have a whole two hours to ourselves. What do you want to do?" Bill asked her as she sat in the passenger seat of the mustang. She had met him at their usual parking spot and after kissing him softly, they had gotten into the car.  
"I'm not sure. You can decide," she said truthfully having no idea. She left the option up to him, since he was always creative. She also had something much more pressing on her mind and she eyed the glove compartment of the car warily. Could he be hiding something in there? Just a few weeks ago, he had let her open the glove compartment and he hadn't seemed worried about her finding anything. Was Scott just messing with her?  
"Hillary. Did you hear me? I asked if you wanted to go bowling," Bill said his voice breaking through her thoughts. She glanced at him. He seemed to be looking at her strangely and she quickly readjusted her face so she was smiling. She didn't want her face to expose her thoughts; all of which were mere speculations.  
"Bowling seems fun. We can do that," she said even though she had never gone bowling in her life. Bill just nodded and placed his right hand on her thigh like he always did when driving. She continued to stare at the glove compartment, even though she tried to be as discreet as possible. "What are you thinking about?" Bill asked curiously. She couldn't tell him what she was really thinking, and for a second she felt ashamed of herself for letting Scott's words get to her.  
"I'm just thinking about how I've never been bowling," she said. Bill's eyes widened.  
"Like for real?" He asked. She raised her brows a bit at his reaction.  
"Yeah why? Is it another sacred Arkansas tradition?" She asked teasing a bit. She loved hearing all his little stories of what life in Arkansas was like, and he had told her of many traditions like fishing and of course watermelon growing.  
"It's a sacred Clinton tradition. Seriously I'm gonna have to teach you. My mother and my brother Roger are very competitive bowlers," he said. She giggled a little at the term 'competitive bowlers,' how did one even bowl competitively?  
"You can laugh but they get very serious about it. You'll get eaten alive if I don't show you, baby girl," he said but the corners of his mouth were pulling up in a grin.  
"I don't want to get eaten. You better teach me good, Clinton," she joked.  
"Oh I will," he said seriously.

 

"You're unteachable," he said shaking his head in amusement as Hillary missed the pins by a long shot again. She pouted at him.  
"I told you it was my first time," she said. He nodded, in order to give her the benefit of the doubt. He had never met anyone so bad at bowling, but the perk that came from it was seeing her in the cute little red bowling shoes. She also looked amazing under the black lights,pupils even larger than usual, almost dilated in appearance.  
"It's your turn," she told him. He got up from the chair he was sitting on and went to retrieve a bowling ball from the rack. Hillary had trouble getting the bowling ball earlier and he had to retrieve it for her each time, much to her annoyance.  
"You make it look so easy," she grumbled as he got a strike. He glanced at her, she had sat in the chair he had just got up from.  
"Well I've had years of practice," he said picking up the soda they were sharing and taking a sip. He had wanted a coke, but Hillary preferred strawberry soda. It was good, but he had teased her about her ever undying love for strawberries.  
"They taste good! You know they were the first food I ate as soon as I was able to eat real food as a baby," she had told him defensively. He put the soda back down on the table in front of her. They had gotten to the point of sharing the same straw since they were as he had put it, 'swapping spit anyway.'  
"Well, we don't have years. We're heading to Arkansas in three days, and I need to impress your mother," she said. He came to kneel beside her.  
"Oh and you're a terrible bowler. Just face it, sweets. She'll never like you now," he said, his voice obviously teasing. She rolled her eyes.  
"I just want her to like me. I also can't wait to go to Arkansas. You make it sound so great," she said. He laughed, to him Arkansas was probably the greatest place there was. It was also the worst, but it made him up perfectly. He himself was also looking forward to the trip to his hometown. They would be traveling by car and the long ride with Hillary was bound to be amazing. He could already imagine it, her beautiful side profile illuminated by the sunset, as she looked ahead to the road and their fingers interlaced together.  
"It will be better with you there. Do you want to keep playing?" asked as the pink bowling ball she had been using came back on the rack. She shook her head.  
"And keep losing? No. Come here," she said reaching for him. She moved a bit so he was able to sit on the chair and pull her on his lap. They were silent for a while, as he stroked her hair. He was glad she was back to normal. Maybe he had made it up, what with him being paranoid and all, but for a moment in the car she had seemed almost distrustful of him. He had suspected that there had been more on her mind than this being her first time bowling, but he didn't press the issue further. Besides, it could have been mere speculation on his part. They watched people bowl in their costumes and he loved watching her expressions. When someone entered dressed as a giant banana, she laughed nonstop.  
"Poor guy. Why would he wear that? Like I had a hard enough time in this Mickey get up," he said as she continued to laugh. It had been true. He had gone to his classes in his outfit, and had endured many questioning looks. Of course everyone else was dressed up as well, even some of the professors, but him being 'bad boy Bill' he had been the only person to endure such questioning stares.  
"But you're cute in it. I bet everyone was jealous," she said snuggling into him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Her smooth skin of her thigh felt good against his jeans and he nibbled on her ear. She was quiet again, but he simply dismissed it as her costume watching again.  
"Scott told me something that's been bothering me," she said breaking her silence. He stiffened. That sick fuck. What the hell had he told her?  
"What did he say? I swear if he disrespected you in anyway I'll kill him," he said. He knew how Scott could get and the last thing he needed was for Scott to say something inappropriate to her. She shook her head.  
"No it wasn't like that, He said something about you. He told me that you smoke weed, and that you've been lying to me about it," she said. He was quiet, trying to figure out what Scott's purpose would be in telling her this. Out of all the things he could have told her, why this? Still, Bambi had warned him about this.  
"I mean it's no big deal if you do, but why would you lie about it?" Hillary asked. It was no big deal to him either, but what was a big deal was the fact that he got it from Bambi. There was no way he could tell her that he was using the weed without accidentally tripping up and telling her how he got it from the girl who had locked her in a restroom.  
"I don't though. If I did I would tell you, because it's no big deal to me either," he said and began to kiss her ear in order to be appear normal. Once again, lies mixed with truth. He still used the weed and he had taken to hiding it in his glove compartment. It had been Bambi's idea. She had given him the heads up and told her that Scott wanted to tell Hillary that he was using the weed. So, she had suggested hiding it in the glove compartment just in case Hillary were to go looking for it in the house. Hillary took a few minutes before she finally relaxed into his touch again.  
"I'm sorry. It's not fair to you that I always seem to let what people say bring doubt into my mind. I trust you," she said and turned so she was sitting side ways on his lap and could nuzzle her face into his neck.  
And it's not fair to you that I can't tell you the full truth, he thought to himself.  
"I love you, and I can't wait to show you off around Arkansas. I can't wait to show you how country feels, city girl," he said trying to move the conversation away from his lies and deceit. "Neither can I," she said and after nuzzling his neck a bit more she stood up.  
"Now fetch me that pink bowling ball, Mickey. We have more practice to do," she said laughing at the look of dismay in his eyes at her bowling skills.

 

"They like you!" Hillary giggled at Bill as the children crowded around him.  
"He's very tall, Miss Hilly," the girl named Matilda said. Bill himself felt like he was being seen as a show and tell project, but he didn't mind. In fact, it was rather amusing seeing how the children would gaze up at him in wonder. Hillary had gotten permission to bring him along to help her work and since he had the day off from his own job, since the Jenkins were throwing a Halloween party, he had been glad to help.  
"Yes, he is isn't he? I sometimes have said that he's as tall as a giraffe," Hillary told the children. He noticed that she was well with kids, just as he had suspected she would be. They all seemed to trust her and gravitate toward her. Hillary seemed to have that affect on people, she would just draw them in.  
"When I grow up, I want to be as tall as Bill!" Cody shouted. The boy that looked like him had taken quite a liking to him. All through snack time, the ball pit, and now coloring, well they had been coloring until the attention was placed on him, Cody had followed Bill everywhere.  
"Well for that you need to eat a lot of watermelons. Bill loves watermelons. Go on Bill, tell them about the Arkansas watermelons," Hillary said from across the table. They had all been sat around the red plastic table and coloring Halloween pictures, but when Bill had stood up to get more crayons from the drawers, they had all realized for the first time how tall he was.  
Thus, it had become Bill show and tell.  
"Hillary's right. Back in my home state of Arkansas, we grow the biggest watermelons anyone has ever seen. They are big and juicy and very nutritious. I ate a lot of them as a kid-"  
"And that's why he is so tall now," Hillary said finishing his sentence. He smiled at her. She was so adorable as she sat at the table sandwiched between Matilda who was dressed as a princess and another child dressed like a frog. The children had all taken a liking to their matching couple outfits and had complimented them multiple times. Cody had even said, "You look pretty Miss Hilly," to Hillary, and it only made Bill like his mini me more. The children were currently continuing to their coloring but now they discussed more about watermelons.  
"How many seeds do you have in your stomach, Mr. Bill?" A red haired child ironically dressed as spaghetti asked him. He glanced at Hillary who seemed to be gushing over Matilda's coloring sheet.  
"None, I pooped them all out!" He answered dramatically. The spaghetti kid began to laugh, then turned to tell his friends. Bill felt a smile involuntarily coming onto his face. Being at the daycare with Hillary had only made him realize more how having a child with her would be like, in the future of course. It had also endeared children to him more. Growing up, he had often had to take care of his young brother Roger, and while they had gotten along well; he had never imagined having children of his own.  
Not until Hillary.

Not until he noticed how fun it could be to make the children laugh and squeal with delight when he would make a silly face.  
Children.  
They were so innocent and had no realization of all the fucked up things in the world. He had been a child once, innocent as well, he guessed. Although, he wasn't as innocent as they were. When he was born, his father was already dead. He supposed some kids were just born with tragedy in their blood. Then of course with all the fucking things he saw and did, his innocence had become extinct. He suddenly felt a deep urge to protect the children here at the daycare and all over the world of the cruelties of history. It made him think of a reference from the Catcher in the Rye, that he and Hillary had read the other night. In the book, Holden Caulfield, misinterprets a part of a poem to mean "if a body catch a body" rather than "if a body meet a body." Holden keeps picturing children playing in a field of rye near the edge of a cliff, and him catching them when they start to fall off.  
Bill could identify with that.  
Boy, how he fucking wished someone had caught him when he began to fall off and lose his way. As all these deep ass thoughts went through his mind, the children continued to color and laugh like normal. He was pulled back into their world by a tap on the shoulder from Cody.  
"Yeah Cody?" He asked. His mini me hadn't dressed up for Halloween, claiming it was "too stoopid," and this statement had only proven their likeness further.  
"Is Miss Hilly your girlfriend?" Cody asked.  
"Yeah," Bill answered. He found it funny how they had taken to calling Hillary by the little nickname that had begun between the two of them as a joke.  
"You're lucky. Miss Hilly is very pretty," Cody said with obvious admiration.  
"She is. She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen," Bill said with love. While he said this, Hillary was pretending to shove colored pencils in her nose to make the children laugh. Still, she was more beautiful to him than anyone he had ever seen; and it did something to his heart to see her there so carefree and happy.  
"When you're done dating Miss Hilly, can I date her?" Cody asked. Bill chuckled a little bit. It was cute that his mini me had a crush on his girlfriend.  
"I'll tell you what, little man, when Hillary is here you look out for her for me okay? I'm not always around here very often and I can trust you to keep her safe right?" He said offering a fist bump to Cody who reciprocated the manly gesture.  
"Yeah you can, Bill! I'll make sure no toys are in her way and that she always gets one of the snacks at snack time!" Cody said proudly.  
"Good job," Bill replied chucklingly. He met Hillary's questioning blue eyes from across the table but he simply shook his head and smiled.  
'I love you,' he mouthed silently. She mouthed it back without hesitation. They went on coloring for a while longer and for a mere moment he felt at peace again.  
But of course, that could never last not, for him. At times he still felt guilty about the bet and not having been completely truthful with Hillary; even though on the surface things with Bambi and with Scott had been quiet recently. So when Matilda asked Hillary if he was her Prince Charming and she had answered, "Yes. Bill is my Prince Charming and he is very good to me," it was the guilt that caused him to get up and leave the room. He didn't just stop there, he exited the whole daycare; desperate to think.  
'He is very good to me.'  
So good, but he couldn't tell her the truth. It ate away at him everyday and with the innocent atmosphere of the children he had been able to get his mind off the deceit he had told her earlier at the bowling alley. Her words of him being good to her had only triggered that guilt again and he had needed to get out of there; not wanting his own guilt to rub off and corrupt the children.  
Now, he walked away from the daycare and up and down the blocks. The sounds of his footsteps hitting the pavement, somewhat soothing.

 

She hadn't known why Bill had left, but she had kept it together for the children. They had also seemed confused about his sudden exit, but she had gotten them back on track with a story of the little giraffe that could, also inspired by Bill. She had finished her shift and after saying goodbye to each of the kids, she had gone to look for him. The mustang was still parked where he had left it, so she figured that he must be walking. She was worried about him and she begun to walk along the pavement, hoping to find him.  
It didn't take long.  
He was standing outside a music shop, looking in through the glass and staring at a record player. The player was currently playing a song she recognized well: Chelsea Morning. The song could be heard through the thin glass. As she came up to him, she took his hand in her own. She didn't say anything, she didn't want to intrude. Instead, she offered her support by simply being there. "You know I love this song. I remember on the weekends when my mother used to have the occasional day off, I would know she was taking the day off work because she would play this song. I would come into the kitchen and she would be baking muffins for breakfast. She would look at me and say, "Bill, darling, it's a Chelsea morning," he said. It was obvious to her that the memory was special to him and she leaned her head against his arm. She herself also had a memory with this song.  
"That's a lovely memory, Billy. I too have a memory with this song. Whenever my mom and dad would dance on their anniversary it would be to this song. I remember one time, they let me put on the record and the night before I left for college, all three of us danced to this song. I'm not much of a dancer, but I really did like dancing to this special song with them," she said. He nodded. They were quiet, each of them  
listening to the end of the song.  
"If we ever have a daughter we should name her Chelsea," Bill said softly once the song was done. She was taken aback by the mention of them having a daughter, but in a good way. He had alluded to wanting kids one day with her, but this was a straight declaration, and it touched her deeply.  
"Yes, Chelsea would be a beautiful name,"she replied. He wrapped the arm she was leaning against around her and they began to walk back to the car. She didn't probe him about why he had left. There would be a time for that later, but for right now she wanted to enjoy their comfortable silence and the warmth of his arm around her.  
"Bill, we have time still before the carnival actually starts. You should take me to that Chubby's burritos place," she said looking up at him. She would talk to him more at the restaurant if the opportunity came up.  
"Good idea, sweets. You'll like it there," he said as he opened the car door for her. She sensed that this was just what he needed.

 

"Bill, I can't believe you're drinking a martini," she said giggling as he took another sip of his pink fruity drink. She found it hilarious that here he was, the stereotypical bad boy, dressed in a goofy costume and drinking what was considered a usual feminine drink.  
"It's good! Seriously Hills, you should try it," he said defensively and continued to sip the pink substance.  
"I'd rather not," she said still laughing and taking a sip of her own glass of water.  
"This won't make you drunk, Hills," Bill said playfully rolling his eyes. "Seriously if it did I wouldn't be drinking it since I'm driving us," he continued. She could barely hear him over the sound of the live mariachi music. As it turned out, Chubby's burritos was a sit down restaurant and served more than burritos. Bill had ordered them a huge nacho party platter and they were currently struggling to finish it.  
"You like it here," Hillary observed. She could tell. When they had first entered, he had been stiff and still silent; his mind preoccupied. As soon as he had gotten a whiff of the food and was greeted by the owner, Chubby (Charles) Gonzales himself, Bill had slipped into ease. Evidently, when he had first arrived in New Haven, he had eaten at this restaurant and had gotten to know the Gonzales family well. She had watched, as he had chatter effortlessly with the Gonzales family who worked in the kitchen as well.  
"It's a nice place. I like the food and the people," Bill said shrugging. She looked around. The environment was very colorful in the sense that banners of every shade of the rainbow adorned the walls. It wasn't something that she would have pegged as Bill's taste when she had first met him. Still, more and more she was starting to realize that this bad boy persona wasn't him at all.  
"They like you too, the Gonzales family," she said. It was true. Upon seeing him, they had shouted with glee and said ' Es el señor Bill!' and 'El gringo esta aqui!"  
"I suppose they do. They are cool, I like them. It's funny, I first came to this restaurant just to bum out for a bit. I had been, uh, well, with a girl," here he paused in his story to smile apologetically at Hillary. She just nodded at him to go on. She wanted to hear the rest of the story.  
"Well anyways so I was with some girl right? I had gotten tired of her, and I ditched her at the department store across from here," he paused again snickering. Hillary shook her head in amusement.  
"Poor girl. You're so bad," she said.  
"Yeah I know. So then since I ditched her, I parked the car around back so she wouldn't see and then I walked in here, because she wouldn't look for me here. Anyways, Chubby could tell that I was up to no good. So after he served me, we talked. He told me if I had done that to his daughter he would have beat my ass. I respected him for that. We began to talk more about other things like the restaurant. I really liked it, and I came back several times after that," he said finishing his story. She took it all in. Maybe cold Bill had been a myth. He seemed to get along well with most people and he definitely still was a complicated person. Still, he had told her before that he wanted to go into politics, preferably back in Arkansas. A lot of people at Yale said they wanted to go into politics, but she could really see him doing it. He was magnetic and his honeysuckle voice seemed to attract everyone.  
"Hey! We should tell them it's your birthday. They do this thing where they sing and make you wear this big hat it's so funny," Bill said perking up. She was glad that he seemed happier now and she didn't want to bring up the issue of him leaving the daycare; it might only make him upset again.  
Still, the singing and hat thing wasn't something that she wanted to agree to.  
"Bill, no. It's not even my birthday anymore, and that would be embarrassing. How do you even know that anyways?" She asked. Bill rolled his eyes like he often did whenever she said anything about being embarrassed. In his eyes, there was nothing she could do to humiliate herself.  
"I celebrated my birthday here," he said simply. That got her attention.  
"Really?" She asked giggling a little at picturing him in a mariachi hat.  
"Yeah, I mean I had no where else to go. I came for the food, but I accidentally let it slip it was my birthday to Chubby. Before I knew it, I had this huge hat strapped over my head and there was this loud music playing," Bill said laughing a bit at the memory. She laughed with him; his laugh was contagious.  
"I was too drunk to protest against it, but to be honest I don't think I would have protested against it, if I was sober. It was nice. It was the first birthday in a long time where I felt like I was surrounded by family," he said. She reached for his hand across the table interlocking fingers with his. His hand was so warm, and it completely covered hers.  
"Okay. If it makes you happy you can lie and tell them it's my birthday. On one exception," she said mischievously. She wanted to keep seeing him in this good mood, but if she was going to have the whole restaurant stare at her then she wanted to get something out of it. Bill was quick to oblige.  
"Ask for anything and I'll give it to you," he said seriously.  
"I want the cherry from your martini," she giggled. He furrowed his brow but plucked the cherry from the side of his cup and popped it into her mouth.  
"There you go, silly. It's not technically a lie though. Your birth should be a cause for celebration everyday," he said. Then as their waitress Esmeralda, Chubby's daughter, came to refill their drinks, Bill told her it was Hillary's birthday.  
"I'll get on it," she said laughing and going back to the kitchen to tell the rest of the crew,  
"This is going to be embarrassing," she squirmed a bit.  
"It'll be fun," Bill said. No sooner had the words left his mouth, and Chubby, Esmeralda, and the rest of the crew came along with the mariachi band.  
"Nice! A pink mariachi hat. Hillary loves pink," Bill said obviously enjoying this as Esmeralda placed a way too big hat on Hillary's head.  
They began to sing and her eyes stayed on Bill as she felt herself begin to blush. He was a beautiful sight to her, laughing away and his face pink from the laughter. He began to sing along to the Spanish song, his accent thick, but his laughs in between making him the best singer to her. She wanted to keep this memory in her mind. For a second she wished that her eyes could take photographs and she could frame this memory, so she could see this beauty whenever she wanted. "Thanks guys. That was great," Bill told the family as the music died down and the song finished. "You're both welcome here anytime, Bill," Chubby said patting him on the back. The two exchanged more words and then the family went to work back in the kitchen. Hillary took off the mariachi hat that had been left behind on her head.  
"You looked so cute in that," Bill said as he looked over the bill in order to pay for their food. When he was done, he left the check and the tip on the table.  
"We should probably get going to the carnival. It starts soon, and it is the whole reason I've been wearing this dweeby costume all day," he said. They slid out of their sides of the booth and began to walk across the restaurant in order to go to the car. Hillary stopped and tried to return the mariachi hat but Esmeralda told her to keep it, as a gift and thank you for making Bill happy. That had only made her blush more.  
"The costumes aren't dweeby," she said now as Bill put the sombrero in the backseat. She herself was sitting in the passenger seat again, shivering a bit. It was starting to get dark and the New Haven nights were always cool.  
"They scream dweeb, babe. Hey are you cold? So am I. We still have some time if you want to stop by the house and get a few things. We can bring Cotton if you want," Bill said and turned on the heater of the car as he got into the driver's seat.  
She nodded. Bringing Cotton would be fun and she also wanted to wear the leather jacket he had given her. He began to drive in the direction of the house and for a moment she forgot all her speculations.

 

"Cats don't go on leashes," Bill had told her when they had gone to the pet store to buy Cotton's spare items. Now, as they arrived at the carnival, Cotton was on the pink leash and she seemed to not mind it.  
"She adores you," Bill said as they walked around the carnival. Since the activity was run by student council, the carnival was held on school grounds but further along in the clearing near the school forest. There were dozens of lights that reminded Hillary of Chicago and New York, and Halloween music played on record players. There were booths, a mini food court, and all kinda of carnival games.  
"You okay? You're not too cold right?" Bill asked wrapping his arm around her as they walked. "I'm perfectly warm," she said. It was true, she had put on his leather jacket over her costume and it seemed to radiate body heat. They walked further along, gazing at all the lights, students,and even some professors who had costumes.  
"Hey, look," Bill said pointing to a miniature bowling carnival game.  
She laughed, he could demolish that game with his bowling skills.  
"Come on. I'm going to win you one of those cheesy giant stuffed toys," he said leading them in the direction of the game.  
"Cotton says good luck," she teased as she watched him from the sidelines. Cotton, on the other hand, seemed preoccupied with prowling as far as the leash would get her and inspecting everything.  
"You don't need luck when you have skill," he said. He then proceeded to get several strikes in a row. The student council member in charge of the game told him to pick a prize from the highest level.  
"Hills, get over here. Which one do you want?" He asked. She looked. Her options were a panda bear, a horse, and a unicorn.  
"The unicorn," she said. The student council member handed the giant stuffed animal to her and she laughed as they walked away from the game.  
"It's bigger than you are," Bill said laughing as well. She positioned the unicorn so it was slung over her back.  
"I think I'll name it Billy," she teased.  
"I'm Billy!" Bill said defensive over the nickname he hadn't even liked at first.  
"Well then it'll be named, Billy Jeff," she said. When he had first told her his full name was William Jefferson Clinton, she had thought it was such a beautiful name. Nice and long. It also sounded professional.  
"Nice. Want me to put Billy Jeff in the car?" Bill asked as they walked around more. Although she didn't really want to part with the new stuffed toy, she wasn't too fond of lugging it around. "Okay," she said and handed the toy to it's namesake.  
"I'll get you a drink, on my way back. Wait for me here," Bill said and took the unicorn to the car. Hillary bent down to scoop up Cotton in her arms. The cat had been nibbling on a piece of funnel cake.  
"Cotton don't go eating funny things again. You remember what happened last time don't you? Your dad was so mad," she told the cat and petted her white ears. A few days ago, Cotton had gotten outside and ate a dead baby bird. As a result, she ended up throwing up on Bill's shoes, the same pair he had gotten dog poop on before. Bill had been very annoyed after that, but Cotton had coaxed the anger out of him after snuggling and purring into him while he sat on the couch doing school work.  
"Hilary? Hey, nice costume," May's familiar voice said. Hillary looked up and saw May walking up to her. Her former room mate was dressed as a fairy princess and her pink and purple costume glittered all over the place.  
"Thank you. I like yours too," she said. The two hadn't really spoken much since the night of Scott's attack. They had said hello when they saw each other in the halls and exchanged polite smiles, but nothing more.  
"Is that your cat? She's cute," May said coming up now to look at Cotton.  
"Yeah, Bill got me her for my birthday. Her name is Cotton. You can pet her. She's friendly but she likes to nibble," Hillary said. May didn't seem swayed however and began to pet Cotton lightly.  
"It was your birthday? I'm sorry I missed it. I guess things haven't really been the same between us," May said smiling sadly but with understanding. Since they didn't share the same room anymore or have any classes together, their interaction had been slim.  
"It's okay. We need to hang out more again. I miss you. Are you here with Chris?" She asked. "Yeah, but I'm also here because I joined student council. This whole carnival thing was kinda my idea," May said kind of embarrassed. Hillary was impressed. The carnival was definitely a success.  
"Wow. Well you did a good job. This is great," Hillary said. They were quiet for a bit until May spoke again.  
"I'm sorry about what I said as well Hillary. I think that now I was wrong about Bill," May said. She just nodded. Of their own accord Scott's words came back to her mind. She needed to ask May something, just to reconfirm that Bill wasn't lying to her.  
"It's fine. Out of curiosity did you ever see Bill leave Bambi's room again?"  
"Hillary I really don't think we should be discussing-"  
"May, just tell me," she said. She felt her heart pounding.  
"I saw him leave her room two more times,"'May said.  
"Can you guys shut the fuck up?" Bill said as he finished buying Hillary's slushy. The Royals had found him and had come up to him asking about Hillary.  
'Wheres your little blonde friend?'  
'Wheres Goldie locks?'  
He hated it. He just wanted them to be quiet.  
"C'mon man. Don't be like that. We just wanna see her costume. Is she wearing one like yours but sluttier?" Tosh asked. Tosh had been the other guy who had been with Scott and Packer the night of the attack, Bill now recognized him. His fists clenched. Seriously did all these guys just think with their dicks? He couldn't believe he had used to think like this too.  
"I wanna see her in the little mouse ears. She probably looks like a babe. She could catch my cheese anyday," another one of The Royals said. Bill was about to sock him right in the face, but then Scott showed up. To Bill, it looked like Scott was trying to dress up as one of The Royals for Halloween. The Royals themselves hadn't dressed up but had only worn their standard leather jackets with their insignia on it.  
"Nice costume," Scott said smirking.  
"Better than yours. Honestly dude could you be trying any harder?" Bill asked rolling his eyes. Seriously. The only reason Bill would consider being in The Royals was for necessity but for Scott it was about status.  
"We were just saying here how blondie might be wearing a similar costume," Tosh said.  
She has a name, Bill thought angrily. These guys were pushing it and he was trying hard not to start another fight since professors were within view.  
"Makes me hard, just thinking about it," Scott said. Okay that was too fucking far. Bill brought his fist up and was about to punch Scott right in his stupid face but he was stopped by Packer and Bambi showing up. Their arms were linked together. He didn't like that. He had thought that after all this time, Bambi would have realized that Packer was a sleaze.  
"Now, boys we wouldn't want another incident would he?" Packer asked tauntingly. Bill hated how his voice sounded so superior and 'mightier than thou.'  
"No we wouldn't," Bill said, his teeth grinding against each other. He then felt a warm presence at his side. He looked down and saw Hillary holding Cotton in her arms.  
"Is everything okay, Billy?" She asked taking his hand in one of her own. She didn't seem to notice the hoots and whistles being directed at her.  
"Everything is fine, baby girl," he said softly for a moment forgetting the dumb asses looking on. "Hillary, next time you should dress him up as a male stripper," Scott said.  
Oh fuck no. He felt fear come onto him, filling his lungs.  
"Yeah, it'll take him back to the old days," Tosh said joining in.  
"Hey that's enough," Packer said for whatever reason. Bill's vision began to blur as he felt a series of emotions come over him. How the hell did Scott know about that? He felt sick with vertigo but he somehow still managed to turn his back and walk away from them. Hillary followed him. "Billy! What's wrong? Talk to me," she squealed almost desperately. Her voice was drowned out by the fact that her former room mate May was shouting through a microphone.  
"We have the results for best costumes. There were four categories as you know. There was most creative, scariest, most memorable, and cutest couple award. I will now announce the winners," May said. It was background noise to him, all he could really hear was the blood rushing through his ears. Hillary had finally caught up with him.  
"What's wrong, baby? Talk to me," she said and it reminded him of how he had said the same thing to her many times before. Except, the lump in his throat wouldn't let him speak and the undying guilt he felt resurfaced. There it was again;the feeling that he might corrupt her innocence. She looked so innocent there, holding Cotton in her arms, and he didn't want her to know of the things he had done.  
"Bill and Hillary won for cutest couple costume!" May shouted interrupting his train of thought. "Come up here. We're taking pictures of all the winners," May said from where she stood on a makeshift stage which was a stepping stool. The other winners were lined up on boxes that seemed like the type they used for medalists at the Olympics.

 

Hillary took his hand again and led him to where they were supposed to go. He simply went through the motions. They took the picture, Cotton being included as well, and got their reward of a gift card; and after Hillary led him to the car.  
"Do you want me to drive?" She asked placing Cotton in the backseat alongside the sombrero and the unicorn. She took the slushy he had bought her out of his hands and put it in the cup holder. He was too numb to answer but he needed to drive, needed to get his mind off of things.  
"No. I'll drive. We could have stayed if you wanted," he said feeling like he was fucking things up as usual.  
"I don't. I want to talk with you. I want you to let me in and tell me what's wrong," she said. They got into their usual seats and he started the car. He didn't answer her. He simply began to drive back to the house.  
"Bill. I want to help you but I can't if you won't let me," she said this time placing her hand on his thigh. She was looking at him with so much love and like he had hung the moon. He never wanted that look to go away.  
"If I let you help me, I have to tell you things and then you won't want me anymore," he said voicing his thoughts out loud.  
"I will always want you," she said her voice full of conviction. He had a hard time believing that. How could someone as perfect as her want someone as fucked up as him?  
"Please let me in," she whispered. He felt conflicted, like he was caught in a sea of turmoil. The ocean blue of her eyes drowned him as well. It was all too much. He caught a silver glimpse of the dragonfly necklace around her neck.  
'Dragonflies mean change.'  
She had been changing him already.  
"Okay, when we get to the house I'll tell you what's wrong," he said. He was taking a risk, a leap of faith, by telling her the deeper details of his past. Still, for a moment the tide seemed to subside and all that was left were the calming waves of her blue eyes.

 

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," Hillary said as she cuddled closer to him in bed. They had gone through their nightly routine in silence and she was waiting for him to tell her what was wrong. What was it that Scott had said that had bothered him so much? As for her, May's statement had shaken her up, but after the wonderful time she had experienced with Bill at the restaurant, she refused to believe it. Now, he was upset and she offered her body, soul, and presence as support.  
"Are you sure?" He asked.  
"You can't scare me darling, I'm yours for life," she said using the words he had spoken to her before. She wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her face against his chest. She breathed in his scent, which had begun to blend in with hers lately. She didn't probe him any further, she simply stayed there, as an anchor on him, keeping him sane.  
"Hillary, you must understand that the things I did were and are in the past," he begun his tale. She nodded, she would do her best to understand.  
"Hillary. Scott said something about male strippers. Well, I take no fucking joy in saying this but I used to be something of that nature, but it was worse," he said his voice almost breaking. She pulled back to look at him. His eyes had turned into gray clouds, the kind that appear in Illinois when a rainstorm is about to hit.  
"Hillary I used to get paid by women to have sex with them. It was consensual on both ends. I did it because it paid well. I took up doing this back in England. The women there paid enormous amounts and I was able to save some money and send some back to my mother. My mother was the whole reason I did it, you understand? She was still working so hard and by that point my stepfather had died and she still had my younger brother Roger to support," he paused here holding her closer as if he was afraid that she would leave. She had no intention of going anywhere. Rather, she wanted to stay even more. The vulnerability in his voice was heart wrenching.  
"It wasn't terrible. I mean yeah the sex was good, but again it was just physical. I began to realize after a while that plain physical sex leaves you more empty than before. But there was no fix to it. It was all I knew so I continued to have casual sex both for jobs and sometimes to just fucking feel something," he voice broke and she looked up. He wasn't crying, but his face was in complete despair.  
"Bill, I love you all the same," she said. She didn't know what else to say. Maybe it was too little, but it was all she had, her love was all she could offer him. To Bill however it seemed like her words were what he needed and more.  
"I love you too. I'm sorry, Hills. I'm sorry that I couldn't be better," he said with regret. Her hands went to cup his face. Yes, she didn't like the idea of him having sex with other women before, but that had been before he had met her. He obviously regretted it, and now was no time for jealously. Now was the time for her to reassure him that despite his shortcoming and his flaws she loved him.  
"You're still Bill to me. This doesn't change anything you understand me? I love you, always," she said and kissed him deeply. At that moment every speculation she had, was wiped away. How could he keep anything from her when he had just opened up to her about something like this? "Thank you for being so understanding. I never really told anyone about it before," he said wrapping his arms around her. She relaxed into his touch, his familiar, safe touch.  
"You're welcome, Bill. Now, try to get some sleep, we'll be in Arkansas before you know it," she said. Her eyes closed and she used his chest as a pillow. Little did she know that this would be one of her last few peaceful nights with him.


	14. Arkansas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol you know you've been here long enough when you remember that the first time I posted this my vice principal accidentally read it on my school google docs.

The wind was blowing through her hair and she was smacking on some orange flavored bubble gum. Apparently, the top of the mustang was able to come off and she loved feeling the humid air filling her up. Bill had the car blaring some loud music he liked, and he looked amazing to her. His red flannel shirt was clinging to him, sweat stains appearing at his armpits. He was wearing black sunglasses and his hair was curling a bit as the wind pushed through it. Even Cotton, who was tied by leash onto the back of Bill's seat, laid at the floor of the car sunbathing.  
"Come on, Hillary sing this song with me. I'll restart it," Bill said. He had been playing the song Magic by Pilot for the past half hour.  
"I think you've been managing just fine. Besides, you can't sing with gum in your mouth," she said. He shook his head.  
"Next time we stop at a gas station to use the bathroom and what not you're not allowed to get gum," he said. He then restarted the song and began to sing loudly. His deep voice was amazing and it seemed like he hit all the notes right on pitch.  
"Oh, oh, oh it's magic. C'mon Hilly," he said singing loudly. She shook her head and laid back against the seat. They were currently in Tennessee and it was the second day of their trip. The car ride had consisted of lots of Bill's singing and their talking. They had talked about a lot more things as usual, their classes, the future, music, and much more. The night in the motel with Bill in West Virginia had also been pleasing. They had stopped at a small motel and they had shared one king sized bed.  
She had been tired, even though he had been doing all the driving, and had gotten in the bed as soon as he had unlocked the door of their room. He had chuckled and went about his nightly routine as he had brought both of their overnight bags with them. After he had been done, he had gotten in the bed, lying down next to her. Automatically, she had moved her head from the pillow to his chest.  
"I'm like your personal body pillow aren't I?" He had asked light heartedly.  
"It's your fault you're so comfy," she had replied and buried her face in his chest. She had loved being able to feel so close to him. After his confession of his past, it seemed like a wall had been torn down between them.  
"I'm not complaining. You feel so good," he had said and had begun to run his hand through her hair. He had fallen asleep right away, tired from driving a lot, and she had stayed up for a while watching him. His face had seemed much more young and relaxed. Occasionally he would mumble something indecipherable, but sometimes he had just said her name . At one point during the night, his face had grown tense and he had said her name over and over again. It had seemed as if he were having a nightmare. She had been able to calm him by stroking his hair.  
"I'm here. It's okay, I'll take care of you," she had whispered. Although still asleep, his body had relaxed at the sound of her voice and his sleep had slipped back into ease.  
That had been the beautiful part to her, being able to soothe him.  
She now looked at him, as he finished singing the last part of the song he loved dearly. He really did seem so joyous and it brought herself joy as well to see him in good spirits.  
"We'll be arriving there soon, in a few hours. Are you okay? You know they will like you," Bill said now turning down the music.  
"I think I'll just wait to get there. I don't want to set my expectations too high, and then be  
disappointed," she said. She had been worried beyond belief at first, the thought of meeting his family was intimidating. Now, she could still feel some nerves but she kept them at bay by keeping her mind occupied on other matters. Worrying would do no good and serve no other purpose other than stressing her out.  
"What? Disappointment? I think you'll like it. There will be lots of things for us to do," Bill said. Over a quick breakfast at the motel this morning he had told her of some of these things. He had suggested they could go fishing and horse shoe tossing. These all seemed out of her depth. Still, Bill had made it sound so fun and interesting in the way he always did.  
"Do you look like your mother, Bill?" She asked now as a thought popped into her head. That thought was that Bill was so wonderful and beautiful; and the thought of his family looking like him was comforting. It wouldn't be so nerve wracking if she was greeted by those familiar features she had grown to love so much.  
"A little a guess. We have the same hair color and face shape. Most people always said I looked like my biological father. I wouldn't know. Why?" He answered her then looked at her curiously. She blushed a little but continued to meet the gaze she knew she was getting underneath the sunglasses.  
"Because you're so beautiful. It would be nice to see all your familiar features reflected in your family," she confessed. In response, his face turned almost as red as her shirt. 'Yes! I can make him blush just as hard,'she thought.  
"Shucks, sweets. You're such a doll you know that? You're always so good to me," he said still smiling. She loved that smile, and that joy she could bring him. She wanted to see more of it, see the smile get even bigger. She turned up the volume of the music and restarted the tape.  
"Oh, oh, oh it's magic! C'mon Billy," she said as she began to sing the song very off key. As she had anticipated, his smile grew even larger.  
"Yeah! You see Hills? You can sing!" He said and joined along with her. He didn't seem to mind that she was off key, rather he seemed to enjoy it.  
She laughed while singing, sometimes getting the lyrics wrong, and they held hands. The roaring of the wind, tires against road, and the music, their symphony.

 

He had decided he would tell Hillary about the bet as soon as they returned back to New Haven. He had decided on this due to the fact that she had been so receptive and understanding to his confession of his past. The days following his confession, she had shown her love for him in many ways. She would do things, simple small things, like lay her head in his lap while he read his schoolbooks or sometimes pause in what she was doing to place a kiss on his neck. These simple things had been done with so much love and trust, and had only reassured her previous statement: 'you're still Bill to me.'  
So as much as it pained him, he would tell her about the bet and they could move on.  
That would have to wait, however. Now, they were going to his hometown and despite what she said he could tell she was nervous. Still, the long car trip had been just as amazing as he had imagined it. She had often curled up in her seat, gazing out the window or at him. Her cream colored blonde hair had blown in the wind looking as soft as cotton candy. At times, she had fallen asleep during the ride and he would be talking just to look over and see that she was snoozing away.  
"I'm that boring aren't I?" He had joked.  
"No. Your voice is just so soothing, and slow like molasses," she had said complimenting him once again.  
Now, as they drove past the 'Welcome to Arkansas, the natural state sign.' She squeezed his hand. As always, his home state welcomed him with the green scenery and the occasional tumbleweed on the side of the road.  
"It's beautiful here," Hillary whispered.  
"Yes it is," he said. He was looking at her however. She really did look well against the Arkansas backdrop of the sky and he loved how she seemed incredibly comfortable.  
"This must be different from Illinois huh?" He asked.  
"Very different," she said. It was obvious it wasn't a bad thing to her, but a new different and a refreshing kind.  
"We still have an hour to go if you want to get some sleep," he said. They would be staying with his mother in his old house, and he knew she was still nervous. In her typical fashion, however, she kept it well concealed.  
"Maybe. If you start talking to me again I might go to sleep. Your voice is like a lullaby," she said already laying back. He chuckled a bit.  
"Tell me that story again about the time you chased a hog," she said smiling. When they had stopped to eat lunch at a deli earlier, he had told her that story and she had gotten a real kick out of it. Even though the story was embarrassing to tell since it consisted of him as a fourteen year old accidentally setting the blue ribbon hog loose at the Arkansas fair; and him having to chase it, he had enjoyed making her laugh.  
"Alright. So I was fourteen and at the fair..." He began to tell her the story again and she closed her eyes, still smiling as his voice began to lull her to sleep.

 

"This is where I grew up," he said his lips at her ear. She had woken up a few minutes ago and was still dazed. The nerves came back, but she didn't pay them much mind. Bill had parked the car in the driveway as he had woken her up, and they would no doubt be greeted by someone any minute now.  
"It's a nice house," she said. It was. The house reminded her of a white cake, the chipping white paint of the porch serving as a sort of white trim.  
As she had predicted, a boy who had hair just as dark as Bill's came running out of the house. This must be Roger, she thought. Roger looked around sixteen and while he only resembled Bill in hair color, there was something familiar about the way he excitedly waved his arms around. "Come on, you'll be okay. I'll get Cotton," Bill said opening the door of the car. She followed his lead, and got out of the car herself. She felt a bit awkward watching the brothers greet each other. Cotton herself had jumped out of Bill's arms and onto the ground, going as far as the leash would get here.  
"Roger, you've gotten so tall. Pretty soon you'll be taller than me," Bill said.  
"I doubt it. You've always been so huge," Roger said laughing back. A woman came out, and Hillary felt herself gasp. She looked very much like Bill. He had said that he only looked a little like his mother, but to her the resemblance was undeniable. She was also tall, taller than Hillary, and shorter than Bill. She had the signature dark hair that Hillary was starting to notice was a Clinton trait. She also had the similar blue eyes that were shaped the same, but didn't include the gray specks.  
She watched as the family greeted each other and she herself scooped up Cotton for something to do.  
"Mom. Roger. This is Hillary Rodham, my best friend, my girlfriend, and my better half," Bill said taking her hand. She felt herself blush as all eyes were on her.  
"Hello. It's nice to meet you," Hillary said shyly.  
"It's nice to meet you as well. I'm Virginia," Bill's mother said coming up to shake her hand.  
Her hand had the same warmth that Bill's had.  
"We've heard a lot about you. Why don't you come in and I’ll help you get settled. Bill and Roger will bring up your things,” Virginia said. Hillary just followed her, with Cotton in her arms, and glanced back at Bill who was horsing around with Roger. The inside of the house was lovely. It was obvious that the house had some history. The walls were painted a light brown and the living room consisted of a fuzzy pink couch and a television set in front of it. Alongside the side of the living room, a huge brown dressing drawer stood high and mighty. On the top of the drawer, there were many pictures of Bill and Roger. She liked the pictures of Bill throughout his school years, and she especially liked the one of him in his graduation cap and gown from high school.  
“You have a very nice house,” Hillary said.  
“Thank you. It was always difficult to keep the house clean when the boys were younger, but now I can keep it how I want. You’ll be staying upstairs, it’s just this way,” Virgina said and led her to the stairs. Unlike the house she and Bill currently lived in, his childhood home was a two story house and she followed his mother up the staircase. Alongside the wall of the staircase there were even more pictures of Bill. Many were of him at saxophone competitions and band recitals and she loved them. In all the pictures he looked the same as he did now, but much younger. “You and Bill will be staying here in his old room. The bathroom is right across the hall. Roger and I are down stairs if you need us for anything,” Virgina said as she led her to the room. They now came within Bill’s old room and Hillary smiled. It was like if nothing had changed. The room was small and the walls were painted a light blue, and covered in various posters. The posters were mostly of democrat political symbols but some were of old movies he liked. His bed was huge and the bedsheets were those of some comic book characters, but the blanket was a solid blue. She noticed how he himself also had a small dresser in his room but the only picture on top of the dresser was of him meeting John F. Kennedy. To her delight, alongside the dresser was his old saxophone. Then she realized what Virginia had said, both she and Bill would be staying here. “Bill is staying here too?” she asked. Of course Hillary herself didn’t have a problem with it, but she just thought it was a bit embarrassing that his mother knew they would be sleeping in the same bed. She knew it was ridiculous, but she just compared it to how if they were visiting her family, they would never let her and Bill sleep in the same room since it was “improper.” She guessed the Clintons were more laid back.  
“Oh yes, Bill was very specific. He said that if you didn’t share the same room then he would throw a fit,” his mother replied smiling a bit.  
“I would. Hillary is the best snuggler, she helps me sleep,” Bill said as he entered the room carrying her duffle bag. Roger followed behind bringing in Bill’s bag and Cotton’s things as well. “Mom, Cotton will be staying in the laundry room right?” Bill asked helping Roger move the bags to the corner of the room.  
“Yes. I’ve already made it up for her, there’s lots of space for her,” Virginia replied smiling at Cotton. Hillary sat down on the edge of the bed and put Cotton on the floor. This wasn’t so bad, and her nerves were starting to go away.  
“Have you two eaten? I have some leftover pot roast if you want some,” Virginia said.  
“Maybe later. Hillary and I are gonna unpack first,” Bill replied. His mother nodded and said that she would be downstairs. As she left, Roger moved to follow her.  
“Roger, wait. You haven’t said anything to Hillary yet don’t be rude,” Bill said stopping his teenage brother. Roger groaned dramatically.  
“Bill it’s fine,” Hillary protested. The last thing she wanted was more attention.  
“No it’s not. Roger’s just in a hurry to go downstairs and watch TV. Roger say hi then you can go,” Bill said answering her then addressing his brother.  
“Hi then you can go,” Roger said to Hillary causing her to laugh. He then laughed as he raced back down the stairs.  
“Smartass,” Bill muttered under his breath but his voice was full of love for his younger brother. Bill then began to take his clothes out of the duffel bag and put them in the drawer. They would be staying here for a week, and Hillary was glad that her parents hadn’t given her too much grief about it. Her mother had been insistent that she go with Bill to Arkansa for break as it would be a good experience for her. Her father had been more hesitant since he hadn’t met Bill but had told her to go on anyway. The Rodman family only had one rule: that everyone be present for winter break and spend Christmas together. Due to this rule, fall break was more laissez-faire and laid back.  
“Hillary, you can put your stuff in here too if you’d like,” Bill said breaking into her thoughts. She wasn’t much of a unpack sort of a girl when it came to vacations. Most of the time, she just left her clothes in her bag and took things out as she needed them  
“I’m fine with leaving them in the duffel bag,” she said but got up all the same. She took a closer look at the room now, and went to open the closet. It was empty, but on the top of the mantel, there were Bill’s yearbooks.“You know my mom likes you? I can tell. She practically beams with enthusiasm every fucking time I touch you,” Bill said still putting his things away.  
“Does she now?” Hillary said only half listening. She tip toed and plucked the yearbook from his senior year of high school off the mantel so she could look at it. She opened it and saw that he had many signatures from peers all over it. She flipped through the pages looking for pictures of him. She found his school photo and smiled at how handsome he had looked even then at eighteen. “Yeah. This is the first time I’ve ever brought a girl home. It’s the first time I’ve had a serious girlfriend,” Bill went on. She nodded, but didn’t answer. She was too immersed in looking through his yearbook. She had come across a picture of him and a bunch of tough looking guys, their arms wrapped around each other’s necks and they seemed to be laughing. From what he had told her now, she knew better. Bill had only stuck with these popular and tough guys to survive and not get picked on.  
“What are you doing?” Bill now asked coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.  
“Snooping,” she joked. At the back of the yearbook on the blank pages, there were more signatures most of which were obviously from girls. She rolled her eyes and finally shut the book. “You don’t have to snoop. I’d tell you anything you want to know,” he said nibbling at her ear. She giggled and for a second she was glad that Roger and Virginia were staying downstairs. She wouldn't have been able to control all her giggling if they were around. Bill’s nibbles turned into warm kisses at her ear then moved down to the lower part of her neck. She felt surges of pleasure run through her as his lips worked their familiar magic. He turned her around and his lips came down on hers, hot and heavy. If it weren’t for the book still in her hands she was sure that she would have hoisted herself around his waist. Unfortunately, the book was still in her hands and she had to make do with what she could. She bit his lip causing him to groan and he picked her up himself.  
“You’re so lucky my family is downstairs or there would be so many things I would do to you right now,” He said his lips going back to where this had started all at her ear. She felt herself grow aroused at his words. Lately, she had been wanting him more. They still had only been kissing and fingering, but in the days following Halloween, their kisses had grown hotter and longer, and the fingering had gotten rougher.  
“Sure you would,” she said still panting. He plucked the book out of hands and placed it back on it’s spot on the mantel, with one hand while the other effortlessly still held her up. Her arms were now free and she was able to wrap them around Bill’s neck. She knew she wanted him, that had become painfully clear to her the night before they had left for Arkansa. She had woken up, her face flushed from the dream she had experienced. She knew it had been a dream but it had felt so real. Most of her dreams were about Bill, but that one had been different. In the dream, his hands had been all over her and she had been experiencing all of him. So it had been a wet dream. She had wanted it so badly to be real, and ever since she had been trying to keep that lust at bay. When she finally decided to have sex with him, she wanted it to be out of love and not because she was horny.  
“I’m so glad you’re here, even if you are snooping,” he said placing her back on the ground. She left her arms around his neck and smiled.  
“You said you would tell me anything right? Well there’s one thing I want to know,” she said teasingly.  
“Yeah? What’s that?” He asked biting his lip. She tried to keep her eyes away from his mouth, that sinfully pink mouth that could take her to heaven.  
“Why the comic book bed sheets?’” she joked. He groaned and rolled his eyes.  
“It was a phase, and my mom refuses to change anything from the room,” he said. She laughed and at last took her arms from his neck and walked to wear her bag was. She had never been an unpacking kind of girl, but she would unpack here. This wasn’t just a temporary vacation, and she felt that she would be visiting here again.  
“Hillary actually works with kids mom. She loves it,” he gushed. He had in fact spent all of dinner gushing over Hillary even though her face turned bright pink.  
“That’s lovely!” his mother responded enthusiastically. The way Bill saw it, Hillary could just as well had flippers and a tail and his mother would have thought that was lovely. He had meant what he had said earlier, his mother was beaming with joy every time he touched Hillary in the slightest way. He knew it was because his mother worried about him, and worried that he would be alone the rest of his life. He had thought that as well, except he hadn’t worried about it, that had simply just been his fate.  
Not anymore.  
Hillary was his always and she had been very at ease after they had finished unpacking and he had taken her fishing down by the creek. Luckily, they had been the only ones there.  
“You see, I told you this is easy,” she had said smugly as she had caught several fish even though it was her first time. He had only shook his head, there was not a single thing she was bad at, well except bowling.  
“Hey Clinton, come here,” she had said giggling. He had walked over to her where she was by the creek knowing she was up to something by the mischief in her voice. He had been right, because she had pushed him into the creek so the bottom of his pants were wet. She had laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world.  
“Naughty girl,” he had said and pulled her in the water fishing rod and all. Since she was much smaller she had gotten more of herself wet except her upper chest.  
“Seriously Bill?” She had joked with mock anger and splashed him. Next thing he knew, they had been splashing away at the creek until not an inch of either of them was dry. The fish had been long forgotten, as they each drenched the other with the creek waves.  
“You started this,” he had said as he cradled her to his chest in the creek. Water droplets had been all over her glasses and she had pouted.  
“You escalated it,” she threw back. So he had, but it had been fun and he knew she had enjoyed it as well. They had stayed in the creek for a while longer and the splashing had turned to kissing. Wet lips against wet lips. He had thought they would have stayed there forever if it hadn’t been for the sun starting to go down. So the seats of the mustang were currently soaked and they had returned to his mother’s house soaking wet, but his mother hadn’t seemed to mind. She had simply given them towels and they had dried off before entering the house to change clothes.  
“The kids really are lovely. There’s this child named Cody who looks just like Bill, it’s adorable,” Hillary now said bringing his mind to the present.  
“Yeah. It’s great mom, he even has a little crush on Hillary it’s so cute,” Bill said joining in. They were eating some of his mother’s leftover pot roast for dinner along with the bread she had baked, and the kitchen smelled incredible.  
“You didn’t tell me that! Is that what Cody was talking to you about on Halloween?” Hillary asked from across the table. The table was small and round, and Hillary was sitting next to Roger and His mother, while he sat on his mother’s other side. They had been kicking at each other's feet playfully throughout dinner, and Bill had vowed to himself earlier that as soon as they got back to their room he was going to make her pay for teasing so much.  
“Yeah, Cody asked if he could date you once I was done dating you. Since I have no intention to stop being with you ever, I told him he could look after you when you’re at the daycare,” Bill said. His mother practically seemed to have a happy stroke at Bill’s statement of being with Hillary forever. Hillary herself was flushed that beautiful rosy color he had come to associate with her.  
“So why were you guys all soaked earlier? I thought you went fishing not swimming,” Roger asked. That only made Bill and Hillary laugh.  
“It kinda turned into both,” Hillary said blushing harder than before.  
“Tomorrow I’m taking Hillary to my old high school and to other cool places around here,” he said trying to move the conversation away from their wet adventure.  
“That’d be nice Bill, make sure you take her to the tier park,” his mother said. Roger and him shared a knowing look and started snickering. “What’s the tier park?” Hillary asked innocently.  
“You’ll see,” Bill said and left it at that, he didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

 

“This bed smells even more like you than you do!” She giggled against his chest. They had gone through their nightly routine after dinner, and after watching a television program with his mother and Roger.  
“You’re so cute, you know that? And so very bad too, playing footsies with me all throughout dinner,” he said remembering his promise of making her pay.  
“But you played back didn’t you?” she retorted and rolled off his chest so she was lying as far away from him as she could get. So that’s how she wants to play this, he thought.  
“I did. Goodnight, Hillary,” he said and turned so his back was to her and he was pretending to sleep. He knew that she had expected him to beg or to chase her, so he did the opposite. He could practically feel her disappointment and he knew she was pouting without even looking at her. “Bill?” she asked finally breaking the silence.  
“Yes?” He asked trying to hide the smile from his voice.  
“I want to cuddle,” she said softly.  
“You rolled away, darling now you have to deal with the consequences,” he said still not moving. It took everything in him not to go to her and press his body against hers like she wanted.  
“Ugh whatever, goodnight,” she said growing frustrated. He tried to keep from laughing and again they were quiet for so long he thought she had gone to sleep.  
“Bill?” she said finally speaking again. He decided to ignore her to see what would happen. He moved a little so she knew he was awake.  
“Bill pay attention to me!” She said sounding like a child. It was so adorable and when she started pounding her little fists against his back he rolled over so he could look at her.  
“Yes darling?” he asked even though he knew what she wanted.  
“I said I want to cuddle,” she said now looking even more desperate. At this point, he was at the end of his rope as well, and very much wanted to cuddle her too.  
“On one exception,” he said pulling a her on her. She, however wasn’t as compliant as he was. “What? No fricking way, Clinton. I want to cuddle and if I don’t get cuddled now I’m leaving,” she said. He raised his eyebrows at her almost cursing, she never cussed. His arms finally went around her bringing her back into his warmth.  
“I was just going to tell you to say sorry for rolling away,” Bill said laughing about how she angrily nuzzled her face into his chest.  
“You should be the one saying sorry for not begging me to come back,” she said at last at ease. “You’re so silly. Where were you going to go exactly?” he asked. She looked up at him mischievously.  
“New Haven, or maybe New York I’m sure they would still love to have me,” she teased. His grasp on her tightened playfully.  
“That’s a low blow, sweets. It’s just cuddles it’s not that serious,” he said.  
“It’s never just cuddles. Besides, all’s fair in love and cuddles,” she joked then yawned. Fuck, he loved her, and he loved that she was here with him in his childhood home and in his old bed. “Hillary?” He called her name softly.  
“Hmm?” she replied almost on the verge of sleep.  
“I’m sorry for not begging you to come back,” he at last conceded to their little game and closed his eyes himself. Tomorrow would be a new day, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

 

When she woke up, Bill was gone. The bedsheets were all over her as if he had retucked her in before leaving. Methodically, she got up to get dressed for the day. The only reason she had woken up was due to the fact that a rooster had crowed in the distance, jarring her awake from her sleep. She was sure Bill would get a kick out of that. She could hear his voice in her head ‘silly  
city girl can sleep through traffic and lots of other nonsense, but a rooster wakes her up.’ When she finished changing into her white tee shirt and blue jeans, she went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Already, she could smell the aroma of biscuits and gravy, and it was very pleasing, she suspected that’s where Bill was; he was never far from food. After brushing her teeth and putting her hair into two french braids, she walked down the stairs.  
“I really do love her, mom,” she overheard Bill saying. She stopped in her tracks by the stairs where they couldn’t see her. She was interested in hearing the rest of the conversation before walking in on them. Snooping again, she thought.  
“I’m glad she makes you happy. She’s a very smart girl,” Virginia said. Hillary felt the last of her nerves which had been hiding finally dissolve, his mother liked her.  
“She is. Fuck, I hope she likes it here. After Yale I want to comeback here you know. It would mean everything if she came with me, I think one day I want to mar- Fuck Roger put it back outside!” Bill’s statement that she had been longing to hear was cut off by Roger coming in through the back door making a bunch of noise. From what it sounded like, that rooster that had she had spoken of earlier was not so distant now.  
“Bill watch your language. Roger either go outside with the rooster or just leave it outside,” Virginia said. From what is sounded like, it looked like she was used to dealing with this sort of thing. Hillary heard the back door slam and suspected that Roger had gone back outside. She waited to see if Bill would continue what he had been saying, but there was only the sound of Virginia cooking. She at last entered the kitchen, and Bill’s eyes grew soft with love when he saw her. He opened his arms to her.  
“Come here, pretty baby. Did you sleep well?” He said as she went to his open arms. She blushed a bit and again she wondered how he could be so affectionate despite the fact that his mother was there. She just nodded as he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently.  
“Good morning, Virginia,” Hillary said to be polite.  
“Good morning, Hillary. Would you like biscuits and gravy? They are Bill’s favorite,” Virginia replied.  
“Yes please,” Hillary said and shot Bill a look that said ‘I know you left me for biscuits.’ Bill just smiled at her apologetically, and pulled her so she was sitting on his lap.  
“Bill, there’s plenty of chairs for me to sit on,” she said still a little embarrassed. Bill only rolled his eyes.  
“You’re sitting here, we do this at home don’t we?” He said as Virginia served Hillary’s plate in front of her. The biscuits did look amazing drowning in gravy and for a moment she almost forgave Bill for leaving her alone, almost.  
“Bill when the timer goes off on this cake turn it off, I’m going to go shower then I’ll be back,” Virgina said then left the kitchen to do just that. Hillary ate her biscuits, trying to avoid making a mess by using the fork and knife Bill had obviously not used.  
“I eat them with my hands,” Bill noted as he tugged on one of her braids. “I really like this. It’s fancy,” he said about her hair.  
“Thank you. My hair is being extra frizzy here so this is the result of that,” she replied and drank out of Bill’s leftover coffee. Her thoughts went back to what he had been saying before. ‘I think one day I want to mar-’ What had he been going to say before the rooster ruckus had interrupted him?  
“After breakfast I’m going to show you more of the places that made me who I am. We can bring Cotton too, she was a bad girl last night and took shits in places that weren’t her litter box,” Bill said still tugging gently at her hair.  
“Sounds nice, minus the poop part. Bringing Cotton sounds like a good idea, she’s family too,” Hillary said and finished the last of the biscuits.  
“Yep. my girls, my two favorite pussies,” he said causing her to almost spit out her food.  
“Bill! You always do that when I’m eating,” she said but she was laughing. Being here with him, in this house that was so personal to him, only made her love him more.  
“You fucking love it though don’t you?” He said and began to kiss her neck softly. The kisses soon became rough and she knew that he was feeling that same desire she had been feeling. She whinged a bit as she felt that arousal come on.  
“Bill stop,” she said but she knew she didn’t want him to, if she really wanted him to stop she would have forced him to by now.  
“You don’t want me to though, I can tell,” he said his mouth moving to the nape of her neck. She couldn’t take it. She turned and caught his lips on hers and bit his lip roughly. His hands began to move to cup her butt and again her dream came back to her, she wanted him badly. Perhaps, she had always known it. He had after all, caught her attention that night that seemed so long ago when he had cleaned her dress. She had after all, bought birth control and had started to take it regularly, even though she kept it hidden from him.  
Again, there was that fire storm between them that was only interrupted by the timer of the oven going off. Bill made no intention of getting up to turn it off, as he continued to kiss her lightly. So it was up to Hillary to break their embrace and untangle herself from his lap. She turned the timer off and when she turned back around she saw that he was looking at her with awe.  
“Now. Let’s go to those places you were talking about earlier,” she said.

 

The first place he had decided to take her was his old high school. He didn’t want to go back in the building, fuck that place, so they walked around the perimeters and he took various pictures of her and Cotton with the new polaroid he had bought at a gas station on their trip here.  
“I don’t understand why you need pictures of me here if you hated it here so much,” she said as they sat on one of the school benches now. It was hard to put into words, but for her he would try, he would always try.  
“It’s like this. You know when there’s a really ugly patch of land and people plant flowers and what not to make it better, it’s like that,” he said and began to put the pictures in the other see through flap of his wallet.  
“So which am I the ugly patch of land or the flowers and what not?” she teased.  
“You’re definitely the ugly patch of land,” he joked back. She pretended to be upset.  
“Just as I thought,” she said making a tsk sound. He loved that she was always so playfully, and always in good spirits. Many of the bimbos he had been with had terrible attitudes, he had looked past it just to get a quick fuck, but after Hillary, he could never do that again.  
“In all seriousness, you’re the flowers and what not. This school is the ugly patch of grass. You make it better, you make it beautiful,” he said taking her small hand in his. It was beyond him how someone so perfect could exist. He had never cared much for religion or for God, but now looking at her, he thought that there had to be something more to this life. Maybe it was God, maybe it was fate or some other mystical shit, but her existence was too perfect to merely be a result of random molecules and atoms.  
“I know after I lost weight and became a ‘bad boy’ I was a popular asshat. I still felt like shit though, but being popular could almost make me feel normal. I felt like terrible doing the things I did, stealing, bullying, anything you could think of I did. Still, to everyone I looked happy and normal. To my mom it seemed like I had a lot of friends so I just continued with it so I wouldn’t worry her. High School was fucking shit,” he said ranting out loud Hillary scooted closer to him. “High school was freaking poop,” she said agreeing in her own way. He laughed and wrapped his arm around her neck bringing her closer. One place had been healed for him because of her, now there were only three left to go.

 

“I don’t get it,” She said looking at a park. Bill had brought her here after the school and she followed him as he walked to a vacant slide. There was no one at the park except an elderly couple reading a book together on a bench. The couple looked sweet to her, for a second she found herself thinking her and Bill could be that way, years from now. Cotton pulled her along by the leash as she struggled to follow Bill as well, Hillary sensed that somehow the kitten knew this was important.  
“Cotton, calm down. Dad isn’t going anywhere too far,” she said as they at last caught up to him. “This is where I first lost Roger. I had been watching him and my Mom told me to keep an eye on him and I fucking lost him. The last place I saw him was this slide. I was sixteen and he was six so you can guess how freaked out I was,” he said. She took his hand, she sensed there was more. She knew that he was bringing her along to these places so he could erase these bad memories, and she was happy to help. She would always help him.  
“My step dad was fucking pissed when he found out. You see I went home because I seriously could not find Roger and I went to get help from my mom and stepdad. Well this is around the time my stepdad got difficult right? So you know what he tells a scared sixteen year old? He tells me I’m fucking piece of shit and that I can’t do anything right. I told you he taught me how to box right? Well I was putting it lightly. He never intentionally taught me anything. My boxing lessons came that day as I struggled to escape his flying fists and they came every fucking day after that. Luckily a family friend found Roger and everything went back to fucking normal for everyone else. Not for me. My stepdad’s words came back to my head every fucking day. This is where it all started though, and for a long time I was convinced it was my fault,” he ended his story sighing roughly. She didn’t know what to say. She knew now, however, that he wasn’t cold and mean because he enjoyed it. No, he did it as a coping mechanism and it had been his stepfather who had been the one to blame.  
“It wasn’t your fault though. It could have happened to anyone. It wasn’t your fault, Billy,” she repeated kiss his neck softly. They were silent for a while, just standing there and watching. Even Cotton now laid in the grass, quietly.  
“Hillary I want to take a picture of you sitting on the slide,” Bill said finally speaking again. His voice sounded lighter, and more like a weight had been taken off his shoulders.  
“Okay,” she said and scooped up Cotton in her arms. She went to sit on the edge of the slide and she smiled at him as he snapped the photo. When he was done, he came to sit next to her on the edge of the slide and laid his head on her shoulder. It was peaceful and only the sound of chirping birds interrupted their silence, but this comfortable silence was ironically her favorite sound.

They were at the last place he wanted to show her. The one fucking place, he never thought he would step foot in again, let alone bring someone with him. Still, her little hand in his gave him the strength he needed to continue through the cemetery and find the two tombstones he was looking for.  
“Are you okay being here?’ he asked Hillary looking down at her. They had left Cotton in the car this time with the windows left slightly open.  
“I’m fine. Please don’t worry about me right now. I want to be here with you, and whenever you go I go,” she said. Again he was reminded of how much he loved her and how grateful he was that he had someone he could feel so complete with. A lot of people spent their whole lives looking for something like this, lucky him had only waited twenty six years. They at last came to the tombstones he was looking for: William Jefferson Blythe Jr. and Roger Clinton. He felt Hillary’s hand tense in his.  
“These are the tombstones of my two fathers. In a way they both kinda fucked me up. You know when my step dad died i was forced to come to the funeral. I didn’t want to, but my mom made me. In some fucked up way I’m glad I did, for once he wasn’t screaming and it was peaceful. You know he was sick for a while and towards the end when I came back to see him several times he was almost back to his old self, you see at first he wasn’t a jackass. I wish that could have been enough to fix all the damage he had done to me. His last words to me were, ‘Maybe you aren’t much of a fuck up as I thought,’” he paused here, letting Hilary take this all in. She leaned against his shoulder, her touch his comfort.  
“You see when I say they both fucked me up I mean that my step dad was the reason I was so scared of being a jerk. Of course I did turn into a fucking jerk but it only made me feel more guilty. My biological father fucked me up because I was scared of dying young like he did. Of course, I put myself in a lot of situations where I could have died just like he did, but for some reason I didn’t. I guess I know the reason now, and that reason is you,” He turned and cupped her face in her hands. Her eyes were filled with tears and he wiped the ones that began to leak away. “Hillary Rodham, if there’s a God he has brought me to you. I love you, deeply. Thank you for saving me, “ he said and kissed her lips. She tasted like salt and in her kiss he could taste the vast waters of the ocean. She was everything, and he knew now that he would tell her the truth once they got home.  
All the three places he had taken her today had been healed for him today. When he now thought of these places, he searched within himself, daring his demons to come forward. They didn’t. They were gone. Hillary had chased them away.

She was laughing as she watched Bill chug a beer out of a huge brown wooden cup in competition with several other men. He came in first of course, and once he was down he came and kissed her as loud country music blared on speakers in the background. They were at a cookout that his neighbor was throwing. It was the same neighbor he had told her about before, the neighbor who threw cookouts on the opening day of baseball. Well, there was no baseball, but the occasion was that Bill was home. His mother had apparently arranged it all, spreading the news that Bill had brought a girl with him and as a result the whole town seemed to be here. Where was here exactly? Here was the clear open field where the town held the state fair. There were tables all over the place, and various men had brought their grills and were cooking things up. Then of course, there was a small sitting hollow covered by a rooftop that provided shade. “You’re amazing,” she said cradling his face in her hands. After he had taken her to those places, she had a better sense of who he was, and why he did and said the things he said. She felt like now she knew him like the back of her hand and she loved it; she never thought she could know someone so intimately.  
“Bill! Come help us bring this log of wood in here,” his cookout neighbor, Bob, said. Hillary raised her eyebrows. Log of wood? Bill seemed to understand however.  
“I’ll be right there Bob,” he said then turned to her. “I’ll be back, sweets,” he said pressing a quick kiss to her forehead and then running after his neighbor. Hillary sat there in the hollow and watched. The people here were very friendly, many of them had come up and introduced themselves to her. Roger was running around here as well with his wayward Rooster. This place seemed homely and she could tell why Bill loved it so much. HIs words from earlier came back to her again.  
i‘t would mean everything if she came with me’  
Could she live here? She got the sense that she could adjust well with Bill at her side. Already, she was loving the simple and calm country life. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see it was Virginia.  
“Hillary can I talk to you for a second?” Bill’s mother asked. She nodded and Virginia sat down next to her.  
“I want to thank you for bringing my son back to me,” she said. Hillary didn’t quite understand what she meant but nodded anyway.  
“He really wanted to come visit you,” she settled for saying.  
“No I mean, more than that. Before you, he was different. I lost the little boy I loved so much because of his step-father. He was detached, and cold. He was still sweet to me and to his brother but with everyone else he was mean and cruel. I knew that wasn’t my son, and I was so scared that I had lost him forever. I was starting to think that he would be like that his whole life, alone and detached. Then you came, and suddenly I see the little boy I once knew. So thank you for that, Hillary,” she said. Hillary didn’t know what to say. It seemed like today was full of heartfelt revelations and she was falling short of words.  
“You’re welcome. I love your son, you’ve raised him well,” Hillary said feeling the need to compliment her back. For a second, she wanted to ask her about what Bill had been going to say this morning and about what more he had said, but she was interrupted by Bill chasing Roger who was holding a log and chasing his rooster.  
“Give it here, Roger. You know the guys like to use it to see who can break it with their hands,” Bill shouted.  
“No, my rooster needs it!”  
“What the fuck for?”  
“To make a nest!”  
“Rooster’s don’t make nests!”  
Hillary began to laugh and so did Virginia.  
“Those boys are so funny,” Virginia said. Hillary nodded, they were, and she was glad she was able to call them her boys too.

 

“Thank you for being so supportive today,” he told Hillary as he kissed her lightly on the head. They were once again curled up in his old bed and tonight there had been no fighting about cuddling; they had simply clung to each other, each needing to feel the other’s warmth.  
“I’ll always support you,” she said kissing him back on the mouth. Her kiss wiped away all thoughts. Every problem he thought was wiped away from his mind. Bambi, Scott, and Packer, they were all gone when he was kissing her.  
“We still have a few days here. I’m going to show you way more, except it won’t be as heavy this time, it’ll be more fun like when we went fishing,” he said as her lips moved to his neck. By now, she had become an expert at necking and her sweet kisses along with her occasional pants made him want to sink into her.  
“I like it here. It’s nice. I see why it means so much to you,” she said. She stopped kissing now and rested her soft cheek against his neck. She was quiet for a moment, and he knew she was getting ready to ask him something.  
“Bill, your saxophone is here like you said. You said you stopped playing because a fight you had with your mom. Can you tell me more about that, and would you ever play again?” She said. Her question surprised him but he supposed after everything this was no big deal. In fact, it kind of went hand in hand with some of the things he had discussed earlier.  
“My mom and I had a fight because I wouldn’t play my saxophone at my step dad’s funeral. I also just stopped playing altogether after that because I felt like there was no joy in my life. I thought that someone as fucked up as me didn’t deserve music,” he said. She snuggled closer to him and brought her head down to his chest.  
“Would you play again? I would like it if you did, you play beautifully,” she said. She was now his music. Her laughter, her voice, her heavy breathing when she went to sleep, these were all his symphony. She had brought the music back into his life.  
“I will play again, for you. You’ve helped me so much,” he said and squeezed her lightly. She yawned again, adding another note to their symphony.  
“Go to sleep, doll. We still have more days to discover Arkansas.”

 

And that’s exactly what they did. In the days that remained of their visit, they went hiking, fishing, and horseback riding. He even took her to the tierpark, which she had loved. The tier park was just what it sounded like. A park that consisted of tiers to climb on and tires as swings. He had spun her around in the tier swing until she laughed so hard and thought she was going to throw up. He also took her to meet many people including his old music teacher and his daycare teacher. He had also taking her to visit his grandparents. They were old and frail, but still very proud of Bill and had taken a liking to Hillary. There was no part of his home town that he did not take her to, and everyday was better than the last.  
Now, as they finally arrived to their House in New Haven after an all nighter of driving, they quickly got their things and Cotton in order to go into the house.  
“I’m going to put these things away, you can go on into our bedroom, I’ll join you in a second,” he said as he organized their things in the living room.  
“Okay,” she said and gently put Cotton in her room that was previously the spare room. They had transformed it into a nice comfy room that had various cat toys. After that, Hillary disappeared into their room and he thought that she was being unusually quiet, it wasn’t even her usual thinking quiet. As soon as he finished with their stuff, he went to their bedroom. Hillary had changed so she was only wearing his button up dress shirt she had worn on their way back and his underwear. She was laying down on the bed and she seemed nervous.  
“Bill if I asked you to make love to me would you?” she asked taking him off guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering which i'm sure no one is. The Vow will be updated either this weekend or early into next week. I'm just in college now and my schedule is kinda hectic.


	15. Him

Her question hung in the air between them, lingering. She felt her heart racing a mile a minute. “Of course I would,” he said, “I would do anything you asked of me.”  
She twiddled her fingers, feeling the flesh she wanted him to touch and pleasure. She had decided on their drive back that she wanted him, for him. After going back to his hometown and seeing everything and all of who he was, she realized that she knew him in many ways, except one. She had known it then, fully on their way back, that she wanted him; wanted to know him in all the ways she possibly could. And she wanted to know him out of love not simply because she was horny, she wanted him as a person.  
“But do you want to?I don’t want you to only do it because I’m asking you,” she said. He came to sit next to her on the edge of the bed where she was lying down.  
“Believe me, I want to,” he said in such a husky voice that she blushed and looked away.  
“I’ve never done it before, Billy. You’ll have to be gentle with me,” she said.  
“I know. I know. I’ll take care of you,” he said. She nodded but still didn’t meet his eyes. She suddenly felt that it was incredibly hot in the room and she was surprised her glasses weren’t steaming up with heat.  
“Hillary? We don’t have to do this, it’s not a requirement. I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to give me more than you are comfortable with,” he said breaking the silence. There he was again, giving her a choice, and always being gentle with her. It only strengthened her resolve of wanting him more.  
“I want to, I really do. I’m just scared,” she admitted. She didn’t know how it would feel or what she was supposed to do.  
“Of me?” Bill asked sadly, misinterpreting her silence.  
“No! Seriously Bill, I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of it hurting or not knowing what to do, and I’m now embarrassed because I’m so inexperienced and I’m babbling and-“ her words were cut off by his lips on hers.  
“Just shut up Hills,” he said smiling against their kiss playfully. He kissed her a bit more before pulling back to cradle her face in his hands.  
“It won’t hurt. Your body is designed so it won’t hurt. The only reason it would hurt is if you were with some jerk who didn’t know or care what he was doing. I do care and I do know what I’’m doing so you’re safe with me. As for not knowing what to do, just do what feels right,” he said softly his voice diminishing every fear.  
He was again looking at her as if she was the most amazing person in the world.  
“Well then get started, Clinton,”she joked. In response he kissed her again, long and hard, gently pushing her so she was lying completely on her back. He then climbed over her, so he was hovering right above her, their lips still making that magic she loved so much. Then, his lips moved down to her chin, neck, and eventually to her collarbones. His fingers began to undo the buttons of the shirt she was wearing.  
“No bra?” he smirked as he was gazing on her bare chest. She blushed again and was glad the lights were off.  
“I didn’t want to wear one on the long ride home,” she answered even though he had resumed to kissing her collarbones. He continued to kiss her for a while longer in any way her chest, her breasts, and anything else that was within range.  
“Okay. Enough fooling around let’s get you out of this,” he said and slipped both sleeves of the shirt off her and threw it to the floor. Again, heat seemed to be radiating from all over. It was a good type of heat. The type people use for fires and it reminded her of when they would sit and read in front of the fireplace.  
“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen you know that?” he rhetorically asked as he lowered himself down to kiss her inner thighs. He looked so beautiful to her there, hair navy blue in the dark room and barely illuminated from the porch light outside. She reached out with her hands pulling on his thick hair, causing him to moan.  
“You see you do know what to do,” he moaned out as his lips continued to graze her thighs. She smiled, more relaxed now. He had taught her well in the time that they had been dating and she was beginning to feel more and more at ease. He knew her and he knew her hesitations and reservations and she knew that he would respect that.  
“Bill, honey?” she asked.  
“Mm?” he responded although he was preoccupied with rubbing and playing with her tender inner thigh flesh.  
“Can we get to the sex part now?” she teased her heart still racing. Her virginal fears were still there, but she had decided not to give into them there was no room for fear when he was with her. “Well if you insist, Miss Rodham,” he replied and began to undress himself. Again, her face flushed with heat and she felt herself begin to tremble at the thought of him touching her.  
“You’re so gorgeous,” she whispered. He really was, his perfectly chiseled but still human figure was exposed, almost a shining light blue ivory, illuminated from the outside streetlights and porch lights shining in from the window.  
“I love you. Don’t you ever forget that,” he said so passionately that she felt her spin even though it was still pounding, it was a strange but pleasing sensation. Taking a leap of faith, she pulled down her underwear with her thumbs and his eyes radiated that heat she was feeling as she dropped his underwear that she had been wearing to the floor alongside their other clothes. He positioned himself so he was hovering over her once more. Face to Face. There was something incredibly sensual in the way they held each other’s gaze, not flinching, not blinking. It wasn’t awkward, it was magnetic, as if they were gazing into each other’s souls.  
“Aw shit, protection,” he said and made a move towards the bed side drawer. She stopped him. “I’m on birth control. It’ll be fine. I want to- I want to feel all of you,” she said barely able to meet his eyes. He, however, seemed all too pleased.  
“You went on birth control for me?” he teased. She rolled her eyes. This definitely was the Bill she had come to know, the Bill who liked to tease and be playful even in bed.  
“Just shut up, Bills,” she mocked him by using the words he had thrown at her. In response, he only shook his head in amusement. He then realigned himself so he was just on the brisk of entering her. She could feel him already, not necessarily in but still rock hard against her sensitive clit. Her breathing hitched at the new contact.  
“We’ll go slow first okay? If you want to stop or anything tell me. I love you,” he informed her softly, always softly. She nodded. With her permission, he finally entered her. She gasped as she felt him in her, and as she felt her own body expand to accommodate him, her eyes closing.  
“You okay, pretty baby?” he asked from above her. She nodded.  
“I’d like to hear that pretty voice, sweets,” he said still in that tender tone.  
“Yes, I’m okay. It feels good,” she said her voice faint. With that, he began to thrust slowly but still in a way that she could feel on cloud nine. His strokes were strong and seemed to be hitting against all her walls in a way that made her knees weak. She found herself unable to keep from moaning and pretty soon there was one word she moaned over and over again: his name.  
“I wanna see those pretty eyes too, sweets. Show me those pretty blue,” he said and she could tell he was feeling what she was. She opened her eyes and the sight of him nearly made her faint. His well defined jaw was clenched in concentration and his eyes seemed to be taking her all in, as if he had to memorize every part of her body. It was amazing feeling this all for the first time, and especially with him. He continued to pound into her lightly and of their own accord her hands  
went to his back, she needed him even closer. Her eyes went to the ceiling memorizing every crack and crevice with each thrust he gave her.  
“Eyes on me. I want you to see me,” he commanded. Her eyes went back to him, just the sight of him made her feel like she was going to pass out. With every thrust came an endearment of some sort, an “i love you” or “you’re my whole world.”  
She needed more, more of him to end this famine she was feeling. She whined a bit and began to claw at his back.  
“Faster,” she choked out. Instantly his thrusts quickened in speed, it was as if he had been holding back and had needed her too. She could feel her wetness slicking against his hard member and as he entered and exited her, he coated himself in her arousal.  
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he said through gritted teeth. She bit her lip as her eyes remained on him, just as he had commanded. His eyes remained on her as well and upon seeing that she was biting her lip he let out a choked moan.  
“This is amazing, fuck. I’ve never felt like this before, ever,” he said still panting for breath as he continued to thrust. He hit her most sensitive spot and she yelled out his name. It was all too pleasing and she suddenly was glad that she had waited. Bill was a man and he knew what he was doing, and she was glad she had waited so long so her first time was with him. He hit her sensitive spot several times and she felt herself begin to get wobbly at the knees and like her head was going to explode in a good way. Suddenly she felt an euphoric natural high coming on. This must be orgasming, she thought. He was everywhere as she hit her high and it felt like a shot of pure adrenaline going through her. Now she knew why people became sex addicts, because he was everywhere and she still felt like she couldn’t get enough. So maybe more accurately she was an addict for him. He seemed at the end of his rope as well as he seemed to be reaching his climax. His hands gripped her hips, holding her down and closer as he pounded into her with full force now.  
“fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered and suddenly gasped as he climaxed. She felt herself fill up with his fluid and they both gasped in unison.His thrusts again became passionate and slower and many I love yous came from his lips.  
“You’ve been deprived of this your whole life,” he moaned as he struggled to keep going, seeming not to want to stop.  
“But not with me. You deserve to be touched and have love made to you every day,” at last he panted and pulled out of her, collapsing at her side. His hair was a mess and she knew that hers was matted with sweat, she could just imagine what they looked like; sweating, flushed, and messy haired.  
“I’m not done with you yet, come here and let me take care of you,” he said his voice still recovering. She rolled closer and his arm wrapped around her waist so she was pressed to his chest.  
“That felt so good. I don’t ever want to stop, or go anywhere, I want to stay here with you,” she said nuzzling into his chest. It had been better than she could have ever imagined and she was so overwhelmed by her feelings for him.  
“Then stay. We have all time time in the world. Classes don’t start up again until tomorrow” he said kissing her hair.  
“Are you suggesting we do this until then?” she teased although the idea didn’t bother her much. “You said it, darling, not me,” he teased back. She felt so safe here. This wouldn’t have been something she would have imagined for herself. She never imagined that she would have a significant other, she always thought people found her uninteresting enough for that. Bill found her plenty interesting, his eyes were always on her and he was currently kissing her bare shoulder. “I want to try something, if you’ll let me,” he cooed against her flesh. At this point, she wanted to try anything and everything with him. She nodded.  
“Hillary have you ever heard of choking someone sexually?”

she was under him again so beautiful and trusting. Her bright wide eyes looked up at him with so much awe it hurt.  
"Try not to kill me, Bill. I wanna live forever," she said giggling. Now, all her nerves had seemed to leave and he could tell she was more relaxed. He had been nervous as well although he had hid it. He had been nervous that he would do something wrong because despite all his experience, she still made him feel brand new.  
"I won't. I need you around forever, pretty girl," he said and his hands went gently around her throat. She gasped a bit in her soft girly way. She had been just as amazing as he had imagined, wrapped around him perfectly. Every touch he had given her had been out of love and even in the blazing heat of sex, it hadn't just been physical. No, this time had been special. Every thrust, every kiss, and every stroke were meant to demonstrate his love for her, and of course to pleasure her. That's why he wanted to try this now, to bring her more pleasure, she deserved it; she deserved to feel good.  
"It'll be okay. I know how to do this safely. Still, we're going to use the stoplight method. If you want me to stop say red and if you want me to slow down say yellow," he instructed her. Despite his experience and dominance, she was truly the one in control. They were respecting her boundaries and she was letting him know what was okay or not. She wasn't a innocent submissive as some may think on the surface. No, she was innocent but she had a sense of dignity and she knew what she wanted, he fucking admired that. She wasn't naive either, she was incredibly intelligent and in command.  
"Okay," she said confidently. He made a v shape with his hands around her neck and loosened his grasp gently for a moment, allowing her to prepare herself for this. He then reaffirmed his grasp and applied pressure with his entire hands, but still gently. He pressed down so he was cutting off some air, but only some. He looked down to make sure she was okay, she seemed to be on a natural high as her air circulation was cut off by a few seconds. After counting mentally in his head to five he released his grasp, letting her catch her breathe.  
"Oh, that felt so-so amazing," she said after catching her breathe. He chuckled a bit, despite having lost her virginity she still looked so innocent. He was starting to think that looking innocent was just an inherent Hillary trait.  
"Do it again," she begged. He stroked her hair away from her face and tucked a soft lock behind her ear.  
"Wait five more minutes, you need to catch your breath fully," he said. He wanted to bring her more pleasure and he loved how she looked when light headed, but he was still going to take all the necessary precautions. She pouted a bit.  
"C'mon, Billy, don't be a party pooper," she said.  
"You passing out or getting hurt would be a party pooper," he answered and kissed her on the nose. She had a cute nose, nice and round and he loved how it seemed to droop when she pouted. "What happens if you're choked unconscious?" She asked curiously. He stayed there, close to her face occasionally grazing his lips across her skin. "It depends. A girl can be choked unconscious and she'll be okay as long as the guy knows what he's doing. Once the pressure from her carotid arteries is released, blood flow returns to her brain. We're just starting out though. So you're only getting a taste of this to be safe," he said and kissed her cheek quickly. She seemed to be thinking and he knew that she was probably intrigued by the information, she always liked learning new things.  
"You know so much about this," she said thinking out loud.  
"Well I have to. I didn't want to end up hurting anyone," he said. He checked the time, she only had two minutes left to wait.  
"Do you think that maybe one day you can choke me unconscious?" She said taking him off guard again.  
"You're into that?" He asked. He hadn't pegged her as the type. It wasn't a bad thing, but he was interested in knowing why. He glanced at her and she seemed to be blushing.  
"Well I never thought about it before obviously, but I'm interested in anything having to do with you," she confessed.  
"You're cute, you know that?" He said and repositioned himself so his hands were around her  
neck again.  
"Hold it longer," she urged him, licking her lips.  
"Baby, you're just starting out," he told her softly again. She rolled her eyes but didn't protest. He began to lightly run his thumb against her neck, then he held his grasp; again counting to five. She seemed to be enjoying it, her big eyes looking at him as if he had hung the moon, as she began to get light headed again. And again after he released his grasp on her, he allowed her to catch her breath and then went to lie down next to her. Instinctively, she took up their usual cuddling position and he held her, rocking her gently.  
"You're my one good thing. I hope you know how much I love you and how much I will always love you," he told her meaning every word of it as he stroked her hair. Making love to her had restored something he hadn't known he had lost. It had been physical and spiritual, their souls intertwining as each of them craved for the other. She had shown him how powerful sex could be when it was more than physical, and like many times before she had healed him. Sex wasn't just some way to get off now, it wasn't that simple. No, it was the meeting of two souls desperately grasping for each other through the vessels they were in.  
"I love you too. I never knew I could love someone so much," she said confirming that she was thinking the same. She nuzzled her face into his chest and yawned a bit and he loved it, he loved that she was so comfortable with him.  
"Talk me to sleep again, tell me a story," she whispered into his chest. In that moment, everything seemed right in the world. She was everything that was right in this world, her laughter and kindness and the way she loved so fully, it was the goodness casting out every evil.  
"How about I tell you the story of how a girl named Hillary saved a boy named Bill?" He asked as his lips grazed her soft hair once more.  
"Sounds like a nice story. Tell me it," she said her eyes already closed.  
"There once was a broken boy named Bill Clinton who was going down the wrong path. Who knows how much time he had left before he messed up and got himself into bigger problems. He might have ended up dead one day, or grow old bitter and alone. All that changed when he met a girl named Hillary Rodham who steered him on the right course.."  
She had fallen asleep on his chest and her breathing was a gentle melody. He himself had stayed up watching her, taking in every curve and crook of her gentle face. He loved her deeply, and he wanted to capture this moment. He had taken many more pictures of her in Arkansas; pictures of her laughing in the tier park, eating biscuits, and one he held most dear: a picture he had asked his mother to take of the two of them, her sitting on his lap as they both laughed. He gently got out of the bed as to not wake her up, and he turned on the lamp. He dug through the drawer finding her old Polaroid that still had some film left.  
This picture would be for him and him alone, no one else would see it. He snapped the picture and as it developed into her beautiful image, again he was overcome by how much she trusted him. He reached for his pants on the floor and put the photograph in his wallet alongside the other ones. He suddenly remembered about Packer and the bet, and the rest of that nonsense. As always, when he was with her, she had wiped everything else away from his mind until the only person in the world to him was her.  
Now she was asleep, and those outside thoughts came back. After having her with him tonight, so vulnerable but yet so willing to trust him; he had decided that he would tell her about the bet tomorrow, but first he would stick it to Packer and he would tell them that they can go fuck themselves. He went to sleep with that thought in mind, thinking it would be that simple. If only it were.

 

She wished she hadn’t opened the glove compartment that morning. She wished she could have just rewinded back to then and not have opened the glove compartment looking for the dragonfly necklace he had given her. On their way back from Arkansa, she had taken it off and left it somewhere in the car. Having remembered about it, she had searched the car for it this morning as he had finished breakfast. Her only focus had been on finding it and she had forgotten Scott’s words until she had opened the glove compartment and had come face to face with what was undeniably weed. Her whole body had stiffened as she had seen it because it had confirmed one thing: he had lied to her. She hadn’t had much of a chance to labor on it or react because Bill had come out asking her if she was ready to go. So she had slammed the glove compartment shut, and hadn’t said a word as he had driven them to campus. If he had thought her behavior was strange, he didn’t tell her. Rather, he had simply walked her to her introduction to law class and had given her a quick kiss which she had accepted out of routine.  
Now, as she sat in her introduction to law class, she labored on what this meant. She hadn’t found the necklace, but she was way past caring now. Her only thoughts were of why he would lie to her about this. She tried to contain her thoughts and think that maybe there was a logical explanation to this. Maybe he had simply not wanted her to know about it because he was ashamed. Maybe it was linked to his step father or something of the sort. She was glad that she didn’t have to work today, she didn’t start up again until tomorrow, and she was now thankful for that as her mind was too preoccupied with this matter.  
Class was dismissed, and she took longer putting her books back into her bag as she felt dazed. “How was your break?” Scott asked coming up to her. Not right now please, she thought. Please don’t let him see through me, please don’t let him see that he had been right. Because he was. As much as it pained her to think that Bill had lied to her, it paled in contrast to know that someone as despicable as Scott had been telling her the truth.  
“It was fine,” she said and headed out the door. He followed.  
“Are you okay? You look sick,” Scott noted as they walked out the door. Well so much for him not noticing. She ignored him, and continued to walk alongside him in silence. She wanted him to go away. Go away, Scott, don’t plant any more ideas in my head, she thought. Just this morning, Bill had made love to her again, so tenderly, even more gentle and sensual than before, and she couldn’t bring her mind to think that this man that loved her so much would lie to her.  
“Is it Bill? Did he do something?” Scott probed. She stopped in her tracks, facing him head on. As much as it bothered her, she would have to get him to leave her alone using words.  
“No. It’s none of your beeswax just go away,” she said, but her voice sounded faint even to her. She wanted to go through her day like normal and then talk to Bill about this. He would make things better, he would make it go away.  
“He did do something. I’m guessing you found the weed?” he asked. She wanted to keep her face hidden from betraying her thoughts, but she knew that her eyes had reacted. It was Bill’s weed she knew it. At first she had thought for a moment that Scott could have planted it there, he had been the one who told her where it was after all. This theory had quickly been disputed by the fact that Scott didn’t know where they lived, and he most certainly couldn’t have gotten into Bill’s car because he was always making sure to lock it.  
“Hillary? It’s okay, I told you this would happen,” he said again trying to mimic Bill’s soft tone. He had told her, and although she knew it wasn’t good for her, she suddenly felt like she needed to know more. She knew it was wrong, she knew she should wait and hear from Bill, but curiosity was eating away at her like termites.  
“What else do you know?” She asked him, for a second abandoning every instinct she had that told her not to do this.

“You’re what? Who do you think you’re talking to?” Packer asked him. After dropping off Hillary, he had gone to find Packer. It hadn’t been too hard, he was always somewhere where there was an audience. So naturally, he found him in the student quad with some of the royals, and other cronies, plus a lot of chicks.  
“I said, I’m done with this, and I’m done with you. You can go fuck yourself,” he said now turning away. He didn’t want to spend too much time on this, he wanted to be there to meet Hillary after class and to tell her the truth. Now, there was only one matter of business left. Bambi. He wouldn’t need the weed any longer because there would no longer be a reason to feel guilty.  
As he walked to her dorm, he thought of Hillary. She had been quiet this morning, but he had written it off as her just thinking about last night, and this morning. She had again wrapped herself around him, soft thighs around his waist as he had once again shown her how much she meant to him. Her hair, golden in the sunlight, had surrounded him and her scent had been everywhere. He knew by now that he was a goner for her, there was no going back. So, he would undo this mess and take the steps needed in order for them to be able to have a future together, without the bet looming over them.  
“Bill? What are you doing here?” Bambi asked. She looked terrible, her eyes were covered in sparkling blue eyeshadow and she was wearing a sort of leotard.  
“I’m here to return this. I won’t be needing it anymore,” he told her handing her the bag of weed he had taken out of the glove compartment. He didn’t bother to ask her what was with the weird get up, knowing her it was probably for Packer’s amusement.  
“What do you mean? You told me this calmed you,” she said taking the bag either way. He had told her that. He had told her how guilty he felt about the bet and that the drug helped soothe him. Unfortunately, he had told her many things while he had been helping her; sometimes it was just to get her to calm down and stop screaming. Now, he regretted telling her these things since it seemed that she was making no conscious effort to change.  
“I told Packer he can fuck himself, and I’m going to tell Hillary about the bet this afternoon,” he explained, a bit smug because he had remembered how she had tried to hold this over his head before. Now, no one held anything over him. He was free and he would tell Hillary himself. “Oh,” she said in a small voice, he couldn’t quite place it. He didn’t particularly give a fuck, he didn’t plan on seeing her again after this.  
“Yeah, I’ll see you around,” he said and turned not intending to see her again; not noticing that his wallet had been pick pocketed.

 

She hadn’t waited for Bill. How could she after what Scott had told her? She was aware that Scott could just be lying, but she needed time to compose herself. She had thought he had been lying before.  
But that had proven to be true.  
So, she had walked a short distance and waited for a bus to take her as close as she could get to the house, then she walked the remainder of the way to the house. She tried to ease her shaking, and to abandon the doubt from her mind, as she got into the house and made herself busy in the kitchen. She wanted to pretend that it was like any other day, and she was waiting for him to get home from work and she was simply making lunch. But that wasn’t reality.  
The reality was that he didn’t work today and he was most likely looking for her everywhere, and that was a good thing. She needed time, time to think. Except for once in her life her thoughts wouldn’t come to her in the fluid connections they always did. No, now they came like a mass jumble all at once. Every beautiful memory she had with him was over laid by Scott’s words. ‘Part of a bet.”  
‘He was really seeing Bambi.’  
‘He wanted to join Packer’s fraternity.’  
Her hands shook as she finished making yet another one of the many sandwiches she was busy making in order to convince herself everything was okay. She felt strange, as if she might burst any second. It reminded her of the pipes back home, when they became frozen during the winter and would completely combust.  
She imagined that’s what her heart looked like now. She had thought she had known him, but was that Bill even real. It must be, she willed herself to believe. He had taken her to meet his family and he had bought the house after all, and even Cotton was a gift from him.  
Still, there was evidence against him, the weed being a solid one. May had also warned her of him, and had told her of how she had seen him come out of Bambi’s room. She hadn’t wanted to believe it then, and she didn’t want to believe it now. His kind words from this morning came back to her mind. ‘You’re my girl. My best thing. My most sweetest treasure, and my very best friend,'he had told her as his lips had grazed her naked body. At that moment she had felt so sure of his love, and her heart had nearly given out at his display of affection.  
Now was different.  
Now she felt like a storm was brewing. As if on cue, she heard the door unlock and she heard him calling her name. Eventually he found her in the kitchen and he raised his eyebrows upon seeing how many sandwiches she had made.  
“I looked everywhere for you. Are you okay? Why didn’t you meet me at our usual spot?” He asked, it was obvious that he had done some walking as well, as he was out of breath. She didn’t want to confront him, she wanted to pretend that everything was normal for a few moments, only a few.  
“I wanted to walk. I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said. One lie, she wasn’t fine. He took her in his arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead.  
“I found the necklace by the way. You left it in the back seat,” he said and began to kiss her. She didn’t struggle or try to push away from him, she wanted to enjoy this; and enjoy his familiar taste. His lips moved gently guiding hers, always guiding. His soft mouth was warm and she adored it still despite everything.  
But there was a problem.  
Too many girls had enjoyed kissing him, and if what Scott had said was true then he had kissed Bambi all this time. She shoved him away.  
“Keep it,” she said catching her breath. She felt her heart pounding and it seemed like every part of her body was screaming at her for shoving him away. Her body wanted him, but her mind knew better. As much as she hated this, she needed to confront him about it.  
“What?” he asked clearly confused.  
“Keep your necklace Bill. Maybe you can sell it to buy more weed,” she said a bit harshly for her. She saw his eyes widen, almost in fear, but mostly in shock. He reached for her, but she moved away.  
“No! I know okay? I know about everything, so just come clean. Was it all a lie? Were you really just with me because of a bet?” She asked her voice shaking. She hated it! She hated how she seemed to be a fish floundering out of water and she hated feeling the tears coming on.  
“It wasn’t a lie, being with you was not a lie,” he said and it sounded like he was on the verge of tears as well. He still hadn’t answered her question.  
“Were you really with me because of a bet?” she asked again. He seemed to be having an internal conflict.  
“Yes and no, let me explain,” he said, and those words shattered her. She had been dying for him to say it was false, for him to call her a silly girl like he sometimes would and just hold her. But he had admitted there was some truth to this. Now she felt like the air had been knocked out of her, but unlike last night this did not feel good. This felt like dying, like being choked but not in the good way. He had choked her gently last night and it had been pleasing, and she found it ironic that his physical choke hadn’t hurt her like his words did. His words were suffocating her.  
“I need to go,” she said. In the back of her mind she knew that she wasn’t being fair by not letting him explain, but she wanted to be anywhere but here.  
“No. Please, no. Please don’t leave. Let me explain, please. I was going to tell you about this,” he said sounding so broken that for a moment she considered letting him explain; letting him talk her down with that honey molasses voice she had grown to love so much. She felt hurt that he had kept this from her when she had given him everything. She had been there for him, always thinking of him and now she had found out that he had kept this from her.  
“Were you planning on telling me before or after you took my virginity?” she threw back, wanting him to feel the hurt she was feeling. It worked. His eyes began to become that sad gray and he seemed crushed.  
“It was never like that! Please. It may have started as a bet, but i developed real feelings for you. I love you, that’s not a lie,” he choked out, for once his words not coming out smoothly. Now the tears spilled over, she couldn’t keep them back. She found herself wishing for a second that she  
had never met him so she would never have to experience this much hurt.  
“Please don’t cry,” he said although he was sobbing himself. It was the first time she had ever seen him cry. She couldn’t be here anymore, she needed to remove herself from him, from what was causing this hurt. She stormed out of the kitchen and went to their room to pack some things. He followed her.  
“No! Don’t leave, please. I don't want to be alone, ” he said still sounding just as broken. She continued to throw all her clothes into the duffel bag she had just unpacked the night before. She could barely see from the tears clouding her eyes. He tried to stop her with his hands but she pushed him away.  
“Don’t touch me, again. Ever!” she shouted. It sounded so unlike her and even though every part of her body wanted him even now, she knew it wasn’t good for her. She couldn’t take it. It was all too much. Their relationship had been built on a lie and even though there were some moments that had seemed genuine and beautiful, she didn’t know what was real or not anymore. The only things she could hear were his crying and her pounding heart.  
“Stop crying! You wanted this. You wanted to be in Packer’s fraternity and you wanted to be with Bambi,” she said. She found it strange how his tears could still cause her so much pain. She wanted to go to him, comfort him, but at the same time she wanted to hurt him.  
“No Hillary, I didn’t want this,” he sobbed and she threw her duffel bag over her shoulder. She knew she couldn’t stay in this house anymore, she couldn’t stay with him; she had to take care of herself first.  
“How did you find out about this? Who told you?” he asked blocking her way out the door so she was forced to look at him. She hated how tall he was and how he was so big, and how she felt so small. She wanted to strike him down, kiss him, hurt him, and leave all at the same time.  
“Scott told me. He told me you were with Bambi too. Fuck, I was so stupid I should have believed May,” she said. And now she cussed, because she had run out of words to express how broken and betrayed she felt.  
“Did Scott tell you he was on the other end of that bet? And I was never with Bambi!” He shouted as the tears rolled down his face.  
“So you were never with Bambi? You’re still lying after everything,” she said and a sob finally choked it’s way out from the deepest part of her chest. She wanted to hear him say it now, say how he had betrayed her. Own it, she thought. You wanted to break me, so own it.  
“It’s complicated. She wanted to black mail me and threatened to tell you about the bet. I was scared, so i failed you and I did what she wanted. I’m sorry,” he pleaded.  
And suddenly her mind was filled with images of him touching Bambi. Those same hands and lips that had shown her the world had been on the one girl who had hurt her. She felt so broken, never in her life had she felt this much hurt. Not even when she had scrapped her knee when hiking or burned herself while cooking.  
“Move, Bill. I’m leaving,” she commanded trying to sound strong, but she felt so very weak. He made no effort to move.  
“Bill let me go,” she whispered, “just let me go.”  
“I can’t,” he said as one lone tear fell down his beautiful cheek. She knew then that she needed to go now, or she never would. She gently shoved past him and he let her pass, maybe because he was too weak to put up a fight or because in some way he was still trying to respect her boundaries. She stopped to retrieve Cotton from the laundry room, she wasn’t going to leave her behind.  
“Don’t go. If you want, I’ll go but I bought this house for you, it’s yours,” he whispered as she gathered Cotton’s things. Her arms were overflowing with things but she didn’t ask for help, she didn’t want to look at him longer than necessary or she may throw everything away and stay with him.  
“I can’t stay here,” she said and moved towards the front door. She struggled to get it open, but she did. She felt the cool air of outside come and engulf her. She didn’t look at him as she left, but she heard him crying still and as she left she heard him say one last thing: “I’m so sorry.”

He was alone again, and he had no one to blame but himself. He stood there for a while watching where she had just left, before he sunk to his knees in despair. He felt trapped, like he couldn’t breathe. He was shaking, and he felt himself cry for the first time in years. He didn’t know how much time had passed of him just lying there on the floor, but he cried until he couldn’t anymore; until he was empty and blank staring at the wall. His nightmares had come true, the nightmare where he would lose her. Seeing her cry had broken him. They had begun with him putting tears in her eyes and they had ended with him putting tears in her eyes.  
Those tears.  
How he had hated to see her cry, to see her broken because of him. Yes, he had been going to tell her the truth, but he had waited too long and now he was facing the consequences. The house suddenly felt empty without her, almost as empty as he felt. He now understood what she meant, he would have to leave too; it wasn’t the same without her. That would have to wait, however, right now he felt anger within him. Anger had always come to him when he was hurt, it was his default mode; but this time he had someone to direct his anger at other than himself, Scott. He needed to find him.  
Somehow he managed to get up from the floor and into his car, driving to campus.  
All the way there his thoughts were of her, of her laughter and how happy she had been, and how he had ruined it. He had ruined the one good thing he had going for him, and he didn’t know how he would be able to hold up.  
The only thing driving him right now was his anger towards Scott, once that was done and over with he knew he would be left just as empty and purposeless as before.  
Scott wasn’t hard to find.  
In fact, it seemed like he was waiting for him.  
They were all there: Scott, Bambi, and Packer. They were all sitting in the student quad on a bench.  
“Hey Clinton,” Scott said sneering. Bill, however wasn’t in the mood for games, not after he had lost the one person who meant everything to him. He had nothing left to lose now.  
“You piece of shit,” he growled and scuffed up Scott by the collar. He felt that rage that he had kept hidden and hadn’t felt in so long stir within him and he wanted to hurt Scott. In fact he was sure he would have if he didn’t notice what Packer had in his hand: his wallet.  
He dropped Scott.  
“What are you doing?” he asked, but he feared he already knew the answer. Packer was going through the pictures in his wallet, flipping through each of them.  
“Seems like you won the bet, Bill. I knew you would do it,” Packer said impressed as his eyes now lingered on the picture Bill had taken of Hillary just last night.  
“I didn’t give you those pictures and I told you I was out of the bet,” he said. He knew at this point it didn’t make much difference, the damage was done. Still, he didn’t want Packer thinking he was a sleaze like him.  
“I know. Bambi gave me it. I’m still impressed though you’re in the royals now if you still want to be in,” Packer said. Bill, however wasn’t listening. It all came clear to him now.  
Bambi had played him.  
“Why?” he asked looking at her. He had tried to be her friend despite her terrible attitude and he had tried to help her, and now she did this to him.  
“Because, it’s what I do. I know you told me I don’t have to live like this and I don’t have to be a bitch, but that’s all I have going for me. So I told Scott everything and I told you to put the weed in the glove compartment. I played you like a fucking fiddle Clinton,” she said. He felt so stupid and he wanted to start this whole day over desperately wanted to rewind the day.  
“But the plant,” he said. Bambi had said she set Scott up with that terrible plant.  
“Also set up. We knew you would overreact and make Hillary mad at you if Scott tried to give her a gift,” she sneered.  
It all made sense, at the center of it all it had been Bambi who had really taken him down. He had confided in her and she had used his goodness against him. He was starting to remember why he  
used to be so cold and he felt like a hurricane was going through him. He snatched his wallet from Packer’s hands.  
“Doesn’t matter, we already made copies,” Bambi sneered again and it took everything in him not to yell at her then and there. He didn’t know what to do except leave, he had already lost Hillary, there was nothing more that he could do. He would go back to the house and sulk for the night. Tomorrow he would go back to his old dorm if possible. The thought of sleeping alone tonight pained him deeply, but there was no other option; there was no replacement for her.  
“Hey, Clinton,” Scott called to him as he walked away, “I told you I always get what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst lol i can't believe i wrote this i'm evil. Anyways the vow will be updated tomorrow for sure I just need to format it and it's giving me a hard time.


	16. drill

She had allowed herself one day of mourning, before she had decided to get up and move on; not from Bill, she didn’t think that was possible, but from the hurt he had caused her. She had shown up at her old dorm room, eyes blood shot and May had let her in, not asking any questions, but comforting her and letting her go back to her own bed. May had been a good friend and had let Hillary cry, stroking her hair. In that one day of mourning, she allowed herself to feel his betrayal fully. It had hurt more than words could explain and she hadn’t been able to get any sleep that night even with May being in the same bed and stroking her hair as she cried. She had felt broken and every time she closed her eyes he had been there. She had missed him terribly and had clung to her pillow simply for something to hold onto. Still, even then in the midst of her brokenness she had known that she would have to keep going. So after a night and day of crying, she was back; trying to move forward one step at a time.  
Now, she dressed methodically and walked with May to class.  
That in itself was difficult as well.  
The sky was just the exact color of his eyes. His. She didn’t dare think his name, it would make the pain too personal and too fresh. Still, she was a fighter she always had been, and if there was one thing she knew about life was that it went on; so she would go on with it. So she held her head higher and continued to walk to her class. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t looking for him at every turn, but he wasn’t there; he seemed to have vanished. She was surprised that she felt a wave of disappointment when she didn’t see him waiting outside the door of her class for her. She knew she shouldn’t want these things or entertain these fantasies, but her feelings for him had been real and they didn’t seem to want to leave no matter how much she tried to will them away.  
“Are you gonna be okay? I’ll be here when you’re done and we can go to the library together,” May said kindly. Hillary was now more grateful for her friendship than ever. May had accepted her with open arms and hadn’t been angry or smug or any of the sort about being right.  
“Not the library. Isn’t there somewhere else we can hang out until our second class?” She asked. She never wanted to step foot in that library again. That had been where they had first interacted. Now it made sense to her why he had approached her so randomly and rudely, he had been trying to fulfill a bet and she had simply been his ploy. Yet, she still couldn’t bring herself to believe that everything they had been through was a lie. She was certain about the fact that he was no good for her, at least not right now.  
“Well there’s this room I usually go in with the student council people. We can go there,” May answered. Hillary nodded, trying to fake enthusiasm.  
“Yes. Let’s go there, I’ll see you after class okay?” she said and entered the room. As always she had arrived somewhat early and class hadn’t officially started yet. Now she was getting stares from all over, she noticed. She felt everyone’s eyes on her and she knew she wasn’t imagining it, these people made no effort to hide their staring. It was different than before, at first she had gotten annoyed smirks that she was used to. No, these were strange. The guys in class were looking at her in admiration and the girls gave her looks of jealously mixed with wonder. She took her seat, trying to convince herself it was all in her head.  
That didn’t last long.  
A guy behind her began to hoot.  
“Damn, Hillary. I never noticed how pretty you were until those photos went around,” he shouted. She felt her face flush. Photos? She turned around, the guy was a random redhead she had never spoke to before. In fact, she hadn’t spoken to anyone in this class besides Scott. Scott. She scanned the room for him now. There he was slumped in the corner. He seemed to be trying to avoid her gaze.  
“What pictures?” she asked even though she felt scared about knowing the answer. The guy didn’t seem to hesitate or be fearful at all.  
“The photos Clinton gave Packer. They looked great. I’m glad copies were made,” the guy said and handed her the photo printed copies. Again, she felt the wind go out of her.  
They were the pictures he had taken of her. The pictures at the water fountain, in Arkansas, in those places he had taken her to visit, and one of her lying down on her stomach her back naked and exposed; that one had been taken after they made love. She felt herself fill with rage and she knew this much rage usually came after being hurt. She shot Scott a look, but he didn’t react, he only looked back. She then turned around and shoved the photo copies into her back pack, not caring what the guy thought or said.  
She rubbed her eyes and closed her temples as class started. For a moment, she began to think that she should transfer law schools or just drop out of law school entirely. That was only entertained for a moment. She had never been one to run from her problems and dropping out of law school wasn’t an option either; come hell or high water she was going to become a lawyer.  
So instead, she thought of what she could do, and how she could cope.  
First, there were these pictures. Had he really given them to Packer? She couldn’t bring herself to believe that was true. He wouldn’t, would he? Just a few days ago she would have said that he would never lie to her, and that had turned out terribly. Her best course of action was to just be on her guard, and to stay away from him as much as possible.  
Now on the matter of these pictures, she didn’t know what they meant, or how much people knew about what had happened between her and..him.  
Did they know she lost her virginity to him? Did they care? After all, this was law school and many of these people had most likely lost their own or just didn’t care.  
Now her course of action.  
These pictures, they wouldn’t define her. Besides the one of her after they had made love, the others weren’t as bad and were modest. She would ignore this and pay it no mind; better to not add fuel to the fire. She just hoped everyone else would leave her alone. Let them make fun of me, call me names, and everything else behind my back; but as long as they don’t get confrontational with me, I’ll be fine, she thought. She could handle people talking behind her back, but she just didn’t want anyone coming up to her directly and getting in her face.  
As for now, she opened her notebooks to take notes on the lecture. She tried to ignore all the impending thoughts of him that threatened to break though.

 

The first night without her had been agonizing. Staying in that house, surrounded by everything where they had made memories. He hadn’t been able sleep in their bed, the bed where they had laughed, told stories, and at the end made love. He hadn’t been able to go to the kitchen where she had cooked for him, and sat on his lap. The sandwiches she had made were still there, he hadn’t been able to put them in the fridge or eat them. He hadn’t wanted to move anything for fear that his mind would forget what it was like when she had been here. As for eating, he hadn’t been able to eat; the thought of food just had made him sick.  
So he had stayed in the living room, on the floor with his knees buckled into his chest. He hadn’t been able to sleep, he had been right; attempting to sleep without her head on his chest was a failed endeavor. So he had stayed there the whole night, staring at the wall until eventually he would break down and cry again. He had cried so much to the point where he had thought he hadn’t been able to cry anymore; then her eyes would start swimming in his mind and the tears came on again. He had never imagined that much hurt, and he knew the hurt wasn’t mostly his. It was hers. The fact that she had been in pain had been what had set him over the edge. When he had seen her beautiful clear eyes fill with tears, tears that she had been fighting to keep back; he had lost it and something had broken within him. At the sight of her pain and tears, he had wanted to find the person responsible and make them pay, bring them to their knees.  
The worst part of it all was that, that person was him. Him.

The person who had told her he loved her and who was supposed to be her protector and guider had failed her. He hated himself for that. He hated that she had felt the need to get away from him. So between all off his pain mixed with hers, he was still lying on the floor in the same position. it didn’t matter that classes started again. It didn’t matter that he had work today.  
None of it mattered.  
Not without her.  
Because she had been the color of his life, and without her everything was black and white again. Unreal.  
He could hear her voice in his head, that was the most agonizing part. The voice would say things that she would say if she saw him now, like, ‘You should eat, Billy. ‘ “Go to class, Bill.’ ‘Take a shower you’ll feel better.’  
He knew he should do these things, but he just didn’t have any motivation to do so. He knew maybe that his behavior would be considered unhealthy by some people, but fuck that he was shattered and heartbroken and he no inclination to pretend he wasn’t.  
So the world could freeze over for all he cared; What was the world without her?  
It was nothing, because she was the world.  
Her laughter was the laughter of millions, and the joy of children. Her eyes reflected the hope that everyone in the world held on to. Her voice was the fucking music of the world itself, each syllable a genre. When she would giggle it was jazz, when she was nervous she was a vibrato, shaking and held in different chords.  
Then there was her body.  
Her body moved like the wheatgrass back in Arkansas, swaying gently from side to side. She was all the seasons; cozy like winter, beautiful like Autumn, blooming like spring, and adventurous like summer.  
She was literature itself. She was the heroine of romantic literature, the character that people could relate to and root for. She was the turning of fresh book pages, her small fingers eager to learn more.  
Even art itself wasn’t free of her.  
She was Mona Lisa, taut and strong; eyes always in thought.  
She was The Persistence of Memory, always doing the most with the time she had.  
She was The Birth of Venus, standing out of a shell to bless the world with her beauty.  
And fuck, she even infiltrated math as well!  
He couldn’t bare to count because each number brought him some memory of her.  
1\. She was his one and only.  
2\. They had made love two times.  
3\. Three. She had eaten three strawberries on their last morning together.  
And Fuck the list could go on to way past one hundred he was sure. She was in everything and anything and he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t escape her. She was apart of him. Even his own body felt incomplete and disoriented without her. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to fight for her, bring her back to him and end this sea of madness, but he also didn’t want to force her to do anything. She had after all, left for a reason. Would she even want him anymore? Did she hate him? Fuck, he wouldn’t be able to take it if she did.  
His whole body ached for her. He longed to turn and look next to him and see her there, but she wasn’t and that hurt most of all. She wasn’t just away at work or in class, she was gone and she wasn’t coming back.  
And that in itself was agonizing.

 

 

“This is Hillary Rodham, she’ll be joining us today,” May introduced her to the group as they entered the room. Hillary was glad that the room was private and only three members of student council, excluding May, were there. Two of them were boys and one a girl. She was glad to see that the boys didn’t oggle at her the way the rest of the student body had. The girl didn’t stare either.  
As a matter of fact they just smiled politely .  
“Hello,” she said feeling a bit awkward after May’s introduction. The three nodded in acknowledgement.  
“Hillary. This is Lola, Peter, and Dig. Dig won’t tell us his real name out of embarrassment,” May said waving to each as she introduced them.  
Lola was different. She had multi colored blue and purple hair but dressed preppy, Hillary had never seen anyone like her. Peter was tall, and had pale blonde hair that he put in a ponytail, he dressed casually in a maroon hoodie. Dig was a handsome African American boy who was taller than the other two and dressed nicely in a flannel.  
Hillary liked them already, they seemed unique.  
“It’s nice to meet you all,” she said. They nodded. The boy named Dig came up to her and shook her hand.  
“It’s nice to meet you as well. May here has told us so much about you, and we hope you would consider joining student council,” he said. That surprised her a bit. Back in her old high school student council had been over run by the popular kids and anyone who wasn’t in their group had no chance of getting elected. She thought maybe it would be nice to join this student council. She had after all been impressed with the carnival they had put together. She needed to make friends anyways; she needed to go out and live to get her mind off this pain.  
“I would love to join, if you guys are willing to have me,” she answered. Lola nodded excitedly. “We would. We need more members it’s only the five of us right now, and you would our lucky six,” she said.  
“Five?” Hillary asked, she only counted four.  
“Chris is in student council too,” May answered.  
As if on cue, in came Chris.  
“Speak of the devil,” Peter joked and the three new people she had just met snickered.  
“They are always so affectionate with each other it makes me gag,” Lola joked. They were. As soon as Chris walked in, he hugged May tightly and kissed her forehead. Hillary had to turn away discreetly and focused instead on Lola’s preppy blue and gray tie. She was happy for May, truly; it was nice that her friend had someone who cared about her. Yet, she still found herself unable to watch as it reminded her too much of the person she had lost. Again, she felt that pang of pain that would keep coming into her heart when anything reminded her of him. Even Lola’s tie began to remind her of him and she had to look elsewhere, at the back wall.  
“So Hillary what we usually do is study or if you want you can help us plan the upcoming tree lighting festival,” May told her. That sounded fun, it sounded like something she could enjoy. “Yeah, I would like to help with that,” she replied.  
“I’ll go get the things from across the hall,” May said. Chris offered to help, but Lola intervened. “Oh no, i remember what happened last time, and trust me we do not need another porno,” Lola said laughing as she took Chris’s spot as helper. With the two out of the room, Chris and Dig started up a conversation about a class they both had. So she and Peter were left to their own devices. She looked at Peter closer now. She noticed that he had a rose tattoo on his arm, slightly visible from under his hoodie sleeve. He was gazing back at her and she noticed that he had green eyes. He wasn’t bad looking, she supposed he could be handsome. Only supposed. After B-..him she was sure she would never find another man attractive again. Peter came up to her as if to say something.  
“Hey Hillary. I just wanted to let you know that I know about what you’ve been going through and I want you to know that if you need a s shoulder to cry on or need me to beat up any jerks I’m there. You seem like a very nice girl and I’m looking forward to being friends,” he said. His voice seemed genuine and he didn’t seem to be throwing himself at her or wanting more than friendship. She liked that.  
“Thank you, I’m looking forward to being friends too,” she said. Then May and Lola came in with a mini model of a tree with a box of other knick knacks, and for a moment she forgot her pain and everything seemed alright.

 

“That was fun,” Hillary said to May as they ate pieces of a sandwich they had decided to share in the student quad outside. It had been fun. She had learned more about her new companions and she had helped loads with the tree lighting festival. For instance, she learned that Lola had originally planned on going into the medical field, but her fear of blood had prevented her. She had also discovered that Peter was a master archer and that Dig excelled in mathematics.  
“Yeah, I’m glad you liked it. You really did help us out of that rut though,” May said. She was referring to the fact that the five of them had previously been wondering where to have the tree lighting. Hillary had suggested that they have it right here in the student quad, and although to her it seemed like a simple idea; her newfound friends had liked it. She had been able to collaborate and work, and it was just what she needed: a purpose. She always did well when she had a purpose. In fact, now that they had finished with classes for the day she would be going back to work; another one of her great purposes.  
“I’m glad I could help,” she said. Then a thought occurred to her as she realized now that she was making new friends and memories: she had forgotten her scrapbooks back at the house. The scrapbooks of her high school years. She wanted them back but she didn’t want to step foot in that house again for fear she may never leave.  
“May,” she said hesitantly, “Can I ask you to do a big favor for me?” She felt guilty enough asking as it was. May had already done so much for her and she felt terrible about asking for anything more, even something as small as this.  
“Yes anything,” May replied, not missing a beat. She decided just to bite the bullet and ask without beating around the bush.  
“I left some scrapbooks of my high school years back at the house. Do you think you could go get them for me while I’m at work. I have a key for you to get in,” she said. The key was still in her pocket out of habit and it felt heavy; almost like an anchor holding her down.  
“Of course. I’ll get them while you’re at work. But Hillary..” her voice trailed off this time it was her turn to hesitate.  
“Yeah?” Hillary asked swallowing a bit. What was her friend going to tell her? You’re asking too much Hillary, why would you make me go there, Hillary, were all thoughts that came into her mind. May however asked nothing of the sort.  
“What should I do if Bill is there and if he asks about you” May asked. She flinched a bit at his name. That name that just the night before she had been moaning in pleasure. Thoughts of his touch came to her, breaking through the walls she was trying to keep up. It was so ridiculous. And it was even more ridiculous that his name still made her heart soar as well even though he had hurt her.  
“He won’t hurt you so don’t worry if he’s there. If he asks about me just say I’m fine,” she replied. She most definitely wasn’t fine, but she couldn’t think of anything else. It was better for him not to worry; if in fact he still worried about her at all.  
“Alright, Hillary. I’ll go,” May said, always the good friend. Hillary dug the key from the house out and gave it to her. She then finished her sandwich, soon she would have to go to work.

 

When he heard the door unlock he thought that maybe it was her. For the first time in what felt like forever he got up expecting to go to her, hold her in his arms and tell her how sorry he was. But it wasn’t Hillary.  
It was her roommate.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked curiously. The girl named May obviously seemed wary of him as she looked around the house as if she were searching for something.  
“Hillary sent me to get her scrapbooks. Where are they?” She replied almost coldly. He didn’t care. Hillary had sent her here, for the scrapbooks. Surely she meant the ones of them right? “They are in the bedroom. Here I’ll take you,” he said and led her there. All the scrapbooks were lined up under the bed and he dug them out and tossed them on the top of the bed. May begun to skim through them and he noticed that she only took four.  
“What about this one? Didn’t she want this one?” he asked referring to the first scrapbook he and Hillary had put together.  
“She only asked for her high school ones. I’m going to go now,” May replied and turned to leave the room. Now it made sense why she had only four scrapbooks. That hurt him.  
Hillary didn’t want the ones of him and her, and she didn’t even come back to get what she wanted herself. She hadn’t come back because she didn’t want to see him and that thought crippled him.  
“How is she?” he asked May’s retreating figure. Where was his girl? How was she feeling? He needed desperately to know. What he didn’t expect was May’s reaction.  
“How do you think? She wanted me to say she was fine, but we both know that’s bullshit! She showed up at our dorm crying and she cried endlessly. She says she’s better now, but I know she’s not. I saw how she flinched when I said your name and she won’t even say your name herself!” May shouted coming to face him toe to toe.  
Again his heart was breaking and maybe it was selfish and he hated that he even entertained the idea but for a second he was glad that he wasn’t alone in his hurt. May however, wasn’t through with him yet.  
“And then you fucking had to go and give those pictures to Packer! Now the whole student body has seen them! People stare at her now, some in pity, some judgmental and then there’s all those creeps that keep making comments about her! But hey why does that matter to you? You’re here safe in the walls of this house while she’s out there being humiliated because of what you did!” May shouted and he was surprised that someone so little could raise such hell.  
He felt himself get more angry at her words, for several reasons. First the fact that her pictures, the private ones meant for him were being seen by everyone made him see red in complete fury. Then the mention of creeps or anyone even looking at her as simply a piece of meat made him want to wring someone’s neck. Anyone’s. He knew the culprit of all this was him, not Scott, Bambi, or Packer; he had been the one who had waited too long and had left her unprotected.  
So if fault was to be placed it was to be placed on him and he should start by wringing his own neck, but he couldn’t face that fact. Like many times before in his life he went back on the defensive, defaulting to anger.  
“I did not give Packer those photos. They were stolen from me, because they were in my wallet and Bambi stole my wallet and gave it to Packer. And why does it matter to me? It fucking matters to me because I love her! You say i’m safe in the walls of this house? I’m not! Everything here reminds me of her and it hurts! I’m moving back into my dorm because I can’t deal with it! Not like that’ll help much because I’m not even safe in my own mind! You don’t know how often I’ve wanted to take a drill to my head just so I can stop thinking of her! So don’t tell me that I don’t care because I do and I always will.”  
After that they were silent for a few moments. He had heard it in his voice, the brokenness. The old Bill would have hated to hear himself sound so broken, but not anymore. He was human and he didn’t care who saw his venerability at the moment because nothing mattered to him other than her.  
“I should go,” May said simply and softly. She was clutching the yearbooks tightly so much that her knuckles were white.  
“Wait. Tell Hillary I love her,” he said as she left the room. He didn’t get a response, he hadn’t expected one, and a second later he heard the door lock once again.

 

Work had been great, the children’s energy was refreshing.  
What wasn’t great is that some of them had asked about him. She had simply brushed it off and ignored them but it was Cody who had put her on the spot, not giving her the chance to ignore him.  
“Where is Bill?” Cody had asked. Again, his name had so many affects on her and she had tried to contain them.  
“He’s gone,” she had replied and tried to leave it that, but she hadn’t been able to get off that easy.  
“What do you mean gone? Like on a vacation?” Cody had probed further.  
“Something like that,” she had answered. If only.  
“I’ll miss him,” Cody muttered before going back to what he was doing. I’ll miss him too, she thought. That had remained on her mind for the remainder of her work day, dampening her spirits a bit. Just a bit, the children always uplifted her.  
Now, as she entered her dorm room, she saw that her scrapbooks were on her bed.  
“Thank you May, I appreciate this,” she told her roommate who was reading a book on her own bed.  
“You’re welcome,” she answered simply. She touched the spine of one of the books and as she opened the pages she snapped them shut again. Even this book smelled like him now.  
Him.  
How had he reacted when he May had been there? She was dying to know. Yet, she knew she shouldn’t ask. She should be a good girl and just go to bed or do school work. Somehow she felt that she would never be able to go back to that good girl she had once been.  
“How was he?” she said so faintly that she was certain May didn’t hear her, but her room mate had.  
“Hillary I really don’t think we should talk about this,” May said sadly. That was strange. Yet in a way, she understood. May had told her before that she didn’t want to talk about Him because he had been the topic of their first fight, but this seemed different.  
“May please I need to know,” she said. She hated the desperation in her voice, but she craved to know, yearned for it, and needed it.  
“He asked about you. I told him how you wanted me to say you were fine. I’m sorry Hillary but I gave him a piece of my mind. I told him how he had hurt you and about how he was cruel for giving Packer those pictures,” May confessed.  
Hillary wasn’t mad at her room mate. In a sadistic way it made her glad knowing that he knew how much she had been hurting; she supposed humans were strange that way.  
“How was he?” She repeated this time putting more heart and emphasis into her question. May seemed upset, a strange upset.  
“He’s not well. He looked pale and I don’t think he’s slept. He got defensive and told me he was hurting too. He said he was moving back into his dorm because he couldn’t stand to be in the house and be reminded of you. He said that Bambi stole his wallet and gave Packer the pictures. He scared me a bit because he said he wanted to put a drill in his head so he could stop thinking about you,” May said.  
Now Hillary understood her behavior. She had seen that behavior in her anatomy classes when they would cut open a lifeless animal. It was the behavior of pity,; the behavior of pitying a dead animal.  
In this case he was the dead animal being pitied.  
Had he really been this terrible? The part about the drill scared her as well, because despite everything if he hurt himself she wouldn’t be able to stomach that. Then there was the part about Bambi stealing his wallet. Was it possible? She hadn’t really given him a chance to explain. Maybe she should. Maybe she should go to him, and comfort him. Maybe they could hold each other like they had before when he had confessed his past to her.  
She knew it was illogical, but they were after all an illogical pair.  
“I’m going to see him,” she said. May tried to protest but stopped when Hillary asked her to. She would go to him.  
So she had changed into the pink sweater he liked and had bought of her and she walked to the boy’s dorm. She knew that it might not look well for her to be here, especially after the pictures had gotten around, but at the moment she didn’t care. Nothing was going to keep her from going to see him, to comfort him, and to make sure he didn’t put a drill into his head. She found his dorm room and opened the door expecting that everything would be okay.  
But it wasn’t.  
Instead, she saw him sitting shirtless on his bed while Bambi sat on the floor wearing only his shirt.

 

When he saw her he thought he was dreaming, already he had pictured her everywhere today to find that he was only hallucinating. He found this to be the real Hillary when he saw her face shatter in despair and her eyes well up in tears. He knew why, and he knew what it seemed like to her, but he hadn’t done anything with Bambi! But he would get to that later, his priority right now was her. He ran after her as she spun on her heel and stormed off.  
“Wait! Don’t go! It’s not what you think, it’s not what it seems like!” He said grabbing her by the wrist. Again. her eyes were filled with tears but this time they were tears of rage.  
“It’s never what it looks like with you is it? There’s always an excuse! I came here because May told me how you were upset and fuck I was so stupid, for a second I believed her,” she said angrily as tears rolled down her cheeks. He tightened his hold on her, he wasn’t letting her go now thinking that something had happened between him and Bambi.  
“I was and I am! Bambi came to bother me, I told her to fuck off. She didn’t want to leave and kept bitching about wanting to wear my shirt so I let her,” he said. That in itself was the truth, but even to him it sounded like a lie. It wasn’t, it truly wasn’t but he knew she wouldn’t believe him. It killed him that now that he was telling her the truth and she didn’t believe it. He supposed it was karma.  
“You expect me to believe that? So what was all this talk about putting a drill to your head? You had me worried sick that you would hurt yourself but you wanna know something now, Clinton?’ She asked angrily trying to release herself from his grasp.  
“Go on,” he said as he knew she was waiting for him to say something. He hated seeing the pain in her eyes, the betrayal, and something new something he couldn’t place.  
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about you anymore! All you do is hurt me! If i had a drill myself I would use it to drill into your heart the way you did into mine! I hate you and I never want to see you again!” She shouted and this time she kicked him so she was out of his grasp and ran out of the dorm, tears still spilling down her cheeks.  
Then he was left alone again, because despite being in a full dorm he was always alone without her. It was ironic that she had used her self defense on him and he hated how this had happened. Again, he found himself wishing he could time travel and fix this mess; but time doesn’t care about anything or anyone. Her words had been spears into his heart, or more accurately drills as she had intended.  
“Bill?” Bambi asked from inside his room.  
He turned around and went back to confront her. Again, anger his default mode.  
“Give me my shirt and get the fuck out!” he shouted. “Now!” he added when she stood there stupidly. She flinched and did as he told her, dressing back into her stupid leotard. She exited the room and he vowed that he would never speak to her again, no matter the circumstances. Because if it hadn’t been for her, he would have Hillary right now. Still, he knew it was his fault, he should have thrown her out in the first place when she had come waltzing into his dorm door to gloat about the pictures. The only reason she had known that he had moved back into his dorm was because her father was the dean of student’s and she saw the paperwork. He had been too numb to throw her out, so he had simply stared at the wall while she had talked, hoping that eventually she would get tired and leave. it’s not like he had heard much of what she had said, his mind had been on Hillary, always Hillary. It had only been when she had started harassing him about wearing his shirt that he let her, thinking that anything was better than hearing her prattle on. The worst part was that he knew that Bambi had been about to leave, before Hillary showed up.  
But that was no excuse.  
He should have thrown the Bimbo out to begin with.  
So now, he lay hurting once more. Now he could place that new something in her eyes. It had been a look he had himself many times in his childhood. It was the look of not having anything left to lose, the look where someone was past caring.  
She was past caring about him. He sank to his knees and began to curse at whoever or whatever higher power could be listening. “Why did you give her to me just to take her away?” he shouted, but there was no response and he felt emptier than before.

 

She had felt like an idiot, a complete and utter fool. When she arrived back into their dorm May had known something was wrong, and Hillary had told her all of it through angry tears.  
Yes angry.  
Because that’s what she was. She was mad at the injustice of it all; of the fact that she had done everything for him and was going to go see him to give him another chance only to find him caught up in another lie. She hadn’t meant what she said, and that was the worst part in a way; because she still cared about him.  
Still, she cared about herself also, and she would never allow herself to be fooled like that again. No one, drills into my heart but me, she thought. So now as she stared at herself in the mirror she wondered who she was.  
She was Hillary Rodham, always.  
Yet, she wasn’t the Hillary that had first come to Yale.  
She wasn’t Bill’s sweets, his pretty baby, or his silly girl anymore, either.  
And yes, now she thought his name, because she would no longer let him have a hold on her. So she continued to stare into the mirror, searching for herself.  
“‘’I’ve always found that a makeover can help with breakups, I have some hair dye if you want to use it’ May had told her earlier. She thought about it now, seriously considering it. Maybe it was what she needed, a new start and a new look.  
“May,” she called, “get the hair dye.”


	17. Tree lighting

Even after three weeks since her makeover she hadn’t been able to recognize herself. Gone were her signature curls and glasses that used to make up who she was.  
In a way she felt naked without them, but she also felt a sense of flirtatious danger.  
Her hair was now pin straight, not permeant, but she styled it straight all the time now. The color of her hair had been dyed a lighter blonde, almost platinum; it fell down thickly past her breasts and seemed even longer now.  
She liked it, even though it did seem too provocative and model-like for her.  
As for her glasses, those had been replaced by clear contacts. Those had been a pain to get used to. She and May had enjoyed a good laugh mixed with fright getting them in.  
So now her eyes seemed more exposed and opened, and all too big; she was still getting used to it. That hadn’t been the end of her makeover though; she had thought she should go all out and completely transform herself. There hadn’t been anything wrong with her before, that’s not why she had undergone the makeover. No, she had done this because she needed a new start, and she needed to do something for herself.  
So she had pampered herself.  
Even her nails were done, painted in a nice clear coat that made them glossy.  
But she hadn’t stopped there.  
She had taken to wearing makeup now; surprising herself by how much she liked how the colors and features could enhance her natural appearance. She would often settle for a nice coat of translucent powder on her face, some mascara, and lipgloss. Before, she hadn’t liked makeup because it took too long to take off, but now she enjoyed the time it took to steam her face and the wipe off the cosmetics with lotion. All this self care really did wonders to her mood, it made her feel somewhat better.  
It reminded her that she didn’t need anyone to take care of her or love her; she could do that herself. So she had put Bill out of her mind, as much as it hurt. She had used this hurt to push herself forward.  
Sadly, she knew in her heart of hearts that she still loved him; but she wouldn’t succumb to that anymore. She had given him a chance and he had failed.  
So yes, things were still difficult.  
For example, when May, Lola, and her had been at the mall; she had gotten a whiff of Bill’s cologne as it had been being promoted, and it had brought tears to her eyes. Still, she hadn’t given into those tears, not that time. She had decided that she wasn’t going to waste anymore tears over him.  
So she had transformed and tried to rid herself of him as much as possible.  
She had gone so far as to splurge on a whole new wardrobe. She hadn’t thrown the clothes he had bought her away; instead she had kept them hidden in the back of her closet, not able to wear them; they reminded her too much of him.  
So she had taken to wearing mini skirts with dress up shirts and stockings. It was different than her old wear, these new outfits of her showed more skin. She loved now dressing herself with more care, often matching her shirt to her stockings and the headbands she had taken to wearing.  
So it was a full transformation. She had loved seeing her co-workers reactions and the children’s as well; they hadn’t recognized her at first. Although the drama with the pictures had abruptly stopped a few days ago, she still got many admiring looks from the guys in her class, but she paid them no mind; she didn’t want to get involved with a guy ever again.  
So she had thrown herself into all areas where she had a purpose including her school work, work at the daycare, and student council. She had also begun to do other things that always made her feel better including reading more self-help books and going on long walks with Cotton. Even sleep was coming to her more easily now, but still too often her dreams were about him. She didn’t let that bother her. She had been taking a different approach. She had recognized that she loved him and maybe she always would, but she now acknowledged that thought without giving into it.  
Now she acknowledged that she was putting herself first, and that meant focusing her love on herself and not him.  
Loving herself meant making connections with other people and making an effort to go on. She had done this by getting closer to her new student council friends including May and Chris. They would often all eat lunch together down town and Hillary had even tried her first alcoholic beverage due to not wanting to miss any experience. She also wanted to make more memories, and thanks to her new friends she did. For instance, they had all gone to a hot air balloon lighting, gone roller skating, and on a road trip to New York City.  
Under the Time Square Lights and looking at each of her companions, she had realized that it was the first time she had ever really had a group of friends.  
So in some ways things were better.  
After all, it was nearly the end of the semester, and the tree lighting would be happening tonight. They had decided to light the tree a week before  
Christmas due to students traveling to see family over the holidays. She herself would also be going back to Illinois to visit her family over the holidays next week; but for now, she poured over the final touches of the tree in the student quad.  
“It looks great. You really did a good job,” Peter said from behind her. The two of them had decided to come and check on the tree instead of going to lunch with the rest of her group. More and more these days she found herself spending more time with Peter. She liked his company, he was easy to talk to and she never second guessed herself when she was with him.  
“We all did a good job. These blue gem lights for example were your idea and I love them,” Hillary said happily. The gem lights really were a beauty and she suspected that they would be more beautiful once lit. Only suspected. Peter hadn’t let her seen them light up because he wanted her to wait for the surprise.  
“Yeah, I thought you would like them. Blue is your favorite color isn’t it?” he asked. She stiffened a bit. Blue was her favorite color, but she hadn’t told him that. It was no fault of Peter’s. Actually it had nothing to do with him at all, and everything to do with Bill. She loved blue because of Bill. The color reminded her of how he had looked when he had made love to her; shaded blue from the outside lights peeking in through their window. She shook her head a little to get that thought out of her mind. She wasn’t going to let him ruin anything else for her, especially not this tree lighting.  
“Yes blue is my favorite color,” she answered simply and went back to admiring the tree. She remembered how her and her group of friends had struggled getting it into the back of the car, and the memory brought a smile to her face.  
“I brought some muffins and sandwiches if you’d like. You know since we didn’t go get lunch with the rest of the group,” Peter said drawing her attention back to him. She turned around and saw that he had placed the food on one of the tables in the student quad.  
“Of course. You know I’m always hungry,” she said and went to ravish one of his muffins. They often called Peter the mom friend because he was always looking out for them and of course always baking his signature cherry muffins. As she ate one of the muffins she noticed Peter’s eyes on her. Green eyes, almost lime in color.  
“Hillary. I came with you today because I wanted to tell you something,” Peter said. She nodded.  
What could he possibly want to tell her?  
“Go on,” she said through muffin bites. He seemed to be hesitant.  
“You’ve been nothing but a good friend to me, you can tell me anything really,” she said. He really had been a good friend to her, and the rest of the group had even taken to calling them ‘the twins,’ due to their closeness.  
“That’s exactly it though. I don’t just want to be your friend I want to be more, and I know you can’t give me that, but I just want you to know how I feel,” he said. This came as a complete shock to her. Never would she have imagined that he liked her in this way. He had always been so respectful and shy, and maybe that was exactly why she hadn’t noticed; because the last man she had been with was always so direct about what he wanted.  
Yet, he was right.  
She couldn’t give him more.  
Not just because of Bill, but because she wanted to focus on herself.  
“Well now I know,” she said simply and she hated how it was so simple but she didn’t have anything else to say. She didn’t feel guilty however, her readings from her self-help books had shown her that she didn’t need to feel guilty for how she felt.  
“Yeah, and I respect that, and I don’t want anything to change in our friendship. I’m not trying to make you feel uncomfortable and this is the only time we have to talk about this,” Peter said. She nodded, she could tell her was genuine, and nothing would change. Besides, after all this time he hadn’t come on to her or made her feel uncomfortable.  
“So how do you feel about this bowling competition May has been thinking about setting up now?” She asked now changing subjects. They both laughed knowing how terrible she was at bowling but he proceeded to telling her anyways.

 

He had joined The Royals, but it wasn’t for personal gain. It was to track down the guys who had been distributing Hillary’s pictures. Once he found them, he had quickly put a stop to that a few days ago, then he quit The Royals.  
They were a bunch of sleazes and he saw that now.  
He saw things a whole lot clearer now. In these past three weeks he had made an effort to find her and explain to her everything that had happened. He had gone to the library and sat for hours on end waiting for her to walk in; she never did. He had still felt empty without her, almost lifeless, but he had soon realized that sulking wasn’t going to bring her back. No, only making an effort to seek her out would do him any good. Still, he hadn’t shown up outside of her classes or even at her dorm where she may possibly be. No, he respected her too much for that and he wasn’t going to make her feel corned. He wanted to make their run in seem natural and he hoped like before, the universe would just bring them together.  
It had amazed him that after she had told him she hated him, he only wanted her back more.  
He still felt desperate and he saw her in everything, so he wasn’t giving up.  
This is why he was now at work finishing working on yet another car, because he would still have to pay the bills on the house for when he won her back. When not if. He still believed in what they had together and he would remain optimistic in that, even if every moment without her was excruciating.  
Because what else could he do? He had to hold on to that hope she had restored within him, and keep doing everything in his power not to give into the demons that had come back in her absence.  
His inner demons threatened to take him over again, and he now had two voices in his head.  
One was Hillary’s, urging him to go forward and to do the right things.  
The other was that of his demon, of the cold Bill he used to be. That voice would say things like ‘see that girl over there? Sleep with her it’ll help you forget your problems.’  
He couldn’t give into that voice, not if he planned on getting his girl, his very reason for living, back. Lucky for him, Hillary’s voice was stronger and so was the hope that they would be together again. Still, the demon voices kept on raging and they sent impulses through him that he fought every day within these past weeks. It exhausted him to fight them all the time and he feared that if he didn’t have Hillary back soon then he would give into them.  
“How are you holding up? Dad says that’s a terrible car to fix,” Luna said coming to sit down on one of the chairs in the garage where he was working. He paused to give her his attention. He was grateful that Mr. Jenkins had allowed him to keep his job even though he had missed several shifts. He was also grateful that Luna had been kind and understanding when he told her about what had happened with Hillary. She had seemed genuinely sorry for him and had listened to him rant about Scott, Bambi, and Packer.  
Luna was a good friend, she was everything Bambi hadn’t been and he was glad that unlike the latter, she made no passes at him or had any intention of scheming or betraying his trust.  
“it’s alright. I like the challenge,” he said. It was true working on cars gave him almost a sense of peace.  
“How are you, Bill really?” she asked now. He sighed. On his last shift, Luna had been eating a cake pop and it reminded him so much of Hillary and how beautiful her birthday had been that he had cried.  
He had really cried.  
He had always been sensitive at heart, but old Bill would never cry, but now given that Hillary had restored his humanity, he found himself more open to emotions.  
“I haven’t seen her so that’s terrible. I’m sure she’s still mad at me. I’m going to the tree lighting thing the school is putting on though so I hope I see her there,” he said. It made him feel like a nervous teenager just thinking about it, but he would go to see her. He was sure she would be there, it seemed like her sort of thing.  
“That’d be nice. You just need a chance to explain yourself,” Luna said. She had been all too understanding of both sides after Bill told her what happened. She understood why Hillary would be so hurt, and why Bill was hurting as well. According to Luna, it seemed like this whole problem was because of a miscommunication.  
“I hope she’ll let me. I don’t think she wants to hear what I have to say,” he said trying to sound light hearted. The truth was that it hurt beyond comprehension. The way she had looked at him in complete anger as she had told him she hated him haunted him.  
“All the more reason to tell her. It’s often times the things we don’t want to hear that turn out to be what we needed to hear,” Luna said. That struck a cord within him and he would keep that thought in mind. Luna was always offering insight like this that he found valuable.  
“I’m scared,” he admitted. It was more than that though. It was the fear of rejection from the one person he loved most in the whole world. It was the fear that her world would go on without him and his world would come to a stop.  
He feared now more cruelly than ever that they were both spheres that would never touch and that she would forget him.  
“We all are,” Luna said almost as if she were feeling that same sort of relational fear herself. They were quiet for a moment and he went back to working on the car.  
“So how’s Sunny?” he asked wanting to shift the tension away from himself. He knew that Luna had a complicated relationship with her friend, she had told him that much but had left it at that. “She’s okay. I’m going to see her tomorrow,” Luna answered and began to blush. Bill never understood why she blushed whenever she talked about her friend but he didn’t feel it was his place to probe further. All he knew was that Luna and Sunny had become friends in college and remained in contact. Sunny lived in New York but would at times come to see Luna.  
“Fuck. I’m sorry I keep talking about it but i’m terrified of seeing her again,” Bill said suddenly as his thoughts returned to Hillary. He wasn’t sure what he would do if he saw her, all he knew was that he needed to talk to her.  
“It’s fine. Look Bill you know her, she’s just hurt. If you want I can go with you,” she offered. He thought about it, that would make things better. After all, it would be nice to go with a friend. Then a thought occurred to him.  
He didn’t want Hillary to look on and think he had moved on so quickly, no after the fucking  
mess that happened with Bambi, he was taking all the precautions necessary. Plus, he knew how jealous she could get and the sight of him with another girl she didn’t know would only worsen things.  
“Thank you Luna, but I really think I should go alone. I don’t want Hillary to misunderstand and think I’m seeing you, she would lose it,” He said. Luna nodded in understanding.  
“Good luck then Bill, I’ll keep you in my prayers,” she said. He only nodded. Whatever previous spark of belief he had had been taken away when he had lost Hillary; because he couldn’t understand how if there was a really some mystical being with a plan, how it could be part of the plan to make him a loser fall in love with an angel then snatch her away. So maybe they really were just products of molecules and cells on this Earth, running aimlessly about and trying to make sense of this stupid crazy life.  
“Thank you,” he replied either way because he would after all need whatever luck he could get. He only hoped that she wouldn't reject him because if she did he would let her go, he would never force her to stay. And fuck how he wanted her to want to stay.

 

She didn’t have work today as her schedule had been changed to working every other day. She was grateful for this because while she loved the work at the daycare immensely, she had wanted to change her schedule so it wasn’t the same as it had been when she had been dating Bill.  
The more different things were than when she was with him, the better. So now, she headed down to the kitchen in the dorm entrance. Another great idea of Peter’s for the tree lighting had been for everyone to bring food; so flyers had been put up telling everyone to bring appropriate snacks and appetizers to share.  
She had missed cooking and had decided to make her grandmother’s famous grits. She had bought all the ingredients recently and put them in the fridge with sticky notes saying not to use. She was glad they were still there and she placed them on the counter to begin cooking.  
Then she heard someone scoff rudely behind her. She turned around and saw that Bambi was there, by herself for once.  
“Seriously? You look like a cheap blonde whore. I think I liked you better before,” Bambi sneered. Hillary sighed. She hadn’t seen her nemesis in the longest time and she had thought it was simply because she was skipping classes with Bill or something stupid like that.  
“It looks like you work the streets,” Bambi said still jiving on. Maybe the old Hillary would have been too scared to say anything but not this time, not ever again. She had found a newfound strength within her and this time would not be like the time in the laundry room when she had been reduced to tears.  
“You know what Bambi you can fuck off!” She shouted so loudly that the girls watching the tv in the living room of the dorm entrance turned to look. Bambi seemed surprised and raised her eyebrows.  
“You think just because you get a new makeover it means you’re the shit now? Well you’re not! I don’t know who you think you’re talking to cheap whore my father is the dean,” Bambi said coming to stand face to face with Hillary now. She was still taller than Hillary but now Hillary stood full height looking her straight in the eye. She would never fear this girl again. Her self- help books had also shown her that she did not need to take anyone’s negative attitude.  
“I’m talking to you how you talk to me. If you want respect you earn it and give it back,” Hillary said her voice still just as serious, confident, and unflinching. Bambi raised a hand almost as if she were going to hit her, but Hillary caught her wrist.  
“Do not ever try to hit me again. I’m not one of those people you can bully,” Hillary said and threw Bambi’s wrist back at her, the girl went stumbling back in her heels.  
The girls watching the tv were snickering now and Bambi’s face grew flush with humiliation. She stalked off giving Hillary one last angry look, but Hillary didn’t care.  
She turned her attention back to cooking and for a second she found herself wanting Bambi to go tell Bill how she had stood up to her. She knew she shouldn’t care about him in more, but she wanted him to know that she wasn’t meek and innocent anymore. No, he had taken that part of her away and she had to reinvent herself; grow thicker skin.  
So she wanted him to know that she wasn’t the innocent little girl he had corrupted. She was stronger now, and an even more independent woman.  
She threw herself into her task of making the grits, focusing all her energy on that. For a moment she found herself hoping that he would be at the tree lighting and that he would try to talk to her; because if he did this time she would not be talking to him with tears in her eyes but instead a look of strength.

 

He felt a bit foolish getting himself cleaned up for the tree lightning. He had decided on wearing that leather jacket that he had given her, as he knew she loved it and he wrapped a red and black planned scarf around his neck.  
He had shown up to the tree lighting a little late, as he was still nervous to see her. It was dark, and it had begun to snow lightly. It reminded him of the last time it had snowed, and the tiny snowflakes had fallen on her nose. His eyes scanned the crowd for her as students mingled in the student quad with cups of hot chocolate and food that was set up on one of the tables.  
He felt strange, almost as if he didn’t belong here, he was a stranger looking in and he couldn’t find her. There was christmas music playing from a record player and he felt a sense of sadness wash over him, because even though he was trying to be optimistic he kept remembering everything he had lost.  
They had planned a while back before the bet had been revealed, that they would visit her family over Christmas break.  
Now he would be spending Christmas alone with his family back in Arkansas. He was only going back there for Roger’s sake, but quite frankly he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to go back to that house without her. His heart felt heavy and then someone announced over a microphone that the tree lighting would be happening in a matter of seconds. He felt a hand at his shoulder.  
Bambi.  
“Hey Bill why so glum?” She sneered. He rolled his eyes and tried to contain the fury he felt looking at her. She had left him alone for several weeks as Packer had fully discarded her and she hadn’t left her dorm room, sulking for days.  
He wasn’t feeling sympathy for her, it served her right after what she had done to him and Hillary. “Fuck off. I don’t want to talk to you ever again, and if you bother me again I don’t care who your father is, I’ll make you regret ever meeting me,” he said sternly and walked away from her. He walked to stand on the other side of the tree where students had begun to mingle.  
Someone again on the microphone started a countdown and when they reached one, the tree lit up with beautiful blue gems.  
That’s when he saw her.  
She was standing on the other side of the tree, surrounded by her room mate and other people he suspected were her friends by how close they stood together.  
She looked so different, but as he had told her, he would recognize those eyes anywhere.  
She wore her hair sleek straight now, and a blue headband adorned it.  
Her glasses were gone and while he had seen her without her glasses before, it still surprised him how much bigger her eyes looked without them.  
Even from where he stood, he noticed that she was wearing makeup and while he stood by his claim that she didn’t need it, she still looked stunning with it.  
Then there was her outfit. She had worn a mini black pleated skirt and high black knee socks that matched with her black sweater. She was also wearing a red scarf and that comforted him; they were still thinking alike.  
As he watched her look at the blue gem lighted christmas tree, a smile decorating her face, he felt both despair, joy, and anger.  
Despair because she represented all that was beautiful in the world and without her, he would never be allowed to engage in that sort of beauty again.  
Joy, because he loved to see her smiling even when he wasn’t the cause of it. She deserved to  
smile and her high glistening cheek bones illuminated blue by the Christmas lights, made her even more stunning.  
Lastly there was anger.  
Anger because it was so fucking cruel that he had been given a chance with someone as ethereal as her and he had ruined it. It was sick torture that he had been able to feel her, love on her completely, and then suddenly have her taken away. It made him almost wish that they had never made love to begin with so he didn’t have to miss her so much in that way.  
He felt frozen, and not just because of the snow that had come down even more now.  
He felt frozen because he knew if he were to go and try to talk to her now, that joy would vanish from her face. He knew that maybe it was just his fears and like Luna said, everyone was afraid, still he had more reason than most to be fearful. Because he feared he was losing her already and he saw how happy she was surrounded by her friends. She had told him once that she had always wanted a group of friends, and he was glad that she had that now.  
It still made him devastated that he was becoming a faint memory to her.  
He knew that he wanted to go to her and he every atom of his body was desperately screaming at him to go to her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to ruin this moment for her and to once again take away her joy.  
He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that.  
If he could wish for anything in the world as selfish as it may seem he wouldn’t wish for world peace, he would wish for her to always have joy. He would wish for those high cheeks to stay smiling forever.  
With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he knew what he had to do.  
He had to let her go, or at least try to. All the optimism and all thoughts of getting his girl back were ripped from him because what good was any of that if she didn’t want it? He didn’t want her to be miserable at his side and to be there by force, no he wanted her like they had been before, except without all the lies and deception.  
So he turned and like a lonely ghost walked back to his car.

After the amazing tree lighting she had felt so elated, but she knew there was one thing left she needed to do before this year was out and the new year came in next week.  
She had to go see the house, she knew he wasn’t there since he was back in his dorm, and that only made her want to see it more. It may have seemed like a strange choice since she was trying to move on, but this would only help her. She needed to see it one last time. She needed to see the empty house and see what had become of it; it would convince her that there was nothing left for her here. It would also be one of her New Year’s resolutions to never come to this house again, so if she wanted to see it now was the time.  
So she solemnly got out of the car and trudged in her flat shoes to the door, hating how the slush mixed into her socks. She unlocked the door, and she was surprised to feel how cold the doorknob was, almost as if no one had been here in so long and she supposed no one had.  
When she went into the house and closed the door behind her, all the memories threatened to come back.  
They didn’t.  
They were simply nuances that were kept in check by the iron curtain she had installed in her brain to protect herself. But still, she noticed how unchanged the house was.  
The rug was still fumbled up like it always had been due to their constant tumbling around on the floor tickling each other.  
The green frog clock she had insisted that they buy several weeks ago still ticked like a pendulum with the ever beating theme of time.  
Time.  
It amazed her that with everything that had happened and how much time had passed, this house still seemed eternal and unchanging.  
Time was infinite and their love had been but a spark in time, and she knew that now.  
She was about to leave the house, not being able to step foot in the bedroom again when she heard a noise. It came from the very place she didn’t want to go: the bedroom.  
She knew that it would be the safest and most logical decision to just leave. Given everything that had happened when she didn’t trust her instincts, it still amazed her how her feet took her of their own accord to the bedroom. It was as if fate or some other force was pulling her to the room where she knew she didn’t want to be.  
Upon entering the dark room illuminated only through the christmas lights from the neighbor lights and porch light; she saw him sitting there on the bed. His face was in his hands and the sound she had heard was him crying softly.  
He seemed like a weeping angel.  
Now she knew better.  
Now she knew that he was a silver tongue devil, but still he didn’t seem to know she was here so why was he crying? She put a stop to that line of thinking and turned to leave before he could see her. Yes, she had wanted to see him at the tree lighting and tell him off, but she hadn't seem there and she most certainly didn't trust herself to talk to him when he was like this.  
“If you want to go, I won’t stop you. You don’t have to run from me,” his sad voice said. She stopped in her tracks at having heard that familiar voice for the first time in weeks.  
She looked at him, his hands had now slid so they were only cradling his cheeks and even in the dimly lit room she could tell his eyes were puffy. He wasn’t going to stop her? That was strange. He had been begging her to stay and let him explain the last two times.  
“It looks like we’re matching,” he spoke again softly and she noticed that he was also wearing a red scarf. She didn’t know what to say, but she just stood there. She wasn’t going to be bitchy with him unless she needed to and right now he made now intention of getting up or trying to prevent her from leaving. She knew she had said before that she never wanted to see him again, and she hadn’t expected him to be here, but now that he was she couldn’t bring herself to leave, even though she had been trying to before. It always seemed that she was caught in the middle between wanting to be around him and to never see him again. What she wasn't in the middle about was her self worth. She knew what she deserved now so no matter what happened, she would speak to him with her dignity.  
“Your socks are wet. Aren’t you cold?” He asked curiously and a bit concerned. That concern in his voice almost melted her heart to be like the same slush in her shoes, but only almost.  
“A little,” she admitted finally finding her voice, “I didn’t know it was supposed to snow.” His eyes remained ever watchful on her and she knew that he was taking in her new appearance. She waited for him to ask about it, but he didn’t.  
“You should get some snow boots. They help keep you warm,” he said.  
“I’ll look into it,” She answered.  
She could tell that he was trying to be super respectful like he had been at the beginning and some of that same hesitation she had seen when they had first started dating was there in his impeccable eyes. Outside, she heard people singling carols and laughing, and then came silence one more silence between him and her. She wanted to hate him things would be so much easier if she did. For a moment, a fleeting moment, she wished she were like Bambi; she wished she were the type of girl who could discard others without caring. Still, she knew that would never be her, she felt things too deeply. Ever since she was young she was sensitive, often crying when a thorn would pierce a rose. When she was younger she had thought the rose could feel pain, and her empathy caused her to feel that pain as well. Now, given her transformation and what she knew, she knew that thorns were the trials in life and they pierced beautiful things like roses, but the rose was still beautiful.  
She was the rose now, and she wouldn’t allow this thorn to impact her life greatly.  
So she stood, staring back at him unflinching. There was something powerful within her, about facing those eyes head on. Before she had been too shy to hold his gaze but now she did; now she felt compelled to, she lifted her chin and undauntedly looked back at those tear filled eyes.  
“I miss you so much,” he finally spoke again and he sounded so heartfelt and broken that for a moment she wanted desperately to believe him. She had told herself that the next time she saw him she would confront him. Now she would, but she would in a way that was strong but not  
rude. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. She wasn’t a rude person and he wasn’t going to turn her into one.  
“Didn’t seem like it the last time I saw you,” she threw back and was grateful for how confident her voice sounded. He shook his head and swallowed, no doubt trying to keep back more tears threatening to give way.  
“Sweets, that was nothing. I told you what happened, and I know you don’t believe me. You have every right to doubt me but believe me when I tell you that I would never hurt you like that,” he said.  
For a moment, hearing him call her the old endearment he had used for her, she wanted to go to his arms. His hellish arms that had been the trap and cause of all this, but she knew she couldn’t. “You took my virginity because of a bet. I wouldn’t put it past you,’ She retorted.  
“I took your virginity because I love you,” he refuted, his voice breaking at the end.  
A storm was going on within her.  
She had changed in many ways, but what would never change was her love for him, and hearing him say he loved her back still sent her heart fluttering, but she was better equipped now.  
“You don’t keep things from someone you love! And you don’t sleep with someone who hurts the person you love!” She shouted back.  
For once there were no tears and her water ducts did not try to break through.  
No, now she was made of steel, he had forced her to be this way.  
He on the other hand was entirely weak, sniveling and looking like she had just punched him in the gut.  
“I’ll own that I made mistakes, and I hurt you. I’ll own that. But those mistakes do not mean that I love you any less don’t you dare tell me I don’t love you,” he said and for a second he sounded cold like he had been before, but it was a different type of cold. It seemed that now this coldness came because there was nothing else left, because he was almost lifeless and without the blood of life like a corpse.  
“Don’t tell me that you don’t love me,” he whispered and for a moment he seemed so small despite his tall build. She didn’t answer, because she didn’t know what to say. Yes she still loved him, but she couldn’t act on that love anymore. She couldn’t allow herself to be hurt.  
Her silence was answer enough for him however and his face seemed to shatter even more.  
She thought that he may be a well trained actor, but somehow she knew that wasn’t true.  
“You said you would never leave me,” he choked out, and one silver tear fell down until it hit his lips. It hurt her that he was this way, and she didn’t expect anyone to understand how he who had cause her so much pain could also mean so much to her. This was unprecedented and she felt like she was trying not to walk into a burning fire that would consume her again. She stepped back, she would need to leave soon. She had come to say goodbye to this chapter of her life and she had fulfilled that, there was no reason for her to stay any longer.  
“That was before when I foolishly thought that you were being genuine with me. I’m going to go,” she said and inched closer to the door. Like he had said, he didn’t try to stop her and again that confused her, hadn’t he wanted her back?  
“You’re not trying to stop me,” she observed her thoughts voicing themselves out loud. He shook his head again.  
“No. I want you to be happy more than anything that’s what I want, and if leaving will make you happy then I won’t stop you,” he said simply. It seemed like he was having trouble restraining himself though and that he would much rather have her in his arms.  
She didn’t know what else to say. No words would be sufficient enough to explain what she was feeling.  
“Just know that I will always love you. You are still the most wondrous and precious thing in the world to me, and no matter where you go or what you do I will love you endlessly,” he said unflinchingly. She wanted to believe it, she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck like she always had done before, but knowing what she did now she couldn’t.  
She wasn’t as trusting as she had been before, and now she looked out for herself and her interests more; because despite all her love for him what good was it if she neglected to love herself? So she couldn’t say anything because she didn’t have anything to say.  
All she could do was turn her back on him and walk out the door. As she left, she heard him say “Have a nice Christmas, Hillary.”

 

He knew when he had seen her lingering at the doorway of the bedroom that she hadn’t come back for pleasure. No, she had come back for the same reason as him: to say goodbye to the house.  
She had changed, he could see it in the way she held herself. While she had always been confident, now she had held herself in a way that let everyone know that she knew her worth. Still, she had turned almost back into that mystery again.  
He hadn’t been able to tell if she felt nothing or everything for him, she had been detached; an ice queen.  
Her words had pierced through him like frozen daggers; because he could see it now in her eyes, she didn’t trust him; that much he was sure of.  
‘You took my virginity because of a bet.’  
Those words had been his breaking point, because that had been a far cry from why he had made love to her. He had took her virginity because he had wanted to be the first and only one to make her feel that good. He had wanted to show her that she was everything to him, the whole universe and galaxies were her.  
Yet, his universe hadn’t said she loved him.  
That had been when he had made his decision to let her leave, because if her love for him was gone that only meant that she didn’t want him or what they had before.  
Now, the earth could explode and the heavens could pour down because she didn’t love him anymore.  
There would be no more reading, late night snuggling, or long talks.  
That was lost to him forever now.  
He felt that his greatest fear of truly losing her had come true.  
For a moment he wished he had never been optimistic in the first place so he wouldn’t be feeling more crushed. Strangely there was a flicker, a small burning flame in all this that caused him to feel a little better, only a little.  
That flicker was that Hillary was happy now or she at least could be.  
For this, he wouldn’t go back to being cruel like he had been before her. No, he would value what she had taught him and he would stay true to that.  
So he looked around the house one last time. He looked at the Sombrero and the Unicorn he had won for her, and it brought back so many joyous memories.  
Those memories brought him a weird sense of joy through his pain and he found it odd how people could feel so many things at once.  
He mostly felt pain and regret, because it still pained him how all of this could have been avoided if he had simply told the truth.  
So he sat there for a while longer, breathing in their mixed scent that surrounded the house and when he finally got up he used their telephone for what he thought was the last time.  
“Mom? It’s me, Bill. I was just letting you know that there’s been a change of plans and I will be joining you and Roger for Christmas,” he said trying to sound normal; trying to sound like the world wasn’t collapsing in on him.  
“Oh that’s lovely! Will Hillary be joining us again? I thought you two were spending Christmas with her family,” his mother replied over the line.  
“No Mom. Hillary won’t be joining us,” he said and then gulped, but it did no use the tears came through all the same, “I lost her, Mom. I lost her.”


	18. Change

The Holidays had been fun yet dreary for her. She had arrived back in Illinois at her parents' house and had been surrounded by her family.  
The fun part had come in different bursts including catching up with her brothers and making gingerbread cookies with her mother; and of course her family’s bewildered reactions to her new appearance.  
The dread part had come when she had to defend Bill from her father over dinner.  
She hadn’t known why she had defended him, he had after all hurt her; but there was something about someone else criticizing the man she loved that sent a protective wave through her; because even though he had hurt her, she couldn’t stand to hear him being slandered.  
“Where is that boy you were gonna come visit us with?” Her father had asked. She hadn’t told her family about the change of plans over the telephone before she left; she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.  
“Bill and I aren’t together anymore,” she had replied and she remembered how her throat had swelled up at saying those words.  
“And why is that?” her father had probed even though her mother had shot him a look. Her mother had always been the more sympathetic of the two. Her father, while he loved her dearly, had always had high expectations for everyone he knew  
“Because he betrayed me in the most terrible way possible,” she had answered knowing that it wasn’t really an answer. She hadn’t wanted to get into the whole details of her heartbreak again, not after strengthening herself.  
“Don’t you think you should have thought about the type of person he was before moving in with him?” Her father had asked. At that, everyone had dropped their forks, knowing that a storm was brewing.  
She was never a fan of declaratory statements such as the type her father had made. She hadn’t liked that he seemed to be implying that she hadn’t thought about it; as if he could see into her mind to know what she was thinking.  
“The person I moved in with wasn’t the same as the person who betrayed me. It’s complicated and I don’t expect any of you to understand but I will not sit here and be judged for it,” She had said and stood up from the dinner table to go to her room.  
She had laid down on her stomach in her room, staring at the mini Christmas tree that had been placed within her quarters. It had been a nice gesture from her mother to put the tree there her reasoning being that when she was younger, Hillary had always begged to have the family tree in her room. Of course that hadn’t happened since her room was far too compact for such a big tree. Then, as she had been thinking about her argument with her father, the tree had brought her a sense of joy.  
Still, her mind had been on Bill and what could have been if he had come with her to Illinois. She imagined that he would get along well with her brothers and that he would charm her mother, maybe even win over her father.  
“Why do you still mean so much to me?” she had whispered to herself and had rolled over onto her side to stare out the window. Rain drops had been starting to patter against the glass and she had watched each streak down into a fine line.  
She had thought about how she had defended Bill.  
Why had she done it? He had hurt her, and she shouldn’t care what anyone said about him. Unfortunately she did care, despite having been so cold in parting with him at the house that night. She had only been cold because she hadn’t known what else to be with him.  
She couldn’t be warm like she had used to, for fear of letting herself be hurt again; but her coldness did not mean that she didn’t care.  
Because she did care.  
Deeply.  
Irrevocably.  
Still she had changed, she hadn’t cried like she might have done several months ago. Instead she had scooted up to the headboard and held onto her pillow, appreciating the beauty of the rain droplets.  
The following morning, she had woken up to the smell of waffles and her ice cold bare feet had hit the ground running to get some.  
She had sat next to her father and he had put his hand over hers, a silent apology.  
The rest of the break had been beautiful. As always, Illinois hadn’t disappointed and had been ransacked with snow. Her family had taken their usual stroll on Christmas Eve looking at the lights and for a moment she had felt even better.  
After that, she had enjoyed their Christmas Eve dinner and had eaten most of the mash potatoes, her stomach warm and appeased.  
Her gifts the following morning had included a journal from her father, a lovely perfume from her mother, and a joined gift of a record player and some of her favorite records from her brothers. When New Year’s Eve rolled around, she had by then forgotten about all of her worries. She had been spending her time filling the journal with her own writings. She had never thought of herself as much of a writer, and she still didn’t; but she had taken to writing elaborate descriptions of things she found beautiful.  
A smooth tile surface the color of pure ivory, looking as if it could belong in ancient Greece.  
A wilted dying flower, having fulfilled its life's purpose and still beautiful in the snow.  
A pair of eyes shaded blue and gray ever watchful and warm.  
After that, she had snapped her journal shut; best not get cared away, she had thought.  
In the hours, her family had spent counting down to midnight, for the new year, she had sat in the living room alongside them. They had told childhood stories and it had only reminded her again of the ever pendulum of time.  
Not so long ago, she had been sitting on this very rug, pigtails and knees scabbed from numerous adventures of chasing stray cats.  
Now, she had sat with a cat of her very own, stroking her very delicate fur as the time ticked away what had remained of that present year. When at last it was midnight, her family had cheered and she had as well; better to fake cheeriness then dampen the mood.  
It had been two days later when she had been about to head back to New Haven and her family had been saying their good byes, that her mother had stopped her.  
“I forgot to give this to you. You have always said you never got around to getting a copy of your own,” her mother had said handing her a copy of The Catcher in the Rye.  
She had taken it and gulped, letting out a thank you.  
This book now had held more memories for her.  
On chapter thirteen, he had put the book down and balanced it on his knee looking at her as if she were the most beautiful thing in the world.  
On page forty seven, he had stopped in his reading out loud and had reached out to cup her face. Her mother didn’t know all this, to her it was just another book.  
Reading was personal and for her, this book now held her story as well.  
She had driven back to New Haven in her bug in silence, the only sound was the humming of the heater.  
When she had arrived back to her dorm room with Cotton in her arms, she had found that May had already returned as well.  
“There’s a gift someone left for you on the bed. I found it pressed under the door when I came back an hour ago,” her room mate had said.  
Strange, she had thought.  
She had gone to her bed and found a black velvet draped box. When she had opened it she had felt inner awe at the beauty. It was a stunning hair pin that gleamed with many jewels. The pin was in the shape of a heart.  
“Did it come with a letter?” She had asked May, although she had gotten the feeling she knew who it was from. 

“Yeah, it’s also on the bed,” May had answered.  
She had checked and upon further inspection found that a very small red card was on the bed. She had picked it up. It barely qualified as a card, in fact it was more of a thick sheet of expensive paper and plated in gold letters were the words: To my heart, Hillary.  
It had touched her deeply, and for a moment she had melted thinking of Bill sending this. Unfortunately this had made things more complicated and she had snuggled deep into her covers that night many thoughts going around in her head.  
Should she give him another chance? Would she betraying herself and her progress of change if she went back to him?  
In all the corners of her mind, she hadn’t been able to find a clear cut answer and she had spent the night tossing and turning.  
Now as she presently walked to her new morning class of the day, Civil Rights law, she was glad that she no longer had a morning class with Scott.  
After the revealing of the bet, he had kept his distance, but she hadn’t wanted to be near him all the same.  
She was thinking that this would be an enjoyable class as she liked the topic, but upon entering she felt herself feel a jolt of shock.  
Bill was sitting in the back of the room.  
He looked good, but different. He had let his stubble grow out so it draped his face nicely. He was wearing a brown knit sweater which was different than his usual black attire. She stood there in the doorway unsure of the emotions she was feeling. She felt joy because that had always been an emotion when she saw him, and because maybe a part of her had always wanted to have a class with him. She felt sad at knowing that this wouldn’t be the same or as enjoyable as it would have been if they were still together.  
And she felt anger.  
Anger because how dare he put her in this situation of making her heart soar for him but now making her feel awkward at having a class together. His eyes finally looked her direction, and she saw that same jolt of surprise she had previously felt.  
She stalked over to where he was sitting, standing in front of his desk. It was all so strange, what on Earth was she doing? Exclamation points were going off in her mind and she had never remembered feeling this string of emotions in her life.  
“What are you doing?” She asked angrily although she knew the answer she supposed. His hand went to stroke the stubble on his chin.  
“Waiting for class to start,” he said warily. The last time they had seen each other, he had been sobbing but now he seemed calm, somehow it bothered her, and fuck she didn’t know why. 

“Drop this class,” she said and she couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. She didn’t know how to explain it but she trusted that anyone who had been in a relationship understood the fury yet love she was trying not to give into; because surely she couldn’t be the only person alive to have felt this before right?  
“What? No, I can’t. It works with my schedule,” he replied still neutral. She had gotten better at reading him, but now this was a side of him she hadn’t seen before. He seemed content and entirely at ease, and friendly. She compared it to the bad boy Bill she had met months ago, it didn’t seem like the same person.  
“You hate waking up in the mornings,” she said and then felt herself flush at her comment. He on the other hand only nodded and began to open his notebook and get ready for class which would start any minute now.  
“That’s true, but I wake up early now. I meet with this group every morning to pick up trash alongside the freeway,” he said and began to doodle on his notebook paper, paying her no mind. That took her by surprise, and again she found herself trying not to melt.  
“Miss? Would you please take a seat? Class is about to start,” The professor said. She looked around reluctantly and found that she had dealt her cards wrong; the only available seat was next to Bill. She sighed angrily and sat down. She felt immense hate for him and his calm demeanor and yet immense love; because she knew that this type of hate wasn’t true hate, it was caused by crushed love.

He glanced at her when she wasn’t looking at him throughout class. She looked lovely, his memory had not done her justice. She was wearing a black dress suit that matched with her heels and her hair was held back by an also black headband. He had been surprised to see her in this class, but he had known it was a possibility, and he had come to terms with it.  
He had come to terms with a lot of things.  
Over Christmas break, he had cried himself out and his childhood home had reminded him of her and the last time they had been there together.  
He had told his mom and Roger what had happened and their faith in him and telling him that he wasn't a bad person had helped him.  
He had tried to enjoy the more simple things in life including his mother's biscuits and gravy and the ever snowless Christmas of Arkansas.  
And he had read.  
He had read plenty, visiting the local library for the first time. He had checked out books on the ancient Greeks and tragedies about love. Those also helped his ever present heart ache.  
As his favorite quote from the Catcher in the Rye said, "Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. "  
He wasn't the first to have been feeling this terrible heartache, and he wouldn't be the last.  
Of course she was still his world, and he kept her in his heart always, but he had to find a way to live with not being with her.  
So he had done the next closest thing: he had begun to live as she would live.  
He had indeed enjoyed the volunteer group that picked up trash and he had also begun to take a voluntary art course at a studio Luna had recommended to him. They often went together and he would paint things that reminded him of Hillary.  
He had found that he really had a talent for painting and perhaps if he had never gotten his heartbroken then he would never have found this talent.  
So there was some good in the midst of all this darkness.  
Again it was her good, because if it hadn't been for her restoring what was broken in him, he might have gone back to his old ways of default anger and being upset.  
His New Year's resolution had been to live and be the type of man she had looked at him as if he were. The type of man who was honest and good hearted.  
He didn't know where she stood in all this, she had after all walked out the door and hadn't told him she loved him, but that didn't change his love for her.  
He had been telling the truth when he had told her he would always love her and that she was still precious to him.  
So he had slipped his Christmas gift for her under her dorm door. He had bought the pin several weeks ago and had been planning to give it to her for the Holidays.  
He hadn't expected her to wear it after the pain he had caused her, but he still wanted her to have it.  
So he had come to terms in living without her, even though he still missed her immensely.  
He had decided to just give her space and to let her find her way of living.  
Now that she was sitting next to him in this class however it was difficult.  
He was drowning in the waves of missing her and her folded crossed legs revealing a hint of skin, made him want to touch her more.  
He had painted the image of that skin so many times he had thought he would have been able to cope, but now he couldn't.  
And then there were the stolen glances between them.  
He would look at her when he thought she wasn't looking and at times he would meet her eyes looking back him, then they would quickly look away.  
After a while he forced himself not to look at her anymore because if he did he felt that he might die from the excruciating pain of not being able to touch her.  
Once class was over, he put his things away and headed out the door not looking back at her. She had wanted to move on so he was letting her, he was giving her what she wanted like he always had, like he always would.  
He heard fast footsteps behind him and then felt a familiar small hand at his shoulder.  
He turned around.  
It was Hillary.  
Now what, he thought solemnly, because while he loved her, he didn't think his heart could take another break.  
"Where are you going?" She asked and her voice had that same indignant tone she had earlier when she had told him to drop the class. She seemed confused at the same time, and he could tell that she didn't understand her behavior.  
"To this art museum I wanted to see. My next class doesn't start until two," he explained shrugging his shoulders.  
Her beautiful face seemed conflicted and still angry.  
"Can I come with you?" She asked and he could tell it was an impulsive move on her part.  
"Don't you have class?" He asked.  
That only made her more angry.  
"If you don't want me to come you can just say so," she said fiercely.  
He quickly backtracked.  
"That's not what I meant. It's just you don't like to miss classes. You can come if you want," he said explaining himself. His heart was in fact racing at her wanting to come with him, and although this only confused him more and he knew would make things more difficult, he wouldn't send her away.  
"I'm coming," she said still just as stubborn and she fell into step beside him.

 

She didn't know what had come over her. Quite frankly, she didn't know anything anymore. Everything she thought she knew about love and relationships and even about her own feelings had been thrown aside when it came to him.  
So now as she watched him look at the paintings, she felt more lost.  
She knew she had wanted to come with him after hearing him say he was going to an art museum, since he hadn't been too enthusiastic about it last time.  
Granted, this museum was larger and they had both changed so much since their last trip to an art museum.  
She could see that he now looked at the paintings closely, and was studying them.  
He would often move on to another exhibit and leave her behind and that bothered her.  
She knew it shouldn't and she knew that no doubt she had confused him by being so cold with him then asking to come with him.  
"Hillary come look at this one," he said now addressing her for the first time since they had come here. She walked over to him and saw that he was looking at a painting of snow on the Statue of Liberty.  
"It's nice," she said loving the way the art seemed so realistic. Bill only nodded and looked at the painting once more before moving on,  
Again she felt strange. She knew there was a reason he had called her over to see that specific painting but he hadn't shared the reason like he might have before.  
"You don't talk to me anymore," she said as she caught up to him. He looked down at her surprised.  
"I just did," he said but she could tell he was holding back.  
"You don't talk to me like you used to," she elaborated.  
It was insane why did she care so much? She had in fact told him that she never wanted to see him again. She didn't want to go back on the progress she had made without him, but now she was feeling more that she was missing him.  
"What do you want me to say, Hillary?" He asked frustrated and ran a hand through his hair.  
She didn't know.  
She didn't know anything anymore because despite all her intellect, these emotions seemed to  
override that.  
"There's someone else isn't there? Is that it?" She asked and fuck how she wished she could just shut up. She had never been the type of girl to ask things like this.  
He seemed offended.  
"No, there isn't. There isn't anyone else for me and that's the problem. The problem is that you tell me that you hate me and that you want to move on. Then you come back and start messing with my emotions again," he said and sighed heavily. She knew that in a way he was right. Still, she couldn’t begin to fathom how she was feeling. She knew that to an outsider Bill’s reaction must be perfectly justified, but she had been hurt in this too maybe even more so than he had. She had after all gone through the trauma of losing her virginity only to find out she had been lied to.  
“I’m not trying to pin this all on you, because I know I hurt you. I know i’m not innocent in this either. I just need to know where I stand with you and what you want because if you don’t tell me then I can’t know,” he said his voice back to that peaceful tone.  
What did she want?  
For the first time in her life she didn’t know.  
Growing up she had always known what she wanted whether it be strawberry ice cream as her dessert or knowing that she wanted to go on to work in public service.  
Now she did’t know.  
She was still finding her new self and even though she still loved him she didn’t know if she could go back to him. The old innocent Hillary he had fallen or supposedly fallen in love with was dead, she had been replaced by this new version of herself.  
“I want to be friends,” she stammered out. It was the only compromise where she got some of what she wanted: to be around him more. After all, they did have the same class together. “Friends,” he repeated and sighed again. She could tell it wasn’t enough for him, and maybe it wasn’t enough for her either. They had gone back to how they had been at the beginning: fighting their attraction to each other.  
In these past weeks they had been apart, she had forgotten how beautiful he was. Of course she had always known, but seeing him now reminded her of why she had fallen for him.  
His eyes were still so soft and now showed the sensitivity he had been too scared to show at the beginning. The brown knit sweater made him look more cozy and she desperately wanted to hug him again, but she felt like she couldn’t.  
“Yes, friends, and friends go out to eat don’t they?” She asked.

 

So she found herself sitting across from him in the outside patio of an organic restaurant. Evidently in her absence, he had taken to eating healthier and had taught himself how to prepare several salads and things of that nature, although he admitted that they were often loaded with ham and cheese as well.  
She drank from her mango smoothie and looked up into his eyes. His hands were folded and pressed to his lips as he watched her.  
“Do you like it here? I’ve come here a few times,” He said breaking the silence. She nodded. “It’s nice, but different for you. Is it better than Chubby’s?” She asked allowing herself a smile. He laughed.  
“No place is better than Chubby’s,” he said and finally took another forkful of his chicken salad. She looked at him freely now and again she wondered how she could still feel so comfortable with him. All throughout class, she had been stealing looks at him, not having realized the full extent of how much she had missed seeing him until she was in his presence once more.  
Now she took in the sight of his familiar hands and saw that a copper ring was on his ring finger of his left hand, the ring was plain and only had a flower etched into it. He saw her looking at it and gave her a wary smile but offered no explanation. Instead he reached out and gently tugged on a strand of her straightened hair.  
“Is this permeant?” he asked caressing the strand within his fingers. It was the first real physical contact they had both had from the other in months and even though it was so small, barely even a touch, it sent her heart into flutters again.  
“No, I just style it now,” she answered and he nodded. All too soon, he let go of the strand and she already missed the touch.  
“I like it. I liked it before too, but why’d you do it?” He asked and leaned back in his chair. She knew that he was asking about her whole makeover and while there was no judgment in his voice, she did feel a little defensive. I had to find myself again after you, she thought, I had to reinvent myself.  
“Just needed a change,” she said however not revealing her inner turmoil. The waitress came and gave them the check and she noticed how the waitress ogled at Bill a little too much. That made her angry and as Bill was filling out the check with the waitress still looking on, she reached out and took his right hand that he wasn’t using in her own. She saw that this made him smile a bit even though he didn’t look up from what he was doing and his right hand gave hers a gentle squeeze. When he was done with the check and the waitress took it back and told them to have a nice day, he at last looked up her questionably. She didn’t offer an explanation because she didn’t have one because why should she care if anyone else looked at him? They were friends now that was all, but she knew she could never just be friends with him, Her deep feelings for him were still there and as he took his other left hand and joined it so both of his were covering hers, those feelings came to the surface, They stared at each other, each trying to gage the other’s feelings. He pulled their joined hands together and gently kissed hers and his warm lips along with his stubble sent a shiver through her.  
“Are you okay?” He asked and she gave him a tight nod. She knew this would only complicate things more and that she should pull her hand away, but she didn’t. She allowed herself for a moment to feel his touch because she could never think straight when she was with him.  
“We should get going back to campus,” he said and at last untangled their hands. She nodded and followed him to his car. All the way she was wondering how it could be possible that she could love and hate someone so much and want to be with him but not with him at the same time.

As he drove them back to campus, he was aware that she was still sneaking looks at him. He knew her thought process now thanks to her little possessive touch back at the restaurant. She was trying to be distant and to fight her emotions for him, poor thing was probably so confused; but upon feeling her touch, it confirmed that she still felt something for him.  
The question was what she planned on doing with those feelings.  
Would she run from it? Would she give in to them and finally end this famine he had been experiencing?  
He knew this dance they were partaking in was dangerous for both of them, especially since both of their hearts had been broken. He had meant what he told her, that she was playing with his emotions. He knew that wasn’t her intention, she wasn’t that type of girl.  
But to have her say she only wanted to be friends then grow jealous when she had seen another woman looking at him had only confused him more. Then she hadn’t shied away from his lips on her flesh, and while he loved it, this all took a toll on his heart.  
Because if she would just say the words he would be with her again.  
And would he let her play with his emotions and would he wait for her?  
Always.  
He knew it wasn’t good for him, but he would always wait for her.  
She was his muse and his fire and being with her today in her presence even if it was filled with mostly silence had brought that fire back into his life. Now, he parked the car and checked the time. He still had twenty minutes to spare until his next class. He glanced over at her, and she quickly glanced away from him upon meeting his eyes. He smiled.  
“It was nice to see you again, without the yelling or crying,” he said. She nodded but made no effort to get of the car. Suddenly she turned to him and grabbed him tightly, hugging him. While confused, his arms went around her and stroked her hair. She still felt familiar and fit him perfectly like a glove. Then as sudden as it had come on, it ended and she shoved him away.  
“I’m sorry. This was a mistake, this was all a mistake, I’m so sorry,” she stammered flushed and scrambling out of the car leaving him bewildered.  
  
  


“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she cursed at herself as she walked off in the hall looking for her next class.  
How could she have done that?  
Truth was because she had wanted to be in his arms again and for a moment she had allowed herself that, only a moment.  
Then reality and the implications of it all came crushing back down on her and she had shoved him away.  
Because it wasn’t just a hug.  
She felt like it was a surrender, a setback on her progress and she couldn’t betray herself like that, and of course it wasn’t fair to him either that she was acting this way.  
Her intention was not to be confusing or to play him but she knew that’s how it was coming off. She was torn again between what would be better for her and what she wanted.  
She wished she could just make a decision and stop overcomplicating things, but that was life; people were complicated and relationships were complicated.  
She was still trying to be strong. Would it be considered weak to go back to him? What would people say? She had never cared for people’s opinions before but she cared about what her new friends would think.  
Could Bill and her still even work despite having both changed so much?  
As she walked into class she heard the pitter patter of the rain start up once more.


	19. Talk

When she didn’t show up for class the next morning, he had been worried about her. So despite every instinct telling him not to, he now headed to her dorm room. He had previously been reluctant to do this because he didn’t want to corner her, but after the way she had left him the previous day he put aside the fear of her yelling at him to leave to go check on her. He didn’t care if she yelled at him now as long as he knew she was okay, then he would leave her alone if that is what she wished for.  
He knocked on her door but there was no response. He sighed and taking a leap of faith, he opened the door. She was curled up in bed and was paler than usual;she was obviously sick. “Bill what are you doing here?” She asked but she didn’t sound mad. He walked over to the side of the bed and knelt down.  
“I came to check on you. Are you okay?” he asked concern growing in him upon seeing her too white face.  
“I’m sick Bill. Your stupid organic restaurant ruined my stomach,” she said angrily but this only made him chuckle. He cupped her cheek.  
“I’m sorry, pretty baby,” he cooed although from the takeout boxes he could see in the background he thought that these were more likely the cause of her upset stomach. She closed her eyes and after a while he got up to go, thinking that she wanted to sleep.  
“Don’t leave,” she whispered and he sighed.  
There she went confusing him again. After her reaction yesterday, he had gone through the rest of the day with a heavy heart because it seemed like they had been making progress but then she had rejected him again.  
Of course he knew she was unsure of what she wanted and she had every right to feel this way, but he just wished there was an end date to all this confusion. A day where she would make up her mind of whether she wanted him or not.  
“What do you want me to do?” He asked turning to look back at her and putting his hands in his pockets. She seemed conflicted again and he could only imagine what was going on in her mind. “I want you to cuddle me, help me feel better,” she said. He sighed again but went to do her bidding and they fell into their usual position of her in his arms. He had wanted this for weeks since they had been apart, but not like this, not when he didn’t know if she would push him away and call it a mistake again.  
“You can’t keep doing this to me,” he whispered into her hair.  
“I know. I know,” she said and rolled onto her stomach so she was pressed into his chest. Her small fingers were fiddling with his beige sweater.  
“I like these colors on you. No more black?” She asked almost for a moment sounding like her old self.  
“Nope. No more black,” he said. She had brought color back into his world and he had taken to wearing more neutral colors because of her. She sighed and pressed her head into his chest and she closed her eyes looking as if she were in pain. Maybe it was from her stomach or from her ever pressing emotional confusion.  
“How many of your friends do you treat this way, Hillary?” he asked. He knew he should let her rest, but he needed her to know that she needed to make a decision or it might break him again.  
“I don’t want to talk about this,” she answered and buried her face into his side. He felt frustrated. He would dangle on for her forever like a puppet and she knew it. He knew she wasn’t trying to hurt him, but she was and he knew he had no right to complain after what he had done to her, but it was all so complicated.  
“We need to talk about it Hill-“ his words were cut short by her jumping out of the bed and going into the bathroom to throw up. He went to her concern overriding his frustration and held her hair back.  
“Go away!” She shouted no doubt embarrassed at the vomit chunks coming out of her mouth, but  
he still held onto her hair until she was done. When she at last finished, he handed her a washcloth to wipe her mouth. She then slumped against his chest and he cradled her in his arms.  
“I’m sorry I keep confusing you. I just don’t know what I want,” she said finally speaking again and she sounded so normal and not cold like she had been before.  
He knew what he wanted: her.  
It would always be her.  
“How about we start small? What do you want right now?” he asked stroking her hair. He would never pressure her, this was a decision she would have to make on her own.  
“I want to feel better, and I want a bath,” she whinged and he laughed a little. There was his girl. He kissed the top of her head and stood up.  
“I’ll get your stuff for your bath,” he said and went to retrieve her a new pair of clothing and underclothing.He brought her a large blue tee shirt, and some gray sweatpants with her new provocative underclothes.  
“When did you start wearing thongs?” He teased putting her clothes on the counter. She rolled her eyes from where she was still sitting on the floor.  
“It was May’s idea. I started doing a lot of things to make myself feel better after,” she said. He felt a little guilty about that; because she had to go out and experience new things to try to forget about him.  
“I guess I’ll get going?” He asked unsure of what to do with himself. He didn’t know if she wanted him to stay and any second now he was expecting her to put on her defense again and tell him it was a mistake.  
“No, stay here. I want you to stay,” she said.  
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.  
“What if it’s a mistake again? I can’t keep doing this, it hurts too much,” he said his voice cracking a bit. He had gotten his hopes up the night of the tree lighting only to have them shattered. He had ended up broken but had finally come to peace and now if he got his hopes up again only to lose her he didn’t know what he would do.  
“It hurts me too. Right now it won’t be a mistake, it maybe tomorrow or later but not right now,” she said and he could tell that again she was conflicted.  
He knew that maybe what was better for both of them was to say no and to just stay away from her, but he couldn’t.  
He would never be able to deny her.  
“I’ll stay then, but please warn me when you’re going to shut me out again,” he said. She nodded and turned to begin to run the bath. As she began to shrug out of her clothes, he turned to wait in her dorm room.  
“I’ll be out here if you need anything,” he said and closed the door behind him.

 

Already the warm water was starting to make her feel better and as she sat in the tub, she swirled circles in the water.  
The water, it was so clear and certain.  
She wished her feelings were that clear and certain, but they weren’t.  
She had gone throughout the rest of the day trying to put him out of her mind once she had left him.  
She hadn’t been able to.  
More and more now she found that she wanted to be with him again. When he had shown up at her room, she hadn’t been able to throw him out like she knew she should.  
To see him standing there, looking so concerned about her had done something to her heart. Because surely someone who’s only intention was to toy with her for a bet wouldn’t be going through all this effort right? There had to be more than that.  
So she sat in the bath for a while thinking of him and if he was being genuine. She tried to pin down what exactly was keeping her from being with him again and when she found it, she found that it was her pride. Her pride told her things like ‘taking him back would be weak.’  
But would it really?  
She didn’t know anything anymore.  
Eventually she knew that she couldn’t procrastinate anymore and she got out of the bathtub and began to put on her clothes. Once she was done she looked in the mirror. She looked very obviously sick and she sighed, and resigned to putting her hair in a braid. She knew she would have to go out and face him, and her heart was beating fast from excitement or nerves she didn’t know. When she reentered her room she found that he was laying on her bed staring up at the ceiling.  
“Feel better?” he asked as she sat down next to him shyly. Her earlier request of cuddles had been impulsive and she knew that she shouldn’t be giving into impulses. Impulses could change within time. Act now and regret it later.  
“Yes,” she answered again her voice detached. She sighed and her face went into her hands. She was fighting it, again that feeling that she needed him. It was like her body was cursing at her for being deprived of him for so long.  
“You know you don’t have to feel pressured with me. Anything you want I’m willing to give you. If you want me to go I’ll go. If you want me to cuddle you I will. If you want me to cuddle you then forget about it tomorrow I will. I will give you anything,” he said.  
His selflessness touched her, and for a moment she considered his offer. She after all had said that right now this wasn’t a mistake. So Maybe she should give into her impulses at least for now. Maybe she should start small like he had said.  
So what did she want this very moment? She peaked through her fingers and saw that he was watching her.  
He looked so warm and she desperately wanted to be in his arms. So despite her pride shouting at her and every logical thought in her head, she moved up so she was laying down next to him, her head on his shoulder. His eyes softened, looking at her.  
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered and then sighed. It seemed as if he was trying to remember this moment forever. His words touched her, but she knew she looked sickly so she only laughed. “it’s true. You aways look beautiful. Please don’t doubt that,” he said and hesitantly wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer. She allowed it. Right now this was what she wanted. “I’ve been sick all morning,” she said. She was overwhelmed by his familiar scent and her deep longing for him grew. Longing that she had put behind iron bars. That longing was breaking through and even with him so close she still missed him.  
“Doesn’t matter. You’ll always be beautiful to me in whatever form you take. I’ll think you’re beautiful even when you’re old,” he said and it sounded as if he had been wanting to tell her this for weeks.  
His statement was too much and along with his scent, that scent that had made her cry not that long ago, she felt tears begin to form. She closed her eyes and sighed.  
No more tears.  
Never again.  
Because she felt like if she started she would never stop.  
“Please don’t talk like that, Bill,” she whispered her voice pained. It was painful because she felt like that future was lost to them. They had moved in together and talked about children and then it had suddenly been torn to shreds. It was like they had been looking through rosy lenses or a colorful window, then the glass had broken through showing reality.  
“i won’t if you don’t want me to, but just know it’s true. We need to talk about what happened with us.”  
“Bill no i-“  
“Hillary. Please. I have no right to ask, but just give me this. Let us talk like we used to, like how you wanted to. I can’t go on pretending like we’re strangers,” he said and his voice sounded just as pained.  
It was that pain that pushed her forward and probed her, maybe she could share her pain with him?  
But she would start small.  
“Why did you want to go to the art museum yesterday?” She asked and snuggled even closer to him, letting him know that she was trying. He arm was still around her waist and he began to rub lightly at her lower back like he had used to.  
“Because I appreciate art more now. I’ve started painting,” he answered talking to her in that gentle voice he always would. That interested her, when she had first met him she would have never seen him as the painting type. They were both silent and she didn’t know what else to say, she knew that eventually they would have to start talking about the deeper things. She had been right, he was warm it felt like the type of soothing warm that came with clean clothes from the dryer.  
“I’ve painted you before. I can show you sometime,” he said breaking the silence.  
“I would l like that,” she answered.  
Then silence once more.  
She knew they were tip toeing around what they really wanted to talk about, each waiting for the other to bring it up. She wanted to talk about it, but she was scared. They hadn’t truly talked about it before and she wanted to stay in this bubble, with his arm around her and pretend everything was fine.  
Of course that could never last.  
Thoughts of his betrayal and of what he might have been doing with Bambi came back and she withdrew from his touch.  
“You hurt me,” she said. It was simple but powerful.  
“I know, baby, I know,” he said his eyes immensely sad, “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t tell you because I was scared of hurting you and because I was scared of you leaving me,”  
He didn’t have to say anything more. They both knew that the unspoken words that both of his fears had come true anyways.  
“I want to know everything. I want to know wha happened between you and Bambi,” she said. It would hurt, but she needed to know so her thoughts wouldn’t keep going to dark places. She felt fear about what she would hear and on instinct she went deeper into his arms again, burying her nose in his chest. It was still strange to her how he could be the cause of her pain yet she still went to him for comfort. He held her protectively.  
“Okay, I’ll tell you but please don’t think less of me,” he said sighing.  
Then he began.  
“It started that night at the bonfire. I was still an asshole then. Scott came up and introduced himself. Apparently he had heard about me at Oxford. He asked me if the girl I was with, in this case Bambi,” he paused and kissed her head gently and apologetically, “He asked me if she was my girlfriend. I said I don’t do girlfriends. Then he brought up this game, a bet really that he and his friends would play at Oxford about seeing who could nail a girl first. He told me he liked to go after the innocent ones because it was more of a challenge. Then he pointed you out, and we decided the bet would be who could nail you first,” he paused here and looked down at her. She was feeling strange, but she knew that now that he had started she would need to hear the rest. “Go on,” she said simply.  
After a few moments he did.  
“So I looked for you and I figured you would be in the library, you seemed like the type. You walked in and I hesitated in approaching you, but eventually I had to since you went and sat back behind the shelves. I remember how it bothered me that you seemed to not notice me or be charmed by me right away. So then later on after you went to check out that book, I tripped you because I knew it would get your attention.”  
At this she giggled. It had gotten her attention alright.  
It amazed her that in the midst of all this pain, she could still laugh.  
“Then later on at the party, I didn’t expect you to be there. When you uh-“  
“Walked in on you getting a blow job from Bambi?” she offered and finished his sentence for him. He mock shivered underneath her.  
“Gross, yeah that. Well after you walked in on that, I told Bambi to get out and leave me alone, she did but she was pissed. Already you were stirring something within me. I remember thinking that you looked so innocent and appalled by what you had seen and that you had your dress stained. I guess looking back now I was worried about you. I went back in the direction of the party and came across Scott. He asked me about my progress with you, I said there wasn’t much. I didn’t even know your name and he had to tell me it. I remember that even then I thought it was a nice name. I decided to go back to my room instead of the party because I didn’t want to run into Bambi again, that’s when I ran into you again.”  
She flinched a little at the memory of how he had surprised and yelled at her.  
“I didn’t know how to act seeing you there. For a second I liked it and that scared me, I was still so fucked up back then. I had always been a private person so I did the only thing I knew how to do, I yelled at you. I immediately felt guilty as I watched you begin to cry. You tried to deny it and I could see that you were holding back, trying not to let me know. So I cleaned your dress and I realized how much I liked being gentle with you.”  
His words were softening her, and while she loved his story telling she needed to know the pain most of all.  
“Bill. Please just tell me about the bet and the things I didn’t know,” she said. She couldn’t take hearing anything more. He always had such a way with words and to hear him go through their whole relationship again and painting it beautifully only to reveal the hurt would crush her.  
“I’m sorry, I get carried away when it comes to you. This next part is where Bambi came into play. You know how I took you to that party and we played truth or dare?” He asked. She nodded, she remembered that all too well.  
“My line of thinking then was if I could show you off, and show everyone you were mine then they would leave us alone. Sadly that didn’t happen. Later that night after you fell asleep in my room, Scott called me and told me to meet him outside. Bambi was with him. They had teamed up apparently and Bambi requested that I sleep with her or she would tell you about the bet. Her father is the dean of students and at that point I was so scared of losing you.”  
He paused and held her tighter, rocking her back and forth lightly. It seemed like he was hesitating on telling her what happened next, but she needed to know. As much as it pained her, she needed deeply to know everything.  
“Did you sleep with her?” She asked.  
He sighed.  
“No, I didn’t have sex with her. I lied to her at first and told her I had an STD. She let me off the hook easy and just made me get high with her. Then I came back to our room. That wasn’t the end of it though. The next day after you told me you would move in with me, she was in my dorm room. She wanted me to fuck her again but I refused. She was weird she told me if I fucked her that once then she would leave us alone. At that point, I didn’t want to be intimate with anyone other than you, but I still made a mistake,” he paused and again he seemed full of regret.  
After a long lapse he went on.  
“Hillary, I made a compromise of sorts with her. I told her I wouldn’t fuck her but instead that we could masturbate together. It was to get her off my back because the way Bambi is, is that she won’t move on from a guy until she has “beat” them or made them conquests of sorts. I did it and I’m sorry,” his voice broke.  
She was silent, she had no words.  
He hadn’t slept with her, but he had still touched Bambi like how he had touched her. It made her sick to think of his fingers in her. She felt empty and she could feel the physicality of her heart being broken.  
“Hillary, I won’t move on until you understand this: It was physical and nothing compared to you,” he said and squeezed her gently. His voice sounded so genuine and for a moment she allowed herself to empathize with his pain.  
“I won’t say I forgive you, because right now the pain is too fresh. I will say that I believe you didn’t intentionally want to hurt me,” she said softly. How could he want to hurt her? After all, like she had thought before, if it had all been for a bet why was he here now still trying?  
“Thank you. Now about the weed those were the only other times I saw Bambi because she  
became a dealer in this way. At this point she had moved on from me and was dating Packer so there wasn’t anything physical between us again. I only used the weed because the high it brought me made me feel more relaxed and less guilty. You have to understand, I felt guilty and scared all the time that you would somehow find out.”  
His soft blue gray eyes seemed so sensitive and she wondered if hers looked the same.  
There was so much hurt between the two of them.  
“Finally, the weed was a downfall. Bambi had played me. I had been trying to help her in between getting the weed from her. I tried doing for her what you did for me. I told her she didn’t have to be so rude all the time. In turn, Bambi pretended like she was helping me against Scott and keeping an eye out for him. For example, she told me that Scott planned on telling you about the weed and to put it in the glove compartment. What I didn’t know was that she and Scott had both decided to tell you that the weed was in the glove compartment. After taking you to Arkansas I decided I would tell you about the bet, but then we made love and I got distracted. I was going to tell you the next day but procrastination was my downfall. I thought I had time. I waited too long and you found out in the worst possible way. Bambi had stolen my wallet and had given it to Packer with your pictures, and you know the rest.”  
When he finished, they were both silent.  
In a way it all made sense and slowly her doubts about him were beginning to fade.  
Still, the other questions of her pride and on the matter of if they would still work together were in the back of her mind.  
One thing at a time.  
So she kept those other problems locked away, in this moment she was with him, reliving their pain together.  
He stroked her hair and she laid her head in the crook between his shoulder and neck, breathing him in.  
“I don’t hate you,” she said suddenly. It felt like the right thing to say but still incomplete because she couldn’t say her I love yous like she wanted to, in that way her heart was still frozen. She couldn’t tell him those three special words again because she didn’t want to get his hopes up when she still didn’t know what she wanted.  
“I know you don’t. You’re just hurt, and it’s okay. You can be hurt, you can allow yourself to feel it. You showed me that,” he said. Their legs were intertwined and at last her body seemed at ease. He was still so warm and she wished they could stay like that forever, she wished they could once again look through rose colored lenses and ignore the reality of their situation.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything for Christmas,” she said. She had often admired the hair pin before going to bed, but she hadn’t worn it yet. Wearing it would mean she was with him again and she didn’t know if that was a possibility or if she still wanted that.  
“It’s fine. You’re giving me everything right now by letting me be this close to you.”  
His words made her flush and he mumbled, “you’re so pretty when you do that.” She closed her eyes. Her stomach ache was long gone and she felt better in many ways. Still complicated but better.  
“How was your break then? Did you go back to Arkansas?” she asked. She wanted to catch up with him, hating that they had spent time apart.  
“I did. I’m not gonna lie I was a wreck for a while. Really Hills you know how to make a man cry. After a while though it did get better. The holidays were fun and I got new tires for my car,” he said.  
She nodded, but her mind was mostly on his statement of crying. He had really cried for her even when she wasn’t there to see it.  
“How was your break Hills?” He asked in return.  
She thought about what to say. She definitely didn’t want to mention the brief conflict with her father.  
“It was okay. It was nice and snowy, and I got a lot cool gifts. Like my record player over there,” she said nodding towards it on where it sat on the dresser top.  
“It’s lovely. We should put it to use. Do you want to dance with me?’ He asked playfully. She wasn’t much of a dancer but she did like his playful tone, it reminded her so much of how things used to be before they all went to hell.  
“Okay,” she agreed and he pulled her up from the bed gently. She stood and watched as he went over to the record player and got the record set up. The nice slow jazz came on, and he came up to her. He put his hands on her waist and she felt awkward, unsure of what to do.  
“Place your hands on my shoulders, Hilly,” he said, still guiding her as always. She did and he began to led them so they were swaying and dancing in tempo to the rhythm of the music. She stared into his eyes. Those eyes that had caused her so much pain but yet so much joy. He was looking at her so tenderly and for a moment she forgot the world; all that mattered was him and his stunning eyes.  
They began to sway closer and she desperately wanted to kiss him. She could tell he was feeling the same way and his eyes were fixated on her lips. He brought his face down closer and their lips were just inches apart.  
Then she felt something furry at her foot and the moment was ruined by her looking down to see Cotton awake from her nap and out to play.  
“Hey! Look who it is!” Bill said excitedly and bent down to pet Cotton. Hillary went to sit on the bed, her lips still tingling with longing for him. Bill played with Cotton for a few moments before glancing at the clock.  
“Oh shit. Sorry, Hills. I have to go to work now, but I’ll see you tomorrow okay? Are you sure you are feeling better?” he asked inspecting her face.  
She nodded, her physical problems at least were resolved.  
“I’m sorry for making you skip classes,” she said. He stood up and straightened himself up. He then came to give her head a quick kiss peck on the top.  
“I wanted to be here. It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow and I love you,” he said. It didn’t seem to bother him that she didn’t say it back, and he walked out of her dorm room, shooting her one last smile.  
Then she sat there listening to the music still playing and Cotton’s purrs on the floor. She then got up and stopped the record player and she opened the drawer of the dresser. She took out the pin he had given her and put it in her hair, trying to hide the smile that wanted to take over her face.


	20. Bowling Competition

He was surprised to find Hillary waiting outside his dorm room the following morning. She looked lovely, so beautiful in a red frock dress with matching red heels . Her lips were also a dainty doll ruby and her long straightened hair was being held in place by the clip he had given her.  
It touched his heart.  
He felt like he must be dreaming.  
"Good morning, Hillary," he said naturally, always happy to see her. She was still confusing him, but less now. The pin in her hair and her smiling red lips seemed like testimonies to her wanting to be with him. There was also the fact that they had gotten along well yesterday, almost sensual in the end when they had begun dancing.  
"Good Morning. I was wondering if you wanted to walk to class together?" She asked, her eyes shining.  
His heart began to beat rapidly at her words because her sentence was even bigger testimony, it was a flashback to how things were before when they had used to walk to classes together in the morning.  
"If that's okay with you?" She probed further, misinterpreting his silence, and her voice trailed off as she began to frown.  
"No- I mean no you got it wrong, it is okay with me, it's great actually," he answered stammering and running a hand through his hair. He felt like an idiot, a lovesick fool, just standing there stuttering and blushing. Her smile returned and she giggled at his obviously flustered demeanor. "Okay well we can go when you're ready. Have you eaten breakfast yet? I'm sorry I did kinda just show up here uninvited."  
She blushed a rosy pink and bit her lip in slight embarrassment. It only made her more beautiful to him.  
"We can go now. Don't worry about breakfast I've already eaten," he lied about the last part, but food seemed so uninteresting now compared to her. He grabbed his school bag and exited his room shutting the door, and coming fully face to face with her in the hall.  
"And you're always invited anywhere I am okay?" He asked needing her to know that she was never an intruder to him.  
"Okay," the word fell from her glossy rose colored lips and he couldn't stop looking at them. He always wanted to kiss her, always. It had been so painful yesterday when he had been about to only to be interrupted by Cotton. He made a note to himself to have words with that cat later.  
At the moment, however, he still craved her touch so again taking a leap of faith, he interlocked their fingers so their hands were clasped together. She didn't pull away, rather, her eyelashes fluttered as she looked away from him shyly. She had changed in so many ways. She had grown more confident, independent, and fierce, but when it came to him she would still have a hint of that youthful shyness she had met him with.  
They began to walk out of the boys' dorm and when he noticed how the other guys looked at her, he moved his hand away from hers so it and his arm wrapped around her shoulders protectively. She was his. Although the drama with the pictures and the bet had ended, he still hated how now everyone noticed her. She had been beautiful before with her frizzy hair, coke bottle glasses, and conservative outfits; but no one had paid her any mind then and it bothered him that now they did. They were shallow and wanted her simply for her physical beauty, and he detested it.  
They didn't know how she would snort whenever she laughed really hard, or how her sneezes were a cute little hoot.  
They didn't know her how he knew her.  
She leaned on his touch as they now walked outside the school grounds to enter the main building. In the sunlight, her hair glowed and her occasional glance up at him would greet him with a million sun rays.  
"Your hair is doing the thing I like where it shines red," she said admiringly. He smiled a bit. So she was admiring him as well, just as he was admiring her.  
"You're doing the thing I like where you're existing," he said then felt incredibly cheesy and stupid. Since the beginning, she had made him become poetic and cheesy, even when he had used to have his bad boy persona.  
"You're welcome I suppose?" She said awkwardly but she again giggled.  
She seemed so real now and no longer cold like she had been.  
It seemed like that had melted away, and her natural warmth radiated through. He wondered if this joyous feeling he was experiencing at this realization had been similar to how she had felt watching his transformation from cold to warm.  
"I'm serious. Thank you for letting me be around you. I really do love you," he said as he pressed his lips into her soft downy of hair. She didn't answer, and she still didn't say she loved him back, but she did smile.  
So there was some progress, and he couldn't complain with that. What he could complain about were the stares the student body was giving them. The whole news of the bet had been a big deal, and he could only guess what they were thinking.  
It was strange, he didn't care what they thought, but at the same time he did.  
He didn't care because his love for her surpassed that, but he did care because he didn't want anyone thinking less of her. They could think whatever they wanted about him, but the second anyone came after her, there would be hell to pay.  
While more gentle now, that did not mean he was weak. He was gentle in the sense that he refrained from harming others and starting conflicts, but if need be he would still protect his own. They came upon the door of their class now, and he paused their stride outside the door.  
He looked at her to make sure the stares and whispers hadn't affected her. She was still smiling wonderingly at him, and he felt relief. Whenever she was happy, all was right with the world.   
"You really do look beautiful today, pretty baby, and that pin looks just as lovely on you as I thought it would," he said stroking a lock of her hair in between his fingers. Her eyes softened at his words and he loved that he could still make her feel.  
"Thank you," she responded. He knew her well enough to know that her thank you meant more as just thanks for the compliment. It meant 'thank you, Bill. Thank you for letting me be confused and for being there for me yesterday.  
They stood there, his thumb caressing the soft strand of hair until eventually they both knew they needed to go into class. So flushing, they entered the classroom, each still sneaking looks at the other.

 

 

After yesterday, she had decided to give Bill a chance. She had wrestled with it all night, but had found that there was only one clear answer that her heart had wanted, that she wanted to keep locked away.  
That answer was that she did desperately still want to be with him.  
After their dance, and the way he had made her smile like a fool, she had known that she would need more of that with him.  
Because like before, she couldn't put a stop to it no matter if she wanted to.  
Her pride and reservations were still there, however, so she was moving forward with caution, forcing herself to take it slow.  
So she still didn't tell him how much she loved him and how much her heart still sang for him. She wouldn't tell him that, because she wanted him to know that she wanted to be with him, but slowly. Maybe their problem had been jumping in too fast?  
Only time would tell, and she felt like they would have plenty of time. This class, for example, seemed to dragging on in agony. She enjoyed the content and the professor, but it was agony because she couldn't talk to Bill while the professor was lecturing.  
They were sitting next to each other again, this time their desks closer. So close in fact, that she only had to reach out if she wanted to touch him.  
She wanted to, but she felt like if she did she would never stop.  
He was so handsome today. He was wearing a light blue dress shirt that matched the color of his eyes minus the gray. His pants were dark casual jeans that seemed freshly ironed.  
But the real handsomeness came from the things that were just his naturally, and not material things.  
His stubble on his face for instance made him seem more mature and wise beyond his years, yet the sensitivity and gentleness of his eyes balanced that maturity out.  
Then there were his hands.  
They were large yet elegant and she couldn't stop herself from sneaking glances at them as they busily jotted down notes.  
Take it slow, she thought.  
As of now she wanted him, and while not entirely sure about the future or where they went from here, her thoughts were slowly becoming clear like the bath water she had been in yesterday. "Psst," he called to her. She looked back at him and he lifted up his notebook a bit so she could see.  
On the margins of the paper where he had been writing his notes, there was a special note for her: You look so adorable when you're pretending not to look at me.  
Her face blushed and he smirked.  
Two can play that game, she thought.  
She began to write in the margins of her own notebook paper. When she was done, she lifted it up to him in the same manner he had used.  
She watched him as his he mouthed each word: 'Well in that case I've seen your hand slip down between your legs a few times.  
This time he blushed at having been caught, and he quickly looked away.  
She smiled smugly at their mischief, but then grew serious.  
Sex was still a touchy topic for them, they hadn't really discussed or alluded to anything sexual until now.  
While Bill's occasional palming at his bulge through his pants was innocent, it reminded her of one thing: she had lost her virginity to him.  
This wasn't a bad experience nor could she bring herself to regret it as she remembered the smooth stroked and gentleness he had given to her.  
Still, she was still hesitant and taking things slow. So anything sexual was off the table for now. She spent the rest of class listening to the lecture and trying not to look at him again, feeling a little awkward.  
It wasn't innocent awkward anymore, because she was no longer innocent. He had introduced her to the exploding world of sex, and she did find sex and other sexual acts pleasing. At times when she had missed him desperately, she had craved for the physical contact between them again.  
So the awkwardness was more of having that part of their relationship sealed off and undiscussed. It would have to remain like that for the time being, as she didn't want to confuse herself more. When class ended, she finished putting her books back into her bag then waited for him.  
He seemed to be taking his time, not knowing what to do with himself. Poor thing, I probably confuse him so much, she thought, I show up outside his dorm room and I'm friendly with him only to ignore him the rest of class.  
Feeling empathic, she placed a hand on his arm.  
He gave her a slight smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.  
"I'm hanging out with May today at the mall, so I can't hang out with you today during free period," she said suddenly remembering her arrangement.  
"Okay," he said simply with no remorse. He was giving her what she wanted, like always.  
"But I do want to spend time with you. When do you think I can see you later?" She asked, retaining her slight grip on him as he finished putting his books away and headed out the door. He pulled her along with his long strides and she felt out of breath, and he slowed down, then finally stopped for her convenience.  
They stood in the hall.  
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.  
"I don't know. I don't work today and my classes end at three thirty so whatever works for you," he said shrugging his shoulders.  
She thought about it, then a thought came to her.  
"Shit!" She muttered out and he looked taken aback at her cursing. She had never cursed before, but upon having her heart broken for the first time, she had often coped with her anger by cursing into her pillow.  
"Everything okay?" He asked warily. She sighed.  
"Yeah it's just I have this student council thing later today and it might last a few hours."  
He seemed disappointed for a moment, but then recovered, giving her a sad smile.  
"It's fine. We'll hang out some other time then," he said passively.  
No, she thought. If they went back to waking on eggshells around each other it would make her more confused and drive her insane.  
"It's actually a bowling competition, you'd like it. Please come, you can join our team," she said the full details of the event coming back to her.  
His eyes still seemed sad, but his smile became genuine.  
"You're gonna be bowling?"  
She rolled her eyes at the ever constant teasing of her inept bowling skills.  
"Yes me. I've been practicing. Does that mean you'll come? I really want you to be there. I want to spend more time with you," she said, but then stopped herself there.  
Slow.  
She couldn't go on and tell him how she wanted to make up for lost time, not yet.  
"I'll be there. What time do you want me there?" He asked his eyes now lighting up at how she had expressed her need for his presence.  
"Five thirty. I'll meet you there okay? I need to be there early to help set things up, but you'll be bored with that so just come at five thirty," she blabbered now.  
Yes, she would need to set things up, but she would also have to explain to her friends that Bill would be joining them, she hoped that would go over well.  
"Okay. I'll see you then," he said simply but his eyes seemed to penetrate her with his loving gaze. She felt incomplete, like there was something missing. So she went up to him and hugged him lightly. He sighed and he hugged her back, squeezing her gently. When she pulled back, she could feel her head spinning. It was like the beginning, when they had first been falling in love and every touch from him would cause her body to react.  
"I'll see you then," she said but made no effort to move out of his arms completely. He smiled and cupped her cheek tenderly.  
Kiss me, please kiss me, she thought.  
No, take things slow. With him it was never just a kiss, and it would lead to more befuddlement. She looked down and gently turned her face so his hand fell from her cheek. She moved out of his arms now and began to walk away, blushing. She could feel his blue gray eyes watching her retreating figure.

 

“ I mean, he's not my favorite person, but if you want him there I'm fine with it. The problem will be Peter and maybe Dig," May said as she dragged a fry through ketchup. They were in the food court, and after a few bites of their burgers, Hillary had spilled the beans on her reconnection with Bill and how she had invited him tonight. She had been hesitant to share this with May or any of her other friends at first, since she didn't want to seem weak, but May had shown no judgement. "They'll have to deal with it. They don't really know him," she replied. She knew that maybe Peter would be a problem due to his feelings for her, but he had made no mention of his feelings other than the first time and she hoped he would remain passive and friendly  
As for Dig, he had become her protector in some ways. When they had been out putting flyers all over campus together, he had warned off the trouble makers that had been jeering at her.  
"I guess so. I just hope things go well, I haven't seen you this happy in so long," May noted. She  
felt the ever rising blush run through her cheeks again.  
"I've been happy," she said. She had been in good spirits in many moments with her friends, especially when they had taken the trip to New York City.  
"I suppose, but not in the same way. You're glowing, only he gives you that glow. I've noticed it." Glow? Maybe that's what she felt, the pleasing aura that always seemed to linger after being in his presence.  
It had always been there in the fond memories she had made with him, but she had always just written it off as simple joy.  
"I feel like we talk about me too much. How are things with you and Chris?" She asked now, shifting the attention away from herself. She always felt a bit embarrassed talking about the affect Bill had on her.  
"Good. I'm meeting his parents for spring break," she said. Hillary felt like there was more.   
"And?" She probed. She loved that her friend had such a simple joyous relationship, sometimes she herself wished for something that simple.  
"Hillary do you think it'd be weird if I said he's asked me to marry him?"  
She jumped out of her chair in excitement.  
"Holy shit, May! Why didn't you tell any of us? It's not weird at all! It's sweet," she said bouncing with excitement.  
"Hillary sit down," May said laughing a little but her face was flushed red.  
For her friend's sake, Hillary did sit down.  
"I didn't tell anyone because I don't want people to think it's a shotgun wedding. You know Chris and I haven't been dating long, but it feels so right," she explained. Hillary nodded, that was understandable. People could be so judgmental. She knew that from the stares Bill and her had gotten this morning, only their history had pulled her through the stares.  
Because no one knew their history, the way she did.  
No one knew them.  
"I think as long as it feels right you should go for it. So have you said yes?" Hillary asked, shifting her attention back to her friend.  
"Yes. We're gonna announce it at the bowling competition tonight, so don't tell anyone," May replied. Hillary nodded and made the sealing her lips motion.  
“I won’t tell a soul,” she said still feeling giddy. In this moment she was excited for her friend, and for a moment all her own confusion was swept aside, because there was still joy and hope in the world.  
They continued to eat then compared the items they bought. Hillary herself, had bought a late Christmas present for Bill and she couldn’t wait to give it to him tonight.

 

He had decided to go on a walk around the campus to clear his head and for the exercise. It was mostly to clear his head, but his attempt proved pointless as his turns around the campus soon became metaphorical for the circles he and Hillary were going through.  
She had been so carefree with him only to shut down at bringing up how he had palmed himself, and she had been the one to bring it up! Why would she mention it if it was going to make things awkward? Then she had invited him to hang out with her and her friends! This was more complex and he thought that perhaps he should just stop trying to make sense of it. He was grateful for how she wanted to be near him more, as he would have never expected that a few weeks ago when she had been yelling about how much she hated him.  
Already he was missing her, he always missed her, it had become an inherent trait of his, unchanging. When he closed his eyes, the curl of her perfectly painted lips and her big blue eyes haunted him.  
Those perfectly painted lips.  
For a moment he had thought she wanted him to kiss her and he would have done it too if she hadn’t pulled away. Was he reading the signs wrong? All his life he had been able to read the signs and charm women, but now he doubted himself. But after all, Hillary was different. She had always been different and that’s why he had fallen for her so fatally and fatefully.  
He sighed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair again as he walked another loop around the student quad. He knew he probably looked like a nut, but he didn’t care.  
Maybe it was his fault for palming himself to begin with, but he hadn’t thought it was obvious. It barely qualified as palming himself as his hand had only lingered at his crotch for a few seconds each time.  
Still, he should have known that with her observing eyes she would have noticed, she noticed everything.  
He hoped that he hadn’t made things awkward between them but he hadn’t been able to help it! He meant what he told her, she did look beyond beautiful today and his need to be close to her grew. It wasn’t just sexual it never was with her, but he did long to make to love her again and show her once and for all how much she meant to him. Again, he felt the cruelty and irony at the fact that after making love to her everything had gone to hell.  
He needed her, and he needed her closeness. So when she had told him to come tonight to the bowling alley, he of course had agreed.  
“I don’t like that. Stop,” a girl’s voice brought his attention back to the actual world and not the world of his thoughts. It came from across the student quad where on one of the benches sat a girl and Scott. He sighed, and began to walk over. The way he heard it, Packer had completely forgotten about Scott. Scott on the other hand, continued to try to nail innocent girls as if the bet were still somehow on. What a sleaze, Bill thought. He noticed that this girl was one of the innocent type, she was plain and bookish. He didn’t find her particularly pretty however but he knew not to judge. This girl could be someone’s Hillary. Not exactly the same, but what he meant, was that just as Hillary had seemed plain and bookish but had turned out to be the most beautiful and precious thing to him, this girl could end up being that to someone one day. All Bill knew was that if Hillary was being harassed by some sleaze, he would want some decent guy to try to step in and help. So that’s what he was doing now.  
“Is he bothering you?” Bill asked the girl as he finally reached them. When Scott saw him he rolled his eyes in sheer annoyance.  
‘No I’m not,” Scott answered.  
“I wasn’t asking you,” Bill told him then turned his attention back to the girl, “cause if he is you can go now and I’ll make sure he leaves you alone.” Bill glanced down and saw that Scott had a hand lingering on the girls thigh, it was too provocative. Jesus, was he trying to finger her in public? What a sleaze.  
The girl gulped, then nodded and got up rushing off.  
“Very noble, Bill. I bet you feel real good, but you know there’s a million others I could get,” Scott said folding his hands behind his head. Bill just shook his head. Scott was a loser. For the longest time, Bill had thought of getting revenge on him, but that idea had been short lived since revenge wouldn’t have given him what he wanted: Hillary back.  
Karma had come to Scott since he had no one now and was literally just creeping on any girl he could find. Bill didn’t want to waste anymore time with this sleaze and was about to walk off when Scott’s voice stopped him.  
“You know Packer is out for revenge on you? Yeah, he’s really pissed how you joined the royals and used their influence to stop the pics from getting around. He says no one uses the royal and right now you have them looking bad so you should watch out,” Scott said. Bill didn’t care about Packer, what was he going to do? He could hold his own in a fight and he didn’t care if it came to that.  
“How do you know about this?” Bill asked. Frankly, he knew Scott was deceptive so this might just be a lie and he was buying time to mess with his head.  
“i heard him and the royals talking about it in the arcade yesterday,” he said shrugging. Bill shook his head, Scott was just trying to be relevant and he wouldn’t stand here wasting his time. As he was walking away, he heard Scott mumbling,   
“be careful, Bill, be careful.”

 

Hillary finished getting the final touches in the bowling alley done with anger. Her friends had all taken to the news of Bill’s presence well, all except Peter.  
“You’re back together with him?” he had asked pulling her aside after she had told everyone.   
“it’s none of your business,” she had replied. She didn’t know exactly what was going on between her and Bill, but if she couldn’t understand it how could an outsider who knew nothing about their relationship?  
“I know. It’s just he hurt you, and I don’t want you to be hurt again,” he had said. She knew that maybe her reaction had been too brash, but she hadn’t wanted this to be awkward.  
“Look even if I wasn’t with Bill I wouldn’t be with you so piss off!” she had shouted so loud that all their friends and some of the bowling alley employees had heard.  
That had made everything explode in awkwardness, and now as she at last finished, she stood by the door and waited for people to show up. Her mandated job was as greeter to the four teams that had signed up to be in the bowling competition, and to have them sign in. They had pulled a few strings, so it would only be the four teams and any students who paid entry. The proceeds would go to a charity that supported helping under privileged high school students pay for college.  
As people began to arrive, she waited in anticipation for him to arrive. She wanted him to come and make her not feel awkward, because despite everything, he could make her feel so at ease. She clenched her teeth as Bambi and her clones, now matching redheads, filed in. They were followed in by the royals, and although Hillary had expected them to be here, she was still annoyed. None of them had bothered her, but they were all always checking he out. She didn’t pay attention to them though, they had only now noticed her after makeover. Bill on the other hand, had seen her beauty all along.  
“Hello pretty baby,” she heard his voice at her ear and she jumped and turned around to see he had arrived.   
“Did I scare you?” he teased. She felt dizzy just looking at him, his hair was tousled almost looking like cotton candy and she wanted to touch it.  
“A little. I’m glad you’re here,” she said. She wished people would finish signing in so she could be alone with Bill, but that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon.  
“I’m glad I came. You look lovely,” he noted. She had changed into a gray sweater and black jeans since she didn’t feel comfortable bowling in a dress. This had been the outfit she had gotten her first strike in, so she had worn it tonight despite her friends teasing her about it.  
“This is my lucky bowling outfit,” she said. He simply nodded, smirking a bit.  
“Well you’re gonna need all the luck you can get,” he said. She shook her head in amusement and once people finished signing in, she passed the information on to May, then returned to where Bill was sitting at one of the tables.  
“You’ll be part of the student council team. Each team has four members so it’ll be You, May, Peter, and me. Lola and Dig didn’t wan to play but if you ask me it’s cause I think they have a thing going for each other,” she explained. Bill only nodded while stroking his stubble, she wished she could stroke it.  
“If they were smart they would have let you sit out. Don’t they want to win?” he teased again.   
“Piss off, Clinton,” she said laughing, “they needed me to balance it out because if the student council team wins it’ll seem rigged.”  
“sure sure,” Bill said playfully, but Hillary was no longer listening.  
From behind Bill’s head, she could see now that Peter was talking to Bambi. She didn’t like that. Of course she had no feelings for Peter, but she thought Bambi was a bad influence.  
“You okay?” Bill asked waving a hand in front of her face. She nodded. Then May was announcing for the teams to line up at their designated bowling lane. She and Bill went to join May and Peter.  
“Is Chris sure he wants to sit out?” Hillary asked just for something to say as they began to put on their bowling shoes. May had gotten it all set up so the shoe sizes and pairs for each team member of every team was waiting for them.  
“He’s busy keeping score, why?” May replied. Hillary shook her head, she didn’t really feel like playing now as she didn’t want to be near Peter.  
“Hey you’ll do fine, and if you don’t at least you had fun right?” Bill said positively from where he sat on the floor putting on his size elven shoes. His optimism brightened her spirits, she wasn’t going to back out, especially when she had been practicing.  
“Right,” she said and offered her hands to help pull him up. Once all the teams had their shoes on, Chris came on the microphone introducing each team and then going over very basic rules.  
The teams consisted of student council of course, the royals, Bambi and her clones (including a random girl), and a bunch of guys who looked like your typical nerds.  
So they began to bowl, each team sending their members off for the first round.  
Bill managed to get a strike of course, Bambi picked up some spares, Packer getting a strike, and one of the nerdy guys did as well. The pressure was on and Hillary was glad she got to go last. “You know I always liked you in bowling shoes,” Bill said coming up behind her placing his hands on her shoulders. She blushed and placed one of her hands over his.  
“Even if i’m bad at bowling?” She teased.  
“Oh especially if you’re bad,” he said and kissed the top of her hair. Their team was in second place right now, but this was only the first out of ten actual full rounds.  
Peter finished his turn with a strike, and Hillary watched glumly as May now got ready to go. It would be her turn soon and she was nervous, but Bill’s light caresses seemed to be helping.  
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable today,” he said. Her thoughts went back to how he had palmed himself. He hadn’t made her uncomfortable, her own thoughts and confusion had.  
“You didn’t. it's fine, you’re fine,” she assured him, “the only thing that is going to make me uncomfortable is having to bowl now,” she continued as May finished her turn.  
Bill laughed.  
“Make me proud,” he said as she walked up to get a bowling ball. She rolled it in the way she had been practicing, and was glad when she hit three pins. It wasn’t a lot but she had been worried about not getting any at all. She picked up an additional two as spares. Then, she watched as everyone else one by one also took their turns from each team.  
“Three out of ten? New record!” Bill said excitedly and coming to hug her tightly from behind. She couldn’t help but laugh out how supportive he was being despite her not being as good as everyone else. He nibbled at her ear and that’s how they went on for the rest of the rounds. Bill and Peter continuously got strikes, and May got Strikes a majority of the time as well. Hillary’s average was about three to five pins, but with how well everyone else was doing, they were just behind the royals in second place. Now it was round ten, the last round, and as May finished bowling Bill muttered into her ear.  
“So the others don’t want me to tell you this because they think it’s unnecessary pressure but if you get a strike we win,” he said into her ear. She now felt unnecessary pressure.  
“Bill why would you tell me that? I’m nervous now,” she said and he laughed.  
“Because I believe in you. I know you can do it, pretty baby,” he said then kissed her ear. His confidence was convincing and once it was her turn, she went up and took a deep breathe. She glanced over at him and he gave her two thumbs up.  
What a dork, she thought lovingly.  
Then she rolled the ball.  
Everyone watched in anticipation and then all ten pins knocked down. She had gotten a strike, her first in this game and her second overall. Everyone cheered, but watched as the rest of the teams one by one took their turns as well.  
As Bill had said, her score had given them just the leverage they had needed to put them over the royals since they had fumbled the last round.  
Chris began to read off places of first, second, third, and fourth, but she wasn’t listening. She was only looking at Bill who was smiling at her.  
“Good job, Hillary,” she said hugging her before scrambling off to find Chris. Then came Peter, he seemed awkward, not knowing what to say.  
“Why were you talking to Bambi?” She blurted out before she could stop herself.  
“You know you told me she was such a bitch, but right now she is nicer than you are,” he said and walked off. She felt hurt, and she stood there until Bill came and wrapped his arms around her waist.  
“Hey are you okay? Did he say something to you?’ He asked kissing her neck. She didn’t want to tell Bill because she knew he would get mad and right now things were so much better.  
“No, I want to sit down,” she said and he led her to table. He then went to bring them their normal shoes and they changed back into them.  
“I’m so proud of you baby. You should have seen everyone’s faces they were so surprised, “ Bill said reaching from across the table to take her hands in his. Again he kissed them, just like he had before at the restaurant and she shivered. She gazed into his eyes and he gazed back. For a moment she wanted to throw everything away and just lean forward and truly kiss him.  
Then Chris’s voice came on the microphone interrupting her thoughts.  
“So I just wanted to say that I’m the real winner tonight because May June has agreed to marrying me.”  
Everyone began to clap and holler.  
May and Chris went on to talk about how Yale had helped them find each other and suddenly Hillary felt strange. Yes, she felt glad for her friend, but she felt awkward listening to this while Bill sat across from her holding her hands in his. It seemed like May and Chris were everything they weren’t and had everything they didn’t. She knew she shouldn’t compare, but it only served as another factor of confusion. Eventually May and Chris stopped talking, and she was forced to look back at Bill. He seemed somewhat sad as well, not meeting her eyes and only looking down at their joined hands. She didn’t like when he was upset, she never had, even when she had been mad and trying to make him feel the hurt she had felt, she had always hated seeing him anything other than his usual charismatic happy self. She remembered the gift she had got him and pulled her hands from his. He seemed even more upset by that so she rushed to explain.  
“I have something I want to give you. It’s in my car. I’ll go get it and be back okay?" She said excitedly then darted off.

 

He sighed and looked at his empty hands waiting for Hillary to come back. Tonight had been so fun with her and he was in fact still proud of her. He was sad however at the fact that Hillary’s friend was getting married. Of course he was happy for them in a way, but he was upset because he felt like that could have been him and Hillary some day if he hadn’t messed things up as usual.   
“Good game Clinton,” Packer said thumping him on the back as he walked by. Scott’s words came back to him, but he wasn’t left to think on this for too long as Hillary came back with her purse.  
“Okay. Here it is,” she said handing him a little white box she had dug out of her purse. He opened it and found that a silver locket was in it. It was lovely and seemed just right for him, unisex but still delicate to show Hillary had bought it.  
“Open it,” she said practically bouncing in her chair.  
He unclasped the locket and found a photo they had taken together a while ago.  
“I love it,” he said already putting it on.  
“I know it may seem kind of girlie, but i wanted you to have something of us,” she said slightly embarrassed. He grabbed her hands again kissing each one.  
“It’s not girlie, it’s fine. Anyone can wear a necklace. I really do love it,” he said. She flushed rosy pink again like she had so many times before and he loved being here with her. He wanted to memorize her everything about this moment as if it would be the last time.  
“You mean so much to me, Bill,” she whispered.  
That was the closest she had gotten to saying she loved him, and it made his heart flutter. She could still make everything feel new.  
“I love you too and you mean everything to me,” he said and for a moment, as they held hands he didn’t think anything could possibly go wrong...


	21. Her

Three things had gone horribly wrong that day.  
Three things that she wished she could have foreseen and prevented.  
It had started when she had been making her way to class and had noticed the looks she had been getting in the hall, they were almost fearful pity. She wouldn't know the reasoning of these looks until much later. In that moment, she had brushed it off and had gone to her civll rights class, walking alongside Bill again.  
They had taken their usual seats at the back, having moved their desks closer so they could be as near to each other as possible.  
“Everyday you get more lovely. I always think you’ve reached your peak and then you become more beautiful,” he had said.  
"Thank you, Billy," she had replied while blushing. In that moment she had wanted to be kind with him. Things had been so wonderful between them since their playful mood at the bowling alley the previous night.  
"So pretty," he had mumbled as he had bounced her curls, since she had worn her hair natural that day.  
He had been wearing a cream colored button up shirt and she had loved how he had worn the sleeves rolled up at the elbows. If only she had known what was to come of that shirt.  
Then class had started, and they had listened to the lecture. All the while, they had continued stealing looks at each other, just as they had done before. She again had also observed his handsome sight.  
It had been almost excruciating to not be able to touch him during class. She had studied his defined jaw, framed by brunette-red stubble. Then there had been his hands. They were delicate and elegant and still masculine. The buttons at the top of his shirt had been open and she had gotten a glimpse of his lean torso underneath. She had desperately wanted to kiss that exposed skin.  
He hadn't made it easy for her either, often gazing back with his clear eyes; it was almost sensual. When class had ended, they had both stood up packing away their things.  
"Do you want to do something, you know since we both have a free period?" He had asked almost shyly. She had nodded since unlike the day before, she had now been free of plans. "Okay? Like what?" She had asked. He had looked at her still so tenderly and for a moment the whole room had disappeared.  
"I was thinking I could show you some of my paintings," he had said.  
That had intrigued her very much.

 

So she had found herself in a downtown art studio with him where he had taken his painting classes.  
"Here's one that I did of you," he had said and gone to take off a sheet from a canvas to reveal a painting.  
She had gasped because it had been so beautiful and realistic.  
He had painted her so wonderfully and the colors had been so vivid.  
The painting had been a full body portrait of her. Her hair in the painting had been curly and each wisp had only added more dimension to the allure of the painting. A natural but not too overpowering glare had been on the glasses he had adorned her with in the art work. She had been dressed in the bootcut jeans and neutral colored sweater she had been wearing when they had first met in the library.  
"It's beautiful," she had said in awe. It truly had been. It had seemed professional and he had painted her delicately, lips curved up in a soft pink smile.  
"That's what you look like. You truly are so beautiful to me," he had said his hand grazing the back of her neck. She had turned around to once again be overwhelmed by his beautiful eyes. Again she had wanted to kiss him terribly and she had stared at his lips. He had been experiencing  
that same longing, she had been able to tell by the way he had seemed to be gravitating towards her.  
She had whimpered.  
He had been about to kiss her, when she had moved away.  
As much as she had wanted his lips on hers, she hadn't been able to give in. Take things slow, she had thought to herself. Little did she know then that taking it slow would be one of her later regrets.  
"I want to kiss you so badly why won't you let me?" He had asked his voice confused and full of despair. She had felt terrible, but she had known that if she had kissed him she would have never stopped.  
"I'm sorry, not yet," she had said not being able to look at him. He had seemed so sad and he had turned his back to her.  
"Then when? I told you I can't keep doing this. It hurts. I miss you so much," he had said his voice cracking as he had ran a hand over his face.  
She had felt bad because she had missed him too, and all that had been keeping them apart was her confusion. She had hated how his shoulders had hunched forward in a melancholy way, so she had hugged him from behind. She had squeezed him gently, trying to show without saying how much she loved him.  
"I'm right here," she had said then had pressed a soft kiss at the nape of his neck. This much she had been able to give him, this much was slow enough. They had stood there for a while, and after a heavy sigh he had turned around so she was then the one in his arms.  
He had stroked her hair lovingly.  
"I'll always wait for you. As much as it hurts I'll wait," he had said.  
His words had meant so much to her, and she had nuzzled her face into his touch.  
"So let's look at more paintings okay?" He had said pulling back to look at her. She had nodded, she had been very intrigued in his work. He had led her to another canvas and had again removed the sheet.  
"It's a replication of that painting you liked the first time we went to the museum remember?"  
She had remembered.  
The painting had been of roses floating in a stream of water, but having seen Bill's replication, she had loved his more.  
"It's so wonderful. You're so talented and good at this," she had said gazing at the magnificence of the portrait.  
He had captured the light of the stream perfectly.  
"You know the day after I yelled at you and the day we were going to hang out? I intended on giving you a drawing I drew of that painting you loved as an I'm sorry present," he had said watching her.  
That had touched her heart, because he had remembered how much she loved it.  
"You never gave me it though."  
"No," he had said sheepishly, "I threw it away after you ditched me. You were breaking my heart even then."  
They had observed the painting for a while longer, then she had taken his hand in hers.  
His hand had been very warm and looking back, she wished she had cherished that warmth more. In that moment, however she had simply thought about the painting and him. Then she had remembered something.  
"Why did you like that painting of snow on the Statue of Liberty?" She had asked leaning against his shoulder. She had looked up at him, he had always been so tall and she had always imagined that no one could hurt him.  
She had been so wrong.  
"It reminded me of you. You're my lady liberty," he had said and kissed the side of her head. He had still seemed somewhat sad and she had hated that.  
She had hated how she hadn't been able to give him more. She hadn't felt guilty because she had known that her feelings were also apart of this, and that she needed to take into account what she wanted.  
After a while, he had suggested that they go for a walk down town like they had before, and she had agreed not knowing that she had already made her first mistake.

 

They had walked arm in arm, and she had looked at up at him as they strolled through the down town area.  
He had seemed radiant and shining, she had hoped he would always stay that way.  
They had talked more.  
They had talked about the bowling competition the day before and about how they had changed. She had learned that he had also taken to exercising more in her absence and she had told of him of how she had tried her first alcoholic drink. Again like they had been at the bowling alley, they had been playful. He had often bumped his shoulder with hers when he had found something she had said to be funny.  
After a while they had sat down outside a small shop where they had just purchased a fruit bowl from. They had shared it, and Bill had fork fed her all the strawberries.  
“I really like being here with you,” he had said after having fed her the last strawberry. She had felt elated at his words because the fact that he took joy in her presence bought her joy as well.   
“So do I. I like hanging out with you again,” She had replied. At that point in time, she had thought that they had been making good progress and that she was starting to be whole again.   
“Do you want to do something later too? Like I don’t know actually go somewhere nice. I feel like I’ve never actually taken you somewhere nice before,” he had said while finishing the last of the watermelon slices. Her heart had fluttered at that. He had basically been asking to take her out on a date. It had seemed like a lovely idea.  
“I want to, but I have work,” she had said. He had frowned a bit but then had brightened up.   
“Can I come to work with you? I have the day off again because my boss is training some newbies,” he had said. She had thought about it. In her mind, it would have been great to have him there, but at the same time she had felt that it would also rush things. Besides what if things didn’t work out between them and then the children started asking about him like they had before?   
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Bill,” she had said slowly. His face had seemed to fall a bit, and he had only nodded. Again, she had felt bad for her confusion having caused this strain on him.  
“I get off at around four, so we can go out and do something after that like you were saying,” she had said. She had then taken his hand in hers from across the table and had kissed it like he had done to her before.  
“I really do care about you, Bill. I like spending time with you and I want to continue to spend time with you,” she had went on, trying to reassure him that despite how difficult she was being, she really did care about him. He had only sighed and gave her hand a squeeze.  
“So dress nice and I’ll meet you at your dorm at four thirty, if that works,” he had said ignoring her earlier statement. She hadn’t been able to read him and she hadn’t been able to tell if he was upset or frustrated with her.  
So she had just nodded and agreed that she would meet him at her dorm room at four thirty. Mistake two had been made.

 

After they had returned back to campus for the remainder of class, she had hugged Bill tightly then she had kissed his cheek before heading to her next class.  
Everything had seemed so normal then, and looking back, it was hard to see how a normal day could have gone so wrong. Still, in her classes, she had taken notes and had participated in discussions as always.  
Then she had gone to work.  
The children had seemed to notice how much brighter her spirits had been, and she had enjoyed herself with them. She had once again felt that glow, that aura, that May had brought up the other day.  
After work, she had gone back to her dorm room to dress nice as he had told her to. She had  
decided on wearing a black maxi dress she had bought. Looking back now, she wished she had chosen a different color.  
She had once again painted her lips red as she had noticed he had liked them that way the other day. Red, not a good color now in hindsight.  
She had finished getting ready and had sat waiting for him to show up while reading a book. Soon, she had noticed that he had been taking too long to show up.  
That had been strange, but she had decided to wait for fifteen more minutes until she did anything about it.  
Once those fifteen minutes had been up, she had thought about what to do. She hadn’t wanted to seem clingy, but he was running extremely late which was not the usual for him. She had never gotten the number to his dorm room telephone, but somehow she had known he wasn’t there. She had called their old house phone, but the number had been disconnected apparently as it had sent her to an operator.  
Then she had remembered how he had made her memorize his work number and she had decided to call that. A man answered the phone.  
“Hi is Bill Clinton there?’ She had asked.  
“Yes, who is this calling?” the man had asked, but she had only hung up. She hadn’t felt like staying on the phone for too long and she had decided she would just go meet him there and see what had held him up. She had known where the mechanic shop was since he had described it once and New Haven wasn’t especially big.  
So, she had gotten in her car to go see him. All the way there, she thought about how everything between them had seem to be coming together perfectly. When she had at last arrived, she had gotten out of the car to look for him. In a way, she had felt like a stalker but he had told her wherever he was she was invited to.  
So when she hadn’t met anyone at the front desk, she had gone back to the garage. What she had seen had made her blood boil. Bill had obviously been under the car fixing something, but under the car as well was a woman who also seemed to be working on something. She had felt her jealously come on and she intended on leaving quietly, but instead she had tripped over a toolbox,making her presence known. Then both Bill and the woman, a girl really around Hillary’s age, had come up from the bottom of the car.  
“Hey!” Bill had said excitedly upon seeing her, “How did you know I was here? I was gonna meet you back at your dorm remember?”  
He had seemed so carefree, but she herself had still been annoyed at having waited for so long.   
“Have you checked the time? I waited for you for an hour, but I guess now I know why,” she had said angrily. She had known in a small part of the back of her mind, that she should calm down, but she had been angry.  
She had been putting herself out there and now he went and did this and made things more confusing! She would have had no problem with it if he had just told her that he had been working, but by not telling her he made things seem suspicious. Seeming to get her thought process he had rushed to explain.  
“I came to help out with the newbies because you wouldn’t let me come to work with you. This is my friend Luna, she’s my boss’s daughter and I was showing her how to fix a problem with her car.”  
It had seemed innocent enough, but she had still been furious and she had hated feeling that anger and she had hated feeling like a psycho ex-girlfriend.  
“I don’t give a goddamn. Where are these newbies then? I saw no one out front,” she had said. The girl named Luna had excused herself, leaving the two of them alone.  
“They went out with the boss, he was showing them the route we use to test cars. Why are you so mad, Hillary?’ he had asked wiping the soot stains from the car off his hands with a rag.   
“Because I waited for you for an hour! Then I come here and I see this and you go confusing me more!” She had yelled. A small rational part of her had known that her own confusion wasn’t his fault, but she hadn’t been thinking with the rational part.  
“You’re one to talk about confusing! You keep throwing mixed signals my way!” He had retorted, growing mad as well.  
They had never really fought.  
She had yelled at him that once, but now he had been yelling back, and that had infuriated her although she had known there was some validity to what he was saying.  
“So is that why you’re doing this then? Since I won’t make a decision you have someone in the backseat as a replacement!”  
He had seemed offended.  
“Is that really how you think of me? What do I have to do to earn your trust back? Tell me Hillary what do I have to fucking do!” His face had grown red with frustration.  
She had ignored his question.  
“It wouldn’t surprise me if you did have someone to fall back on. Luna looked like the innocent type, how I used to be. I’m not that Hillary anymore and that’s probably why you don’t want me huh? I’m not innocent and prudish and all that anymore!” She had yelled finally having voiced one of her fears.  
Because in her mind she had doubts about whether they could work together because the Hillary he had fallen in love with was gone.  
“Where the hell is this all coming from? I want you. Even when you’re pissing me off right now I still want you!”  
“Didn’t seem like it earlier,” she had said and she knew she should have stopped talking, but it had seemed like the floodgates had broken loose. He had dropped the rag and his fists were tight. She hadn’t known what had come over her, but she felt like anyone else who had been in a situation similar to hers would understand. Again, she had wanted to yell at him and make him mad, make him as frustrated as she was.  
“I should have gone to New York,” she had said. Behind the rage in his eyes, she had seen a flicker of hurt.  
“Then fucking go! I’m not stopping you. Just go and live your life without me if you want that so goddamn much!” He had yelled.  
It had been ridiculous since she had wanted him to get mad, but now that he was she hated it.  
“I guess I fucking will. Bye Bill,” she had said and had walked out of the garage leaving him there.  
That had been mistake number three, the most fatal.

 

After leaving him, she had gone back to campus. She had gone to the library with the intention of finding a good book to take her mind off things. She had tried to keep her thoughts off of how she had met him in this library, and to focus on the books instead.  
“You should read something Shakespearian, they help get the mind off things.”  
She had turned around to find herself face to face with Peter, it had seemed like he was also looking for a book to read as well.  
“Speaking from experience?” She had asked back. She had been too tired to try to argue with him having used all her yelling on someone else. Plus, she hadn’t liked how they had argued, he was her friend.  
“Yeah, I have a lot on my mind right now,” he had answered. She had only nodded.  
“Hillary I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, it was wrong,” he had said simply and genuinely. She had nodded again, it had been wrong but she had been wrong as well. He was her friend after all. “I’m sorry too.”  
And for a moment, a fleeting moment she had wished that she could love Peter. Not because she was attracted to him, because she wasn’t. No, it was because she wanted this simpleness. Why couldn’t she love what was right for her? Why couldn’t she have a plain boring love where no arguments, bets, and deceptions happened?  
Suddenly, May had come running into the hospital and her face had been too pale.  
“Hillary you need to come with me it’s urgent,” she had said grabbing her arm and practically dragging her, they had left Peter behind looking on in surprise.  
“What's going on?” She had asked.  
She hadn’t expected May’s answer, if she had known she would have covered her ears so she wouldn’t have heard those words.  
“It’s Bill, he’s been shot.”


	22. Them

He’s been shot, he’s been shot, he’s been shot, her brain repeated that as a mantra as she now in the present sat in a chair in the emergency room. She couldn’t breathe and she felt like she might scream again.  
She had come in screaming at all the doctors and nurses who were working on him that she needed to be there, but they had thrown her out of the room, but not before she saw him lying there with his shirt covered in blood.  
Suddenly all her mistakes came back to her as she thought over the long day.  
The first had been not telling him she loved him, because now he was hurt and if he if... She couldn’t bring herself to think it, but if his last thoughts were of him thinking she didn’t love him, she didn’t know how she would be able to live.  
The second was taking things slow, and foolishly thinking they had time, because how could she have been so stupid? Time didn’t care about anyone and she now felt that she had wasted her time with him.  
The third mistake was leaving him alone.  
She should have been there, but she hadn’t been.  
Luna had been there, but Hillary felt no resentment for that now. Everything she had been mad about before and all her worries and confusions had been swept aside. Because now she felt that she had been so foolish. She had been given her chance at love and what if she had wasted it? There was no time for pettiness or resentment.  
So, upon arriving to the hospital she had yelled like a mad woman, yelled like she had never done before in all her life.  
“Who did this to him?” She had asked Luna, shaking her by the shoulders roughly.  
“Packer,” the girl had answered.  
Then, Hillary had felt a rage like she had never felt before in her life, it was burning white rage that she had only seen on the faces of mother lions protecting their cubs.  
“I’ll kill him! If anything happens to Bill, I’ll kill Packer myself!” She had shouted. At this, May had advised her to calm down and to not be yelling things that could be held against her. Packer’s father, the senator, had already been called and a search for Packer was underway.  
She didn’t care about any of that, she only cared about him.  
Now, ironically and painfully, it became increasingly clear how much she loved him.  
That knowledge of her deep and vast love for him had always been there, but she had kept it hidden away out of fear of getting hurt again and out of her pride.  
Her fear.  
She now regretted deeply being fearful of her feelings for him, because she would never be able to forgive herself if her fear and caution had caused her to miss out on the one beautiful thing life had offered her.  
Her pride.  
She hated how her pride had held her back; because she had been so worried about what her friends would think. She now knew that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought because she would have been with him and he would have made her feel safe.  
She also now felt ashamed of how she had thought going back to him may be weak. Now she realized that going back to him would have shown the biggest strength, because it would have been her choice, no one else’s, and they could have grown stronger together.  
Was that even a possibility anymore?  
She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to think of the alternative, she couldn’t think of it.  
The doctors hadn’t given her any updates and she felt as if they were trying to avoid her. She didn’t blame them, she had yelled at them for not letting her see him and she had demanded to know what they were doing to him.  
Normally, she would feel bad at her rudeness, but now she didn’t care.  
She didn’t care about anything going on in the world right now, because her world was currently lying in intensive surgery in the emergency room.  
So the rest of the world could freeze over and she wouldn’t care, because what would the world be without him?  
It would be nothing, because he was the world.  
His laughter was the rebirth of spring and without it, it would be an eternal winter. His eyes were the ever changing hues of the morning sky, and without those eyes, there would be no more day, only dark nights.  
His voice was the voice of family, the nurturing of a mother, the strength of a father. Each syllable that left his mouth was a caress, an encouragement that many in the world clung to from their own loved ones, Without that voice, there would be eternal silence. There would be nothing more to hear.  
Then there was his body.  
His tall frame imposed the frame of a leader, of a good man. His long purposeful strides reflected those of the forefathers of this country and without that body of his in motion, she felt that history would be lost, because another good man would be gone.  
He was literature itself.  
He was the tragic hero, the noble knight and without him there would be no more stories or adventures. He was the excitement of opening a new book, the adrenaline one felt when learning something new, and the feeling of growing intimate.  
He was Holden Caulfield, complex and angsty and all too entirely human.  
Even art itself wasn’t free of him.  
He was the cherub, perfectly angelic and a balanced mixture of masculine and feminine.  
He was everything about the Victorian age, his tousled hair and smooth skin were what artist craved for.  
He was a muse, an image that haunted artists.  
He was the picture of Dorian Gray, always beautiful to the point of insanity.  
Without him there would be no more beauty or art, not for her, because he was the most beautiful thing in the world to her.  
He had even infiltrated math as well.  
1\. He was her one and only.  
2\. They had made love two time  
3\. Three. Three shots had been fired at him.

 

Even now as she felt broken and the tears continued to fall down her face, she could feel him within her. She could feel his caresses and his voice that would tell her beautiful things like, ‘don’t cry, pretty baby.’  
But she did cry, she had never known that she could cry so much.  
No one could help her and even though the emergency room was full of other families, patients, and May was at her side, she felt alone.  
Because none of them knew what she was afraid of losing.  
I should have kissed him, I should have let him kiss me, she thought in deep regret.  
She longed for his warmth and she couldn’t bear to look at anything or anyone besides the black silk of her dress.  
Black.  
Very mournful, she wished she had worn something else, something that didn’t resemble funeral clothes.  
He can’t leave me, please don’t let him leave me, she prayed to whoever or whatever may be listening.  
I’ll love him right this time just don’t let him leave me.  
She hated how it had taken this extreme of a measure to awaken her to what she wanted: him. She wanted to be with him again and she didn’t want to spend a moment of her life without him.  
It wasn’t weak, it was strength she now realized to commit yourself fully to another person without knowing if everything would work out.  
Because that was life.  
Life was irrational and it was unpredictable, these last few hours in the emergency room had proven that.  
But in the midst of all her tears and regret she had found one light that came within herself.  
Life was irrational and unpredictable but if he was by her side, everything would be alright.  
He was her guider and protector and he respected her and loved her the way everyone should be loved.  
So she continued to pray for him and at one point she took out the hair pin he had given her and continuously pressed it to her lips.  
He had given her so many beautiful things, not just material, but beyond that.  
He had given her support and assurance and he had guided her gently through the realms of sexuality.  
He had given her a home and he had become her home.  
So she kissed the pin repeatedly as if the crystal heart was really his and she could kiss it and strengthen it, force it to continue to beat.  
Please come back to me, I need you, she thought.  
As if her prayers had been answered, the doctor came and gave her an update.  
“He’s stable now. He’s going to be fine. Only one bullet struck him in the stomach, but we were able to remove it and cease the bleeding. You may go see him now, he’s asleep.”  
Upon hearing those words, she quickly thanked the doctor then went to him, leaving May and everyone else who might be watching behind.  
She entered the room and heard his familiar breathing and upon hearing it she at last let out the breath she hadn’t known she had been holding.  
He was shirtless and several bandages were wrapped over his stomach, he had an IV, and he was hooked up to a heart monitor.  
She pulled up a chair from the corner and brought it right next to the side of the bed so she could sit next to him. He looked incredibly pale and if it hadn’t been for the doctor’s words and his peaceful expression, she would have been more worried.  
She stroked his soft hair.  
“Billy, I’m not sure if you can hear me, but I love you,” she said her voice cracking as a sob broke through, “I’ve always loved you.  
She tried to contain herself, but she couldn’t. She had at last given in to her tears that she had been holding back and they all broke through like floods now.  
She was glad to see however, that his locket that she had given him was still around his neck, and it had been popped open so the picture of them on the inside was visible.  
“I want you to know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and if you still want me I want you. I was scared at first, I was scared to be hurt again and I was scared of being seen as weak for going back to you,” she paused and caressed his hand lightly. It was so cold, and not warm like it had been a few hours ago.  
“I know now that I would rather be with you and take a million hurts than to be apart, because that would hurt me more. You’ve always been so gentle with me and I’m secure in the fact now that you would never intentionally hurt me. I want to be with you despite what anyone else thinks and I love you, I love you, I love you.”  
She sniffled and tried not to cry too much just on the off chance that he might actually be listening, she knew he hated it when she cried.  
He, however, was still sleeping soundingly and he seemed incredibly young despite the stubble he had taken to wearing. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
“Please come back to me soon, I need you.”  
She continued to hold on to his cold hand and she repeatedly told him how much she loved him.

 

Thoughts came back to him.  
It was difficult to explain but he wasn’t necessarily dead or alive.  
It was almost as if he were in a translucent middle, a peaceful sleep while memories came back to him.  
It was as if he was outsider looking in and he saw himself as he stood in the garage angry after Hillary had left.  
He still remembered his emotions.  
He had been hurt, confused, and frustrated with her never ending confusion.  
In that moment, his patience had run out and he had snapped back at her as she had yelled at him. He knew he should have just apologized for making her wait, it had been an innocent mistake on his part as he had lost track of the time, but he had gotten defensive with her.  
Her accusations of him saving someone else in the backseat in case things didn’t work out between the two of them, had offended him.  
Because he had wanted her to know without a doubt that she was the only one for him.  
He knew now that he should have just told her that.  
But instead he had yelled back at her.  
In some ways he knew why he had yelled at her.  
Because, he had been annoyed to hear her say that he was the one confusing her when for him that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  
“I should have gone to New York.”  
He now watched his other self in the memory and the pain in his eyes upon hearing those words. He had been so crushed to hear that because it had made him feel as if he were holding her back. So he had told her to leave, angrily.  
That anger had really been because he had wanted to give her the world, but it had only seemed upon hearing those words that he had been taking things from her, making her more broken.  
He had watched her beautiful figure leave in anger, and he had been left with a heavy heart.  
He had wanted to hate her, because then he had thought that things would be so much easier if he did, but he had known that would never be possible, his heart beated only for her.  
Still, he watched his old self through the memory go find Luna and ask her to go out to dinner. He knew that he had done it because he had wanted to prove his theory that Hillary was the only one for him.  
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to fix my car,” Luna had said in the memory. He had remembered feeling sympathy towards her.  
“It’s my fault. I should have introduced you to Hillary a while ago. Don’t worry about it,” he had answered.  
He had driven them to that diner he and Hillary had gone to the night they had been attacked by Scott.  
The whole time he and Luna had eaten and made small talk, he had thought about how he had wanted it to be Hillary there.  
His theory had been proven true, Hillary would always be the only one for him.  
Even if Luna was nice and pretty, she wasn’t meant for him, he wasn’t meant for her, he had been able to feel it in his soul that he belonged to Hillary.  
“You’re thinking about her. It’s okay, I can tell. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings,” Luna had observed. She had seen through his experiment of sorts.  
“You wouldn’t consider dying your hair blonde would you?” he had joked. Even if she did, she would still not be Hillary.  
“You know, Bill I think things will work out. Don’t worry,” she had said.  
He remembered how he hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings, she had been a good friend after all.  
"Thanks. Things will work out for you. You’ll find a great guy some day,” he had said.  
This had only made Luna laugh.  
“What’s so funny?” He had asked.  
“Bill you really don’t know? I’m a lesbian,” she had whispered. He had remembered feeling a bit surprised because he had his suspicions, but she had just confirmed them.  
“So you and Sunny?” he had probed, it had all made sense in a way.  
“Yeah we’ve been kind of secretly dating. I was feeling insecure about it because no one knows besides you. When I first met you I tried an experiment of my own. I had wanted to see if I could force myself to like you because I had felt so scared and insecure about my sexuality. It didn’t work obviously. So Sunny and I are still together but secretly and it gets to be too much sometimes. I hope one day it won’t have to be a secret anymore.”  
Bill had only listened and nodded because he had then realized why this girl knew so much about relationships. He had also been glad that she had trusted him with telling him about her own relationship.  
“I think things will work out. If it’s with someone you love then it will. All we have to do is try, we are all afraid,” he had said telling her the words of wisdom she had told him.  
She had given him a small smile and they had finished eating.  
His conscious self, the self that was dreaming, watched the memory playing in his head and watched as he and Luna had exited the diner unaware that the night would take a terrible turn.

 

The memory shifted and he swore he heard crying, but then the memory became clear again and it was of him and Luna standing outside the diner staring down the nose of Packer’s shotgun.  
“Well hey Bill. That’s not Hillary? You know I thought she’d be here given the fact that you used the Royals for her benefit,” Packer had said menacingly.  
It had been pitch black when they had exited the diner, and Packer had been flanked by two other members of the royals that Bill had not recognized.  
“Luna I want you to go back into the diner,” he had said, he hadn’t wanted her to get caught up in this.  
Packer had other plans.  
“No. You see I learned from last time. If this girl is really as crazy as your blonde bitch then I’m not going to end up with a bloody nose the way Scott did,” he had said then he had snapped his fingers at the two royals. They had gone and restrained Luna, Bill hadn’t been able to stop them as Packer had set the gun on her.  
“If you move or cause any trouble she’s going to suffer, and I only came here for you,” Packer had said.  
Bill had thought about what to do, but there had been no solutions. It had nearly been closing time for the diner and it had been empty when they had left, so he had doubted that anyone would have seen them.  
Then there had been the unfortunate fact that this diner hadn’t necessarily been in a busy or well populated area, and it had also been so dark that Bill had barely been able to see the nozzle staring him in the nose.  
“You see, Billy boy, I thought about what to do with you. At first I was gonna shoot Hillary because that would make you mad wouldn’t it? And it would make you suffer like a little bitch. But then I thought what hurts you the most?” Packer had paused here as if he had been asking Bill. But Bill had only kept quiet, he had still been thinking of something to do.  
“Hillary’s pain hurts you the most, and poor thing is gonna be shattered when you’re dead. Wanna know what the best part is? You won’t be around to comfort her,” Packer had taunted.  
His words had sent a tremor through Bill because he had known Packer had been right.  
This would destroy Hillary.  
“Packer. You’re drunk and you don’t know what you’re doing. Think of what this could do to your father,” Bill had said trying to play his cards wisely.  
“You see, I’m not drunk. Unlike that creep Scott when I’m going to do something I do it sober. And as for my father.. well he’s too busy being senator to notice me,” Packer had said.  
He had brought the gun closer, and had menacingly put his finger on the trigger. Luna had struggled and pleaded for them to stop, but one snap from Packer’s fingers had made the guys kick her roughly and have her shut up.  
Then things had happened fast, Bill had tried to disarm Packer and knock the gun out of his hand, but Packer had been quick and shots had fired.  
Two missed him.  
Two missed him.  
One had entered his stomach.  
It hadn’t hurt, at first he hadn’t felt it, but even in the dark he had been able to see his shirt darkening quickly with blood.  
Already he had felt light headed.  
“Such a shame. I hear getting shot in the stomach is painful. I really liked you Bill, this is a bummer but business is business.”  
Then Packer and the two had left.  
Luna had rushed to him, but at that point he had fainted as he had continued to bleed out.

 

Again, his memory shifted and he had remembered masked faced looking down on him. Numbers and statistics being yelled out and then he had seen his bare chest and the blood rushing through. He had tried to call for Hillary, but he had already been fading away, not being able to speak. Before he had fainted completely, he had heard her at the door.  
“Let me see him! I have to go in! I have to be there!” She had shouted and he had been able to tell she was crying. He had wanted to yell at the doctors to let her in, but at that point he had fainted. Then there had been nothing, then everything at once.  
He had seen his life play out before him, all the memories.  
Then the memories had gotten recent, memories of Hillary.  
Then he heard her voice, clear as day.  
“Billy, I’m not sure if you can hear me, but I love you. I’ve always loved you.”  
She sounded so broken and regretful, but far away. He wanted to comfort her, but he was trapped and couldn’t escape this dream like trance.  
“I want you to know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and if you still want me I want you. I was scared at first, I was scared to be hurt again and I was scared of being seen as weak for going back to you.”  
Again, he heard her speak.  
I still want you, he wanted to yell but he still couldn’t, he was weak.  
“I know now that I would rather be with you and take a million hurts than to be apart, because that would hurt me more. You’ve always been so gentle with me and I’m secure in the fact now that you would never intentionally hurt me. I want to be with you despite what anyone else thinks and I love you, I love you, I love you.”  
I love you too, fuck I love you, he thought. He fought now, trying to force himself to wake up, and for a moment he felt stronger.  
“Please come back to me soon, I need you.”  
Those words and her need for him had given him the strength he needed.  
He willed himself awake and suddenly his eyes opened, light pouring through.

 

When she looked up and saw those beautiful blue gray eyes looking weakly at her she began to sob all over again.  
“You came back to me,” she said between tears, “you came back.”  
She had known that he should have been fine because the doctors had only said he was sleeping, but she had been beginning to have her doubts.  
“Hey pretty baby,” he said weakly then reached out and cupped her cheek, “I hate it when you cry.”  
That only made her cry more because she was so overwhelmed by emotions for him.  
There was happiness now at having him conscious, and there was sadness for almost losing him, a sort of shocking adrenaline.  
“Shhh. Come here and snuggle. You’re small enough to fit up here with me,” he said gently and stroking her hair. She didn’t have to be told twice, never again would she hesitate when it came to him. She gently got on the bed and curled up at his side so as not to hurt him.  
“Are you okay?” He asked softly, still getting his voice back. Then she began to laugh through tears at the ridiculous of it all.  
“You got shot and you’re asking me if i’m okay?”  
He had only looked at her seriously.  
“You were the one who had to stay behind not knowing what would happen and you had to deal with the pain. So yes I’m asking you if you’re okay.”  
He’s always so empathic of my feelings, so sensitive, she thought and she felt grateful for that. “I’m better now that you came back to me. I asked you to come back,” she said snuggling closer to him gently.  
“I heard you. I heard everything you said.”  
She blushed but at the same time was thankful he had heard her.  
“I love you too by the way, and I’m always going to want you.”  
She only listened, but suddenly she remembered her mistakes and how cruel she had been and she felt guilty about her mistakes.  
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.  
“For what?” He asked confused. There was silence for a moment except his steady heart monitor.   
“If I hadn’t sent you away, If I had let you come to work with me or if I had gone to dinner with you this wouldn’t have happened,” she said. She had spent some of the time in the emergency room just thinking this over, thinking what she could have done differently.  
“Hillary. Look at me,” he said sternly, she did. “This is not your fault, none of it is. We had a fight like couples all over the world do, but you didn’t cause this,” he continued then his voice got gentle again at the end.  
She took comfort in his words, he didn’t blame her.  
“Packer caused this,” she said out loud.  
“How did you know that?” he asked. She sighed and took his hand gently in hers.  
“Luna told me. She’s here you know, so is May.” She kissed his hand softly and saw that he was watching her.  
“You don’t have to be jealous of Luna you know. I should have introduced you to her a while ago, but she’s the one who made the cake pops for your birthday so she’s always known about you. She’s also a lesbian so there’s that,” he said light heartily.  
Hillary only nodded.  
She would give Luna another chance, and she would never be jealous again.  
“Do you wanna talk about our fight? Because I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost track of time and made you wait, and I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he said softly again and she rolled over on her side so she was face to face with him.  
“I’m sorry too I was just confused and I took that out on you, but now I’m not confused I want you.”  
His sensitive eyes gleamed at that.  
“If all it took was getting shot to make you not confused I would have done it a while ago,” he said back to his playful self. She rolled her eyes but still felt an involuntary smile come up on her face.  
“Don’t talk like that. I would have died if you didn’t come back, nothing matters without you,” she said passionately and as soon as she said it she knew it was true.  
She felt empty without him, not in a weak or dependent way, but they were partners and he completed her.  
He sighed.  
“That jerk Packer knew that so he shot me with the intention of killing me to hurt you because he knows that would hurt me more than anything. I can’t stand it when you’re hurt,” he said and he tried to reach for her, but all his IVs didn’t allow him to, so she moved closer. She thought of Packer and how dark his scheme had been, she had never thought of Packer as an extreme menace, but now she did.  
“But Hillary even though I have no intention of leaving your side until we’re old and my time comes, I need you to promise me something,” he paused.  
“I promise” she said, she wouldn’t deny him anything again.  
“If for some reason life were to happen because life is unpredictable and my time came early, I need you to promise me you’ll live well. My last dying wish would be for you to be happy and to live a beautiful life because you deserve one. So I would want you to find a guy worthy of your love and to have hundreds of cute kids that have that button nose of yours and I would want you to never stop laughing. That’s what I would want.”  
His words touched her, and she felt so loved. Never in her life had she felt this loved and it brought tears to her eyes.  
“I promise, but I would never forget you,” she said. He gave her a sad smile.  
“That’s enough tears for now, sweets. I’m not going anywhere any time soon and I meant what I said about wanting to see you laugh,” he said and now she was close enough for him to give her a kiss on her forehead.  
She could only imagine what she looked like, makeup smeared, eyes red, and hair frizzy, but Bill was looking at her as if she were the most beautiful creature to grace the planet.  
She now didn’t hold back, never again would she hold back.  
She went up to him and kiss his soft lips. She could taste her tears in their kiss and as always, his lips reacted to hers.  
His heart monitor began to beep highly and obnoxiously as his heart rate accelerated and she pulled back and laughed.  
“I really get your heart beating like that?” She asked because it was so familiar, and it was so like her own heart beated for him.  
He blushed and suddenly she knew why he liked it when she blushed, because looking at him turn rosy was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.  
“You do, always.”  
The heart monitor was still going and a nurse had to come in and fix it so it would stop beeping, she didn’t say anything about them being in the same bed and Hillary was grateful.  
“You gave them a hard time, pretty baby. I heard you, you wanted to be with me while the surgery to remove the bullet happened,” he said admiringly.  
“I always want to be with you.”  
“That’s my loyal girl.”  
They were silent for a while and she breathed him in, somehow through the overwhelming hospital smell he still smelled like himself, he still smelled like home.  
“So where do we go from here?” She asked. They were together now, that much she knew, but with them being in their dorms now how were they going to be like before.  
“Well I was hoping you would move back into the house with me,” he said his voice very much hopeful. The house? She had assumed he had sold it off or it had been collected since the payments hadn’t been made. He seemed to know what she was thinking.  
“I kept making the monthly payments because like I said, it’s your house. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone else living there.”  
Again she felt so loved and suddenly it seemed like all the love in the world had been bestowed on her.  
“Bill, thank you. I do want to move in with you again, I love you so much.”  
He was going to make a cheesy comment about having taking her somewhere nice after all since hospitals were expensive, but she kissed him again, and the heart monitor went off the charts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one chapter left then the epilogue again:)


	23. yellow

"Let me get that for you, pretty baby," Bill said from behind her. He reached up to coat the top part of their kitchen wall with yellow paint. They had been working on it all afternoon, and he often had to paint the parts she couldn't reach.  
"So small," he teased her, now having finished painting the wall and kissing the back of her head. She turned to hug him, still gently, it had only been a day since he had been let out of the hospital. He had been kept in the hospital for a week to make sure that he was alright and that infections from the bullet didn't appear. They didn't. So just yesterday, he had been released. Or more accurately they had been released, since she hadn't left his side. May and Luna had left, and occasionally they had dropped in during the week to visit.  
But Hillary had never left.  
She would never leave him again.  
"I'm not small, Bill," she protested, but his tall body and warm arms made her feel safe.  
"Yes you are. I love it. It's adorable," he responded and planted another kiss on top of her head. They had grown more affectionate with each other. Even though he had slept a lot throughout his hospital stay, his hand had always been intertwined with hers; and the occasional times when his eyes had fluttered open, he had looked at her with so much love.  
Now, she was glad he was awake, fully. Yesterday, upon being released from the hospital in the late evening, and stumbling back into their home, he had been still groggy, but awake enough to smile in joy at being back in their house together, the two of them.  
They had laid up in bed together, and he had been the first to fall asleep. She had stayed up just to watch him, his face completely at peace.  
Then, this morning he had woken her up with kisses and they had a mission: redecorate their house.  
So they had driven to campus and had retrieved their things and Cotton from their dorm rooms. They had moved the furniture, and had come up with the idea of painting the kitchen yellow.  
So they had.  
Now in his arms, she felt completely at home.  
"You're my home, Bill," she whispered into his chest.  
Never again would she ever doubt that his arms were where she belonged.  
"You're my home too," he said softly. Then he scooped her up in the air and held her in his arms bridal style.  
"Be careful! You just got out of the hospital," she said but giggled anyways as he spun her around in circles making her dizzy.  
This was what she had needed all her life.  
She needed his hyperness, his joy, and his childish ways. It balanced her out, and made her whole. So as he spun her around, she felt at peace. He looked so beautiful laughing away and the background of the freshly painted yellow wall made his ever changing eyes stand out. At last he set her down on the ground again, her head spinning, but she didn't mind, her head always spun around him.  
"I'm not going to the hospital again. I feel fine and I'm just so happy everything has worked out," he said.  
And everything had indeed worked out.  
Packer had been taken into custody for shooting Bill, but the senator had bailed him out.  
Money always seemed to triumph justice.  
That didn't bother them, it only increased their ambition to become lawyers more.  
What money couldn't triumph however was the fallout the incident had created. Packer wasn't allowed back into Yale, the senator was receiving backlash, and the royals had all dispersed.  
Everything had fallen into place.  
"We're back to that famous Hillary thinking that made me fall for you at the beginning," he said breaking into her thoughts.  
She looked at him.  
The beginning, it now seemed so long ago. Those first memories of them were so precious to her now.  
Him cleaning her dress, and him kissing her for the first time.  
"I'm just thinking about you, always you," she answered simply.  
Because words would always fall short of what she felt for him. She could describe it or put it in poetry but she could never make anyone feel what she felt.  
His eyes softened at her words.  
"I have an idea," he said.

 

His idea had turned out to be for them to move the table against the wall of the kitchen and to create a fort using their pillows and blankets.  
This way, they could enjoy the paint and watch it dry together while being curled up comfortably. Maybe it was childish, but for her he was a child.  
Gone forever now were his bad boy persona and his cold demeanor.  
For her he was always going to be humble and whole.  
"I like this. I feel safe," she said from where she was lying on his torso. Her words touched him. They always would.  
He had hated how his medications had caused him to sleep throughout his stay in the hospital, because he hadn't been able to hear her sweet words. Still, their was a beauty to it, because every time he woke up, she had been there, unflinching and never leaving his side. She shifted on him, moving so she could look up at him.  
"Is famous Bill thinking a thing now too?" She teased. Her eyes were shining and laying here on their kitchen floor surrounded in blankets, he had never felt so at ease.  
"I can think, occasionally," he answered playfully.  
"Yes, but don't think too hard you'll hurt yourself."  
At that, he gently squeezed her hips causing his favorite sound in the world: her laugh.  
"I'm thinking of you though," he said. She snagged a quick kiss from him.  
"In that case think on," she answered then went back to resting her head on his chest.  
They laid there for a while in silence, and the sound of her breathing was enough.  
This was enough.  
He would never want anything more.  
They had come full circle and things were like before.  
Of course different in a way, they had both grown but so had their love.  
"Billy?" She asked softly, finally breaking their comfortable silence.  
"Yes, pretty baby?" He inquired urging her to go on. She sighed, but then went on.  
"I know you love me, I do. It's just I've been wondering, would you have noticed me if Scott hadn't chosen me? Would you have noticed me if it weren't for the bet?" She asked innocently, there was no malice or hurt in her voice. He was grateful for that.  
He had thought of this question before and he had long ago came up with an answer.  
"Yes. I would have noticed you. Maybe not right away but I'm sure I would have. I told you that it was in the museum where I started to truly notice how beautiful you are. It drove me insane at first because I had never been attracted to anyone like that, beyond the physical. I know now that it's because you're my person, it was always you from the very beginning."  
He loved the feeling of her petite body in his arms, and how someone so small could give him the whole world.  
"You're so good to me," she whispered and snuggled into him. She yawned, and that made him smile. He knew that she had stayed up throughout the hospital stay, refusing to sleep just in case he had woken up.  
"Get some rest," he cooed softly. Always softly for her, only she could bring about this gentleness in him.  
"But I want to talk to you, and kiss you, and love on you," she protested, but her words were already slurring. She sounded so much like he had some time ago, when he had been the one protesting sleep.  
"I'll be here when you wake up, and I'll love on you while you're asleep," he said and began to stroke her hair to show that he intended to make due on his promise. Her breathing slowed into that gentle rhythm and he knew she was asleep.  
This was his girl.  
His sun, his moon, and all his stars. He continued to listen to the melody of her breathing.

 

She was aware she was dreaming. She knew this because in the dream she was pregnant and she was sitting outside on a porch of a different house.  
One hand was over her stomach and she felt the gentle kick of her unborn child.  
It was sunny, and a million rays fell on her skin. Somehow she knew it was Arkansas. It was as if her dream self just knew this and didn't question it.  
Then, a car pulled up.  
Out came Bill.  
He looked very much the same except he had no stubble, and his hair was neater, he was also wearing a suit.  
In the dream, she ran up to him and he caught her in his arms. His lips came down on hers and the dream was so vivid that she could taste the kiss. Then they had pulled apart, his eyes so loving and taking her in. Then he had put one hand over her stomach, and he had felt a kick, his whole face lighting up. No words had been exchanged in the dream, or at least none that were vivid enough for her to remember. Dreams were strange like that, vivid one moment then vague the next. They stood there smiling.  
Then she woke up.  
The yellow walls of their kitchen came back into sight and she felt Bill's body under hers.  
The dream was still on her mind. In her gut, she felt that she had just gotten a glimpse into the future, a premonition.  
She felt Bill's lips resting on her hair and she was glad that he had made good on his intention of loving her while she had rested.  
His words from earlier came back to her.  
'You're my person, it was always you from the very beginning.'  
She had meant what she had said, he was always good to her.  
Now, she wanted to do something for him.  
"Bill? I have an idea of my own," she said.

 

She had decided to bathe him how he had done for her. Like before, they stood under the hot water and she took in his naked sight, still handsome.  
Her hand gently went to caress the stitches of where the bullet had hit him.  
"It's okay. I'm better now," he assured her gently.  
Always gently.  
She nodded, and took his sponge in her hand. Like he had done for her, she began to run the soap soaked sponge over all of his body, over all of his smooth white skin. He trembled in pleasure at her touch, he had never been touched so gently in all his life.  
She took notice of this, and of how much pleasure it brought him, and she wanted to bring him more pleasure.  
She wanted to convey all her love and makeup for the physical contact they had lost in their time separate from each other.  
She sank to her knees in front of his member. She looked so beautiful to him there, but he wondered at what she was doing.  
"I love you, let me show you how much," she offered as explanation.  
She took his member gently in her hands and began to kiss it lightly.  
Then she took it in her mouth, and began to suck on it to pleasure him.  
He sighed in complete euphoric satisfaction, because this felt new.  
Again, she was continuing to heal him, continuing to make every sexual act pure and beyond physical.  
Her hands went up grabbing at his shaft then her lips trailed kisses up the sensitive skin.  
She paused and then left a kiss on each of his warm testicles.  
"Let me finish you. Let me show how you how much you mean to me," she whispered.  
He nodded, allowing her to. He felt close and he loved how she looked in front of him, her hair darkened and curling from the steaming shower. This was lust, arousal, bliss, and especially love all overlapping.  
This is how it was meant to be.  
Her lips and tongue sent him over the edge, and at last he came into her mouth. She swallowed his fluid, his love.  
Blue eyes shined looking at stunning blue gray ones.  
She knew that this was love.  
This was her boy.  
Her sun, her moon, and all her stars.

 

After the shower they had returned to their makeshift fort and blankets, and had held each other. She felt so at peace with him there, and with Cotton snuggled up between them, it felt like she belonged.  
They talked for hours, about everything. They talked about classes, their hopes, their dreams and about them.  
Now as they still laid there, no intention of moving, she focused on the yellow of the wall. She was sure her aura would match that color now, because she had never felt such joy.  
She also assessed herself.  
She had experienced trouble finding herself after her heartbreak, but now she knew who she was, maybe she had always known.  
She was Hillary Rodham.  
She was ambitious, skillful, happy, and loved. She was strong and her heartbreak had made her stronger.  
She wasn't innocent anymore, but apart of her still had that innocent idealism, that torch of hope that would always thrive within her. There was no more fear that Bill wouldn't want her the same way since she was no longer innocent. That fear had been banished by his words. He had told her, 'I'll love you no matter what. In all forms you take and in every change you might take on. You'll always be Hillary to me. I'll love you even when you're old.'  
And she hadn't told him to stop talking like that, because this time she could accept the words. The dream, the glimpse into the future, had restored her faith in growing old with him.  
She also felt the same, she would love him no matter what.  
And she would always be Hillary.  
And he would always be Bill.  
And together they could take on the world.


	24. Epilogue

In the following months, they grew even closer, it amazed them both to see how much closer they could get. They had caught up on their schoolwork, often sitting in front of the fireplace and pulling all nighters just to get the work done. They would often make flashcards and quiz each other, Bill often snagging kisses in between each question.  
And they had met in Autumn, they had a fallout in winter, and now they had been falling in love all over again in Spring.  
Spring.  
It was a season of love, a season of blooming, and with every rebirth of a flower, it was a rebirth of their love; Bill often bringing her freshly cut flowers when he came home from work.  
His stubble had grown to a full on beard now, and she had loved burying her face in the brunette red beard.  
He on the other hand, had fallen in love with the rays of spring sun on her skin, and the way the flowers he brought her looked tucked into the back of her ear, and falling through her blonde hair. And he wasn’t alone this spring.  
She had given him friends.  
Her friend group had taken well to him, even Peter who after some hesitation had decided to embrace Bill. Somewhere along this spring, new love had bloomed in New Haven.  
Peter was now with Bambi, which was strange but pleasing. Strange because they seemed like an odd couple, but pleasing because Bambi was slowly but surely starting to change. In a way, they reminded Bill and Hillary of themselves. “Who knows? Maybe Peter is her person the way you were mine and she’ll change,” Bill had said.  
Then there was Lola and Dig. They were a lovely couple, and being one of the few interracial couples on campus, they were admirable and showed that love transcends skin tone.  
Then there was Luna and Sunny. The two girls were just so fun together, no one could deny their love for each other. Often times when Hillary dropped by Bill’s work, she would go upstairs to Luna’s room and the two would prank call Sunny on the phone.  
Then of course, there was May and Chris.  
Their wedding was tomorrow, and Hillary had helped with the final touches. She had fun at the bachelorette party where she, Sunny, Luna, Lola, Bambi and of course May, had hired a bunch of male strippers but instead had sent them over to the bachelor party; the looks on Chris, Dig, Peter’s, and Bill’s faces had been priceless.  
Now as the bridesmaid of honor, Hillary had one final job: get Bill to shave.  
She had fallen in love with that beard, even if it had given her several tiny pimples and had startled her when it was by her ear in the morning. She also really wanted to see Bill’s face, her favorite face.  
So now, she waited for him to come home from work. She thought of how excited the children had been when Bill had come to work with her, and they had called him a young Santa Claus. Even Cody had drawn a beard on himself using a brown marker.  
“Pretty Baby?” Bill asked, arriving home and locking the door. Her heart still soared at hearing his favorite endearment for her. Even after all these months, it still felt like the first every time he called her it.  
“I’m in the bathroom, come here,” she said from where she waited. She was sitting on the bathroom counter, scissors and razors at the ready. She knew that she would have to take him by surprise or he would put up a fight.  
“What are you doing?” Bill asked showing up at the doorway, then entering the room fully. She used her foot to kick the door close before he could bolt for it. He saw the scissors and razors and immediately began to protest.  
“Hills come on, I can’t shave. I like this beard,” he said whinging. It was a nice beard, truly, the problem was that he didn’t keep up with it. It was a forest, a soft comforting forest, but still not appropriate for a wedding.  
“You need to shave, Bill. The wedding is tomorrow and you’re going to be the only guy there with a beard,” she said. He only pouted, though it wasn’t affective since his mouth was barely visible through the beard.  
She did have one trick up her sleeve.  
“Shave and I’ll let you make love to me again,” she said. It was a dirty trick on her part. They still hadn’t made love since the first two times. She hadn’t known exactly why since they had gone back to doing everything else, but she now realized that Bill had been waiting for her to bring it up, like he always did.  
He was always so careful about giving her what she wanted, even now.  
“It’s a deal, but I want you to shave me. The whole reason I stopped shaving was because the last time I was shaved, you did it. I didn’t want to lose that memory so I just didn’t shave. Then once I had you back I grew attached to the beard and,” his voice trailed off, because she knew the rest. And that beard had led to very ticklish kisses in front of warm fires.  
Still, his words of wanting her to shave him touched her.  
“Okay. Sit down and I’ll get everything ready,” she said. He went to sit on top of the closed toilet seat and she dug around to find the shaving cream. Then she came up to him, juggling everything she needed in her hands. Then she began to lather his face, and trim the beard first.  
He seemed very at peace watching her work, and she often got distracted staring into his eyes.  
“I love you so much, you know that? Every day with you just keeps getting better,” he said, his voice was almost a sigh.  
She blushed, she could still blush when it came to him.  
“I love you too, William. Now sit still before I cut that beautiful face on accident,” she joked. They went on like that, her shaving his beard and pausing to stare into his eyes.  
Deep eyes.  
Sky colored eyes.  
Eyes that reflected home.  
When she was at last done, she paused and looked at him. He looked so young, so bright, and very handsome. And all hers.  
“What? Did you cut me? Cause I didn’t feel it,” he asked misinterpreting her gaze. She simply shook her head and took his chin in her hand and kissed it, soft and smooth like a baby’s bottom. “You’re just so handsome,” she said to him. Then it was his turn to blush.  
That’s how they had started, blushing, and trying to figure out what they meant to each other, but now they knew.  
One particular night when spring rain had been pouring so hard that it had begun to thunder, she had grown frightened. Bill had chased that fear away by telling her a story of two angel soul mates who caused the fall of heaven just to be with each other. It was a wonderful story, and she had wondered if Bill had read it somewhere, but at the end he had revealed it was a story he was working on inspired by her.  
“It turns out I can do other things besides paint. I can write, and I want my first story to be about you, my little soul mate,” he had said nuzzling her nose.  
Now, he picked her up in his arms like so many times before and carried her to their bedroom.  
“I was promised love making, and I want to love you beautifully, pretty baby,” he said. She only nodded, she wanted that very much as well. He plopped her on the bed and closed the door.

 

And for the third time in her life she was under him, bare to him, and completely vulnerable. She wasn’t afraid however, because she trusted him with her life. He was big, tall, and stronger than her, capable of hurting her if he wanted to, but they both knew he wouldn’t.  
This was love.  
This was the feeling of being completely vulnerable to someone and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that they would never hurt you.  
He entered her and she was complete.  
Flesh upon tender flesh, and eyes locked onto each other.  
Each stroke and each grunt was a blessing, a symphony in itself.  
Each stroke and each grunt was a blessing, a symphony in itself.  
This was her Bill.  
The Bill who had never wanted to hurt her, the Bill who would never hurt her. He felt so warm, and they clung to each other in an effort to be closer despite being completely intertwined.  
It was their souls, grasping at each other through their flesh, and it was her mouth on his, healing him, always healing him.  
“I love you. Words can’t describe how much I love you,” he panted through thrusts and she couldn’t respond, though her moans were enough. Her hands went up to his thick hair, lacing her fingers through it.  
Now she knew why Bill’s story had been inspired by their love.  
Because it made sense.  
Who wouldn’t risk heaven itself for a love this rich?  
She remembered how the story had ended, it was very much like theirs.  
Heaven had fallen, and the Earth had been in ruin, but the angels had been able to thrive because of love, always love. So as his lips moved to her neck, pressing her head back against the pillow sheets all she could think about is how well they fit together.  
Her body had been made for him, and his for hers.  
“You feel so good,” was all she managed to say, but she knew he would hear the meaning behind her words. Because he was feeling the same. Before meeting him, she had been alive but only just. Yes, her life had been enjoyable and she had many beautiful experiences, but Bill had revamped the whole world.  
He had made everything seem more real.  
Likewise for him, she had added color, life, vitality to his world.  
This was heaven for them, nothing else.  
So after, when they laid there, bodies slick with sweat, she laid her head on the crook of his shoulder. He cupped her face gently and she kissed his fingers softly.  
No words were said.  
But feelings were felt.  
She once again noticed the bronze ring on his finger, with the little flower itched on it.  
“Bill why do you wear that ring?” She asked, finally breaking the silence. He still felt so warm, and she loved it. She loved that another human being could bring her this much warmth and comfort. His eyes softened at her question.  
“It’s a promise ring. When you left me, I promised that I would live like you would live. That I would be the person you would want me to the be, the person who was worthy of your love. So I bought this ring when I went to a flea market with Luna. It reminded me of you. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this but you’re my little flower, they always remind me of you. It’s still a promise ring, but the promise has also taken on new conditions, and those are that I will continue to love you right and treat everyday like the first time.”  
She closed her eyes to keep her tears of joy from falling.  
He wrapped his arms around her all the same, bringing her closer.  
He loved her.  
Oh how he loved her.  
In these past few months, whenever they would go somewhere he would introduce her as his better half, his soul mate, and even his pretty baby.  
She had even overheard him on the phone telling his mother about how he had his girl back and she had been able to hear that he had been trying to hold back tears.  
“You’re so emotional, but I love it. I love that you feel deeply and that everything touches your heart,” he whispered into her hair. Now she let the happy tears fall, tears of bliss. She kissed his naked shoulder, and buried her face in his neck.  
“I’m glad you’re the one that gets to touch my heart the most, and the one who protects it,” she replied and kissed his naked shoulder again. She loved that their smell was mixed. Her strawberry smell with his rainy scented cologne.  
Her words had been true, he was her protector.  
It’s not that she was weak, because she wasn’t. She had always been fierce on her own, but even the strongest people needed someone to lean on. He was her shoulder to cry on, the one who guarded her heart from the evils of the world.  
The world could be such a cold place sometimes, but with him by her side, she felt safe. She would thrive because of love, always love. She pulled back to look at him, then rested her head on his chest.  
This was her happy place.  
He squeezed her gently then kissed her hair.  
Her words had touched him because it showed that he hadn’t been let her down. He could still protect her, and she still trusted him with her heart. He needed her as much as she needed him. So many people searched the world trying to find a love this deep and pure. She was not judgmental and she had been the one to finally get him to open up about his step father and his past, she had saved him.  
She kissed his naked torso with her soft lips and he looked down at her.  
She was a blessing, a gift, and he would make well on his promise to always love her how she deserved.  
“Bill I want you to make love to me again, if you want to. I just never want to stop discovering you,” she whispered, her face turning pink. He could agree to that, he would never want to stop discovering her either.  
“I always want to," he said, then he kissed her lips once more and they didn’t stop..not until much later.

 

“I can remember there was a time when I was the one doing your makeup,” May joked as Hillary painted her friend's face. Soon the wedding would start, and she and the other bridesmaids were adding the last details.  
“Well. It seems like we are in the twilight zone now,” Hillary joked, using her friend’s language from months before.  
Hillary was grateful that she had met May.  
Yale had not only given her the love of her life,but a lifelong friend. May looked stunning in a white dress and her black hair had been curled. She still wore those glasses and looked very much like an owl, a nice owl.  
“I’m nervous,” May said as Hillary finished with her makeup.  
“Just think of Chris waiting for you, and it will all be better,” she said. Hillary herself would certainly be thinking of her greatest comfort: Bill.  
Since he was one of the groomsmen, he would be there with the others, and she would look at him for comfort instead of the prying eyes.  
“Hillary, thank you. You were my first friend at Yale and I really don’t think any of this would be as special if you weren’t here,” May said embracing her in a hug.  
“May you’re like a sister to me now. You’ve always been there for me, and I want to thank you for that as well.”  
They stood there hugging.  
“Knock, knock,” Bambi said from the door and entering. She had changed, physically as well. Her once long brunette hair had been cut short and dyed light brown, and she didn’t have that sneer on her face anymore.  
“May you’re needed out there in the hall. There’s only a few more minutes left until the wedding starts,” Bambi said. May only nodded and smiled before rushing off, no doubt still anxious.  
Then there was only Hillary and Bambi.  
Over the course of the last few months, Hillary and Bambi had been around each other more. Hillary had found that Bambi could be good company when she wasn’t angry, and she was changing. Hillary had often caught her blushing with Peter. They hadn’t exactly discussed what had happened between them, however.  
“You look nice in your dress,” Bambi complimented awkwardly. It was still strange seeing her like this. Where was the sneering girl who had been out to get her a few months ago?  
“Thank you so do you,” Hillary replied. Bambi seemed to be hesitating then she spoke again. “Hillary, I’m sorry for how I acted when we first met. I was going through some things of my own. I felt unlovable and I guess that manifested into rage and jealously that I took out on you,” Bambi said, surprising her even more.  
It was a genuine apology.  
“I forgive you. I guess it’s okay. Besides you’ve changed now,” Hillary replied. It was hard to forgive, but she did anyways. There was real change in the world, people did change and deserve second chances.  
“Bill told me you’d be this nice, a while ago. He really loves you know. He used to tell me about it all the time back when he had been trying to help me,” Bambi said.  
That touched her.  
Bill speaking about her to other people always sent her heart fluttering.  
All previous fears of what he had or hadn’t done with Bambi were gone now, that was the past. That Bill and that Bambi didn’t exist anymore, they had each changed and found someone to love. “We should get out there,” Bambi said breaking through her thoughts. Hillary nodded, and followed, the wedding must go on. 

 

Bill knew that he should be respectful and maybe not try to think about Hillary so much as the wedding was going on, but he wanted to see her. It irritated him that the bridesmaids had been separated from the groomsmen.  
Then the doors open, and May came walking in.  
She looked nice, and Bill was happy for Chris, but his eyes were searching for Hillary.  
Then he found her. Lingering behind with the rest of the bridesmaid, he caught her eye and smiled at her. He loved how the color of the bridesmaids dresses had been chosen to be pink. The color looked lovely on Hillary, and he just continued to stare at her.  
At last when the bride was standing with Chris in front of the altar, and the rest of the bridesmaids were standing opposite the groomsmen, he continued to stare at her. She was so small compared to the other women, and it made him chuckle a bit. He could hear her voice in his head, ‘I’m not small, Bill!’  
She was looking back at him, and they both tried to listen to the ceremony, while gazing at each other. This would be them one day, he was sure of it. Hillary was the girl he was going to marry. At last the vows were said for May and Chris, and applause and cheers rang out.  
They both clapped as well. When it was appropriate to, Bill went over to his pretty baby.  
“You were staring at me the whole time,” he teased, but knowing he had done the same. He kissed her on the ear as they followed everyone outside the church to where the afterparty and celebrations would be.  
“It’s your fault because you’re so handsome in that tuxedo,” she teased back, knowing that he hated his ‘monkey suit,’ as he called it. Before he could respond, someone came up and grabbed Hillary. He would have knocked their hand away if it hadn’t been May’s mother. He didn’t take kindly to people randomly grabbing at Hillary.  
“We need to get pictures of you and the other bridesmaids,” May’s mother explained. Hillary only shrugged apologetically at Bill and went with the woman.  
“I’ll see you later,” he told her and winked. He would make up for this lost time.  
Now he lingered there feeling awkward and wanted to avoid taking pictures himself, so he wandered near the outskirts of the church, near where the fence was.  
For once in his life, he was alone, but he didn’t feel alone.  
He had friends now and he had a home.  
Suddenly, a big white van pulled up. And out came Chubby himself.  
“Bill is that you? I hardly recognized you,” Chubby said as the rest of his family unloaded from the car.  
“Yeah it’s me. What are you guys doing here?” Bill asked but went to hug Chubby all the same. It seemed that somehow all his favorite people were just coming together. It really was a small world.  
“We’re catering the wedding. Hillary recommended us. Now help us with the food,” Chubby said. Bill went to help and he smiled, Hillary had once again made things better.

 

After many pictures and talks with strangers, she was on the lookout for Bill. Currently, everyone was dancing and lingering casually. The official meal wouldn’t start until another half hour. “Have you guys seen Bill?” She asked the groomsmen as she passed them. They shook their head and mumbled ‘no sorry’  
Darn, she thought. She decided to check in the church and as she was passing the storage room, two hands pulled her into the room. She was startled but only for a second since she recognized the feel of those two hands.  
“Looking for me, pretty baby?” he purred into her ear. It was dark in the room and she began to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.  
“Were you really in here the whole time waiting for me to come find you in the dark?” She asked still laughing. The light flickered on and she saw that he was also amused.  
“Yes. I wanted to be alone with you,” he confessed. She laughed again and he caught her laugh in a kiss. She gave herself to the kiss and loved the feeling of his familiar lips on hers.  
“What if you had pulled in the wrong person, silly?” She joked, both of them panting from their passionate embrace.  
“I think I did. We’ll have to make sure I stay away from May’s grandmother as I nearly pulled her in here,” he joked.  
“How scandalous of you, Bill Clinton,” she answered. He licked his lips. Then he looked her up and down.  
“Want to get even more scandalous? Lift your dress up,” he said. She bursted out laughing and he frowned. “Hills it’s not funny,” he said but his lips were staring to flicker up in a smile of his own. “Yes it is! We’re in a church and you want to get frisky?” She asked.  
“Yes,” he replied, not missing a beat. She laughed some more and eventually he joined in. She did want to get scandalous with him however. Throughout the whole service, she had been looking at him and admiring how handsome he was. She had been thinking about what she would do to him if they had been alone. Now they were alone. She lifted her dress up like he had said.  
“I love that we can be playful like this again,” he said unbuckling his belt. She giggled.She agreed so as well, and as he pressed her gently against the door and kissed her cheek he looked at her with so much love.  
Love that if she bet were in a cup it would overflow.  
He entered her, and the rest was history....

 

They were now at the meal with everyone else, and she hoped that their hair didn’t look too frazzled. Thankfully no one seemed to notice and as maid of honor, when it was her turn to give her speech, she was glad that she had gotten herself together.  
“You know when I first met May June, I had my doubts. She is extroverted, I’ve always been more introverted. We started off as room mates but then best friends. I remember thinking that perhaps the universe was trying to punish me by giving me a room mate that was so extroverted,” she paused here since people laughed at her joke on cue.  
“But then I realized that I had been blessed. I was given a friend who took me to parties where I experienced many things and eventually met everlasting friends because of May. I remember when she was first begging me to go to a bonfire with her she said, ‘I promise once I make other friends I won't bother you about things like this.’ Well May I’m glad you took me to that bonfire and I never want you to stop bothering me ever. I love you,” she said her voice cracking a bit. She gazed at her friend across the table who was also teary eyed and they smiled at each other.  
Things had come full circle.  
After the meal, and making polite conversation. Bill had asked her to dance. They did. It was like before in the dorm room, and he gazed into her eyes. They danced to The Way You Look Tonight, and in his eyes she saw a million stars. Even Luna and Sunny were dancing together, and Hillary was glad that no one was throwing hateful looks their way.  
Their was no room for hate at such a lovely occasion.  
Love trumps hate.  
At last, when it had been appropriate to leave and after saying goodbye to all their friends, Bill and Hillary walked off to where he had parked his car. He opened the door for her and she got in. When he himself was in the car and he begun to drive, she noticed that they weren’t heading towards the house.  
“Bill where are we going?” She asked.  
He only smiled and didn’t answer. Instead he took her hand in his own and continued to drive. At last they came to a boardwalk. It was completely empty which was strange for boardwalk, but along the sides of the boardwalk, there were blue christmas lights lighting it up.He gently led her out of the car to the boardwalk. It overlooked a lovely lake and the moon was shining over them. “I wanted to bring you here, because I thought you would like it. I had to pull a few favors to be alone but I wanted it to be special,” he said. It was so beautiful and when she turned to look at him, she saw that he was standing there with a little black box in his hand.  
“Bill?” She inquired, with him there was always a new surprise.  
He opened the black box and in it was the most beautiful copper ring, similar to his with a flower itched onto it as well, but clearly much more expensive.  
“I wanted to give this to you as a promise. A promise that I’m yours forever. I’m offering my whole life to you, and whenever the time is right and you want to, I will marry you. I will start a family with you. I will give you everything you want and more, Hillary Diane Rodham.”  
She stood there, her lips shaking as she felt so overjoyed.  
Who was he?  
She had asked that same question so long ago, but she now knew the answer: he was Bill Clinton the love of her life.  
“I love you, I want you and I promise to love you too,” she said. He slipped the ring on her finger and then held her hand in his own.  
“Now we match,” he whispered.  
Then they stood there on the boardwalk, and watched the moonlight over the water.

 

And Spring turned to Summer, Summer into fall, and eventually it had been a year since they had met. Everyone on campus knew now that their love was real. Often times an upperclassmen had to tell an admiring on looker, “Oh that’s Bill, he’s with Hillary Rodham. Don’t get your hopes up.” Or vice versa in the form of, “that’s Hillary Rodham, and she’s with Bill Clinton. She's very pretty, but don't get your hopes up."  
Hand in hand they went through the rest of their second law year, often making the dean’s list. There were no more threatening fraternities like the royals.  
There were no more mean Bambis.  
And there was no more Scott, he had moved away.  
There was only Bill and Hillary, and their friends.  
There was only warm nights by the fire and constant love making on the weekends. There was only saxophone performances by Bill and more scrapbooking.  
He held her now, as they laid in bed, and she thought of all that they had experienced together. He had finally met her family and they had taken well to him. She had also taken to wearing his dragonfly necklace again, because change was real she had seen it, and lived it.  
She felt his lips at her hair, like she had so many times before. It was all still so sensual, exciting, and amazing.  
This was the best feeling on Earth and on any other planet she was sure. To love and be loved. Bill, the southern, greasy food loving, saxophone playing, classic novel reading, love of her life. This is who he was.  
So as he bent to kiss her once more, she paused and said, “I love you more than anything,” and his lips came down on hers, and she was grateful that a year ago she had entered that room that had smelt like ash.


End file.
